Sweet Maggie Ch. 6 has posted

[LaJovena]

The latest chapter of Sweet Maggie has posted!

I would love to hear your feedback. Here's the link:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=368608

Please let me know what you think.

Thanks!

LaJ

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Haven't had time to go back on earlier parts so this is just my take on Part 6.

I think you write great dialogue - in fact I think you write really well - and have a good plot line. Even without the background, I got the tension of Jenna/Sara and Maggie.

I think you need to edit (or get an editor) for a couple of reasons. The pacing is a bit flat as you tend to give us too much detail when the plot should be moving more quickly. For example, all the food talk at the beginning slows the story and could make new readers click back. Get to the row quicker and orchestrate the diminuendo and crescendo more dramatically.

There is clutter in dealing with the crucial plot development of the vasectomy and the Jenna/Sara mystery. To me, the surprise of Jenna knowing should be more tightly linked to the belief of her being Sara. After this, the Palo Alto house scene is a bit flat, without progress.

To me, whatever the earlier chapters, this is much more sophisticated than the normal, "Daddy, fuck me" approach that Incest normally demands. As you write this fascinating story, think about Novels and Novellas - your plotline is more than strong enough.

I'll have to go back and read the full opus now.

My humble opinion, you are pretty damn good with a great take on human stories.

Elle

 

[LaJovena]

Thank you for reading chapter 6 and supplying your feedback. I'd be interested in knowing if you would change any of your opinion after reading the first 5 chapters. I think it's a pretty tight story, although that may be hard to judge before the final chapter.

Thanks again!

LJ

 

[sirsemega]

I've read it, I followed this story for a while and am glad you came back to it, actually a scene you wrote just so happened to be in my neighborhood and you actually mentioned my street name, I'm a sucker for crap like that!

I have always had trouble with Maggie and the main characters relationship, they just seem to not click, and she gives the impression of running around on him.
I hope it's all just his perception.
The Sara/Jenna thing is frustrating to read. I just want it resolved one way or another, even if she does turn out to be Sarah, what then? The story is titled Sweet Maggie, so I assume that Maggie gets back together with the main character. I'm sure you have an idea where this is going, but please finish this up and resolve it soon!

As far as other things I like, it's the little things you do mentioning the environment that really stand out: Her grabbing the bark and asking what it was, and him telling her its Eucaliptos (sp).

Those elements really drew me in!

~S~

 

[LaJovena]

Thanks for reading! And I'm typing as fast as I can! LOL. I'm actually cross-eyed right now, I'm so tired, but I was just working on the finish. There are still a few chapters left. I hope you can hold out 'til the end!

And I wasn't sure if there was anybody out there who appreciated those little details. I haven't been to the Bay Area since 1986, so I actually do a fair amount of internet research to make this as close to the real thing as I can. I'm glad you appreciate it!

Have a great night.

LaJ

 

[LaJovena]

The latest chapter of Sweet Maggie has posted!

Chapter 7 of Sweet Maggie has posted, and, as always, I am looking for constructive criticism! Here is the link:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=375548

I am trying to move all the chapters from Incest/Taboo to Novels & Novellas. I followed the instructions in the FAQ, but for some reason, Lit didn't move the old chapters over to the new category. I'm still trying....

At any rate, I hope you enjoy!

LaJ