taboos? an introduction of my spinning thoughts

[in-between]

It doesn't feel right to label myself a female, but I mostly do irl, so for the sake of honesty I'll do that here too. Online I mostly label myself male, although that's not true either.
What I want to discuss here is my attraction to gay men, especially one, but it's a general thing. For me, this is breaking a taboo. I feel ashamed, because my feelings are making it difficult for a friend of mine (and of course me). I'm not sure if it could be comared to the feeling of a gay man falling in love with a straight man. I ask myself: Who am I to fall in love with someone who has enough trouble with this already? And the terrible word faghag comes to mind...
My last boyfriend and I broke up recently after 6 years. One of the reasons were my attempt to introduce him to assplay. I didn't want to be the girl in the relationship. I won't go in detail, but the discussions were painful for both of us.
I won't say I'm a TS, because I don't think I'm actually a man. I would never (I think) get an operation and I love my breasts.
My friend, who I've just told that I'm in love with, don't know any of this. One night he said he probably would hav fallen in love with me if I were a man and I started to cry. He's also read many of my erotic stories, mostly on gay sex or including a confused woman.
Should I tell him? Should I go kill myself for being a bitch? (Probably wouldn't do that, though...) Or just keep pretending I'm a pseudo-normal girl?

 

[Queersetti]

No matter what our gender or orientation is, any successful relationship has to be built on a foundation of honesty and openness. That does not just apply to romantic relationships, but to friendships as well.

 

[Cigan]

It sounds like you are trapped in the evil net that is our societies concept that gender exists anywhere but in the mind. It's a lousy place to be, I understand. And I'm really sorry that things turned out the way they did with your last boyfriend. You should totally have the right to not be the woman in the relationship no matter what your biological parts are.

As far as your friend. I think you should tell him and totally be prepared for rejection. Unfortunately we can't pick who we are attracted to. You should tell him so you can start to work through your attraction to him so you can start being attracted to other people. I have been through the recieving end of this, being the gay man who had his female friend majorly fall for him. It was really odd and we were a little stiff around each other for a month at most, then we were totally ok, the period before that when she wasn't telling me (and of course I didn't know because I am the most oblivious person on earth) was really weird and not good. I wish I could tell you that you'll be able to get this great hunk of gay meat you are crushing on, but you probably won't. I just hope that when the dust settles you are still friends. Good luck.

 

[ithaqua]

Yep, tell him. The worst he can do is say no. The worst that can happen is your relationship will be over. Both of these are better than killing yourself over this thing.

 

[Netzach]

My answer was don't know, because I don't know.

I can relate to you a lot. A lot a lot a lot. Fag hag is totally not it, it's not an accurate label when someone wants *in* not just to hang around.

There are guys who get it. Not a lot. Not all are gay. Not many are straight. Most are in-between. There are guys who would love nothing more than a daddy or a boy with breasts. Really.

You need to work through around over this thing with your friend though. Don't expect your friend's attraction to transcend his orientation.

However, stranger things have happened, too.