Tact and Orgasms

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Okay, so you're down there with your fingers and you're working away and you're noticing that it's still dry after nearly an hour of foreplay and the horniness she was feeling has been steadily dropping for the last couple of minutes and you can't seem to get it back and the overall knowledge that "it" just isn't going to happen tonight has just struck you but, apparently, not her.

What is the tactful way to withdraw and acknowledge that it just doesn't look like you'll be able to get her off?

I'm curious. And the fact that I blew the answer last night has nothing to do with why I'm asking :whistling nonchalantly: .

 

[English Lady]

It's not easy (oooh bet you thank me for that nugget of knowledge!) I know once I had to endure a long while of husbandly sulking when after a fair while of "stimulation." i told him "Not so hard." and well, he wasn't impressed.

I've found a bit of humour helps, no really, a light hearted approach makes it easier for both parties to back down and not feel so bad about it.

"I must have done too much typing today, love, seems my fingers are not working so well." or something, well, funny.


NOTE: This advice i given by a Northern English person, we overcome everything with humour

 

[logophile]

I don't know that I necessarily quit at that point. But I do take a break. Gradually slow my fingers and pull my mouth back. I make sure to smile (not hard to do when my face is between her legs). I kiss my way back up her body, the same way I kissed down before. Then I lay next to her, hold her close, kiss her sweetly. If she responds in any seemingly horny way - kisses me back hard, slow grinds against me, becomes breathless again, I start over. If she sighs contentedly and curls up in my arms, I doze with her there and wait for next time.

Don't know if that helps...

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I go through the same thing as the receiver of oral sex. Performance anxiety, I guess. If I think she's doing it just to please me, I can't get off, or it takes me a godawful long time--too long for it to be much fun for either of us. I have to believe she's doing it because she loves doing it. Then I can let go.

Bottom line: when it stops being an expression of love and passion and becomes a job, it's time to stop. "Baby? You want to me to keep going?" seems to work pretty well. If she's close or wants to continue, she'll tell you. Maybe she just needs some time to rest anyhow. Or maybe you do.

 

[woodnymph_O]

I don't know, the whole hour thing to me as a female seems somewhat off. I know men have this illusion they like to cling to about the times women can't get off, but I think it's a load of crap. Something is not happening for her, either in stimulation, emotional, or their is some form of sexual dysfuntion. I bet if the man moved away, and she was free enough with herself she could bring herself to orgasm in under 3 minutes. For the most part we don't have can't come days (unless we have a sexual dyfuntion problem) we usually have can't come with YOU days. So I think the tact need to go into more of a conversation about what she needs , than whether or not she is unable.
My two cents luc,
don't take offence darlin I say it with love
Nymphy

 

[impressive]

For the most part we don't have can't come days (unless we have a sexual dyfuntion problem) we usually have can't come with YOU days.

LOL. However, that doesn't help L_C. What doc said rings true. I don't get off as easily if I feel like my partner is just going through the obligatory motions. That's not to say I won't get off -- just that it'll take longer.

When my partner is enjoying the giving as much as I'm enjoying the getting, then -- well, I might TRY to hold off as long as I can. Sometimes, I can parlay that nuclear orgasm into a dozen smaller explosions. Verrrrrrrrrrrrry nice -- but I'd only do that with someone who I was certain thoroughly loved the task at hand (or at mouth).

 

[dr_mabeuse]

LOL. However, that doesn't help L_C. What doc said rings true. I don't get off as easily if I feel like my partner is just going through the obligatory motions. That's not to say I won't get off -- just that it'll take longer.

When my partner is enjoying the giving as much as I'm enjoying the getting, then -- well, I might TRY to hold off as long as I can. Sometimes, I can parlay that nuclear orgasm into a dozen smaller explosions. Verrrrrrrrrrrrry nice -- but I'd only do that with someone who I was certain thoroughly loved the task at hand (or at mouth).

Yeah. The characteristic thing about sex--in fact, it might almost be its definition--is that pleasuring someone is pleasurable to you as well. When that stops being the case, it's not really sex anymore. It's work.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Something is not happening for her

This is the key right here... something isn't happening for her... sex is 90% mental, right... so at this point, basically, *something* is going on in her head and she's subsequently not in her body... the body will physically respond, if the brain gets out of the way....

now the question is... do you stop and say, "what's the matter?" or "what's up?" or is that gonna make it worse? Or do you fumble around and try to figure it out? Because if she's a feminine woman, she wants you to know and doesn't want to have to tell you, anyway.... and her feelings shift like the wind, so it could have been something you did, didn't do, or something that simply blew in and will blow over, you just never know...

You BOTH know at this point that something isn't working, even if you're not saying it.... best course of action is to tickle her, if she's ticklish... or blow raspberries on her belly or do something extremely outlandish and silly and ridiculous to open her back up... because that's all that's happened is that she's closed up at this point, and you need to bloom her back open in the moment... it's not as hard as it sounds... and when you do, and she feels you really THERE with her, suddenly your fingers and tongue will feel magical and carry her out of this world, and you'll be doing the same damned thing you were five minutes ago... go figure... women! <grin>

 

[Guest]

Never, ever! say "what's the matter?" or "what's up?"

Just saying,

Perdita

 

[NoJo]

Never, ever! say "what's the matter?" or "what's up?"

Just saying,

Perdita

Yes, I learned that one, eventually.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

the most tactful way I know is to just disengage and give her a hug. Back to square one basically, hug, kiss 7 cuddle. If the fire is restoked you can try again, if she isn't in the mood, it should grind down to just a comforable feeling between you.

 

[Guest]

Yes, I learned that one, eventually.

How old were you? Be honest.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Never, ever! say "what's the matter?" or "what's up?"

c'mon LC, tell the truth.... is that what ya said? <wink>

 

[NoJo]

How old were you? Be honest.

About 40, but I'm not being honest.

 

[Guest]

About 40, but I'm not being honest.

You have yet to disappoint me .

 

[LadyJeanne]

I'm a little confused on the question, actually. An hour of foreplay, and she's dry? As in, not wet at all? Not in the least bit excited? How can that be? You weren't doing any licking? Just fingers?

Anway. I recommend, "Mmm, you're so soft and exquisite, I could touch you like this all night. Should we break out that bottle of Kama Sutra oil?"

 

[Svenskaflicka]

When I'm fondling a guy who just won't react, I finally give up by curling up next to him and say "looks like he's too tired to play tonight - maybe we should save it for another time and REALLY go at it then?"

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

c'mon LC, tell the truth.... is that what ya said? <wink>

No...but I did say, "Sorry honey, but it looks like it's not going to happen tonight" which she's used herself when I've been working away and she's figured out it's abating before I have, so it probably was my tone as I was sounding distracted (musing on the fact that it wasn't going to happen tonight. That probably made it sound as if I was making it sound like her fault she wasn't hornier, which is really fucked up when the sexual action for the night was me trying to bring her pleasure. I rather think I should take Colly's advice in the future.

The circumstances were weird that time. We've had times where I can get her close but not off, where she's just not in the mood and we just cuddle, and times when she bucks halfway off the bed (but not multiple yet, her tickle reflex keeps kicking in and neither of us (unfortunately) know exactly what we're supposed to do for her g-spot (though I did find it). That night she was just dry, drying up faster than normal (I think it was on the last day or the day before the last day of her period) and despite investing an hour in general foreplay, I had figured out that it just wasn't going to work.

P.S. How do you do a G-spot orgasm? It's got to be more than just stroking the spot.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

P.S. How do you do a G-spot orgasm? It's got to be more than just stroking the spot.

Actually, that's all it takes... but it takes a LONG time... and a certain amount of pressure...


hey, LC, totally off topic, I LOVE your new poem, Life Selenic!

 

[Guest]

P.S. How do you do a G-spot orgasm? It's got to be more than just stroking the spot.

Nope, just stroke. When I'm in a hurry it's the g-spot special, can happen in a minute. However, if someone else is stroking I'd advise him (or her, or them) to keep other fingers and hand(s), etc., busy elsewhere (e.g., nothing quite like a g-spot/clit combo big-O).

Perdita

 

[LadyJeanne]

P.S. How do you do a G-spot orgasm? It's got to be more than just stroking the spot.

Everyone is different, so not all ladies will respond to g-spot stimulation. Personally, I like a tapping type of motion rather than a rubbing motion. Side to side motion is also good, rather than the 'come here' motion. In any case, the only way I've actually been able to have a g-gasm is with a vibrator. That's not to say the g stimulation with fingers or penis doesn't feel good; it's just has never gotten me off.

 

[Guest]

Lady J makes a good point. Pardon my self-centered attitude.

Luc, or anyone: explore and learn (ask for directions!) whatever does it for your partner.

humbly,

Perdita

 

[rgraham666]

(busily takes notes)

 

[English Lady]

Luc -ahhh period, that makes sense. I always feel dry towards the end of a period, and it takes me longer to get off.

G spot might just take time, when i first started having sex with now hubs one clit orgasm was all I could do, it was quite by accident that we got the G spot thing, coincided with me gushing and well, it was a glorious experience though afterwards i wondered what the hell had happened!

Now multiple g spot orgams happen easily, but it has taken alot of time, alot of love and a lot of trust to get to them.

 

[impressive]

In any case, the only way I've actually been able to have a g-gasm is with a vibrator. That's not to say the g stimulation with fingers or penis doesn't feel good; it's just has never gotten me off.

I'm the opposite. Vibration internally doesn't do a whole helluva lot for me but rev the engines. I need pressure inside -- pretty strong pressure -- or some serious friction for a g-gasm.

As P says, though, a combo-gasm is ... like ... amazing.