Tale Swappers~

[My Erotic Tail]

Tail Readers~

I'LL SWAP TALES WITH YOU~

I'll read your story...just leave me the link and I'll
be happy to read, vote and comment on your tale.

So I'll swap reads with you!!! Here is a link to my
Library of tales.

...............MY EROTIC TALE'S

I do encourage others to read and swap also...
I know how much time and work it is to write...
I know the pride that goes into a story and a story
is a creation, like ART. I would be happy to see your
work...just leave me the link...Thank you Art.

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Sleeping Cutie~

I just had this one posted, I think it needs
feedback as far is there a chance for a part 2
or leave it as such. I really enjoyed writing
this one. it was pleasant. So tell me what you
think and allow me to read yours.....Art

..........Sleeping Cutie...................

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

My Erotic Tail,

I read "Sleeping Cutie". It was very good. I was surprised by it starting off hot that it didn't fizzle out, but stayed erotic til the end. I'm not sure exactly what you are looking for in the way of feedback other than should there be a part 2. I think if you wanted to write a part 2 that it would be fine or just leaving it where it is would work also. It can stand alone and not seem lacking for any further story.

Also, here are my observations from a more indepth critique:
At the beginning you have fallen into repeating words to often within the same paragraph. A few of the sentences read awkward throughout the story and would sound better if they were reworded. There were a few missing commas and words, but nothing that distracted from the story as to make me want to stop reading it.


Over all the story was very good and flowed well. The dialogue was wonderful and the details were great and painted a vivid picture. Nice job!

Wicked

P.S.
I know you have already read and supplied feedback on a few of my stories so it is not neccessary to supply more...unless you feel like it. If you do then take a pick of any.

 

[My Erotic Tail]

The Chosen One~

Hello Wicked-N-Erotic~

always a pleasure to read one of your tales...
I thank you for the read and feedback. I think for
now at least I will leave Sleeping cutie as is. No part 2
And as far as repeated words, I agree I did it in
a another tale too and need to watch that. I admitt
first hand I am lerning more and more about tale
weaving. Thank you dear...

I read "the Chosen One" Mainly for its name. It was
a sizzler. Erotic and Hot. ..smiles.. Only critisim I can
think of is some paragraphs seemed real long. I dont
know enough about sentence structure much less..
paragraph building...but the story was great...grin.
Love your reads..I'm assured a temperature rise
when I read one of yours....he he ...Art ..Thank you

 

[jthserra]

My Erotic Tail...

I finally got a chance to read Chapter two of Crotching Tiger and Ridden Dragon...

I think it was another well developed story, that was actually was a story beyond the sex. I enjoyed the comfortable beginning of the sex scene, with a very believable development. The only nit I might pick about it was that his erection seemed to be continually growing. I kept wondering why it took so long for him to become fully erect. I am a lot older than Tiger, but even thinking back to when I was his age, I don't know if I would have been ready for her quite as quickly the second time around. But then, I wasn't a self-defense master.

You might want to fix a few minor grammar and punctuation things... When their stuff was "...stowed on a near by bleacher." nearby wants to be one word.

Check your apostrophes... when tiger growls, you need to get rid of the apostrophe: "...Tiger grrr...rowl's" is what you had. You missed a few "...mouths playful suck." "Dragons wings." "Oh my yes little Dragon always pleases Tigers tail."

You may want to scan it closely and fix these things and then submit an edited version. Just put Edit in the title block and then use the comments box to tell them what you did.

Other than the nit picks I really enjoyed the story. I will be reading your next chapter shortly.

Great stuff...

Hey, if you get a chance, take a peek at :The Sensuous Arts of Sushi. It's some very light erotica, but some very sexy sushi...

jim

 

[My Erotic Tail]

The Sensuous Arts of Sushi. ~

Hey Jim~

Always a pleasure to read your work, sir.
Not the typical literotica, but I bet you know
that. This title say's it best. "Sensuous"
...(The Sensuous Arts of Sushi. ) Was delightful.
I wouldnt even attempt to pick out grammer on
you ..he he he ...but in your preparation.. section
this tripped my read........(the only thing that did.)

"Careful, not to press too hard breaking apart <<<
the sticky rice and careful, not to press hard
enough and drop the piece, we lift the fish to <<
our mouths.

"Fish or rice or both?? and pressing to hard
crumbles the texture?? or the rice?? I got a bit
"confuzzeled" but I sailed on and enjoyed the read.

First off I WAS born in Tachikawa, Japan, father was in the service. Was there when I was young, but the study of
Japan I have done all my life. So your tale touched me
more than you know.

Second thanks for the grammer spec's..I need
all the help I can get. Some of these stories are
edited by the (ve) staff. So I need to go over these
with a fine tooth comb, and always enjoy your
comments. I think youll like part 3 and part 4 Im
working on. Is more Like literotica style. Erotic...
so stay tuned......

And third...I didnt realize you were in the
home of the dome...Im up here at Sam State.
he he he ..howdy ....well trinity....lol smiles...

Ill settle in and read more of your Haiku..
Im enjoying it...........

 

[jthserra]

Re: The Sensuous Arts of Sushi. ~

"Careful, not to press too hard breaking apart <<<
the sticky rice and careful, not to press hard
enough and drop the piece, we lift the fish to <<
our mouths.

"Fish or rice or both?? and pressing to hard
crumbles the texture?? or the rice?? I got a bit
"confuzzeled" but I sailed on and enjoyed the read.

Thanks for the read and comments. Actually you are lifting both. You lay the fish over the rice. In manipulating the chopsticks you have to be careful, squeeze to hard and the rice will fall apart, not hard enough and the fish may slide off. You take the sushi (compressed rice and fish) and dip the rice into a mixture of soy sauce and wasabi (hot, hot green horseradish like stuff). The whole thing can fall apart into the soy sauce if you are not careful.

This was a story written to a 250 word limit, expanded to fit here. It actually started as a poem... the poetic version is titled: The Sensuous Art of Sushi . Take a peek and vote... it needs some votes.

thanks

jim : )

 

[jthserra]

Re: The Sensuous Arts of Sushi. ~

First off I WAS born in Tachikawa, Japan, father was in the service. Was there when I was young, but the study of
Japan I have done all my life. So your tale touched me
more than you know.


And third...I didnt realize you were in the
home of the dome...Im up here at Sam State.
he he he ..howdy ....well trinity....lol smiles...

Ill settle in and read more of your Haiku..
Im enjoying it...........

I am a Military Brat too. My dad was stationed in Okinawa when I was in 1st thru 3rd grade. I got to visit Japan... on my birthday one of those years. We flew over in a C-130 transport that I actually got to fly. They let me sit in the pilots seat and I got to make a turn with it... Wow, what a thrill. Anyway, I kind of stood out there in Japan. They weren't used to seeing fair skinned, red haired kids... I was the oldest, with the lighter red hair. People kept coming up and giving me things, wanting to get their picture taken with me, or just simply stare. It was odd.

Sam Houston State... the big statue there. I have wanted to see that. You are only a few hours away.


Ah yes, I have a few more articles in mind, including something on erotic haiku...

thanks again for reading,

jim

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Jim~

Oh yes, the poem version was a work of Art.
Nice Jim, I give it a well deserved boost.
I see that poetry is your passion? Wonderful
stuff, I truely enjoyed them. And the statue?
Yes they are proud of it...Its a landmark to
behold. I live on the river and work in town,
Had a Dojo in Jefferson for 3 years, turned
it over to my son. At 44 I still got it. Holding
on to it will be the challenge....lol....

And we were in central command growing up.
Mostly hawaii and panama city, equador and such,
I believe it helps me knowing how the rest of
the world lives when I get comfortable in
America. I enjoyed your little tale of the C-130
WE had the thunderbirds come and I sat in
one at panama. The joys of memories I hadnt
thought of in a long time.

I enjoy your writing and will swap a tale with ya
any time....thanks

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Crotching Tiger & Ridden Dragon 3

Woo Hoo...Posted today was my part 3...
Crotching Tiger & Ridden Dragon 3 (new)

The story continues and in my opinion are getting
better with each tale. Would love to here your opinion.
Part 4 is almost done...and from the couple comments
made that this is a story with sex in it...I made part 4
a literotica special...sensual and sexual....lol...so let
me know what you think please....smiles...enjoy...

 

[destinie21]

Raine and s\Sheri 2

At the moment I'm reading and plannig on sending fb/ if anyone has the time please read my newly posted story. Thanks

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Raine and Sheri 2

Wow destinie21~

That was HOT Very descriptive.
I enjoyed the read, it flowed well and I voted..(5) lol
the emotions and the playfulness were charming.
The continuation was as erotic as the first. Nice.
Thank you for sharing....is there going to be a part 3?
Smiles....

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Crotching Tiger & Ridden Dragon 4 (The Temple)

Crotching Tiger & Ridden Dragon
........Chapter 4 (The Temple)......

Was posted...the continueing story.

 

[jthserra]

I read Geshia House...

and I'll give you the reader's digest version of my PC...

An excellent story with a well developed setting. Initially I wondered where you were going, not calling the colored fish "koi" and calling the bridge an oriental type bridge. But, then the bumbling airmen, didn't know to take off their shoes and it became clear. As sensitive as Danny tried to be with the culture, he and Joe were bumpkins who wouldn't know a kimono from a rickshaw. No, they wouldn't know what koi were, and I saw the narrarator as being from a similar background... so the description was not a problem.

As we went into the more intimate settings, after the bath, I had some difficulty as you jumped back and forth from Danny to Joe. I think perhaps you should have emphasized this jump with either an extra space between paragraphs, or dots or something. Remember, we are reading in short pieces of screen, so it is easy to get lost between paragraphs without that help.

Hey... as far as I could see, you got the apostrophes right. A proofreader is a lot of help: these nits are so hard for a writer to find. You need fresh eyes.


I want to recommend you read "Thousand Cranes" by Yasunari Kawabata. It is a delicate and bittersweet love story with an emphasis on tea. I think you will enjoy everything about the book, given your attraction to oriental themes. It is an interesting story of a widower who, through an older geshia friend becomes aquainted to a young geshia trainee. It is far from erotic, but there is a sensuous beauty to the settings and characters. Your serving of the tea at the beginning of the story made me think of "Thousand Cranes". I truely think you will enjoy this story. PS... take a peek at my email address and you will see how much the story impressed me.

Anyway... I loved the geshia, and the bit of story you provided outside the sex. It gave us a bit of insight into the people, instead of just featuring the anatomy. Good stuff.

jim : )

 

[jthserra]

Hey Art:

Rather than grabbing one of my stories, I have a poem you might like. I had someone ask me what one of my poems meant, I began explaining and suddenly:

While Explaining One of My Poems to a Reader, I Suddenly Realize I’ve Forgotten What It’s About
.


thanks,

jim

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Thank you Jim~

Thank you Jim for your in-depth thoughts on
this story. I take special pride with this one.
Even though my green horn literary tales, are
obvious. I love it. The creating and bringing to life
a thought and focus and allow it to grow. All the way
to feed back from the readers. I have been reading
more on grammer and apostrophe's and sentence
structure. I did have a freind edit this story for
I wanted it to shine. She did a great job and had
her hands full making this what it is as well.

I read Tasting bitter fruit~
I don't know how to comment on this poem.
I voted...smiles...(high 5)

Got in late and tired Ill get back with ya.

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Jim

While Explaining One of My Poems to~

wow this one I could relate to...awsome.
I read it 3 times...I can see your a witty
poet...I liked this one ...Jim...smiles...
makes me want to hang up my poetic
pen...but I will be the student and learn.
This is poetry at its best. ..inspiration too!!
Thank you for shareing...I still liked ..
Ordinary Hero too. That one has stuck with me.
Obviously a word wizard and tale weaver like
no other.

 

[jthserra]

thanks...

for the kind comments on my poems and story. Tasting Bitter Fruit was a Villanelle, an interesting form. The repetition makes it a bit tricky.

Hopefully in the next few days I'll be able to catch up on the Crotching Tiger series. And hey, I have a series of, yes... erotic stories coming up soon. I have for that are in the final stages of cleanup...


thanks again for the comments... and hey, look into that Kawabata book I mentioned. Now there's a writer, the first Japanese Nobel Prize for Literature winner. It's well deserved.


jim : )

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Jim~

"thanks again for the comments... and hey, look into that Kawabata book I mentioned. Now there's a writer, the first Japanese Nobel Prize for Literature winner. It's well deserved."

I will, thanks. (certainly interested)
Looking forward to your erotic series.
I am still dabbling in Haiku....lol
Jim
The wisdom of your words.
I soak like a spongue.
thanks.

and Crotching Tiger & Ridden Dragon has
grown...I am encouraged by many for more...lol
Chapter 6...EARTH, WIND, FIRE AND WATER.
Is pending...out soon. enjoy.

While Explaining One of My Poems to~
I'm still thinking of this one...The more I think...lol
The deeper it gets....grin

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Crotching Tiger & Ridden Dragon 6~

Part 6 of the Martial Arts Erotica...
Earth Wind Fire and water

Crotching Tiger & Ridden Dragon

Part 7 "Weapons of seduction"..coming soon...
(Criticism and feedback welcome)

always looking to read a new tale...

Jim I saw you have a new one out!!!

 

[slaveskinky]

Would like feedback

I am trying read as much as possible from each of your stories. i am a new writer myself so i am making mistakes in many areas. first one being i didn't have mine edited prior to posting. I do think i know a good story when i see one so, in that i can give my (newbie) feedback.

The story i an writing is on going, adding to it as i can finish each piece. There are ten posted to date. Please take a look as you can spare the time.
BDSM... slaveskinky..

Comments are welcome. Please include if you liked the content also, not just my spelling or grammar. *L* Those i know need work. I am working on creating a direct link.

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Re: Would like feedback

slaveskinky

at the bottom right it say's quote...
click it and it will bring up all I wrote...and you
can comment...write down or cut n paste...
the url in parenthasses...grammer check..he he

and that will be your link you can use when posting..
.....................................................................
And I will read your tails...he he ..I'll get back to ya
on them....smiles....Art...

I am trying read as much as possible from each of your stories. i am a new writer myself so i am making mistakes in many areas. first one being i didn't have mine edited prior to posting. I do think i know a good story when i see one so, in that i can give my (newbie) feedback.

The story i an writing is on going, adding to it as i can finish each piece. There are ten posted to date. Please take a look as you can spare the time.
BDSM... slaveskinky..

Comments are welcome. Please include if you liked the content also, not just my spelling or grammar. *L* Those i know need work. I am working on creating a direct link.

 

[jthserra]

Another excellent story...

I enjoyed the reverence he discussed regarding the Temple, and the bit of foreplay that went with it. The allusion to some of the history added some dimension here, you might toy with that a bit more, perhaps using the history as a hint to the rest of the story. That would maximize the allusion.

Again, realistic sex scenes, believable throughout most of it. Tiger is pretty quick on the recovery, that will fade as he ages some.

I'll email you on some punctuation things... This is a bit cleaner than the last story, but you still need some proofreading help. Apostrophes... if the Tiger is ever defeated it will be to the apostrophe.

Excellent Story... This one had a wonderful mood to it, very good.

jim : )

ps... take a peek at Rude Ones if you haven't already...

And watch for 412 Serum Sexual Response... a 10 chapter Novella coming in the next couple of days. I dip my toes into some erotic waters in this one...

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Re: Would like feedback

A Soul's Surrender

THE BECOMING OF A SLAVE...

Powerfull...intense...and of course erotic...
I don't pick at grammer..I don't have a leg
to stand on there. I enjoyed it > i <did <<<<<
I look forward to reading another tomarrow..
I will go down the list and read them...smiles...

I am trying read as much as possible from each of your stories. i am a new writer myself so i am making mistakes in many areas. first one being i didn't have mine edited prior to posting. I do think i know a good story when i see one so, in that i can give my (newbie) feedback.

The story i an writing is on going, adding to it as i can finish each piece. There are ten posted to date. Please take a look as you can spare the time.
BDSM... slaveskinky..

Comments are welcome. Please include if you liked the content also, not just my spelling or grammar. *L* Those i know need work. I am working on creating a direct link.

 

[jthserra]

Art, I took a look at your Ying Yang:

I liked the interplay with the opposites, as it carried from the class into their play. A nice, natural flow to the scenes added to the eroticism of it all. Very good.

Apostrophes are still jabbing you some, though it is getting better. I will email you some corrections.

jim : )


If you get a chance, take a peek at a couple of my erotic poems:
Two I-s and Humidity. You can see a bit of what I was talking about in my email to you about showing rather than telling... : )