Such a heartbreaker

[A Desert Rose]

One of my patients has rectal cancer. He's 65 and was a high school teacher. I won't go into the really graphic details but his wound is about the size of a softball and his spine can be visualized when the dressing is off. Of course, the smell can't be described. I put off doing his dressing change until near the end of my shift because he'd been so comfortable all night and also, it would be nice and clean for the day shift. To change this dressing I need a couple of aides to help hold him on his side.

He was quiet and comfortable all night. He is with us for comfort care until he dies which means what it says; keep him comfortable and as pain free as possible. He's on IV morphine and that so far, has managed his pain very well. He's not totally zonked but he's comfortable and still able to respond verbally and follow commands.

As soon as I told him that I was going to roll him over and change his dressing, he grabbed the sides of his bed and said "just let me stay like I am."

So I did. I took his hand and told him that was fine, I would leave him as he was.

And then I walked out of the room wondering where is God for this man, right now.

 

[Lilith]

And then I walked out of the room wondering where is God for this man, right now.

In your gentle touch and mercy. Tonight you were God for him.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

In your gentle touch and mercy. Tonight you were God for him.

Good answer Lilith.

 

[myinnerslut]

i have such a resect for what you and other hospital workers do.

 

[callinectes]

Two things came to mind when I read your post Rose:

1. Reading about people like your patient puts things into perspective ....I need to quit my bitchin'.

2. Health care workers, nurses in particular, are extraordinary people. You provide as much comfort as you can for the soul as well as the body.

 

[graceanne]

*hugs*

My chances of colon cancer are huge. I hope that if I get it, I have someone like you for a nurse.

 

[Vixandra]

Few things are harder then caring for a terminal patient.

I've no words of wisdom, nothing to help other then I've been there, wondered the same thing and not gotten an answer at the time.

 

[littlegirlslut]

Thank You

ADR - people who do what you do are angels sent from God. Unfortunately I've gotten to know a few too many people who do your work and I can honestly say w/o them my family wouldn't be able to survive and hold it together in times of need.

You do amazing work that not many can do. Thank you.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Although I wasn't looking for a pat on the back, thank you all for your posts. Very nice words.

Last night in report, the other nurses and I were discussing this man and his condition and what amazes us all is the fact that this man has not yet become septic. If he gets septic, he will die and fairly quickly. And for whatever amazing reason, he is not septic from this condition. Really, it's almost miraculous.

Considering the circumstances, his mind is still good, his heart and lungs are still strong. He's only 65, after all. And without septicemia, God knows how long he can hold on like this. I've not met his family, they come in and sit with him during the day, but I can't imagine how hard this must be for them.

He's an incredible and incrediably sad case. As of 6:30 this morning, he is still with us. I sincerely hope that by the time I go back there next week, he's gone to heaven.

 

[kerker_miester]

Rose I was a Respiratory Therapy Tech. for 17 years and seen many of the same things you have described. The only thing I can tell you is even though we do not see him nor know what his plan is for this man God is there with him. Comforting him through people like you and his family, and your statement was correct God knows how long he will last and only God knows when his suffering will end. Please remember God works in mysterious ways and there is no telling for what reason he is hanging in there, but when his suffering is finished he will be in a much better place. As a CRTT I always had great respect for nurses and all they do you all are very special people. Take care

Kerker Miester

Although I wasn't looking for a pat on the back, thank you all for your posts. Very nice words.

Last night in report, the other nurses and I were discussing this man and his condition and what amazes us all is the fact that this man has not yet become septic. If he gets septic, he will die and fairly quickly. And for whatever amazing reason, he is not septic from this condition. Really, it's almost miraculous.

Considering the circumstances, his mind is still good, his heart and lungs are still strong. He's only 65, after all. And without septicemia, God knows how long he can hold on like this. I've not met his family, they come in and sit with him during the day, but I can't imagine how hard this must be for them.

He's an incredible and incrediably sad case. As of 6:30 this morning, he is still with us. I sincerely hope that by the time I go back there next week, he's gone to heaven.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

You know, caring about people is a stone cold bitch sometimes. Because we care, we can hurt. And that sucks.

But consider the alternative. And I'll take a caring heart over a cold one any day.

I'll not get into a religious or spiritual essay here, other than to echo what others have already said, God is within each of us, and for that patient, at that time, you were His hands and heart and mercy.

If and when the tears come, let them flow and flow freely. You deserve the release. Let the pain come, allow the grief to wash over you, and then let it go... And let us know so we can share what comfort we may give from a distance.

{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}

 

[brioche]

Although I wasn't looking for a pat on the back, thank you all for your posts. Very nice words.

Last night in report, the other nurses and I were discussing this man and his condition and what amazes us all is the fact that this man has not yet become septic. If he gets septic, he will die and fairly quickly. And for whatever amazing reason, he is not septic from this condition. Really, it's almost miraculous.

Considering the circumstances, his mind is still good, his heart and lungs are still strong. He's only 65, after all. And without septicemia, God knows how long he can hold on like this. I've not met his family, they come in and sit with him during the day, but I can't imagine how hard this must be for them.

He's an incredible and incrediably sad case. As of 6:30 this morning, he is still with us. I sincerely hope that by the time I go back there next week, he's gone to heaven.

I remember the pain of hoping my grandmother would die rather than live the way she was (for her it was congestive heart failure). Sadly, my grandfather felt the same. Since she improved a little before she did die, it was still hard for us. I remember my grandfather turning to us and saying, "This is no way to live."
And as hard as it is to say, it was easier to grieve knowing that she was out of her pain. I had a much harder time with my grandfather, but this isn't about me.
I pray it is the same for family of this man, though the pesponse was clearly not as swift.

 

[FurryFury]

I won't say much about this because it's too close to some very sensitive things in my life. I've felt the same sorts of things and wondered about god too. Then I grew angry.

*HUGS*

Fury

 

[Alistunut]

One of my patients has rectal cancer. He's 65 and was a high school teacher. I won't go into the really graphic details but his wound is about the size of a softball and his spine can be visualized when the dressing is off. Of course, the smell can't be described. I put off doing his dressing change until near the end of my shift because he'd been so comfortable all night and also, it would be nice and clean for the day shift. To change this dressing I need a couple of aides to help hold him on his side.

He was quiet and comfortable all night. He is with us for comfort care until he dies which means what it says; keep him comfortable and as pain free as possible. He's on IV morphine and that so far, has managed his pain very well. He's not totally zonked but he's comfortable and still able to respond verbally and follow commands.

As soon as I told him that I was going to roll him over and change his dressing, he grabbed the sides of his bed and said "just let me stay like I am."

So I did. I took his hand and told him that was fine, I would leave him as he was.

And then I walked out of the room wondering where is God for this man, right now.

You are doing such wonderful things here, Desert Rose. I don't just mean tending to this man, which is of course such a poignantly beautiful service to him.

I also mean coming here to share about this, because it really helps put things in perspective for everyone reading. It serves us because it is a reminder of what's really important, in our own lives and in the world around us too.

I am sitting here thinking about the things I have to be thankful for in my own life, but I am also thinking about how messed up our society sometimes seems to be. We reward athletes and movie stars with crazy amounts of money and recognition. But people like teachers and nurses, who do things that are really important, are at the other end of the pyramid of visible reward. It's very discouraging to think about sometimes.

One other way that your posts here serve others is in reminding us all to at least take the time to express our sincere appreciation to those who do the important and unheralded tasks. I remember having a conversation with a woman in which we were comparing our respective experiences with the loss of our grandmothers. I was using the names of the nurses in describing how wonderful they had been, and the woman I was talking to became distracted and just started crying. I asked her why, and she said, "I just realized that I don't even know the name of the person who eased my Grandma's suffering in her final days. It just never even occurred to me to ask."

So Desert Rose, one thing that you might already realize but probably don't hear enough, is that a loving family nearly always remembers and is deeply grateful for your service. Maybe not when they are in the hospital and distracted by grief, but eventually they do. Even if they don't know your name, they understand the importance of what you have done.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I won't say much about this because it's too close to some very sensitive things in my life. I've felt the same sorts of things and wondered about god too. Then I grew angry.

*HUGS*

Fury

But has that anger helped you out in any way Fury?? Not saying you should believe any certain way, but there are more positive things to do with that emotion to better life in general for you and others.

 

[FurryFury]

But has that anger helped you out in any way Fury?? Not saying you should believe any certain way, but there are more positive things to do with that emotion to better life in general for you and others.

It is what it is Leeroy. I didn't seek it out. I can't abate it. I don't try to. I accept it for what it is.

I am not one of those people who believe you must forgive or it hurts you. Some things should not IMO be forgiven or forgotten.

My life is so good that I feel honored and lucky to have it as it is. Those around me are seemingly pretty happy as well. I'd say we are all privileged.

Fury

 

[A Desert Rose]

What I find so irritating is that a few nurses think it's really important to change this man's dressing.

The other night at work we were discussing it and I said let's think about this: We can't fix this situation. We can't cure his condition. As long as the dressing is intact, the odor is almost non-existant. Who cares if he gets another bed sore because he's on his back, where he is the most comfortable?

It's comfort care. He's actively dying.

If he's most comfortable on his back, then let him be. If his dressing is intact and not soiled, then don't change it.

It's our job to let this man leave this life with the most dignity and as painlessly as possible.

I refuse to hurt him. I will not do anything that will increase his pain. And when he tells me 'No, don't do that', I will respect his wishes. That's what I'd want if he were my loved one.

I'm sorry if this thread has offended anyone, caused anyone discomfort or distress. That was never my intent. And since I don't know most people who post here, I can't know ahead of time, if I'm upsetting anyone.


All God's angels come to us disguised. ~James Russell Lowell

Who knows, maybe my patient's one of them...

 

[leeroy jenkins]

It is what it is Leeroy. I didn't seek it out. I can't abate it. I don't try to. I accept it for what it is.

I am not one of those people who believe you must forgive or it hurts you. Some things should not IMO be forgiven or forgotten.

My life is so good that I feel honored and lucky to have it as it is. Those around me are seemingly pretty happy as well. I'd say we are all privileged.

Fury

I agree completely with you there are things that are extremely hard to forgive people for. The point I was trying to get across is it sorta sounded like you were nursing the hurt instead of just putting it out of your mind, thus robbing it of any current effect on your life. This is what I use to cope with my family that I don't talk to, I really don't think about them so thus they stop exsisting for me.

Not trying to attack or critize you Fury, I mean your a big girl and it seems you have it worked out that you still can live life completely. This is just something in years past that did effect me until I came up with the my aforementioned strategy.

 

[brioche]

What I find so irritating is that a few nurses think it's really important to change this man's dressing.

The other night at work we were discussing it and I said let's think about this: We can't fix this situation. We can't cure his condition. As long as the dressing is intact, the odor is almost non-existant. Who cares if he gets another bed sore because he's on his back, where he is the most comfortable?

It's comfort care. He's actively dying.

If he's most comfortable on his back, then let him be. If his dressing is intact and not soiled, then don't change it.

It's our job to let this man leave this life with the most dignity and as painlessly as possible.

I refuse to hurt him. I will not do anything that will increase his pain. And when he tells me 'No, don't do that', I will respect his wishes. That's what I'd want if he were my loved one.

I'm sorry if this thread has offended anyone, caused anyone discomfort or distress. That was never my intent. And since I don't know most people who post here, I can't know ahead of time, if I'm upsetting anyone.


All God's angels come to us disguised. ~James Russell Lowell

Who knows, maybe my patient's one of them...

I think most of us are remembering the times when we wished our loved ones had nurses like you, hon, or were grateful that they did, or were relieved that our relatives didn't have to go through the experiences of this man.
I for one think you are doing the right thing. You are respecting his wishes and giving him dignity.

 

[FurryFury]

What I find so irritating is that a few nurses think it's really important to change this man's dressing.

The other night at work we were discussing it and I said let's think about this: We can't fix this situation. We can't cure his condition. As long as the dressing is intact, the odor is almost non-existant. Who cares if he gets another bed sore because he's on his back, where he is the most comfortable?

It's comfort care. He's actively dying.

If he's most comfortable on his back, then let him be. If his dressing is intact and not soiled, then don't change it.

It's our job to let this man leave this life with the most dignity and as painlessly as possible.

I refuse to hurt him. I will not do anything that will increase his pain. And when he tells me 'No, don't do that', I will respect his wishes. That's what I'd want if he were my loved one.

I'm sorry if this thread has offended anyone, caused anyone discomfort or distress. That was never my intent. And since I don't know most people who post here, I can't know ahead of time, if I'm upsetting anyone.


All God's angels come to us disguised. ~James Russell Lowell

Who knows, maybe my patient's one of them...

I agree with you about care at moments like this.

I remember when my Dad was dying. Though he was unconscious he was still clearly in pain. It was difficult to get him pain relief supposedly because the Docs were worried about addiction. Hello, he is dying, what part of that do you not get, let's keep him comfortable, yanno? Geez!

Btw, so far as I know you haven't upset anyone with this thread. People who can't handle reading a discussion or someone's feelings are very adult or compassionate IMO. They can skip the thread if they wish as well.

Leeroy,

I understand you asked out of concern that is fine. I appreciate that.

Fury