Suddenly Taken

[SandyWhitlock]

Fine... but I think we're allowing ourselves to gloss over this far too easily. If it doesn't mean that - which I grant is very likely - then what does it mean?

I really don't buy the business of the woman "having control where she normally wouldn't". The whole essence of N-C - and presumably at least part of the attraction - is the "being taken without a say in matters".

I think the answer to this puzzle, whatever it might be, is talked around and brushed under carpets. It probably suits the agenda or mindset of many for it not to be resolved.

I don't understand what you think is being glossed over.

Many women do like being submissive so for some it might play into that. I don't know why you don't want to believe that these fantasies can be empowering to some. It's creating a scenario in one's mind that would be scary in real life but being only in the mind then the person thinking of it has all the power.

 

[000zing]

Which doesn't remotely get to the heart of the thing. Pray, in what sense is it "empowering" - a hugely overused and hackneyed term - for a woman to imagine, precisely, that she is powerless..?

The acknowledgement that "many like being submissive" is perhaps a first step towards getting some grip on this... and it could be that the second would be to have some concrete idea of just what "many" actually means.

 

[SandyWhitlock]

Of course whatever I'm saying is anecdotal. But I suspect I've talked to more woman about this than you have.

I'm not saying women are thinking "this will be empowering" but being the one fantasizing and controlling how the fantasy plays out of course they have all the power even if they are imagining themselves as powerless.

Also you seem to have an opinion on what the supposed real answer is yet have not given your opinion on why women have these fantasies but instead only want to make comments on why my opinion based on experience is wrong.


Another reason some women have these fantasies is that on some level having a person or people taking them by force suggests they are so desirable that a person or people can't help themselves.

 

[000zing]

Ok, well, look... this is probably not the forum for this discussion and no, I have no facts to base any "opinion" on... and nor do you. I do not suppose any "real answer". That is exactly my point. All I have is the nagging feeling that there is a deal more to the prevalence of this fantasy among women than most people... and many women in particular... will admit. It seems to be a suppressed subject in all but name.

I'll leave it there.

 

[LargoKitt]

One thing I have learned over the decades is that women are turned on by assertive men. Explains why presidents can break the 'rules' and get away with it. We are not longer in the Mad Men era when men were 'expected' to treat women like servants; but men who firmly tell women what they want get a lot of action. A buddy of mine told a story of a friend of his who stood outside high school as classes got out asking girl after girl, "Do you wanna go fuck?" My buddy's comment. "He got slapped a lot, but he also got fucked a lot." So a dirty open secret is that that lots of women want to do it but they don't want to take responsibility for it. After all, if a woman stood there soliciting she would never get slapped, except maybe by other women; she would get laid a lot, and her reputation would be in the toilet. So what's the attraction of 'bad boys'? They make you do things you often really want to do, but you can blame them as assholes for 'making' you do it. And then there is just the adrenaline rush of having a big beast beautifully out of control. Why do so many of us get worked up watching football, wrestling, boxing, anything where strong sweaty men are asserting themselves?

 

[incest_gets_me_hot]

Suddenly taken. Basically what I said above, it doesn't matter where I'm taken. A bar, on a bus, on a subway, or a theatre are preferences (really prefering a bus or subway), but anywhere you really want this fantasy to happen, you're game. Just needs to be sudden, without warning or being called out or anything. I want it to be sudden and relentless, to be taken wholy and out of my control, and I want no warning before it happens.

Taken by whom? A stranger, someone you know, or a family member like your horny brother or cousin?

 

[Lovealippy]

Many of us want to be desired; we enjoy spontaneity and we want to think, especially as we age, that we are still lusted after. For some, who everyday at work / home, make decisions and are very much in control, it's also about having a release from making choices. But (perhaps) ironically, as they are our fantasies, in our brains, we control all of the action

 

[jackdaw]

Very inciteful.

 

[Magineer]

One thing I have learned over the decades is that women are turned on by assertive men. Explains why presidents can break the 'rules' and get away with it. We are not longer in the Mad Men era when men were 'expected' to treat women like servants; but men who firmly tell women what they want get a lot of action. A buddy of mine told a story of a friend of his who stood outside high school as classes got out asking girl after girl, "Do you wanna go fuck?" My buddy's comment. "He got slapped a lot, but he also got fucked a lot." So a dirty open secret is that that lots of women want to do it but they don't want to take responsibility for it. After all, if a woman stood there soliciting she would never get slapped, except maybe by other women; she would get laid a lot, and her reputation would be in the toilet. So what's the attraction of 'bad boys'? They make you do things you often really want to do, but you can blame them as assholes for 'making' you do it. And then there is just the adrenaline rush of having a big beast beautifully out of control. Why do so many of us get worked up watching football, wrestling, boxing, anything where strong sweaty men are asserting themselves.

Very insightful, generally.

My highlights:

Your comment leads inevitably to the old take that there are 'good' girls and 'bad' girls. Is there a debate to be had about whether this is a choice made by women, maybe subconsciously, at quite an early age and which then gets taken onward through life..? Is there a male equivalent of it? Possibly something along the lines of the assertiveness you mention? I would have thought that both sexes get this from nature rather than nurture and especially not from some act of choosing, consciously or otherwise.

 

[alohadave]

Too bad the original author of this thread isn't in here anymore. This got me writing and submitting a little story. Not exactly what she wanted as close to the end my female main character is topless.

One man actually fucks her, another one gets a blow job and three other guys blow their load on her.

It somehow ends with an "And They Lived Happily Ever After" type ending.

I just read your story. I enjoyed reading it.

 

[SandyWhitlock]

I just read your story. I enjoyed reading it.

Thank you!

 

[CuttingEdge]

I have successfully written this type of scene into a non-erotic, real life, published novel. It was not easy, and not completely like the original poster wanted in that they were NOT total strangers. In fact, I believe the way I managed to pull it off without being over the top, was to have the previous third of the novel with the couple in a realistic love/hate relationship. The other part of making it successful was that the scene was a HUGE part of the overall novel. Everything after that point happened because for one moment the two both let their passions play out. In other words, it was not like some novels or movies where it seems the author just has everything stop, the two have sex, and then the action resumes. It was a pivotal moment of the book and affected the lives of others around them.

However, the original poster is indeed right. It need not be "rape"; the cardinal sin of main-stream published works. There is a HUGE difference between rape and non-consent. The latter is almost a misnomer because consent is always given, it is just that body language makes up 50% of all conversation, so while VERBAL consent was not spoken, in my novel anyway; the male character picked up on the body language that the female character was bringing forth, and thus took her. That non-verbal consent comes across easier in a novel because you can convey what the characters were thinking, versus that of a movie.

One more note however; it was extremely hard to write that part of the novel, so much so, that I wrote that part last as I wanted to make sure I got it perfect.

 

[LargoKitt]

Very insightful, generally.

My highlights:

Your comment leads inevitably to the old take that there are 'good' girls and 'bad' girls. Is there a debate to be had about whether this is a choice made by women, maybe subconsciously, at quite an early age and which then gets taken onward through life..? Is there a male equivalent of it? Possibly something along the lines of the assertiveness you mention? I would have thought that both sexes get this from nature rather than nurture and especially not from some act of choosing, consciously or otherwise.

Logically, a man who is called a "player" should have exactly the same reputation as a woman who is called a 'slut."

 

[CuttingEdge]

Logically, a man who is called a "player" should have exactly the same reputation as a woman who is called a 'slut."

You are right, and it is out there, it just takes a bit of a stronger male I think to call out other men on this.

For a time in my life between my ex-wife and my girlfriend now, I dated, and I hated the experience. I was really surprised how many women out there just want one-night-stands. While that may be good for some women and men, it was not for me. But having the personality that I do, which is non-conforming to some social standings, I would say that to other guys when they bragged about living that lifestyle (players). Not being judgmental of anyone, just that one-night-stands are not gratifying for me because I don't know what the other person likes or dislikes, and it ends up just being this lackluster sex. But in saying that, it was funny... suddenly the guy bragging would realize he was not impressing me... but he did not have too, and would admit he did not like that lifestyle either.

I would say 85% of the guys that brag about being players, admitted they hated that lifestyle. They just bragged about it because they thought that is what would impress other guys.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE sex, and it is very powerful, but I want to know the lady, know what she likes and give her that so we draw closer. One night stands just have no substance. It's like reading the first chapter of a compelling book... never to pick it up again. What is the point of that???