Sugardaddies and Golddiggers... something I saw on TV today.

[Ms_Lilith]

I was watching TV today, on the LIfe network up here in Canada. The show was called The Lofter's Loveshack, and the topic was golddiggers and sugardaddies. The show featured a known and self-proclaimed gold-digger, an ex-call-girl, and random interviews with unsuspecting men.

Many of the questions asked to the men followed the lines of :

"Would you recognize a gold-digger if they approached you?"

"What are the signs of a gold-digger?", etc.

The men answered with ideas such as:

"They would leer at me"
"They would look at my wallet"
"They would ask where I work, what kind of car I have, etc."

This show inspired a few thoughts. And a few questions.

Okay, a comment, to begin with:

I think that any good gold-digger wouldn't ask the above questions. They would be far more subtle. Good gold-diggers would be able to tell if a man is rich by the subtleties of his nature. She'd be able to see his wealth or his class by the way he moves, or by the style of his hair, etc. Not that I'd know, this is just what I think.

Now then:
I have a few questions: (these questions are for both men and women)

1)Have you ever dated someone who gave you all kinds of gifts?
2)How did you feel about it?
3)Would you ever date someone just because he/she was rich?
4)Have you ever knowingly gold-digged (dug?)?
5)If yes, did you feel guilty about it?

One of the quotes from the show that kinda made me chuckle was:

"All men want to date a pretty girl, so why can't girls want to date wealthy men?"

I will answer my own questions in a post after I post this, but I do have a few more questions:

1)Could you ever ACCEPT a sugardaddy?
2)What would YOUR rules be?
3)What would you need?
4)What would you be willing to sacrifice?

I'm really interested to hear feedback, and stories..

 

[lavender]

 

[Eumenides]

I have trouble accepting things from people.

I also have trouble with the concept of money. If I have enough to survive I'm a happy camper...okay, so I like a few luxuries, but I think having so much excess money would be uncomfortable for me.

I personally think that at least if I guy likes pretty girls, there is attraction to part of the person. If someone goes after someone for their money, that has nothing to do with who the person is inside OR out.

I don't like the idea, can't you tell?

 

[MzChrista]

I wouldnt never want to be in a position where I had someone able to control me through money, but i took plenty of gifts in my time.
Usually if one of the guys I play with wants to do something, like say they want to get paddled, I say "Oh OK, but you know I dont have a really nice paddle" and they buy me one.
Im a damn mercenary about that shit but I got more toys that FAO Schwartz.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

1)Have you ever dated someone who gave you all kinds of gifts?
2)How did you feel about it?
3)Would you ever date someone just because he/she was rich?
4)Have you ever knowingly gold-digged (dug?)?
5)If yes, did you feel guilty about it?

When I was about 21 I dated a guy who was about 10 years older than myself and loaded with everything.

The reason I went out with him was he had asked me every Friday night for about 6 months at the bar we were both regulars and he seemed a nice enough guy.

The Friday I said yes to a date the following weekend, he in that week sent me flowers everyday and even a gold braclet. I'm sure within a couple of months I could have had a new car if I had asked.

But after a couple of date I did not feel any magic between us. No sex was invoved. So I told him I didn't wanna date anymore and gave back the jewelery he had given me....

He was a nice enough guy but I knew back then even that money is not everything...

 

[Ms_Lilith]

1)Have you ever dated someone who gave you all kinds of gifts?
2)How did you feel about it?
3)Would you ever date someone just because he/she was rich?
4)Have you ever knowingly gold-digged (dug?)?
5)If yes, did you feel guilty about it?

1)Could you ever ACCEPT a sugardaddy?
2)What would YOUR rules be?
3)What would you need?
4)What would you be willing to sacrifice?

Set 1)
1)Yes, my ex-fiance gave me tons of gifts. We met online, and then met in person... on our second meeting in person, it was my birthday, and though he'd only known me a few months, and only met me once, he bought me a gift. My favourite kind of chocolates, and this REALLY expensive bath set... I was thrilled, but I told him this was too much for such a short relationship, thus far. And he told me not to worry, as he was sure this relationship would go somewhere. So I accepted the gift. Over the relationship, he bought me a TON of gifts. He must have spent a small fortune on me. But here's the thing: I never asked for ANYTHING. Not once. I once asked him why he bought me gifts. His answer was that, when he first gave me a gift, my face lit up so much that he wanted to see that look as often as possible. He always tried his hardest to get that look back on my face. Now, I was very happy with him for most of the relationship, and I told him gifts were over-the-top, and not necessary, but he didn't listen, and kept buying me stuff. Even after we broke up, he kept doing it.

2) How did I feel about it? Well... Sometimes, I did feel guilty that he spent so much money on me. But then I always remembered that I never asked for anything, and that I often argued with him over the amount of money he spent on me, so it was ultimately his choice to spend it. He knew it bothered me sometimes, but he bought stuff nonetheless.

3)Would I date someone because he/she was rich? Nah. Not my style.

4)Have I ever knowingly gold-digged? No.

Set two:
1)Could I ever accept a sugardaddy? Yes. But I feel that's different than dating someone who is rich. I feel like a sugardaddy/golddigger relationship is more like a business agreement than a relationship. She looks pretty and makes him feel special and loved, and in return, she gets STUFF.

2)My rules...
Rule1- I get to see my friends. He will have no control over my friends, and my relationship with them.
Rule2- I have 3 days off a week. Which means that, 3 days a week, he can't ask for my prescence, he can't ask for my attention. I may give it to him if I wish on those days, but he cannot request it.
Rule3- I live on my own.
Rule4- I am allowed to fuck other people.
Rule5- that he express and exhibit respect for me.

3)My needs...
Need1- the ability to leave to see family in friends if a crisis occurs.
Need2- the ability to leave if I so choose
Need3- that he respect me.

4)Sacrifices...
I'd be willing to invest time, energy, and a lot of care for my appearance.
I'd be willing to carry a pager or cell phone (I despise such devices)
I'd be willing to learn new things (intellectual subjects, different massage techniques, fencing, whatever) in order to please this woman or man.
I'd be willing to dress as this person liked, while I was with her/him.

I think that's about it... but if I think of anything, I'll post it.

 

[Guest]

I began getting to know a 'lady' here at Lit. Things were going very well for long while. Daily phone calls, PMs, IMs, pic exchanges, the works. But during that time there were subtle mistakes she made, showing her interest more in the potential money. Mind you, in pic trades one sometimes can not hide what one normally has or does which shows money, despite trying to conceal it. But her mistakes got me to thinking; so I hinted I had money 'troubles'. She never contacted me again after that.

So golddiggers are here at Lit, too.

The sad part is now I have to 'test' everyone I get to know. Similar to what you said VixenShe about some men wanting pretty women, and some women wanting men with money. The women wonder if they are wanted for their looks, and the men wonder if they are wanted for their money. If I found either true, I would not want to hang around that kind of person, and I would never form a relationship based on it.

 

[Lovepotion69]

I can recall sitting at the dining table with my parents one night a few years back, making jokes I should marry some filthy rich guy. My dad's reply was; *LOL* "Yeah, that could be cool, you planning to hook up with Bill Gates?"
Mom's reply; "If the guy is that filthy rich, why in the world would he look at you?"*LOL*

When I joked around with my ex bf about it, he told me to start dating a Nigerian man...

I guess my imaginary attemps at finding a rich guy aren't very feasible. LOL

.
.
.
.Ok, jokes aside. I don't want to hook up with a guy for his money. I am having enough trouble even getting used to a guy paying for my dinner when out at times. I grew up in a country where money is seen as something "bad"/"dirty". I do not agree with that notion, but I am not used to having a man pay for me. The first time I went on a date and had a man pay for me I felt very uncomfortable. I still kinda do. I feel more comfortable paying for him. In fact, I do believe I've spent more money on guys than any guy has spent money on me. I tend to spend more money on friends than they spend on me. With time I of course had to do rethink such things.

Now, back to the money issue. To be fully honest, I do want a guy with a decent job and decent salary. I want a decent job with a decent salary. I have put a somewhat minimum amount of money that I would like to earn in order to get by, but that will also allow me a few luxuries. Now, if I have that view that I need this and this much money for myself in order to support myself, is it then not ok that I want a guy who has the same view?
I want a guy who can support himself, who's independent, the same way I'm independent. I do not want to rely on anyone else for money, and he should be thinking the same thing. Now, when getting together, if there is a significant difference in income level there might be a risk that our financial issues become bigger than necessary. I don't want money to come inbetween me and a relationship. Therefore, I want the financial situations to be somewhat similar.

And for the whole Sugardaddy thing. Nope,forget it. I don't like feeling "owned" by a man. I don't like having someone monitor me. I guess I'm just not submissive enough....

 

[Soblue]

This is a very interesting topic vixenshe. I've never had a relationship with a rich guy who showered me with gifts, I think because I've never been attracted to a guy who looks "too perfect" and also it seems to me that any guy who has wealth + good looks would be way too snobby to be interested in me.

Now that's probably not the definition of sugardaddy, so let me answer it this way. Could I sleep with someone I wasn't attracted to just because he was wealthy and gave me gifts? No way.

 

[islandman]

Been watching the Anna Nicole show again, have you?

 

[Saint Peter]

Have been searching for a SugaMama all my life. If any of you know of one PM me.

Thanks

St.P

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

1)Have you ever dated someone who gave you all kinds of gifts? No.

3)Would you ever date someone just because he/she was rich?No.
4)Have you ever knowingly gold-digged (dug?)?No

"All men want to date a pretty girl, so why can't girls want to date wealthy men?"

They can and they do - wealth displays are genetically attractive to all women, whether they admit it or not.

How do I know a woman is looking at me as a Sugar Daddy? Experience. Two women have tried that with me. Now I am very careful to find out what is important to them. It is one reason why I seek women who are in their own right independent, both from a financial and personality POV.

If they are seeking someone with "financial stability", or a "good job/career" then they are seeking a Sugar Daddy to one degree or another. Is this bad? No - but I am not seeking to be someone's Sugar Daddy, BTDT - so if I sense this I am looking elsewhere pretty quickly.

I don't mind sharing my resources with a woman, but I want a woman who can also share a load - and just like looks, wealth or seeming wealth can fade very quickly (I just learned this big time yesterday ) - often much faster than looks.

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

I dated a very rich girl for a while. She had our lives planned out within a couple months of dating. I wanted to find my own path and left her.

I didn't get any gifts or anything.

 

[Rubyfruit]

STG, if you can be genetically attracted to a beautiful woman, why can't she be genetically attracted to your wealth?

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

STG, if you can be genetically attracted to a beautiful woman, why can't she be genetically attracted to your wealth?

She can and will be - that is what I said in my post. I have said it many times here on Lit. - usually in the posts about physical attraction.

What I inferred is that someone seeking a Sugar Daddy is as repulsive to me as a guy seeking a Trophy Wife. I do not find either extreme desireable. I just admit, indeed I assert, that physical attraction is important to men (maybe less so for women, but still there), and wealth displays are important to women - whether we are aware of it or not, whether we admit it or not. To what degree these things are important vary for different people, but they are there in almost everybody, and across all cultures.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Yes, the extremes are distasteful.

It seemed to me that you had a double-standard going. Thanks for clearing that up.

 

[CarolineOh]

I heard someone say once that men treat women as sex objects and women treat men as success objects, and I think there is a grain of truth to that.
My ex-husband came from a very wealthy family, and while I did not consciously marry him for his money, the trappings of it, particularly in the way he was financially able to treat me, to take me to expensive places, and buy me lavish gifts, certainly contributed to my conception of his charm and attractiveness.