Switch Hitters

[Netzach]

It's scary how much that sounds like something I'd write.

It's scary how unlike anything I'd write that sounds though. But we seem to be tapped into a wavelength.

 

[Blkhearted_Rube]

I think it's a position preference. Or maybe you're a T/b switch but not a power switch.

Possibly - for some reason I like to be "ridden" - ride 'em cowgirl!

 

[Netzach]

Possibly - for some reason I like to be "ridden" - ride 'em cowgirl!

Oh, well, yeah. I've actually had girls do that with my strap on. I like to see boobs bounce and little butches get really embarrassed at how into it they are.

 

[BiBunny]

Oh, well, yeah. I've actually had girls do that with my strap on. I like to see boobs bounce and little butches get really embarrassed at how into it they are.

That's fun. I hate being on top, whether I'm with a man or a woman, so I love to just lie down on my back and watch a pretty little girl drive herself crazy with my big rubber cock. *Smirk*

 

[neonflux]

That may have something to do with it. I don't know. I feel like I give a lot more of myself when I bottom than when I Top most of the time. I would love for Topping to become as intense of an experience as bottoming for me, but that probably requires something more than I've gotten from the bottoms I've had. I love B. to death, and I love to Top him, but he's really a shitty sub.

This is interesting to me, as I see myself as very much the opposite. The experience of Topping brings with it extreme emotional intensity for me, always. Even when it doesn't work out quite as planned (which happened much more in my very early days). I fall in love a little with everyone I Top. I like bottoming for the sensation - OK, I am indeed a pain slut! Yet, while I am not only in it for myself - I greatly enjoy giving my Top pleasure, it doesn't have the same emotional intensity for me.

I have deeply submitted only once, and the aftermath was extremely difficult for me - much more than the subdrop which followed the endorphin drop, I felt like I'd "shattered" and had to struggle to put the pieces back together... Complete opposite of what I feel when I Top - like I've found a piece of myself. And I have to acknowledge that it is more than just Topping, there is a strong element for me of emotional dominance, as well as physical/sexual, if that makes sense?

I DO sometimes submit to ~D, but not to the same degree, and I've noticed that, while it isn't emotionally devastating, afterwards I experience a driving desire not only to Top, but to exercise my sadism (for anyone who knows our relationship, clearly not on him, lol).

Strangely, I do like the idea of service submission - for instance, serving at a D/s themed party, but there is a power and control in that type of service, even when the primary motivation is to anticipate desires and to please, that one gives up when submitting within the context of a full power exchange.

I think there's a little switch in everyone. It just takes more for it to come out in some people than in others. Even Geoff says he bottoms to learn about new sensations and for charity. Doesn't mean he enjoys it, but there are certain situations in which he thinks it's prudent. That's my take on things.

I am not sure that I see this as switching - more perhaps, learning one's craft or supporting a cause through "acting?" I am actually suspicious of PYLs who will never "submit" their bodies to the implements they use in play - I don't understand how they can truly gage the sensations they give others. But I don't see that act as being at all "submissive" and therefore "switchy." I do think that there are those who are 100% sub or dom, just as I think there are those who are truly 0's (100% hetero) and 6's (100% homo) on the old Kinsey scale, although I also think that the 100%-ers are fewer than we might presume.

QUESTION: Do you think there is any connection between being switch and being bi or gender-queer (vs. lesbian or gay)?

OK, think that's it for now. I really like this thread, and I also like the name, LOL.

Neon

 

[BiBunny]

This is interesting to me, as I see myself as very much the opposite. The experience of Topping brings with it extreme emotional intensity for me, always. Even when it doesn't work out quite as planned (which happened much more in my very early days). I fall in love a little with everyone I Top. I like bottoming for the sensation - OK, I am indeed a pain slut! Yet, while I am not only in it for myself - I greatly enjoy giving my Top pleasure, it doesn't have the same emotional intensity for me.

I have deeply submitted only once, and the aftermath was extremely difficult for me - much more than the subdrop which followed the endorphin drop, I felt like I'd "shattered" and had to struggle to put the pieces back together... Complete opposite of what I feel when I Top - like I've found a piece of myself. And I have to acknowledge that it is more than just Topping, there is a strong element for me of emotional dominance, as well as physical/sexual, if that makes sense?

I DO sometimes submit to ~D, but not to the same degree, and I've noticed that, while it isn't emotionally devastating, afterwards I experience a driving desire not only to Top, but to exercise my sadism (for anyone who knows our relationship, clearly not on him, lol).

Strangely, I do like the idea of service submission - for instance, serving at a D/s themed party, but there is a power and control in that type of service, even when the primary motivation is to anticipate desires and to please, that one gives up when submitting within the context of a full power exchange.

I am not sure that I see this as switching - more perhaps, learning one's craft or supporting a cause through "acting?" I am actually suspicious of PYLs who will never "submit" their bodies to the implements they use in play - I don't understand how they can truly gage the sensations they give others. But I don't see that act as being at all "submissive" and therefore "switchy." I do think that there are those who are 100% sub or dom, just as I think there are those who are truly 0's (100% hetero) and 6's (100% homo) on the old Kinsey scale, although I also think that the 100%-ers are fewer than we might presume.

QUESTION: Do you think there is any connection between being switch and being bi or gender-queer (vs. lesbian or gay)?

OK, think that's it for now. I really like this thread, and I also like the name, LOL.

Neon

Thank you for your input, Ms. Neon. You know I always love to hear what you have to say.

As far as your question about being a switch and being bi or gender-queer, I think you may be onto something. I don't know many switches who are 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual. The ones that are on the hetero end of the scale may only be interested in the same sex as play partners, as opposed to being capable of having romantic relationships with them. Even of the switch men who are straight, you usually find that they're into cross-dressing, which, while not exactly a bisexual thing, seems to venture into territory beyond what most vanilla people would consider "normal."

I'm not sure what the connection is, but I think there may very well be one. I could make it a little more complicated, too, and point out that most of the poly-capable people I know are bisexual switches. Does it all come together in our wiring somehow, I wonder?

 

[SweetErika]

Lots of interesting thoughts presented here.

Right now at least, I identify as a Dominant/bottom Switch. My fantasies have always revolved around reluctant submission, and I prefer to be on that side of the slash with certain people. However, I'm a dominant personality in general, enjoy expressing that, and have no desire to submit to someone in real life (though I suspect that has something to do with old wounds). It's like I'm living in different worlds in my head and reality.

Maybe I don't fit the common definition of a Switch, but I'm drawn to the flexibility of that label. I realize I could very well wake up someday and have an intense desire to submit, or I may meet someone who really brings out that side of me.

And I see flexibility as one of the primary links between poly, bi and switch in myself as well. I have a strong need to be fluid and able to continue to create satisfying situations as I grow and change. It has a lot to do with being open to recognizing and acting on my desires and needs, rather than shutting down/denying them and sticking with the status quo, I think. Historically, I've been pretty lousy at holding things in and denying my needs, and perhaps this is no different.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I've always batted right handed... couldn't swing a baseball bat as a lefty if I wanted to. Same with golf clubs.

WAIT! I do floggers florentine style! Left, right or both!

I SWITCH HIT! I SWITCH HIT!

Oh... wait... you're talking about D/s roles... Nevermind...

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Oh, well, yeah. I've actually had girls do that with my strap on. I like to see boobs bounce and little butches get really embarrassed at how into it they are.

Do you know what that mental image just did for me, Netz???

 

[neonflux]

Thank you for your input, Ms. Neon. You know I always love to hear what you have to say.

As far as your question about being a switch and being bi or gender-queer, I think you may be onto something. I don't know many switches who are 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual. The ones that are on the hetero end of the scale may only be interested in the same sex as play partners, as opposed to being capable of having romantic relationships with them. Even of the switch men who are straight, you usually find that they're into cross-dressing, which, while not exactly a bisexual thing, seems to venture into territory beyond what most vanilla people would consider "normal."

I'm not sure what the connection is, but I think there may very well be one. I could make it a little more complicated, too, and point out that most of the poly-capable people I know are bisexual switches. Does it all come together in our wiring somehow, I wonder?

Thinking more about this, I suspect it does have to do somewhat with wiring, and that it may indeed be connected to the gender-fluidity that is an inherent part of who we are - I have a lot of ties to the trans communities here and I've often felt that bi and trans folk (of all varieties, including to some extent CDs) have much more in common than either of us do with either straight or 6-on-Kinsey-scale-gay folk. I don't know if this is true for everyone, but as with all aspects of my sexuality, I do experience my kink as an extension of the gender fluiditity and complexity that is part and parcel of my bisexuality. I think this makes sense??? *chuckle*

Neon

P.S., think we have a mutual admiration society going here

 

[Netzach]

I don't know if it's always gonna line up - hung with enough lesbians with zero to ho hum interest in men and gay men with no interest in women who were very avid switches to make me think it's not necessarily so. Enough that I would even venture that it's not predominant - it does point to a split in queer versus pansexual leather maybe.

 

[BiBunny]

Bumpage.

For those of you who Top both genders, do you ever find that you tend to be a lot harder on one gender than the other, or does it depend on the person? I'm talking to a sub friend of mine, and it made me realize that while I like to hurt girls, I really just like to make boys my pets. I'm not sure why this is. Maybe the innate knowledge that most women are tougher than men, maybe?

 

[Evil_Geoff]

It really depends on who I'm playing with.

I've known guys who are major mondo pain pigs...

 

[neonflux]

I don't know if it's always gonna line up - hung with enough lesbians with zero to ho hum interest in men and gay men with no interest in women who were very avid switches to make me think it's not necessarily so. Enough that I would even venture that it's not predominant - it does point to a split in queer versus pansexual leather maybe.

Pansexual? (Definition - I usually think of this term being specific to queer folk...) Are you then relating it to queerness? Somehow, I suspect that there's some link between having more tolerance for gender-variance (certainly coming out in this culture requires questioning traditional roles) and being able to switch, but... Also, while one might find some switches that are gay or lesbian, would one find more bi folks who are switch? Just wondering if being more fluid in one's sexual attractions might also lead to more fluidity in terms of kink-related roles. JM once posited that the switches he's known were more into the sensation of S/m play versus the D/s aspects. And then where to trans folk (among whom 50% are bi) fit into the equation??? Neon

 

[neonflux]

Bumpage.

For those of you who Top both genders, do you ever find that you tend to be a lot harder on one gender than the other, or does it depend on the person? I'm talking to a sub friend of mine, and it made me realize that while I like to hurt girls, I really just like to make boys my pets. I'm not sure why this is. Maybe the innate knowledge that most women are tougher than men, maybe?

Regarding sensation play, I am an "egalitarian-minded sadist" when it comes to gender - it definitely depends then upon the individual. I also enjoy emotional sadism of the "increase anxiety" and predicament bondage type equally with both genders. (I have a huge Imp inside me, LOL.)

However, while I don't have it in me to do any kind of humiliation play with a woman, I will do it with a man. I think that it has something to do with the cathartic quality it can have for men (related to childhood shaming designed to suppress "feminine" feelings and characteristics). I am not saying that humiliation can't bring catharsis to women, but when topping a woman, I connect too closely with my own humiliation emotionally to be able to do it to someone else. Curious... Neon

 

[Netzach]

Bumpage.

For those of you who Top both genders, do you ever find that you tend to be a lot harder on one gender than the other, or does it depend on the person? I'm talking to a sub friend of mine, and it made me realize that while I like to hurt girls, I really just like to make boys my pets. I'm not sure why this is. Maybe the innate knowledge that most women are tougher than men, maybe?

I am really pretty nice to girls. I mean if they're major pigs for whatever I can go to their level, but I really like a lot of begging and green lighting - I don't get as sadistic being told "ok, just do what you like" as I do with guys.

I really like to do erotic humiliation with femmes and objectifying "it, pig" humiliation with men - mostly because those are the usual preferences, though. If I knew otherwise, I think I could get into making a girl, into an "it"

 

[Netzach]

It really depends on who I'm playing with.

I've known guys who are major mondo pain pigs...

Yeah, me too. Some have surpassed my personal interests in what I actually want to do to other people.

 

[Netzach]

Pansexual? (Definition - I usually think of this term being specific to queer folk...) Are you then relating it to queerness? Somehow, I suspect that there's some link between having more tolerance for gender-variance (certainly coming out in this culture requires questioning traditional roles) and being able to switch, but... Also, while one might find some switches that are gay or lesbian, would one find more bi folks who are switch? Just wondering if being more fluid in one's sexual attractions might also lead to more fluidity in terms of kink-related roles. JM once posited that the switches he's known were more into the sensation of S/m play versus the D/s aspects. And then where to trans folk (among whom 50% are bi) fit into the equation??? Neon

Oh, I guess the division to me is "monosexual switch" numbers in queer leather versus "minute number of monosexual switches" which I find in pansexual bdsm, which is queer inclusive but overwhelmingly tilted in demographics to hetero and bi-curious/experimental.

In English, (gak) when traveling among the bdsm crowd, I rarely have met a monosexual switch. When traveling among the queer leather crowd, I can point to a whole mess of 'em.

The vast majority of transfollks I've known are sub/bottom or HEAVILY sub/bottom. FTM and MTF. But then, look at me, I'm going to notice the sub bottom half more.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

.... But then, look at me, I'm going to notice the sub bottom half more.

You know... that's funny.

I tend to notice the bottom half of a sub more too...

 

[TrueSwitch]

switch hitting

I am more dominant then submissive. I love being dom with females, and it takes a VERY special man to make me want to submit, but lucky is he who can tame me.[/CENTER​

]​

 

[wouldloveto]

I have considered myself a switch for some time...

I have had limited opportunities to be submissive but loved and crave that.

I currently am in a relationship where my lover wants to do whatever pleases me, including working toward being collared. I have found renewed joy in being on top... and... she will top me when I want.

Now my wonderful dilemma is teaching her in these ways... when I am trying to learn myself...

 

[HottieMama]

Found this in a search...

BUMP...

 

[DeservingBitch]

I identify as a Top with switching abilities.

Submission doesn't appeal to me at all. But dominance outside of a very delimited space/context doesn't do much for me either. I haven't met anyone who brings either one out of me yet.

I do enjoy bottoming to some people, but I'm very much of a Top-bottom. I'm there for me.

It would be great to meet someone that could bring out more of my bottom/submissive side. There's stuff that I would like to try as a bottom, but without the Top to push me there, I won't go.

I'm pretty convinced however that Netz could probably get me to bottom to whatever she feels like.

 

[Stegral]

I am a switch that prefers to bottom...
unfortunately I am extremely picky about whom Tops me.
Lately I have been a "service Top" wayyy more than a bottom .
I do believe I get jealous of the bottom & possibly slightly resentful.
Topping lately just isn't much fun or arousing anymore .
I do hope things work between kp & I.. maybe he is what I need.