Sweet Beginings vs Bitter Ends

[kinky_meh]

As most of you know, i have split with my Dom few days ago. I dont wanna talk about the WHY that happened, i wont brag about it on public, but I wanna ask all the submissives who went thro this how do they deal with the emptiness and hurt it brings.

I went thro two splits in last few days and i must say i am not handeling it well. Things i do about it are simple:

I cry a lot, sleep a lot and eat a lot.

And I think none of these are "healthy", so please feel free to give me an advice what do i do now, becuase i dont have a clue.

I am trying to keep myself busy with other things. With my kids, or watch movies etc etc, but there are still moments where i just cant stand myself and feel like jump into the wall.

I havent done much last few days. I did totaly nothing. Yesterday my mom visited me and catched me crying. That sucked because she thought i cry because of my ex, again. I didnt know what to say. I wasnt crying because of my ex.. I had here 5 days old dishes, i just couldnt get myself to clean it. I just wasnt bothered. In anything at all. Well, i did it. She made me lol.

I dont feel well and i am not really sure what to do about it. I am obviously not doing well, left on my own. I miss things. I miss being owned. Miss belong to someone. I saw the Litogether thead and i cryed, knowing all the subs had a nice time with their Sir's there.

I have a close friend, but things aint going well for us either lately and i am REALLY not up for a round three. I feel a need to find me a new Dominant, if nothing else. But at the same time, with the way i am right now, i am not sure if thats a good idea. I dunno.

If you went thro a split with you Dominant, please tell me how have you deal with it??? What did you do to "feel better"?? to "get over it"????

Thank you for advice


~Kate

 

[HottieMama]

Kate...

First of all....((((HUGS)))).

With any break-up, there is an adjustment period afterward. Things that were "routine" in your relationship, are no longer a part of your life. (Chats at a certain time of day, a bedtime ritual, etc..) What was important for me was to find things to fill that time. Reading, writing in a journal, watching a movie, playing with my kids, cleaning, etc. Remember, you are NOT just responsible for yourself you have two kids that need you to take care of them. The dishes might be the last fucking thing you want to do, but DO THEM, if for nothing else than to pass the time.

Cry all you want/need to. Tears are healthy and speak to the emotion you can feel in a relationship. i WISH i could give you the fool-proof way of "getting over it," but i can't because there ISN'T one. It takes time...sometimes lots and lots of time. The important thing is to try to stay healthy while you are struggling emotionally. You could go out and have random sex, find another Dom, etc...etc... i wouldn't recommend it. (Been there...done that...) You aren't giving yourself a chance to heal and REALLY figure out what you want. You owe that to yourself, and any future Dom you may find yourself with.

You are a beautiful, worthwhile person who deserves a good, healthy relationship. Take care of yourself and allow it to happen in its' own time.

 

[kinky_meh]

Yeah i do that. I read and watch movies and trying to spend a lot of time with my kids, but i am not much of fun. My older daughter yesterday told me why cant her mom be my mom. sigh

But you are right i cannot be like this, i have two kids who needs me and i feel so unusable atm. I hate that. Wish there was a cure for this, but as you said, there is none. I am not even sure if time will fix this, because i still cry over my ex, too lol and its 7 years we are divorced. I am weird lol.

Think i will spend even MORE time with my kids and work on the relationship with my friend and see what future brings. Wish i had a Dom, NOW, i wish that real bad, but guess i will just have to be okay with the "one cannot have everything".

There are times when i am kinda okay, but there are times when i feel just oh so SHIT!! Its little things that remaind me things, like my old Lit name, thats also why i have changed it. I wanna forget. If thats possible...


Thank you for an advice and the huggs Nikky, i really appreciate it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Wished we lived closer

Catalina

 

[kinky_meh]

Wished we lived closer

Catalina

Me too Cat, me too...

 

[closerIam]

*hugs* Kate

I also wish we lived closer. Having a RL friend who understands could make all the difference... I really can't talk to my RL friends about 'these things' because they don't get it. They won't get it. I've tried talking to my two closest 'open minded' friends, but they still think only negative things about the D/s (PYL/pyl) dynamic, and cannot even imagine what I experienced (with my first taste of D/s) or what I'm going through now that it's ended and has left me feeling empty and without direction.

One thing that helps me is physical activity. Walking is good, but kickboxing is better. It helps to hear the loud music and get some kicking and punching out of my system. Sometimes I can't make it through class without crying, but I always feel better afterwards. I also keep journals...and torch things. Very therapeutic.

*hugs*

 

[intothewoods]

Yeah i do that. I read and watch movies and trying to spend a lot of time with my kids, but i am not much of fun. My older daughter yesterday told me why cant her mom be my mom. sigh

But you are right i cannot be like this, i have two kids who needs me and i feel so unusable atm. I hate that. Wish there was a cure for this, but as you said, there is none. I am not even sure if time will fix this, because i still cry over my ex, too lol and its 7 years we are divorced. I am weird lol.

Think i will spend even MORE time with my kids and work on the relationship with my friend and see what future brings. Wish i had a Dom, NOW, i wish that real bad, but guess i will just have to be okay with the "one cannot have everything".

There are times when i am kinda okay, but there are times when i feel just oh so SHIT!! Its little things that remaind me things, like my old Lit name, thats also why i have changed it. I wanna forget. If thats possible...


Thank you for an advice and the huggs Nikky, i really appreciate it.

You've been divorced for 7 years but he just moved out. So in some ways, it's all very fresh and you're grieving it for the first time.

I suggest you do something social that's not related to kink or sex. Do you have any hobbies or other social groups?

 

[FurryFury]

*grr* posting in the wrong tread sucks. I'm a baaad girl.

I get depressed sometimes when something with someone online blows up, disappears, ends or whatever. I have a whole thread about depression. When people are not happy I always feel responsible even if I know I'm not.

I tend to want to be alone in the dark, listening to music, thinking my self destructive, dark thoughts. I like to just soak in it for a while before I have to go be busy again. It's good to cry if I can allow myself to. The tears I have kind of scare me so that's a toughie.

I have kids. I have work. I have a house. I have a husband. I have friends. I have cat and other pets. God I have so much. I sometimes wonder WTF is wrong with me for wanting anything else? For those and many more things in my life I MUST pull my shit together and get stuff done most of the time. Thank goodness I'm not just living for myself.

When things used to blow up I truly wanted to hurt myself. I blamed me. That boy got obsessive despite my being totally upfront and honest from the beginning and all along because I fostered too much intimacy maybe. Whatever. People are just flawed. Life sucks sometimes but I blamed me.

It's funny too because that makes ME important and powerful if I'm responsible for everyone else's happiness or lack thereof. I don't normally see myself that way and yet, I keep coming back to self blame.

Of course all that is BULLSHIT. I'm just a glutton for self punishment in the brain! LOL.

When my first online Dom just went AWOL I was, and in some ways, still am, so hurt. That relationship was exactly what I wanted and needed. Like a first love I can't ever have exactly that feeling again. I just couldn't understand how he could bug out without a word to me forever.

Since all those relationships I have gained, thankfully, some perspective and maturity. I've created more limits to protect myself. I've found more mature people who understand and agree with me where the lines are.

We can remain friends afterwards and sometimes we wish things were different. I honestly want the best for these people and all the people I have every conversed with online.

In the end, I've found that I can hate myself all I want but it does no good for anyone. I try to avoid situations that will make me feel that way.

I've found I simply don't have enough to offer any online Dom period. Not enough to satisfy me. So there is no point falling into that again. Not for me.

Some of the people I've talked to seem to think I do have enough to offer. That's kind of them but in my mind they deserve so much more.

I'm sad that I don't have certain things in my life right now because of this realization / decision. I miss the promise and excitement of all that. I miss the higher sex drive and creativity in that area as well. I wish I had a LOT more RL D/s in my life somehow that I could be okay with me getting it.

I'm happy that I'm not hating myself as much for the things I can't do for people and which I want to be able to do for people.

Life isn't perfect. We make our choices. We live with them. We make more choices . . . that's how I look at it.

I like me most of the time. I accept me for the most part. I think my choices at this moment are sound and healthy. I try hard not to dwell on the things I want but can't have and still like myself.

Ugh. I think I'm rambling and off topic but that's my bit about relationships ending, being sad and going on.

 

[kinky_meh]

*hugs* Kate

I also wish we lived closer. Having a RL friend who understands could make all the difference... I really can't talk to my RL friends about 'these things' because they don't get it. They won't get it. I've tried talking to my two closest 'open minded' friends, but they still think only negative things about the D/s (PYL/pyl) dynamic, and cannot even imagine what I experienced (with my first taste of D/s) or what I'm going through now that it's ended and has left me feeling empty and without direction.

One thing that helps me is physical activity. Walking is good, but kickboxing is better. It helps to hear the loud music and get some kicking and punching out of my system. Sometimes I can't make it through class without crying, but I always feel better afterwards. I also keep journals...and torch things. Very therapeutic.

*hugs*

I wish you lived closer too S.!! Would love to talk with you in person. And you are right, have a friend who gets this things means a lot. None of my RL friends is into this things, so its hard. I am glad i found a good friend in you, i am really thankful for that. Its nice to know i can tell you things without a fear you would think i am "weird".

I have few online friends who are uhm dirty? kinky too mabye, but they wouldnt underestand real D/s relationship. If i told them what i love, they would mostlikely laugh right into my face, or worst, behind my back.

Feel all this and know theres noone who would understand, is hard. I really love Lit people. I know i can share and say things here and they will give me a hugg or at least a kind word. It means a lot. Eventho its just a virtual hugg, it still helps. Talk with people who understand is nice.

My posts as BiatchinFire SO SUCKED!! I gotta keep remind myself this is not any depression station, but a sex website lol. I really apologize to all for my crap posts, i will try to do better with this user name. Honestly i dont think i will post that much. Now that i am Domless theres not much to say, at least not much of something "constructive". Thanks God theres so much of good reading here. I will read a lot and hopefuly learn something as well.

 

[kinky_meh]

You've been divorced for 7 years but he just moved out. So in some ways, it's all very fresh and you're grieving it for the first time.

I suggest you do something social that's not related to kink or sex. Do you have any hobbies or other social groups?

You are right, i never really split with my exhusband yet. We divorced, but we been on and off together untill now. Untill i couldnt take it anymore. This surely was the last split for me and him, so yes, it hurts.

As for me and my Dom. Life get into what we had and eventho i know theres no one to blame, i still feel crap. I wanna blame someone for this. I wanna make someone resposnible for this and i tend to blame myself for it, a lot. My Dom told me i am not the one to blame, but i still do. Still thinking about what could have been "IF". I miss him. Miss him more than words can say and i know i will miss him for a long looooong time.

I used to play one online game, stoped play it when i get to know him. I have install it back and think i will start play it again. While the day its easy, i am very busy with my kids while day, but in the night when they fall asleep and i realise i am all alone here, i feel like in a big cold hole and i am freezing, inside. I hate to feel like that.

I will play that game or read books or somethin i think. Or just watch some movie. I have some kind of idea HOW to keep myself busy, but i have no idea how to make myself enjoy it, too. Maybe time will do the trick.

What i enjoy to no end is to see my baby smile from ear to ear late in the night when she wake up to eat. Thats so sweet and cute. She always makes me smile, both of my girls does. I have two beautiful kids, i am a mom. And thats mostlikely what i ever gonna be. A mom.

Maybe one sweet day i am gonna be a sub again, too. And someones wife, too, but for now i cannot see that happening. Sometimes i am okay with it, sometimes not. I enjoyed all the things with my Dom very much. Hope one day i will live it.

 

[kinky_meh]

I get depressed sometimes when something with someone online blows up, disappears, ends or whatever. I have a whole thread about depression. When people are not happy I always feel responsible even if I know I'm not.

I tend to want to be alone in the dark, listening to music, thinking my self destructive, dark thoughts. I like to just soak in it for a while before I have to go be busy again. It's good to cry if I can allow myself to. The tears I have kind of scare me so that's a toughie.

I have kids. I have work. I have a house. I have a husband. I have friends. I have cat and other pets. God I have so much. I sometimes wonder WTF is wrong with me for wanting anything else? For those and many more things in my life I MUST pull my shit together and get stuff done most of the time. Thank goodness I'm not just living for myself.

When things used to blow up I truly wanted to hurt myself. I blamed me. That boy got obsessive despite my being totally upfront and honest from the beginning and all along because I fostered too much intimacy maybe. Whatever. People are just flawed. Life sucks sometimes but I blamed me.

It's funny too because that makes ME important and powerful if I'm responsible for everyone else's happiness or lack thereof. I don't normally see myself that way and yet, I keep coming back to self blame.

Of course all that is BULLSHIT. I'm just a glutton for self punishment in the brain! LOL.

When my first online Dom just went AWOL I was, and in some ways, still am, so hurt. That relationship was exactly what I wanted and needed. Like a first love I can't ever have exactly that feeling again. I just couldn't understand how he could bug out without a word to me forever.

Since all those relationships I have gained, thankfully, some perspective and maturity. I've created more limits to protect myself. I've found more mature people who understand and agree with me where the lines are.

We can remain friends afterwards and sometimes we wish things were different. I honestly want the best for these people and all the people I have every conversed with online.

In the end, I've found that I can hate myself all I want but it does no good for anyone. I try to avoid situations that will make me feel that way.

I've found I simply don't have enough to offer any online Dom period. Not enough to satisfy me. So there is no point falling into that again. Not for me.

Some of the people I've talked to seem to think I do have enough to offer. That's kind of them but in my mind they deserve so much more.

I'm sad that I don't have certain things in my life right now because of this realization / decision. I miss the promise and excitement of all that. I miss the higher sex drive and creativity in that area as well. I wish I had a LOT more RL D/s in my life somehow that I could be okay with me getting it.

I'm happy that I'm not hating myself as much for the things I can't do for people and which I want to be able to do for people.

Life isn't perfect. We make our choices. We live with them. We make more choices . . . that's how I look at it.

I like me most of the time. I accept me for the most part. I think my choices at this moment are sound and healthy. I try hard not to dwell on the things I want but can't have and still like myself.

Ugh. I think I'm rambling and off topic but that's my bit about relationships ending, being sad and going on.

I know about the dark corners and about the need to hide somewhere totaly separated from everyone else and listen to a quiet music. I know about being depressed. I know you have a whole thread about it and i can just say i understand your feelings oh se well. *hug*


~Kate

 

[YourCaptor]

I cant remember who you use to be, if anyone wants to confuse me just switch out your avatar.

Anyway, it may help to treat this like a real illness. As in don’t feel bad for having it, avoid whatever you got it from, do things that will shorten its effect on you, if it becomes to much to figure out yourself get a professionals opinion, etc, etc.

Some things that may help you get over it faster, activates that you get caught up in, activates that get you body moving and your chemicals shifting, anything comforting/relaxing, sorting out logically what happened, taking out your frustration in a healthy way, immersing yourself in acceptance such as from friends, knowing that you are still wanted by so many people.

Along with all that, time unfortunately is also needed, so give it a several days before you examine if anything has been working or not.

I hope things will brighten up soon, and all the best wishes to you.

 

[rida]

To Kate:

It is hard when things ends. Even when we know that it is for the best (your ex-husband) or we know that there was no other way (your ex-Dom) it still hurts. And it leaves a hole inside.

I had a sweet/brief/intense relationship with an o/l Dom myself. I was the one that ended it because, as FurryFury, I realized I could not offer him all he deserved and wished for, even if I wanted to. And even if I was the one to end things, it still hurt like hell. I cried a lot. I would be in the middle of shopping and start crying. I would be walking along the street and feel I could not breath and start crying. But it got better. I still miss him at times ... as a first love than cannot be replaced/repeated (borrowing more of FurryFury's words ...lol) I will hold him dear in my heart forever.

But the good thing that came from all the above sorrow is that I learned a lot more about myself. And came to better term with what I want, what I need, what I can offer and what to look for.

So, please Kate, take your time to grieve. Do not look for someone to fill the hole left by the two men that are not in your life anymore. I've been following your posts and never wrote before because part of me was feeling terrible sorry for you and another wanted to scream at you when you kept on letting your ex-husband back in your life.

You are better than you think, you deserve better than you had. A lot of people have been telling you that. Now take this time of grieving and use it to also learn to love and respect yourself. You will not meet someone that will love and respect you as you deserve until you love and respect yourself first.

You have intense feelings and you love and care intensely and with abandon. Please, for you and your daughters, do not waste your love on undeserving ones.

 

[intothewoods]

You are right, i never really split with my exhusband yet. We divorced, but we been on and off together untill now. Untill i couldnt take it anymore. This surely was the last split for me and him, so yes, it hurts.

As for me and my Dom. Life get into what we had and eventho i know theres no one to blame, i still feel crap. I wanna blame someone for this. I wanna make someone resposnible for this and i tend to blame myself for it, a lot. My Dom told me i am not the one to blame, but i still do. Still thinking about what could have been "IF". I miss him. Miss him more than words can say and i know i will miss him for a long looooong time.

I used to play one online game, stoped play it when i get to know him. I have install it back and think i will start play it again. While the day its easy, i am very busy with my kids while day, but in the night when they fall asleep and i realise i am all alone here, i feel like in a big cold hole and i am freezing, inside. I hate to feel like that.

I will play that game or read books or somethin i think. Or just watch some movie. I have some kind of idea HOW to keep myself busy, but i have no idea how to make myself enjoy it, too. Maybe time will do the trick.

What i enjoy to no end is to see my baby smile from ear to ear late in the night when she wake up to eat. Thats so sweet and cute. She always makes me smile, both of my girls does. I have two beautiful kids, i am a mom. And thats mostlikely what i ever gonna be. A mom.

Maybe one sweet day i am gonna be a sub again, too. And someones wife, too, but for now i cannot see that happening. Sometimes i am okay with it, sometimes not. I enjoyed all the things with my Dom very much. Hope one day i will live it.

Do you have any mom friends? It just seems like you're craving adult attention (and who wouldn't!), but during this time you're pretty vulnerable - so girlfriends might be the way to go for a while. Finding a mate is far from impossible. He will be there. Take care of you right now.

 

[madetotakeit]

You are going to grieve, you are going to cry, you are going to want, and you will definitely hurt...for a time. Allow yourself to feel what you are going through but make a mental stand not to let it control you.

My last major break up was 10 years ago. I can close my eyes now and remember how I felt, what I did to prolong that pain because in a twisted way it kept him part of me. Accepting it was over was one thing, letting go was another. Pulling out photographs, choosing the songs that would rip me to shreds emotionally played until I was left in the fetal position on my living room floor with the carpet absolutely soaked in my tears. I liked that pain because it reminded me I was alive rather than the numbness and empty space I felt inside. (I've always been one for extremes when I open myself up completely to someone.) The crying and acknowledging my emotions was healthy. Holding on to it and prolonging it was not. No matter how much I felt or let him tear at me, it was not bringing him back but it was slowly destroying me.

I'm not saying you can put a time table and say in X days I am going to stop this, but at some point you do have to make a choice to recognize you have a lot of life left in you and a lot yet to give. The only way to discover the rest of your journey is to decide to pick up what is left of you and move forward. It isn't easy at first. So much of who we see ourselves as is tied up in who we are as part of two. Moving forward and letting go of the past is accepting we are simply who we are...in our own eyes. I think everyone needs to take the time to find out who that person is. When you can be alone with yourself and no longer crave, not want but crave, somebody next to you then you have reached that place. I always feel that people who jump from one relationship into the next are not comfortable with themselves. They are scared to be alone because they don't know the person they are alone with.

People come and go in our lives for a reason. It may be to show us something that we didn't know or to teach us about ourselves when they are gone. Either way their stay is only temporary even if their presence lasts decades. Learn what you can, let it make you a stronger person, love yourself.

My heart goes out to you. Even though I have kept myself protected for a long time what I went through left its scars, not wounds but scars because eventually they do heal when you let them.

Life isn't perfect. We make our choices. We live with them. We make more choices . . . that's how I look at it.

Somewhere in the past two days I heard someone say "Man is a sum of his choices." It struck me as important. We can be broken down into who we are by the choices we make, be they good, bad, hurtful, loving...are choices are who we are.

 

[kinky_meh]

To Kate:

It is hard when things ends. Even when we know that it is for the best (your ex-husband) or we know that there was no other way (your ex-Dom) it still hurts. And it leaves a hole inside.

I had a sweet/brief/intense relationship with an o/l Dom myself. I was the one that ended it because, as FurryFury, I realized I could not offer him all he deserved and wished for, even if I wanted to. And even if I was the one to end things, it still hurt like hell. I cried a lot. I would be in the middle of shopping and start crying. I would be walking along the street and feel I could not breath and start crying. But it got better. I still miss him at times ... as a first love than cannot be replaced/repeated (borrowing more of FurryFury's words ...lol) I will hold him dear in my heart forever.

But the good thing that came from all the above sorrow is that I learned a lot more about myself. And came to better term with what I want, what I need, what I can offer and what to look for.

So, please Kate, take your time to grieve. Do not look for someone to fill the hole left by the two men that are not in your life anymore. I've been following your posts and never wrote before because part of me was feeling terrible sorry for you and another wanted to scream at you when you kept on letting your ex-husband back in your life.

You are better than you think, you deserve better than you had. A lot of people have been telling you that. Now take this time of grieving and use it to also learn to love and respect yourself. You will not meet someone that will love and respect you as you deserve until you love and respect yourself first.

You have intense feelings and you love and care intensely and with abandon. Please, for you and your daughters, do not waste your love on undeserving ones.

Thank you Rida, what you said touched me deeply. I have a lot to think about now i think.

 

[kinky_meh]

Do you have any mom friends? It just seems like you're craving adult attention (and who wouldn't!), but during this time you're pretty vulnerable - so girlfriends might be the way to go for a while. Finding a mate is far from impossible. He will be there. Take care of you right now.

You are right, i do crave adult attention and because theres a lot cool people on Lit i can say i have found myself a great submissive friend and dominant friend, too. I cherish their friendship very much.

You was a lot of help too ITW! Thank you.

 

[FurryFury]

I totally agree that physical activity (which I never feel like doing when I'm down) helps a lot. So does finding adult pleasures and other adults to spend time with. Even if it's just meeting friends for coffee and talking (which I LOVE but don't get to do often enough), that's a time for you that's important.

 

[kinky_meh]

You are going to grieve, you are going to cry, you are going to want, and you will definitely hurt...for a time. Allow yourself to feel what you are going through but make a mental stand not to let it control you.

My last major break up was 10 years ago. I can close my eyes now and remember how I felt, what I did to prolong that pain because in a twisted way it kept him part of me. Accepting it was over was one thing, letting go was another. Pulling out photographs, choosing the songs that would rip me to shreds emotionally played until I was left in the fetal position on my living room floor with the carpet absolutely soaked in my tears. I liked that pain because it reminded me I was alive rather than the numbness and empty space I felt inside. (I've always been one for extremes when I open myself up completely to someone.) The crying and acknowledging my emotions was healthy. Holding on to it and prolonging it was not. No matter how much I felt or let him tear at me, it was not bringing him back but it was slowly destroying me.

I'm not saying you can put a time table and say in X days I am going to stop this, but at some point you do have to make a choice to recognize you have a lot of life left in you and a lot yet to give. The only way to discover the rest of your journey is to decide to pick up what is left of you and move forward. It isn't easy at first. So much of who we see ourselves as is tied up in who we are as part of two. Moving forward and letting go of the past is accepting we are simply who we are...in our own eyes. I think everyone needs to take the time to find out who that person is. When you can be alone with yourself and no longer crave, not want but crave, somebody next to you then you have reached that place. I always feel that people who jump from one relationship into the next are not comfortable with themselves. They are scared to be alone because they don't know the person they are alone with.

People come and go in our lives for a reason. It may be to show us something that we didn't know or to teach us about ourselves when they are gone. Either way their stay is only temporary even if their presence lasts decades. Learn what you can, let it make you a stronger person, love yourself.

My heart goes out to you. Even though I have kept myself protected for a long time what I went through left its scars, not wounds but scars because eventually they do heal when you let them.



Somewhere in the past two days I heard someone say "Man is a sum of his choices." It struck me as important. We can be broken down into who we are by the choices we make, be they good, bad, hurtful, loving...are choices are who we are.

Yes it takes lots of crying. There are days when i am okay and then there are days when i just wanna dissapear and be all alone, so my kids wouldnt have to see me like this.

I agree with you and FurryFury on the feeling it was like a first love. I know i will never forget about him. And what sadness me the most, is that i think i will never ever feel the same way again. The way i felt with HIM. Think thats exactely the thing i cannot deal with atm, because i never felt like this with anybody else IRL yet. I never met him in real, but he touched my soul deep inside. He showed me things about myself i didnt know, he let me taste things i had no clue i might like. Tought me things. Tought me to be a good sub for him. I would cry my eyes out when i imagine i will never again hear him say, i am a good girl. His good girl.

Now i am thinking just what good is in all that. Whats good in being a good submissive, when theres no one to please. When theres no HIM anymore.

I went thro lots of splits and it always hurts. This time i feel a lot of bitterness too, tho. Think its because i loved it all that much, i dunno. Wish it have never ended, but life being bitch once again. If that was possible i would SO KICK the life into the balls!!!

 

[madetotakeit]

Just remember he may have brought out things in you, but these are things that are in you. Either they were in you before and you didn't know it or he brought new things into your life that you have incorporated into yourself. You are still that person. I know what it is like to find yourself a submissive with nobody to be submissive to. We are subs because it is who we are not because of who we are with or without. It's part of who you are. You *can* feel it again because of that.

I went through the phase when I was first without of thinking that I would cut back on the board. I wouldn't have anything to contribute and reading about it would be hard since I couldn't express it in my own life. What I found was that I still come here. I still learn, I still contribute. This is a great resource we have for learning about ourselves. It is like a family in a way. We have our own perspectives, but we understand. Find what helps you through this. Concentrate on your kids, but concentrate on yourself as well.

 

[marieR19]

*sends lots of hugs and love*

I think others have basically said anything useful that I would say....

I'm the wrong person to give advice on this, anyways. When Maudree left me, I rebounded hard and made some horrible personal choices. When Beth left me.... Well, lets see, it's been a year and 5 months, and I'm only just starting to get over it. I don't deal well with breakups.

But I wish you all the best, and hope that you make better choices then I have. *hugs*


Heather

 

[kinky_meh]

*sends lots of hugs and love*

I think others have basically said anything useful that I would say....

I'm the wrong person to give advice on this, anyways. When Maudree left me, I rebounded hard and made some horrible personal choices. When Beth left me.... Well, lets see, it's been a year and 5 months, and I'm only just starting to get over it. I don't deal well with breakups.

But I wish you all the best, and hope that you make better choices then I have. *hugs*


Heather

I hear ya. *hugg*

Ends of relationships suck! Kinda make me dislike the new beginings as well atm. I am right at the point where i crave a lot of attention and i must say i am not handeling it well when i am not geting it.

 

[javadoma]

FurryFury, you NEVER ramble. You have a gift of being able to express yourself. And your post made me cry. I will call tomorrow to have the cops serve a restraining order on the husband. Stupid me, let him come over today, since he wasn't served, I thought it would be ok, and he said it would be ok, said he looked it up online. Nothing happened, but I realized when we were having heated words, that he came over just to 'be nice enough' to get me to drop the restraining order. I've done that twice before in Calif on the advice of others, and it's not going to happen again. I always TRY though. Ever the optimist with the fucking rose colored glasses. If I change enough, he will want too, he will. If I stop harping on wanting sex, then he will 'remember' and want it. If I, if I. We've been miserably married for 10 years.

we have no kids, thank God. And I can't remember 'happy times'. Even though it costs as much as a divorce, I guess I will bite the bullet and get the legal separation. I have a notarized agreement we both signed in March.
It' needs to not be a divorce, because I need the medical insurance.

Let's see, what do I do when I'm not crying? I start jango.com and listen to James Brown singing, 'get up offa that thang, dance til you feel better' and so I DO.

I get errands done. And will have to go back to school when things die down a bit around
here.

Being the one left crying isn't about being dom or sub. It's about being human. He has all his little men friends on his side as he just got back from a men's retreat. I tell ya, if there was a guy around me now, well, he'd HAVE to like pain and humiliation! LOL

But the good side is...as madetotakeit said, at least I don't dislike ALL Men, and I don't hate this one.

I have been eyeing the closet lately. However it has no doors. I've thought about pulling the curtain, turning off the lights and sitting there. but that is old behavior.

Maybe, when I get a chance to just sit and don't have to do all this legal stuff....maybe I'll sit in the closet, or maybe I'll just think about the positive things, the good things, ponder these and stop thinking about what I WISH was, and think about what IS GOOD.

Thank you for listening. I'll go to bed now.
I should have named myself...FacelessForumFemale. Cause I would NEVER talk about this if yawl knew me. Appearances yanno.

 

[FurryFury]

FurryFury, you NEVER ramble. You have a gift of being able to express yourself. And your post made me cry. I will call tomorrow to have the cops serve a restraining order on the husband. Stupid me, let him come over today, since he wasn't served, I thought it would be ok, and he said it would be ok, said he looked it up online. Nothing happened, but I realized when we were having heated words, that he came over just to 'be nice enough' to get me to drop the restraining order. I've done that twice before in Calif on the advice of others, and it's not going to happen again. I always TRY though. Ever the optimist with the fucking rose colored glasses. If I change enough, he will want too, he will. If I stop harping on wanting sex, then he will 'remember' and want it. If I, if I. We've been miserably married for 10 years.

we have no kids, thank God. And I can't remember 'happy times'. Even though it costs as much as a divorce, I guess I will bite the bullet and get the legal separation. I have a notarized agreement we both signed in March.
It' needs to not be a divorce, because I need the medical insurance.

Let's see, what do I do when I'm not crying? I start jango.com and listen to James Brown singing, 'get up offa that thang, dance til you feel better' and so I DO.

I get errands done. And will have to go back to school when things die down a bit around
here.

Being the one left crying isn't about being dom or sub. It's about being human. He has all his little men friends on his side as he just got back from a men's retreat. I tell ya, if there was a guy around me now, well, he'd HAVE to like pain and humiliation! LOL

But the good side is...as madetotakeit said, at least I don't dislike ALL Men, and I don't hate this one.

I have been eyeing the closet lately. However it has no doors. I've thought about pulling the curtain, turning off the lights and sitting there. but that is old behavior.

Maybe, when I get a chance to just sit and don't have to do all this legal stuff....maybe I'll sit in the closet, or maybe I'll just think about the positive things, the good things, ponder these and stop thinking about what I WISH was, and think about what IS GOOD.

Thank you for listening. I'll go to bed now.
I should have named myself...FacelessForumFemale. Cause I would NEVER talk about this if yawl knew me. Appearances yanno.

Thanks for the compliment.

As to what you are going through. I'm so sorry. Stay strong. Take care of you!

*HUGS and HUGS*

 

[rosco rathbone]

Yes, but at the end of the day your name is kinky meh.


kinky meh! best name in the bdsm forums.

it was all worth it for this.

*plays Whitney Houston*