take a look and share your thoughts

[rainyguy]

hi,

I don't mean to bother anyone but I had a question.

I play around from time to time with different writing exercises simply to see what happens. This last piece of writing surprised me, and I was curious to know your thoughts on this.

I'm not overly concerned with "sexual content" but rather rest of it.
Like I said, this flowed out and when I was through, I was surprised.

here it is

 

[SesameStreet]

Honest answer? I did not understand the man's sections until Part 9. Maybe I am just too dense. Helen's sections I understood and enjoyed.

 

[rainyguy]

Honest answer? I did not understand the man's sections until Part 9. Maybe I am just too dense. Helen's sections I understood and enjoyed.

thanks so much for your comments. And no, I don't believe you are dense in the least.

 

[CharleyH]

Why not try posting it on SDC ( story discussion circle) - you may get more feedback than here?

 

[Colleen Thomas]

For me, it's stylistically very hard to get into. I know it isn't written as a story perse, but it lacks the kind of hook I am used to that keeps me reading.

 

[rainyguy]

Why not try posting it on SDC ( story discussion circle) - you may get more feedback than here?

well I posted here first and then went there.

I feel bad now for dropping this thread in this forum though.


I hope I haven't bothered anyone.

 

[rainyguy]

For me, it's stylistically very hard to get into. I know it isn't written as a story perse, but it lacks the kind of hook I am used to that keeps me reading.

I noticed that as well.
But was unsure of how to "hook" you/reader beyond what I have. Maybe a bit later I will see a different way of holding the reader's attention.

Hey, thanks for your thoughts!

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I noticed that as well.
But was unsure of how to "hook" you/reader beyond what I have. Maybe a bit later I will see a different way of holding the reader's attention.

Hey, thanks for your thoughts!

It's no problem posting it here. It's just that the Ah tends to generate less int he wy of feedback than the feedback forum or SDC because those forums are geared towards it.

I wish I had good avice on a hook, but beyond knowing when it is abscent, i don't have much. In general, I try, in the first few sentences to create an action or a dialogue or a sequence that give the reader the kind of connetion to the characters that makes them wnat to know more.

 

[rainyguy]

It's no problem posting it here. It's just that the Ah tends to generate less int he wy of feedback than the feedback forum or SDC because those forums are geared towards it.

I wish I had good avice on a hook, but beyond knowing when it is abscent, i don't have much. In general, I try, in the first few sentences to create an action or a dialogue or a sequence that give the reader the kind of connetion to the characters that makes them wnat to know more.

yeah,
opening hooks are funny.
I know for many of the things I have had published, the hook, was different in each presentation and format. And on top of that, (laughing) what I find to be a good hook isn't always what the reader finds to be a good hook.


I might play around with this a bit more later on.
It was just a diversion when I wrote this, but now its bugging me for clarification. lol