Summer of 1989

[bronzeage]

Not an erotic summer poem, but it was summer.

It was a perfect night at the end of a horrible day,
she curled under my arm, her cheek on my chest
and I prayed, as she soaked into my skin,
God, this feels so good and I was blessed.
I lay in the dark and tried not to sleep,
for dreams mislead and only feed the need.
I was holding what I could not keep.
I sipped slowly and drank without swallowing
because I knew the cup was shallow
and there was nothing following.

 

[Angeline]

Thanks for sharing it bronze. Lovely and evocative.

 

[twelveoone]

blessed./sleep,/need./keep./
nice, think about removing the period after need

swallowing/ shallow/following.
when i saw following at the end, didn't like at first, beginning to think its perfect, I don't think it over rhymes, but you may want to rethink "feeds", "feeds the need" is too pat, will not register, and you also have "mislead" in the same line, it's rushing, slow it down here. "fuels" is the best I can come up with, but I don't think you want that either.