Talk to me

[Sensual_Caveman]

First off I want to thank everyone who voted so favorable on my story "the Gatherer". I never expected such a warm welcome for my first story. Please, leave me feedback if you like it, or not. I want to get a feel for what people like, not just if they like it, but still, thanks again for the warm rating.

 

[Impetus]

In the future, you will want to include a link to your story...here is one now.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=43385

-I

 

[Impetus]

You want feedback? I got your Mother#&%!^$@ feedback right here!

I really liked the story concept, but I thought it came off a little dry. You could have spiced it up by making the interrogation a little more vital. It sounded to me just like 'where are the documents?' 'In a safe deposit box at the federal bank' Textbook spy stuff. If you had made the interview reveal something that was more pertinant to the story, it would have made it more interesting. eg.

"Where is the safe?"

"Behind painting."

Opens, finds documents, reads documents, discoveres plans for something evil...and camera layout for the room. Cameras?

Guys knock on door.

Hmm...not the best example, but something along those lines, something that makes the reader 'glad' that she got the information from him. Gives a sense of victory and some resolution, rather than something the reader does not yet care about.

Also, on a smaller sidenote, why does she get back on the dead guy before the men burst in?

I think the vibrator battle was a nice touch, but it disturbs the flow of the story a little, adding a comical touch when action or drama is more prevalent. If that's not what you're aiming for, consider something else. Personally, I wanted to see the vibrator become a gas bomb.

A few gramatical errors, but nothing mind-blowing.

I liked the way that we're not quite sure until fairly far through the story...

1) Who the main characters are
2) Whether or not she actually *is* a hooker

I think it was all hidden very nicely, and to great effect. I also like how you (well, really *she*) got the goods through the heavy security. Heavy creativity there.

Also, I didn't quite see where 'The Gatherer' is a good title. Because she gather's information, likely. And a title like 'The Hooker is a spy' would give the punchline away. But if you're going to use the title, you might try tying it back in. Example...as they fly away the man says to the spy/hooker: "Good work, Gatherer." Or something similar. You get the idea.

Overal, solid premice and mighty-fine story.

-I