Surviving Lit Personals if you want more

[DDBustyBrit]

Surviving Lit Personals if you want more - Tips

I’ve been here over 7 years, I was someone else for the first 5, then took a year long sabbatical and reinvented myself. That happens a lot around here, we sometimes do that, you have been warned!

I found what many of us here are secretly hoping to find! A real connection with someone special, monogamy and all the security and warm fuzzy feelings it brings with it.

But sometimes the problem is even if they say they want all this, eventually they revert to type, or can’t handle it when they get it, or their real life gets in the way. At first, they will profess strongly they want the same, pursue you crazily across the boards, ‘love bomb’ you, so you give in and go there.

Then they get freaked out and start reversing, with the guys because their little head was initially in control, and we all know that makes them do crazy shit they can’t maintain in reality. Depending on their EI this could happen sooner or once you’re both already in way too deep. The results are potentially upsetting and maybe even heartbreaking.

There are many Litsters here who have experience of a pretty devastating Lit breakup, maybe they’ll add their own two cents here.

Last year when I first returned I had ‘the stable’, got some infamy with it too and guys keen to get in. But actually it allowed me to weed out the good guys from the time wasters. It’s been 10 months since I gave that up for an exclusive, but the former occupants are all still good friends and in contact. I got lucky they were all sane, professional, smart, emotionally mature good guys.

So talk to a few for awhile and maybe you’ll kiss a prince/princess eventually.

I don’t recommend getting into an exclusive until you’ve talked a few weeks. It’s probably a good idea to Lit stalk them a bit too. After all this is a sex hookup site ultimately, so if you think you could get serious, make sure you’re not one of many.

If you’re a Lit lady and you think he’s messing on you while professing monogamy, reach out to the other lady with a pm. The ladies of Lit kind of look out for each other, we are so heavily outnumbered. None of us like to be messed around and most of us will welcome a heads up on a douche bag professing to be something they’re not.

I am regularly entertained when a new woman posts here and I see all the usual suspects comment, it’s so tempting to call them out! Instead I sometimes warn the newbie with a pm if she seems naive and nice. I ought to sell my ‘ignore’ list and make some fast cash!

Those of us that have been here a long time tend to know each others past relationships, fave threads and patterns, so if we give you a heads up take what we say into consideration.

Be warned there are also some strange individuals here who think it’s fair game to masquerade as the opposite sex! I don’t get it but each to their own, always ask for a real time pic and some proof before you get involved! The men are more at risk of ‘fake’ females, I have heard of this happening many times!

Immediately ‘ignore’ the Litsters you know you’ll never be interested in when they pm you. Another female litster advised me to do this, it saves a lot of time knowing who you have already ‘cleared’. My list is long and regularly updated!

Many men want someone quite a bit younger, or they’re younger and want a cougar! The ladies generally don’t worry too much about age, we’re more about the bigger head containing a brain and an ability to converse!

If they send you an unsolicited dick pic just ignore them, you’ll be one of many!

If they start pushing for cams immediately ignore them, they want free porn! Or make them wait and see if they hang around.

Good luck but finding something more than a hookup on Lit for both sexes, is like searching for a needle in a haystack!

So if you find it don’t let it go unless it's totally beyond salvage, it could be years before it happens again.

There are a lot of really nice decent smart people here just looking for fun. It’s a fun site but it’s not a romance site, keep that in mind. It happens but it’s kind of rare!

If ultimately you’re just here for fun hookups then you’re in luck because this is the right place. If you want more I think it would help to also be somewhat cynical!

 

[AlliaPotestas]

Sorry you’ve been hurt lovely, hope the healing process is swift,

 

[Spiritedlady]

Some good advice there.... thank you and good luck

 

[Zundas]

Had this happen a couple of times over the years, assuming most people sadly have during their time on Lit. But just because it affects a lot of people doesn't make it any less frustrating or devastating. Good on you for pushing for a positive and helpful outcome out of all the chaos.

 

[Disturbingimage]

Wow

That was a very nice read. I was about to post something similar asking if anyone is actually on this site for a real relationship or just NSA. Thanks for beating me to it.
Guys have the same issue with women just disappearing on them with no reasoning so it goes both ways. I have a lot more i'd like to add but out of time

 

[Cogan]

Very well written!
And I hope you'll get back on your feet again!

 

[hotoldrguy]

I’ve been here over 7 years, I was someone else for the first 5, then took a year long sabbatical and reinvented myself. That happens a lot around here, we sometimes do that, you have been warned!

I thought I’d found what many of us here are secretly hoping to find! A real connection with someone special, monogamy and all the security and warm fuzzy feelings it brings with it.

The problem is even if they say they want all this, eventually they revert to type, or can’t handle it when they get it, or their real life gets in the way. At first, they will profess strongly they want the same, pursue you crazily across the boards, ‘love bomb’ you, so you give in and go there.

Then they get freaked out and start reversing, with the guys because their little head was initially in control, and we all know that makes them do crazy shit they can’t maintain in reality. Depending on their EI this could happen sooner or once you’re both already in way too deep. The results are potentially upsetting and maybe even heartbreaking.

I speak from recent experience and am now in recovery! There are many Litsters here who have experience of a pretty devastating Lit breakup, maybe they’ll add their own two cents here.

Last year when I first returned I had ‘the stable’, got some infamy with it too and guys keen to get in. But actually it allowed me to weed out the good guys from the time wasters. It’s been 10 months since I gave that up for an exclusive, but the former occupants are all still good friends and in contact. I got lucky they were all sane, professional, smart, emotionally mature good guys.

So talk to a few for awhile and maybe you’ll kiss a prince/princess eventually.

I don’t recommend getting into an exclusive until you’ve talked a few weeks. It’s probably a good idea to Lit stalk them a bit too. After all this is a sex hookup site ultimately, so if you think you could get serious, make sure you’re not one of many.

If you’re a Lit lady and you think he’s messing on you while professing monogamy, reach out to the other lady with a pm. The ladies of Lit kind of look out for each other, we are so heavily outnumbered. None of us like to be messed around and most of will welcome a heads up on a douche bag professing to be something they’re not.

Be careful of ignoring these warnings from others, even if they seem to come at you as snide comments or jealousy. I should have listened to a couple of ladies here who I thought were just jealous, looking back I could have saved myself.

I am regularly entertained when a new woman posts here and I see all the usual suspects comment, it’s so tempting to call them out! Instead I sometimes warn the newbie with a pm if she seems naive and nice. I ought to sell my ‘blocked’ list and make some fast cash!

Those of us that have been here a long time tend to know each others past relationships, fave threads and patterns, so if we give you a heads up take what we say into consideration.

Be warned there are also some strange individuals here who think it’s fair game to masquerade as the opposite sex! I don’t get it but each to their own, always ask for a real time pic and some proof before you get involved! The men are more at risk of ‘fake’ females, I have heard of this happening many times!

Immediately block the Litsters you know you’ll never be interested in when they pm you. Another female litster advised me to do this, it saves a lot of time knowing who you have already ‘cleared’. My list is long and regularly updated!

Many men want someone quite a bit younger, or they’re younger and want a cougar! The ladies generally don’t worry too much about age, we’re more about the bigger head containing a brain and an ability to converse!

If they send you an unsolicited dick pic just block them, you’ll be one of many!

If they start pushing for cams immediately block them, they want free porn! Or make them wait and see if they hang around.

Good luck but finding something more than a hookup on Lit for both sexes, is like searching for a needle in a haystack!

So if you find it don’t let it go unless it's totally beyond salvage, it could be years before it happens again. It took me and my ex ‘other half’ years and thousands of posts between us to find each other, and for a variety of reasons, now it’s over. We screwed it up and we both hold some blame ultimately.

So this seems like a good time to help others avoid a Lit heartbreak. I am more than a little cynical and gun shy right now!

There are a lot of really nice decent smart people here just looking for fun. It’s a fun site but it’s not a romance site, keep that in mind. It happens but it’s kind of rare!

If ultimately you’re just here for fun hookups then you’re in luck because this is the right place. If you want more I think it would help to also be somewhat cynical!

I think this is good advice for anyone coming to LIT or any other sex site.

I am sorry things did not work out for you. You seemed so happy and in love when you posted. I hope you can heal quickly.

 

[MaBelle3120]

Thank you for posting this. I will definitely be referring to this post the next time I meet a newbie on here asking for advice about Lit relationships.

 

[cumonmedaddy2]

The problem is even if they say they want all this, eventually they revert to type, or can’t handle it when they get it, or their real life gets in the way. At first, they will profess strongly they want the same, pursue you crazily across the boards, ‘love bomb’ you, so you give in and go there.

One thing I've learned is that it's a red flag for someone to pursue you crazily across a site, or start talking about love and deep connection before even meeting in person. I get concerned if someone simply sends too many messages at once or acts like they deserve faster responses, or any response at all.

 

[Feistygirl13]

Thank you DDBustyBrit for the great post. I am new to Lit but not the nature of internet sex forums but it's awesome that you are sharing your experience and knowledge here. I am trying to figure out the how's of the buddy and blocking settings but I'm learning!
I hope more women read this and consider your wise advice!
Take care and I appreciate knowing that the ladies tend to look out for each other!

 

[Girthsome]

If ultimately you’re just here for fun hookups then you’re in luck because this is the right place. If you want more I think it would help to also be somewhat cynical!

Thank you for the post.
I've felt many rejections here on Lit.
Even at basic friendship level.
Some very short PMs.
You've helped me to be more cynical.

 

[Jada59]

Very good post!

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I’m glad I shared my feelings and thoughts now. I was unsure whether I wanted to, but it seems to be helping others.

 

[MutualMatureMike]

I’m glad I shared my feelings and thoughts now. I was unsure whether I wanted to, but I’d like to help others avoid what I’ve been through.

It’s nice to see I made the right decision & it’s appreciated & helpful.

I have a lot of support here from old friends, and I met a good guy here a few weeks ago who is also burned out but wants a friend for fun. We have established a supportive friendship with just a little bit of commitment between us. So don’t lose hope they are out there if you get lucky!

I’m not ready for another relationship yet, I’ve been emotionally torn apart. But what I have found is really nice and very refreshing with someone classy, kind, sexy & super smart I can also trust him

It looks as though your post struck a chord and is packed with useful real life experience, some of it clearly painful and distressing, therefore all the more powerful in the advice. I've seen other warnings here, often written in a highly embittered tone, yours is the more powerful for being measured. I'm sure there's a high proportion of people here seeking meaningful connection (and the form that takes can be adjusted and shaped together). Perhaps the moderators here could make you advice a "sticky" at the top of Personals?

 

[WillJ8787]

Thanks

Busty,

Some really good stuff you have posted. It is all too easy to get caught up in this world here and the real world, the non online world is actually not so easy, no so fantastical. Too many people have difficulty in the real world part. It really is sad and I have a lot of empathy towards this end. Being a part of the male tribe, I do have a hard time understanding my fellow tribal members. I've been told many times I not like them by people I had relationships with and I've never really been able to take that in fully...and I have started to believe them, though, that some men are really a mess. That they might migrate here in numbers makes sense. Again, it's a sad situation. I hope things are better for you for sure!

 

[Beachaged]

Thanks for posting. As a guy I find it helpful to read a woman’s perspective on Lit. I definitely learned a thing or two.

 

[FoxyLux]

Thank you!

 

[Smoothshavendad]

I’m glad I shared my feelings and thoughts now. I was unsure whether I wanted to, but I’d like to help others avoid what I’ve been through.

It’s nice to see I made the right decision & it’s appreciated & helpful.

I have a lot of support here from old friends, and I met a good guy here a few weeks ago who is also burned out but wants a friend for fun. We have established a supportive friendship with just a little bit of commitment between us. So don’t lose hope they are out there if you get lucky!

I’m not ready for another relationship yet, I’ve been emotionally torn apart. But what I have found is really nice and very refreshing with someone classy, kind, sexy & super smart I can also trust him

Wishing you all things good!

 

[sdsioux]

Outstanding Advice

Best I've ever read on the topic. You've opened my eyes to many things. Thank you so much! LIT should publish this as an article!
Tom

 

[Rachaelxx]

I think about you often. Hope you are well. You are a wonderful human being.

 

[Eisranac]

The problem is even if they say they want all this, eventually they revert to type, or can’t handle it when they get it, or their real life gets in the way. At first, they will profess strongly they want the same, pursue you crazily across the boards, ‘love bomb’ you, so you give in and go there.

One thing I've learned is that it's a red flag for someone to pursue you crazily across a site, or start talking about love and deep connection before even meeting in person. I get concerned if someone simply sends too many messages at once or acts like they deserve faster responses, or any response at all.

I do not understand for the life of me why people do this.

One would think that if two people wanted a real relationship, they would find each other more easily rather than experience what amounts to a waste of time and a lack of consideration and respect.

Perhaps a thread should be started where people pledge and promise to be true for others to find them — not that it would guarantee that shenanigans will still not happen, but it is a start.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I do not understand for the life of me why people do this.

One would think that if two people wanted a real relationship, they would find each other more easily rather than experience what amounts to a waste of time and a lack of consideration and respect.

Perhaps a thread should be started where people pledge and promise to be true for others to find them — not that it would guarantee that shenanigans will still not happen, but it is a start.

Interesting thought but pretty sure it would also go sideways. Mainly because the ‘nice’ element on Lit would be there and so the ‘shisters’ (not sure I spelled that right!) would surely follow to take advantage!

I would love to try though, it would be an interesting experiment.

 

[Rachaelxx]

413 people on ignore. Counted them all just for you.

 

[Rachaelxx]

I should add that in 4 years maybe only 8 meaningful connections.

 

[Jing83]

I've found over the last few years tinder has been becoming very popular.

1) other people are near you
2) profiles are tied to FB so there's some anchor
3) you can gauge their looks first before delving into the rest

Of course on the downside a lot of men there above 30 are married and just looking for side action