Summer Television

[Quasimodem]

I know it is dead in the middle of the Summer season, but has anybody else noticed how DIRE television has become.

Until it gets better (or I grow tired) I am going to imagine some new programs.


Touched by An Angel

A heavenly messenger must endure the ordeal of a public trial, when a youth accuses it of Child Molestation.

Johnny Cochran guest stars.



The New Seinfeld Show

Jerry Seinfeld is set to star in a new series, when it is learned that there are no time slots available, due to the intemperate running of his old show.



Martha Stewart

Martha demonstrates the technique of “stonewalling” in her parlour, and describes ways of trading inside, when the weather is bad.



Bush Tucker Show

A strange Australian, who lives entirely by eating bushes, attends a state dinner at the White House.

 

[Awful Arthur]

Katie C & Ice T With The 411 In Prime Time

Katie Couric and Ice T cohost a news show with special guests.
Ice raps the news as Katie explains it and a pair of guests, such as Anna Nicole and Nelly, shout at each other. Creates interest among kids and others not normally news viewers. Performs a public service - keeps these fools isolated so we know where they are.

AA-

 

[gauchecritic]

"When TV Attacks" and "When good TV goes bad" both hosted by Kasey Kasem. 23 minutes of blank screen.

Gauche

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Quasi,

If we want a lot of mindless insults, Gauchecritic's "Cleek" thread is going strong. However, I might suggest:

"Touched By An Angle" in which a diminutive, smart-ass mathmatician goes around using the business end of an isosceles triangle to make her point.

"The New Svenskaflicka Show" in which a blond Valkyrie sends bad guys to Valhalla, and really bad guys to her bedroom.

"MlledeLaPlumeBleu" a how-to show in which the host demonstrates how to hit a real high arpage brother

"Perdita & Pop" two cranky seniors fuss and feud while investigating life, it's consequences and inevitabilities.

I'd make more suggestions, but "I Love the 70's" is on VH-I.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[MathGirl]

Dear Quaz, Rumple, and Gauchie,
Very good. Hur hur
MG
Ps. I like summer TV. There's baseball.

 

[sailorm72003]

MG
Ps. I like summer TV. There's baseball. [/B]

Let's hear it for baseball!

 

[Omni]

This was a good laugh! And, better than TV?




(still laughing)

Omni

 

[oggbashan]

A new reality TV show (and cheap to produce)

Pen half a dozen Literotica members in a house wired wall to wall with cameras and surround sound microphones and get them to write a chain story covering all the story characters and demonstrate all the action.

Should be a sure-fire hit for late night cable.

Og

 

[Guest]

ROFLA

Quasi-

Delightful thread. All the suggestions are wonderful.

I gave up on television about five years ago. I wish I could say it was a conscious high-browed decision. Alas, I just lost interest and now spend the monthly cable allotment on books.

I quit going to the gym because they insisted on having the Today show on in the morning. It was expensive to buy the equipment, but it was hard for me to work out while I gagged over their version of the news. Chevy Chase and Jane Curten had straighter news.

b

 

[MNGuy]

I have my TV on a great show this summer, its called 'Turned Off'.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

I don't know...

I'm adoring Boy meets Boy, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Surprise by Design, I love the 70's, Nefertiti Resurrected, Trading Spaces Family, NECN (regional news station), reruns of Mad About You and Golden Girls.

I only get to watch tv during the summer, so it's all good to me.

 

[Quasimodem]

AFTER MIDNIGHT Martin Sheen discusses reincarnation -- and how to keep the cows contented. ( I am incapable of originating the part that comes before the hyphen.)


NIKITA A fat old man tests the construction of various footgear trying to smash them apart by banging them on a desk.


GREAT CANADIAN PARKS A mixed panel of celebrity and anonymous motorists sit in a round-table discussion of the safest, most convenient, and inexpensive places to park their vehicles.


AMERICAN JUSTICE A documentary explores highlights of American jurisprudence from Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle's trials to the O. J. Simpson decision.


JUST SHOOT ME A comedic actor with hopes for a future career finds himself contractually trapped in such an unending piece of shite, that he begs for any release the fates will allow.


LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE The only public rest room within one hundred and eighteen miles is riddled with videocams, and a series of hurdles are set in the way of patrons who wish to make use of its facilities.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

"The New Svenskaflicka Show" in which a blond Valkyrie sends bad guys to Valhalla, and really bad guys to her bedroom.

LOL

I'd watch that!!!

You know, it's funny, but I'll bet that here in Sweden, we actually have more american programs on TV than you do!

Last time I checked, channel 5 showed 28 programs in one day. 25 programs were American.

 

[Quasimodem]

No contest!

ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, WB, DISNEY Networks: 24-hours a day, almost entirely American content.

Arts & Entertainment, Bravo, PBS, Showcase and TBS Cable Stations: still 24 hours a day, about 50% American content. (British, Australian, Canadian and foreign language broadcasting makes up the other half.).

The Canadian Networks: CBC, CTV, Global-West, City-TV, TVO are Canadian, 18 to 24 hours a day, with from 55% to 35% American & British content.

I'm not even going to consider Discover, Golf, Home & Garden, Speed, Teletoon, and all the other drek we find cluttering up our dial.

Even CBC Newsworld runs the BBC World News Hour once a day, as well as documentaries from all over the globe.

The cultural takeover in Canada is so pandemic that most citizens truly believe that the motto of the RCMP is "We always get our man."

 

[MathGirl]

Let's hear it for baseball!

y
a
y

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by Quasimodem I'm not even going to consider Discover, Golf, Home & Garden, Speed, Teletoon, and all the other drek we find cluttering up our dial.
The cultural takeover in Canada is so pandemic that most citizens truly believe that the motto of the RCMP is "We always get our man."

Dear Quaz,
I have a hard time relating to anyone who would actually sit down and watch someone play golf on TV. It makes even less sense than "The Simpsons."
MG
Ps. RCMP: That's what Dudley Doright always said.

 

[Quasimodem]

Dear Quaz. . . RCMP: That's what Dudley Doright always said.

That's what The Coaster's sang in "Searchin'" also, go figure.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

I have a hard time relating to anyone who would actually sit down and watch someone play golf on TV. MG

Golf moves a lot faster than some baseball games I've seen.

Hey Quasi, you forget about those last refugees for us old coots, namely ESPN(2), FoxSports, CNN, and the History Channel.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[MathGirl]

That's what The Coaster's sang in "Searchin'" also, go figure.

Dear Quaz,
I'm a huge fan of 50s rock and doo wop. I don't think that line was in there.
"An' lak the Nothwes' Mounie,
"Ahm gonna bring her in sme day"
MG
Ps. It took a long time to understand "Bulldog Drummond." Even longer to find out who he was.
Pps. Dear Rumple,
You're right. Nobody who likes baseball should criticize watching golf. But really.................

 

[Quasimodem]

Golf moves a lot faster than some baseball games I've seen.

I don't mind the slowness of baseball. What drives me around the bend is the incessant babble of meaningless statistics.

"Bob is the 4rth left-handed hitter batting 0 for 2, to face a 25 year old pitcher in the bottom of the 7th to not have a strike called on the first pitch. In his last 17 at bats he has singled twice, doubled five times, homered twice, and popped out 8 times. Bob's left ear is 13/17ths of a centimetre longer than his right ear, which misleads left-handed pitchers 13% of the time in the later innings of a game. Yadda! Yadda! Yadda!

Hey Quasi, you forget about those last refugees for us old coots, namely ESPN(2), FoxSports, CNN, and the History Channel.
Rumple Foreskin

The History Channel runs so many WW2 Documentaries, I think of it as the Hitler Channel. Only Hockey is improved by being televised, except for Inuits. And I thought that CNN was a subdivision of the Disney Channel.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

I thought that CNN was a subdivision of the Disney Channel. Quasi

Close, but no cigar. Actually, CNN has gone back to more straight news, dropping, among others, Connie Chung. It's Rupurt Murdoch's baby, Fox News, that's in fantasy land.

RF

 

[Guest]

corrupting influence

My youngest two daughters (5 & 4) just returned from two weeks at my folks house. My parents are television addicts.

Now all my third daughter can talk about is the Food Channel. She told us all about Martha Stewart last night at supper. She is certain that she wants shirred eggs for breakfast.



b

 

[Quasimodem]

Re: corrupting influence

. . . my third daughter . . . told us all about Martha Stewart . . . she wants shirred eggs for breakfast.

If it's Martha Stewart, don't forget to shine a flashlight up the backside of the hen to see if it's a good quality egg.

It's called inside grading.

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: corrupting influence

It's called inside grading.

Dear Quaz,
Grrroooooooooaaaaannnnnnnn
MG
Ps. Ever hear of Maurice Williams and the Diamonds?

 

[Quasimodem]

Re: corrupting influence

. . . Ever hear of Maurice Williams and the Diamonds?

A baseball player, or did he just wear Argyle socks?