Taking those first steps

[Cirrus]

I guess I'm eating my words...the topic of BDSM play came up between my boyfriend and I. Turns out it's something he's wanted to try, and I have too, but both of us have been too afraid of the other thinking us odd to bring it up. We're going to begin our journey sometime soon, we haven't set a time or day or anything because 1) we want it to be spontaneous when it feels right, 2) we want to make sure it's what we both want and we're comfortable with the idea and 3) we want to "work up to" more intense forms of play

Since I'm completely and totally new to this, what's the best way to take the first steps? Start small and go slow? Plan specific toys, types of play, etc in advance? Either one?

We're both really interested in exploring this together, but since neither of us have any experience outside of a few fine ropes, the palm of his hand and my ass, we don't really know what we're doing.

So can someone give us a few suggestions, do and don'ts....something along those lines?

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Well, being as I'm still new to this myself, my first advice would be to start with the following links. Also keep the lines of communication extremely open between yourself and your boyfriend. Talk about everything you are feeling, what you like and don't like, what you'd like to try and that sort of thing. Above all have fun, and be safe.

Ok here's a few links to threads on this board:

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=69529

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=73405


Hope this helps. I'm sure more experienced people will be along soon to give you even better advice. Good luck to you.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I don't know if this helps..

I have always had elements if D/s in my sexual relationships. I have been tying up my lovers for over thrity years. I do not date guys who are not kinky. It is just a part of my sexuality, that has gradually expanded to being how I live my life.

I am assuming you want to start with sexual play. Well, it really depends on who is going to do what to whom. Who is dominant, and who is submissive?

Then, I always say, keep it simple go withwhat you know and are comfortable with and add gradual twists. Then take it from there.


Ebony

 

[Cirrus]

He is dominant, I am submissive.

Along our time together, he has gradually "pushed" me to do things I previously had not been comfortable with. I am not very experienced, and had a lot of, shall we say, hang ups with certain acts that he was interested in.

I agreed to try them to please him, and in return he pleases me. He has been gentle and considerate, and recognized my saying "stop" simply because I am nervous and my saying "stop" because I am genuinely not comfortable with what's going on. I trust this man totally and feel totally comfortable letting him dominate me.

I've checked out some of the links given, and have found a lot of information, thank you dixie and Ebony. Keeps the comments coming.

 

[morninggirl5]

He is dominant, I am submissive.

Along our time together, he has gradually "pushed" me to do things I previously had not been comfortable with. I am not very experienced, and had a lot of, shall we say, hang ups with certain acts that he was interested in.

I agreed to try them to please him, and in return he pleases me. He has been gentle and considerate, and recognized my saying "stop" simply because I am nervous and my saying "stop" because I am genuinely not comfortable with what's going on. I trust this man totally and feel totally comfortable letting him dominate me.

I've checked out some of the links given, and have found a lot of information, thank you dixie and Ebony. Keeps the comments coming.

Cirrus, if you do a forum search using "newbie" you'll find several threads with similar questions. The discussion on safe words might be of interest. Rather than expecting him to "know" the difference between "Stop (i'm nervous)" and "Stop(stop)" the Red, Yellow, Green words could be a good idea.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I know you have been reading,

so I will not add to your list.

You might want to talk about fantasies and kinks (preferably out of the bedroom, it is less threatening that way). Make a list of what kinks you have, and he can make a list of his. Switch lists, and be prepared to be surprised. Sometimes it is easier to right down all the fetishes and kinks that you have kept secret for fear that the person you love with shun you.

You can then use the information to discuss limits and desires. It is a good way to find out without judgement what is important to each other in a kinky way!

Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

I guess I'm eating my words...the topic of BDSM play came up between my boyfriend and I. Turns out it's something he's wanted to try, and I have too, but both of us have been too afraid of the other thinking us odd to bring it up. We're going to begin our journey sometime soon, we haven't set a time or day or anything because 1) we want it to be spontaneous when it feels right, 2) we want to make sure it's what we both want and we're comfortable with the idea and 3) we want to "work up to" more intense forms of play

Since I'm completely and totally new to this, what's the best way to take the first steps? Start small and go slow? Plan specific toys, types of play, etc in advance? Either one?

We're both really interested in exploring this together, but since neither of us have any experience outside of a few fine ropes, the palm of his hand and my ass, we don't really know what we're doing.

So can someone give us a few suggestions, do and don'ts....something along those lines?

Don't worry about eating words,

I've eaten quite a few myself!