subs willing to relocate. Would you?

[BarrysSlut]

I have been on a couple BDSM sites and am rather surprised at the number of Doms who expect me to up and relocate halfway across the country. Is this normal? I can't see how anyone who would just up and leave to have a relationship with a virtual stranger could be considered in their right mind. To me, it would show a complete lack of self-respect. Doesn't a Dom want a sub who also loves him/herself enough to have a life of his/her own which might include work, family, friends?

Please explain why you'd be willing to relocate for a Dom you met online.

 

[english vicky]

I have been on a couple BDSM sites and am rather surprised at the number of Doms who expect me to up and relocate halfway across the country. Is this normal? I can't see how anyone who would just up and leave to have a relationship with a virtual stranger could be considered in their right mind. To me, it would show a complete lack of self-respect. Doesn't a Dom want a sub who also loves him/herself enough to have a life of his/her own which might include work, family, friends?

Please explain why you'd be willing to relocate for a Dom you met online.

I think it's like any other relationship. Personally, if I felt an extremly strong bond with the other, and had met many times and stayed with the person for lengths of time etc then yes, I don't see why relocating to live with that special person isn't possible.

If it's simply a mechanical Dom/sub relationship, then relocation is extreme.

If you love someone and were committed, it's not a huge deal to move to where they are, D's or not. If not, i can't speak for everyone but I wouldn't move somewhere for the sake of sexual needs only, which I expect is what many of these Doms expect.

Just my opinions of course, others may feel different. I have strong ties to home so I know that even if I were single and in that position of 'looking', It would take me a hell of a lot to want to leave home behind.

 

[Netzach]

The proportion of subs willing to relocate to be with their Doms versus the proportion of Doms willing to relocate to be with their subs...any guesses as to the percentages?

Most of the couples I know involved a relocation on the part of the sub to be with the dom, even though that sub often had school aged kids and the dominant didn't. Perplexing to me, but it's not my life.

 

[shy slave]

I have been on a couple BDSM sites and am rather surprised at the number of Doms who expect me to up and relocate halfway across the country. Is this normal? I can't see how anyone who would just up and leave to have a relationship with a virtual stranger could be considered in their right mind. To me, it would show a complete lack of self-respect. Doesn't a Dom want a sub who also loves him/herself enough to have a life of his/her own which might include work, family, friends?

Please explain why you'd be willing to relocate for a Dom you met online.

Its a good question but
Oh where to start....

Andante and I live in different countries that have different idealogies and different cultures. Thats a little more than half way across a country as put in your orginal post.

Therefore we have choices. We can continue indefinately flying between places and meeting for a few days, spending every moment trying to work out how to make our annual leave from work last longer than the five prescribed weeks; or we can look at ways to be together on a permanent basis.
Another option would be to never have met, keep everything cyber and rely on cyber sex and phone calls.
That kind of relationship can be succesful (I am not knocking online in any sense at all) but having met we have made that a place difficult to go back to.

Andante made no secret of the fact he would expect a pyl to move to him (if the relationship was succesful), I read that and knew up front that was the situation.
It didnt phase me, why would it? I had no idea at the time of reading if it would work between us. Plus writing it in a profile doesn't make it true (my screen name is 'shy' but does that make it true?).

By the time I make the move to be with him, in his country he will not be a 'virtual stranger.' We will have met on a very regular basis, met each others families and thanks to the 'net have spoken every night for several hours.
This level of communication is greater than some people have with their spouse.

I love my family a great deal. By family I mean specifically my children. They are of an age where they can choose where they live and have their own lives.
Untieing the apron strings has been something I have dreaded for a while as it creeps ever nearer. Moving away increases my desire to ensure my childrens well-being. I can do that by allowing them the opportunity to develop and move on into adulthood without my ringing them and asking them to come home.
This is not a statement to justify my moving but a realisation that they need space to be adults as do I.
I will only be a 1.5hr flight away, its not the moon.

The rest of my family are happy that I have found a way to expand my life and fill it with new tasks and goals.

My job is easily moveable, Andantes job is less moveable. This is not a reflection on my lack of self-esteem but rather an over-confidence in my ability to adapt to a new opportunity and contribute a value to the community as well as be with the man I love.
We both agree I will have a life of my own when I am living with him.
You mention 'respect' I am willing to learn a new language and culture, I have no doubts he respects me for my efforts not just any success I may have.

You mention friends. My friends care about me, as all our friends do. They have voiced concerns about meeting a man from the 'net, not about my life choices following that meeting.
At present my work keeps me occupied for up to 12 hrs a day, I usually talk to friends online (even when one only lived a 3 min walk away!). My contact with them won't change and I can return at any time to see them.

Most women in UK have busy working lives, meeting friends most nights and partying are the fantasy of adverts and teen films.

I am sitting smiling about your comment on 'normal' & 'right mind.' Its not the first time people have questioned my 'right mind' and I hope they will continue to do so.
Very often moments of madness are the best way forward.

Why would I move:
I could tell you all the gushy love stuff, or how I dream about having the opportunity to be his willing slave whenever he desires and sit chained under his desk; but the simple fact is I want to.

I see this as my time to be selfish and do as I wish without having to play parent, daughter, aunt.
Its my time to be with someone I like, admire, trust, respect and look up to ( I left out love, no gushy stuff here).
I am nearly 40, I am tired of Britain, its rudeness, infighting, violence, crime and lack of respect for other people. I love Britain and am I die-hard scot (don't think I ever want to be called english!); but I want to explore new places, new people and be myself.

This is not a move that will happen overnight, it is continually being worked on, talked about and thought through. There is not a set timeline.
We agree it has to be based on our childrens wishes and feelings. When they are ready it will happen.
My sons like Andante a great deal and are happy that I have someone to take care of me. In his case his children will have to cope with seeing a woman move into their mothers house and bed. That is not going to be easy. But we have time, lots of time. In the meantime we can focus on understanding each other and working together towards my moving to be with him.

Hope that wasn't too long or boring and helps to explain my feelings on 'why'
x

 

[catalina_francisco]

As nice as it would be, it is not that easy to find the right person in your own neighbourhood. I moved 16,000 kms to the other side of the globe, a foreign culture and language....but despite the difficulties and things missed, it was the best decision I ever made.

Catalina

 

[CutieMouse]

I didn't relocate for a BDSM relationship, but someone I "met" here at Lit [whom I have yet to meet face to face though we talk multiple times a day] was the reason I did relocate. I took a risk, rearranged custody, moved 3 states away from "home" to a city where I only knew my new boss- who I met 3 weeks prior to my move, left my dear-heart best friend, and only took with me the bare essentials [I literally just got a bed yesterday- I moved in July] so that I could start Life over.

I keep getting told how brave I am... I keep wondering why people say that. My children are happier and more stable (their father's girlfriend has moved in so they have a 2 adult household again), he no longer owes me massive amounts of child support, I have a job that I *adore* with a good shot at a stable future, I can go back to school as time permits... I can breathe again after years of not breathing. All because someone sent me a PM last winter and we developed a Friendship. All because I trusted that Friendship and was willing to Live instead of stagnate.

Everyone who Loves me and has known me for years supported my decision. My therapist supported my decision (she came to my goodbye party). My best friend supported it. So did my sister, my former employer, old friends from high school, etc. All of them have told me it was the right thing to do and the most self-loving, self-assured, self-respecting thing they'd seen me do in years... and all of them knew it was a decision from an "on line" Friend whom I'd never met face to face.

 

[Killishandra]

While I'm sure there are some crazy people out there calling themselves "Doms" and expecting their pyl to up and move after one (or heaven forbid, NONE) visits, I think most people would want a strong long-distance relationship as well as several visits with each other before expecting the sub to relocate. And as Catalina has said, it can be really difficult to find someone in your own neighborhood. At least in my experience.

I don't think a request for the sub to relocate necessarily shows a lack of respect for that person's life. In a long-distance relationship going into 24/7 it seems obvious that ONE of the two will have to move eventually. Many Doms out there would, I'd imagine, be the one to move if it makes more sense. For many people, kids, jobs, or school keep them bound to a particular geographic area. I am guessing these are the people who say upfront that they expect the pyl to do the relocation. Of course, some will just not want to take the risk that goes along with relocation (including financial, and major decisions such as selling a house or leaving the country you're from) and state they want the pyl to do it because they know/assume that if they make it a requirement from the start they'll probably get their own way. One of the benefits of being Dominant in a relationship is getting to make more than your "fair share" of the decisions.

I almost relocated for a Dom that I was, and am still, in love with. At this point in my life I wouldn't relocate for anyone, but I can certainly see myself doing it in the future in a situation I felt had a good future. Part of me relishes the chance to do something like that, because I feel I am proving to myself that I can handle challenges and change. As well, in my quest to serve it pleases me to please the PYL and do as He wishes. Just as I pay tribute to Him by bearing physical pain, I would bear many other circumstances and trials to better serve my future Master. Not the least of which would be relocation if needed.

I have been on a couple BDSM sites and am rather surprised at the number of Doms who expect me to up and relocate halfway across the country. Is this normal? I can't see how anyone who would just up and leave to have a relationship with a virtual stranger could be considered in their right mind. To me, it would show a complete lack of self-respect. Doesn't a Dom want a sub who also loves him/herself enough to have a life of his/her own which might include work, family, friends?

Please explain why you'd be willing to relocate for a Dom you met online.

 

[Rrrosyn]

Not because I was his Domme... but

My sub didn't move here because I am his Domme. We were online friends before anything else. Before he knew I was dominant. Before I knew he was a masochist.

Anyway, we met around June in 2003 online. But things progressed fast when we finally met. He moved from NC to CA.

4/12/04 He flew in to meet me.
4/14/04 I got his penis pierced.
4/16/04 I flew back to his home town.
5/13/04 We rented the UHaul and packed it up.
5/19/04 He proposed at the Grand Canyon.
5/23/04 He officially moved in.

Risks for him were just leaving his family behind. Since they are kinda controlling and unaccepting of him since he cannot be controlled (by them) it wasn't a great place for him. Tight family, just some problems and abuse. (Ever notice how close-knit abusive families are?)

He was not in school, had no friends (best friend had just run off with subbie's gf), and no career.

Now he is in college. Lives with me. (So does my mother.) And is happy. Tired!!! But happy.

I say it depends on the relationship plus the risks involved.

 

[Bandit58]

I did relocate to be with Master, from a small rural area in New Zealand to the big city of Sydney Australia which has more people living in it than there is in the whole of New Zealand

The main reason I did so was because I loved Him so much. Plus I had no job at the time, my parents had moved to the South Island to live near my brother, my son was working and had his own life and my daughter was 15, happily settled at school and on the farm with my ex husband. I did not own any property, was renting a small unit and had no SO at all, so my daughter was the only real reason I was still where I was apart from a few friends.

I had been friends with Master for almost a year, we met on other boards here at Lit. Our relationship started to get closer in 2003 - I knew absolutely nothing about BDSM while He was an experienced Dominant. I decided to go to Sydney to meet Him at the 2003 G&G (Lit meeting for Aussies). After 3 days we knew we belonged together so I flew back after a 3 week stay and got everything ready to go back 6 weeks later. We have been together since January 24 2004. As well as being His sub I am His official carer as He has significant health problems.

Sometimes I think this was all meant to be. I had been looking for work but hadn't found a job. My parents moved just before I decided to move to be with Him - my father was in not so good health and they thought it best to move from the village they lived in and be closer to a city hospital. I had been the one on call for years if they needed anything, as the only daughter living close by. My children were settled and when I talked to my daughter she did not seem overly worried about her mother going to live in another country. So long as I sent her money and phoned her every week she was happy!

Despite Master's health problems I have never been more loved and cherished and happy as I am with Him. I am still adjusting to city life, I find the traffic here to be a nightmare and I don't drive far away from home. However I love the shops As cutiemouse said, I can take deep breaths now and be ME, I'm loving it

 

[Pyro Paul]

psychologicly?

the dominant person is 'proving their domanance' in such a way that makes the submissive person more dependent on them. you pick up your roots from a familure place with people and places you know and travel half way around the world just for them. you know nothing here no one, no place. only They know. you then become dependent on their knowledge, not only their sexual gradification.

its more of a compliant way to sell some one your soul basicly, and show that you are truely submissive. (doing what ever they ask)

now if you flipped this, the dominant moved to the sub. then the opposit would occure. the dominant person would have no idea of the surroundings, people, places, or even have a job. they would not be able to learn enough fast to provide themselves as a dominant figure as they soon become dependent on Your (the subbies) knowledge. and to most domms. that isnt something that you want to show your subbie.

 

[Netzach]

If you're the Dominant and you don't have kids and your submissive does have school aged kids, and you don't CAREFULLY weigh the cost-benefit ratio of disturbing their lives that much, you're just an asshole. That's only one example. What if they have a way better job, or are closer to their family than you are? Intentionally isolating someone just to isolate them and swing my big rubber dick just isn't MY cuppa, personally.

If you pick up to be with your submissive they have a whole lot of work to do to get you comfortable, situated, and integrated into their lives. That's service, and if you're too control freaky to see that or enjoy it, or too weak to see that they do a good job of it, I have to wonder.

I would review the circumstances carefully. That's what I've done with my Beltway Bitch. He may move into the same city as us when his daughter's done with HS, and I'm certainly not twisting his arm to do it faster.

 

[catalina_francisco]

psychologicly?

the dominant person is 'proving their domanance' in such a way that makes the submissive person more dependent on them. you pick up your roots from a familure place with people and places you know and travel half way around the world just for them. you know nothing here no one, no place. only They know. you then become dependent on their knowledge, not only their sexual gradification.

its more of a compliant way to sell some one your soul basicly, and show that you are truely submissive. (doing what ever they ask)

now if you flipped this, the dominant moved to the sub. then the opposit would occure. the dominant person would have no idea of the surroundings, people, places, or even have a job. they would not be able to learn enough fast to provide themselves as a dominant figure as they soon become dependent on Your (the subbies) knowledge. and to most domms. that isnt something that you want to show your subbie.

Think itis all in how your mind works. Our choice of location simply was nothing to do with the D/s elements, just simply what we felt was best at the time as I was not working due to ill health...he had a good job and established career and professional reputation here. If we had decided on his moving to be where I was I would have seen it as part of my submission to help him establish himself and feel comfortable in my environment, made sure he knew everything he needed to so he could make the most of his new environment and function fully, simply put, be of service to him. Though I have moved to his environment, he does try and help me aclimatise when he can, but mostly he expects me to do as much as I can myself so I find my own feet and learn hands on how to function here and become more able to take some of the boring details of life from his hands. His friends and family are very supportive and accepting, and though his mother and I do not speak the same language, we have our own ways of communicating and she is not backward in speaking up if she feels he should be doing something for me she doesn't think he is.

Catalina

 

[h_i_s]

psychologicly?

the dominant person is 'proving their domanance' in such a way that makes the submissive person more dependent on them. you pick up your roots from a familure place with people and places you know and travel half way around the world just for them. you know nothing here no one, no place. only They know. you then become dependent on their knowledge, not only their sexual gradification.

its more of a compliant way to sell some one your soul basicly, and show that you are truely submissive. (doing what ever they ask)

now if you flipped this, the dominant moved to the sub. then the opposit would occure. the dominant person would have no idea of the surroundings, people, places, or even have a job. they would not be able to learn enough fast to provide themselves as a dominant figure as they soon become dependent on Your (the subbies) knowledge. and to most domms. that isnt something that you want to show your subbie.

HOGWASH.

He relocated here. He decided that the choice of Him relocating rather than i, was with good reason, (though i won't even begin to list all of His reasons, not important at the moment) & would benefit Himself, as well as i, and the children involved. He didn't know His way around, but since when does knowing ALL make a Dom a Dom (PYL)?

The day that i believe that ANYONE knows ALL is the day that i will change my name to 'idi0t1'. heh ..

So what if the PYL becomes 'dependent' on their pyl's knowledge here and there??? i'd think that to be not so bad, and it's all in how we think about/process it. i didn't view Him as being 'dependent' upon me and my knowledge so much as i saw the experience as just another opportunity which had opened and offered me new ways of serving him. So what if that translated as drawing Him a few maps, or driving Him there myself?? I was serving Him regardless.

As my PYL if He'd suddenly lose His dominance, or control, (or 'backbone' as some may put it )in that type of situation, He wouldn't be much of a PYL to begin with. As His pyl, if i were to view my PYL as less than in control due to this type of a situation, i'd not be of much value in my servitude ... either.

 

[Epona's Chylde]

D/S or not, I wouldn't relocate for ANY man. Not happening. This is why I only date locally.

I have a good job that I love and I will not leave it. I will not leave the friends who I have known for many years and who have always been here for me. I will not leave the family that I know will be there for me in tough times..the people that I know I can always come home to. Furthermore, I would not leave the family horse business because the family NEEDS my help and I can't imagine not having that as a part of my daily life.

Just not going to happen.

The furthest I would move is about a 30 minute drive in any direction.

 

[shy slave]

D/S or not, I wouldn't relocate for ANY man. Not happening. This is why I only date locally.

I have a good job that I love and I will not leave it. I will not leave the friends who I have known for many years and who have always been here for me. I will not leave the family that I know will be there for me in tough times..the people that I know I can always come home to. Furthermore, I would not leave the family horse business because the family NEEDS my help and I can't imagine not having that as a part of my daily life.

Just not going to happen.

The furthest I would move is about a 30 minute drive in any direction.

Hi Epona
Your response made me smile, i met a few vanilla men who had the same viewpoint.

I guess different ideas work for different people. Perhaps if you met some of the men in my local area you would understand why it needs more than a 30 min drive to find someone special

 

[Epona's Chylde]

Hi Epona
Your response made me smile, i met a few vanilla men who had the same viewpoint.

I guess different ideas work for different people. Perhaps if you met some of the men in my local area you would understand why it needs more than a 30 min drive to find someone special

Thankfully I live in the DFW metroplex and there are plenty of guys to meet...I might feel different if I lived in the middle of nowhere.

Personally, I just consider myself really independent and wouldn't be willing to give that up for anybody.

 

[babiesmiles]

Hi Epona
Your response made me smile, i met a few vanilla men who had the same viewpoint.

I guess different ideas work for different people. Perhaps if you met some of the men in my local area you would understand why it needs more than a 30 min drive to find someone special

Hi Shy !! that made me giggle really , so true ... and it doesnt work just in your area !! Nothing new under the sun at every parallele

Back on topic , I really dont know if I would move just now, but that is essentially a matter due to my job which is not (too) relocable out of my country , but in the past I already used to move a lot for several reasons so the "matter" in itself wouldn't hypothetically worry me more than a bit .

I suppose it's just a question if the "reason" you are moving for is worth the unquestionable effort that all that would require . I think there is not "one" solution for everyone , mostly due to variables which change for everyone .

My thought is just that without a bit of braveness life would lose its meaning and that everyone has to follow one own istinct and to know whats the best for one own needs b.

 

[chris9]

Hypothetically speaking (I am in a relationship, we live together) I don't think I would like a dominant to say I have to move before he gets to know me and my life. He is supposed to take care of me and do the best for both of us. That might be me moving to him, but it might as well be him moving to me, or both of us moving somewhere else. Requiring it from the start, without knowing me, does seem like a lack of respect.
Now, it's different if he gets to know me, and we both want to live together and he then decides it would better be me who moves.

 

[shy slave]

Hypothetically speaking (I am in a relationship, we live together) I don't think I would like a dominant to say I have to move before he gets to know me and my life. He is supposed to take care of me and do the best for both of us. That might be me moving to him, but it might as well be him moving to me, or both of us moving somewhere else. Requiring it from the start, without knowing me, does seem like a lack of respect.
Now, it's different if he gets to know me, and we both want to live together and he then decides it would better be me who moves.

Hi Chris
I can see why it could look as a lack of respect, but if their job or life is not moveable, it may be viewed as a lack of respect if the other more moveable person is not prepared to move.

(Hmm I think that makes sense).

I liked the idea he was honest from the start, no hidden aganda. I knew the score when it began to get serious. No wondering, or trying to figure out how to ask difficult questions.

On the other hand if we had not got on, I probably would have thought 'arrogant asshole'
With me its lose:lose lol


My thought is just that without a bit of braveness life would lose its meaning and that everyone has to follow one own istinct and to know whats the best for one own needs

This quote from Babiesmile is lovely, I like the idea of 'braveness' in life

 

[Rrrosyn]

psychologicly?

the dominant person is 'proving their domanance' in such a way that makes the submissive person more dependent on them. you pick up your roots from a familure place with people and places you know and travel half way around the world just for them. you know nothing here no one, no place. only They know. you then become dependent on their knowledge, not only their sexual gradification.

its more of a compliant way to sell some one your soul basicly, and show that you are truely submissive. (doing what ever they ask)

now if you flipped this, the dominant moved to the sub. then the opposit would occure. the dominant person would have no idea of the surroundings, people, places, or even have a job. they would not be able to learn enough fast to provide themselves as a dominant figure as they soon become dependent on Your (the subbies) knowledge. and to most domms. that isnt something that you want to show your subbie.

My father did that to my mother. He is a dominant personality but is mostly just emotionally abusive. He's done it to every wife (not sure about his first, but he is on number four now) and it is to make her more dependant on him. Whether he knows why he does it, I cannot say. Until recently he just seemed to have roaming roots.

In my case, my sub and I, had about the same to lose. The only difference was that if I moved I would need to be re-evaluated for disability, lose my Medicare coverage and find new doctors. Something I would have been willing to do! However he saw just how sick I was just from my three week stay there. Humidity (NC) and I didn't mix well. Having my asthma active with my other health problems wasn't optimal. We even cut my visit short and he left work prior to his notification date.

IF after college he is offered a job in a region that is not "optimal" for my health... we will weigh the options together. Moving is not a firm "NO" for me.

As the "sick one" I am dependant on my submissive for a lot of things. It doesn't mean am not the Queen and final ruler in this household.

 

[Rrrosyn]

D/S or not, I wouldn't relocate for ANY man. Not happening. This is why I only date locally.

I have a good job that I love and I will not leave it. I will not leave the friends who I have known for many years and who have always been here for me. I will not leave the family that I know will be there for me in tough times..the people that I know I can always come home to. Furthermore, I would not leave the family horse business because the family NEEDS my help and I can't imagine not having that as a part of my daily life.

Just not going to happen.

The furthest I would move is about a 30 minute drive in any direction.

Right On!!!!

Anyone (dominant or not) who claims to care for you and respect you will respect that decision and love you all the more for it.

 

[Private_Label]

I have been on a couple BDSM sites and am rather surprised at the number of Doms who expect me to up and relocate halfway across the country. Is this normal? I can't see how anyone who would just up and leave to have a relationship with a virtual stranger could be considered in their right mind. To me, it would show a complete lack of self-respect. Doesn't a Dom want a sub who also loves him/herself enough to have a life of his/her own which might include work, family, friends?

Please explain why you'd be willing to relocate for a Dom you met online.

It would have to be someone I had met in person a few times and spent a week or more of vacation time with them. Yes, I have family and friends, but I once relocated to go to college several thousand miles from where I lived and grew up. Moving is not the big of an issue for me. The current job I have I could get anywhere (secretarial based), however if I had a job in my field of training (microbiologist) this might take some thought.

It's all a balancing act. If I really love someone and wanted to spend my life with them, then yes, I would relocate. I would also expect that the other person take my current job situation into account when the decison is made - and that the decision whould be a joint one and not one sided.

I would not relocate for someone who I only knew through On-line activities. That is just plain expecting too much, and anyone who expected that is not the Dom for me.

 

[TaintedB]

I did once and I would again, if a very similar situation repeated itself. I was unencumbered by children and I wanted to be his slave and nothing else mattered more to me. While I thought I was leaving a good work situation when he moved me to him, it actually turned out that there was a lot more work of the sort that I do in his area than in mine.

 

[Pyro Paul]

HOGWASH.

He relocated here. He decided that the choice of Him relocating rather than i, was with good reason, (though i won't even begin to list all of His reasons, not important at the moment) & would benefit Himself, as well as i, and the children involved. He didn't know His way around, but since when does knowing ALL make a Dom a Dom (PYL)?

The day that i believe that ANYONE knows ALL is the day that i will change my name to 'idi0t1'. heh ..

So what if the PYL becomes 'dependent' on their pyl's knowledge here and there??? i'd think that to be not so bad, and it's all in how we think about/process it. i didn't view Him as being 'dependent' upon me and my knowledge so much as i saw the experience as just another opportunity which had opened and offered me new ways of serving him. So what if that translated as drawing Him a few maps, or driving Him there myself?? I was serving Him regardless.

As my PYL if He'd suddenly lose His dominance, or control, (or 'backbone' as some may put it )in that type of situation, He wouldn't be much of a PYL to begin with. As His pyl, if i were to view my PYL as less than in control due to this type of a situation, i'd not be of much value in my servitude ... either.

the definition was giving through a psychological stand point based on modern human sexuality psychology. in reality the definition may change from person to person depending on onse 'dependence' level or 'independence' level. in modern day when Money rules all, that usualy becomes the deciding factor in relocation for all people.

of course then again, in human sexuality psychology , BDSM is also a mental illness and often defined as a 'fetish' (a mental act that a person engages in, knowing it is wrong, and some times wishing to stop, but is psycholoicly unable to stop with out chemical treatment)

but here people here will all aurgue other wise. as bdsm can be tied to social build factors of a lesser degree (more primal build) where there is a dominant one, and an inferior one.




The reason in Society. a person will generaly move to that which will provide a better atmosphear. what ever they consider better. in most modern context, it is a place where either 1, we can achive better sexual/emotional gradification, 2, provide a better upbringing for our youth, 3, provide a better income for a general better well being of onself.

there are thousands of explinations why, find the one that fits and thats your reason. and i didnt want to repeat what every one else was saying, nor give you a 6 page list of all possible refrences as to why it may happen which may or may not apply to most.

 

[marieR19]

I agree with so many points that so many people make here. I mean really, my view has mainly already been expressed by others. But even though I'm pretty damn new to RL bdsm, I have had a lot of experiance with the question at hand. I have a profile on collarme, and most Doms there expect the sub to move, or be able to travel and visit them often. I cannot do that at all; School, living with mom, no transportation or money for transportation, and above all just not mentally ready to travel by myself and stuff. Once I realized that most Doms on there expected it, took for granted that a sub could/would, I ended up having to put it in my profile that I can not and will not move or travel right now.
However...... A few years from now, if/when I find that right person, the right Mistress, the one I know I want to serve forever...... Sure, I'd be willing to relocate. Why? Well I definately don't want to stay here my whole life. And I would much rather move somewhere to be with someone, live with someone, already have someone there, then move somewhere totally new, didn't know anyone, etc.

Heather