Submissive 'Thought For The Day' Calendar 2006

[catalina_francisco]

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LOL, for those of you who have been around, I know we never got far with last year's calendar ....sheesh, whatever happened to the Dom/mes one though?!! Despite that, being forever the optimist I decided to start one for this year and see how we go. For our newer posters, the idea is each day someone picks a post they have thought had something good to say, written by a submissive/slave, traditionally picked by a sub/slave (male or female)....quote it in the calendar (crediting the poster who wrote iit)with a link to the thread where it is found. If anyone wants to comment on what has been said, we encourage the comment to them be placed in the original thread as opposed to the calendar. Can be fun and can also be a quick guide to what has been said by various posters on the board...which reminds me, it is quotes from this forum, not other sites or forums. Enjoy.

Catalinahttp://members.home.nl/animation.world/index/dolzz/Dolzz35.gif

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 1st - words of shy slave

"In my case his idea of a training/exploration session was laughable and boring. I got so bored I finally got up and made a cup of tea before sending him home.

Bearing in mind this was someone I had been talking to for a long time. It now seems to me he used the concept of training as a means of getting cheap sex.

Ironically he thought it had been a succesful session. When I then met Andante and told him about my relationship he started texting me and referring to me as 'my slave.' I didn't really uunderstand why."

Training - Advice and Opinions

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[shy slave]

2nd January 2006 Post from Kajira Callista

This is from soulhaven site but KC posted it for all of us to gain from
http://www.soulshaven.f2s.com/introduction.php3

The Right way of doing things is a concept that seems to get used an awful lot in the scene. It is all too often used by people to justify their way of thinking and belittle anyone else's that they disagree with. Something along the lines of: "The right way for a submissive to act is [add gross misunderstanding here]."
The truth is, there isn't one right way. The classic definition of BDSM is "Bondage/Disciple, Domination/Submission, Sadism/Masochism". The inclusion of all of those different parts doesn't mean you have to enjoy every one of them to be "valid", just as it doesn't mean enjoying one branch devalues your enjoyment of another.

There are established cultures within the scene. Cultures based on traditional European or Japanese culture; upon the Gorean novels; the Story Of O; the US originated Leather community; even individual internet chat rooms. These cultures often do have their own established rules, regulations and so on. Within a particular culture there may, very well, be a right and a wrong way of doing things. Equally though, one culture is not the only Right way. If you do not associate yourself with a given culture, no one has the right to tell you that you are acting incorrectly, by that culture's rules.

About the only universally agreed rules regarding the scene are as follows: Things should remain Safe, Sane and Consensual (see other parts of this site) and that no one has the right to criticise someone else's choices, so long as they are not hurting anyone else. In other words, so long as you remain safe, sane and consensual, no one has the right to criticise you for what you do do.

It is that second rule that this page is really trying to emphasise. Whatever your choices are, be you gay or straight; in to bondage or flogging; infantilism or puppy-play; humiliation or worship; those are your choices. You are entirely entitled to enjoy them and enjoy them in the style that works for you.

One final point. No one has the right to tell you that you are wrong. In the same way, you do not have the right to tell someone who is indulging in safe, sane and consensual acts that they are wrong either. What they're doing may disgust you - look away. They may be able to do it better - politely offer advice but then wait for the advice to be taken. They are not wrong. To go around telling people that they are wrong, that they are not doing it the right way(tm) just shows your complete lack of understanding of everything shown above. If you want to make yourself look an inexperienced wannabe, this is probably the best way to go about it.

Enjoy the scene, take on whichever aspects suit you, leave whichever aspects don't. No one has the right to criticise you for that.


The Right Way

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 3rd - words of Kajira Callista

"Im not saying that having these things done to me is something i would not regret after lol what i am saying is that whatever the dominant i am with wishes....
Also if it were done in an every day setting better bet your ass that the other person would be minus a limb or two and/or without teeth."

Taking The Pain

 

[graceanne]

January 4th - words of Slutacus

About your first set of questions. There aren't any hard and fast rules that everybody or even lots of people follow. Each couple does what works best in their specific relationships and circumstances. Those circumstances include practical things such the health of the two people involved and what their family obligations are (kids, etc.), and other stuff such as what level of control they desire in the relationship, and how their personalties interact. Lots of control does not always equal lots of slave work for a submissive, although it could. Hundreds of factors, different for each couple, go into answering each of those questions. In a relationship where the dom has all the control he or she decides who does what and also decides how much he wants to decide for both of them.

The family/lawyer stepping in is a non-issue, IMO. It's very easy for a couple who wants no nosy or hostile outside interference to hide their relationship from the world. Some families are trustworthy and open-minded, and they tend to get told. Lawyers won't question their clients private spousal decisions, if they want to keep their clients.

If some doms make a truely horrible mistake, you're right, they often never get fully over it, in that they never forgive themselves for not seeing the right choice to make. But that doesn't stop them from continuing to live a fulfilling and loving life with their submissive partner.

Doms do what they want. They control at the level most comfortable to them, and if they are compassionate and love their submissives, at a level that the submissive can tolerate. If they want the sub to choose the dinner venue, they'll order her to do so (or, if they're feeling more generous, offer her a choice). Sometimes the sub will take him up on it, sometimes not. My dom liked to offer me choices. He liked giving me things and seeing me happy. But he wasn't the type that offered unlimited choices. Instead of "pick any place in the city to eat at," he'd say, "OK, you can decide between Resturant 1, Resturant 2, or Takeout 3." He controlled the field, in other words. A choice was given me but it was limited to the things he wanted me to choose from. That was just his style, he liked control a lot. Other doms have other styles. When given a choice, I seldom, if ever, said "whatever you want, master." That wasn't my style. While overall I didn't miss decision-making or self-control one bit, I still appreciated occasional opportunities to choose and took full advantage of them.

Doms make rules because they like them and find them erotic (having a sub humiliate herself by asking to piss every time she felt the urge might be an example of that sort of rule) and also because they're good for the sub or for the relationship (an example of the second might be to prohibit a dangerous or destructive act, for instance, a "no smoking" rule). What does not going to the bathroom without permission have to do with personal growth and development or lack thereof? You could very well say that your own rigid self-rule, say, to floss your teeth every day, is turning you into a mindless robot and doormat and inhibiting your growth and development. See what I'm saying, lol? Humans have brains and they don't magically lose those brains out their ears just because they perform numerous routine or mandatory acts such as asking to pee or flossing their teeth!

Center of the universe. While my dom was always in control, he put me and my care at the center of his universe. Again, that was his particular style. YMMV. Sometimes this embarassed me or made me feel uncomfortable or selfish, but I didn't have much choice in the matter, it was the way he chose to do things.

"How does a Dom develop the personality of anyone if that person's primary lesson is to be ever more dependent on the Dom to make all decisions for them? What are they growing into?"

I hate saying this because it sounds like such a cop-out when someone says it to me, but some things just have to be experienced to be understood. The best I can explain it is that when you grow up a submissive in this sort of culture you are fucked on both ends. Not only do people more aggressive and less emotionally sensitive and vulnerable than you take advantage of you and hurt you in all kinds of ways but you're virtually forced to adopt this paradigm of the strong, independent woman. You're supposed to want something that's anathma to who and what you truly are inside and hate and despise the traits that are genuinely you. Most submissives are not in very good shape by the time they reach adulthood. Growth, for them, frequently consists of learning--viserally, NOT intellectually--that who and what they are is OK and even very good in the context of their relationship, that they don't have to wear their fake pretend "I'm always in control" outside persona all the time, they can let the mask down, relax and be themselves. Once that relaxation occurs within a nurturing dom-sub relationship, then long-buried talents and abilities, interests, desires, passions start to come to the surface because there is finally emotional room for them. Every little sqare inch of one's emotions are now not spent trying to pretend to be someone you never were and never could be so you could "pass" and "function" in the outside world that excepts you to be anything but a submissive. A submissive cannot do this kind of growth on her own usually. She needs a dominant figure to give her permission to relax and be herself, and to reassure her that everything will be all right and the sky will not fall down if she does. That's often what is meant by growth, but again, it often has to be directly experienced before you realize its immense liberating power (by liberating I mean it frees the submissive to be genuinely happy, often for the first time in her life). Other times, "Taking the submissive where she would never go on her own," refers to limits-pushing and pain/humiliation play.

Very often a submissive does not want to go where a dominant wants to take her, particularly if the dominant is good at emotional healing, because the hard things he requires her to do to get better, require her to change in very scary ways. Submissives often dig their heels in and resist such growth. Their resisitance to change and its eventual overcoming is often quite painful for both parties. It's not a clean smooth road that is travelled.

What have I learned outside of pleasing my master? Oh my god, how do I begin? He taught me literally thousands of things that I never would have known and never would have learned on my own, through the close association of a servant-master relationship. While in a vanilla relationship, all that is required is that you love your partner, in a master-slave relationship (some dom-sub relationships are master-slave, some aren't), a submissive needs, in addition to deep, passionate love, to be with someone she respects, looks up to, admires, even worships. Someone the submissive thinks can teach her things. You can't easily submit to a man, even if you really like him, if you see him as a weak-willed child. You can easily love such a man in a vanilla relationship, however. I did once.

About the hospital: you'd be surprised at how good some dominants are at getting into places that they aren't supposed to be able to get into. When I had to visit him there, it was much later in the relationship and we were married and that made things much easier for me. But when I had to go to the hospital at various times and we were not married, he always found a way to be by my side and supervise my care. He just didn't let anything get in his way. You ever meet someone who won't take no for an answer? I'm not saying he was violent, he never needed to be. He had hundreds of ways of getting what he wanted in the ordinary world and the will to persist until he got what he wanted. He taught me a few of them, and they serve me well now that he is gone.

You don't lose your ability to function as an adult when you're somebody's slave. You do get used to somebody making all the decisions and the emotional peace that this blissful state offers, but if you have to do it again, you can. It's like riding a bicycle or driving a car--even if you hate to do it, when you have to, you get right back on, and ride it. All the old skills are still there.

My master was benevolent and very patient. He gave me a lot of rope in some areas where I was sensitive because he sensed I personally needed that. He was extremely controlling in other areas, because we both liked his exercising that control: it's the essence of sexiness. Had I been a different sort of person, he would have shorted that rope, possibly, or loosened it. Hard to say, each person is different. Our relationship worked very simply: he owned me. He told me what to do. I did it. If I didn't like it, I was _required_ (hard rule never to be broken) to talk to him about it. This method worked extremely well for us for all the years that we lived together. But again, it worked because of who each of us was and what we brought to the relationship. Other dom-sub relationships, other people, require or desire other approaches.

The Real World: I'm confused

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 5th - words of Bandit58

"I have struggled a bit with this over the last two years, as we have gone deeper into our relationship and the BDSM aspects, especially the S/M part. Master explained it to me thus: I'd never had the opportunity to explore this before. No one had taken the time to teach, I had been lost and confused about my submissiveness. Now it's so different, I have realised what I have been my whole life, and however confusing it seemed before, now it seems so right.

We both enjoy what we do, and I now have the sense of belonging where before I felt like a square peg in a round hole."


Why Do We Do What We Do?

 

[Kajira Callista]

January 6th Shy Slave

I am not sure about the constraints you are referring to, but I don't think that having a submissive nature gives anyone an inherent right to dictate to you, unless you have agreed that within particular context they have a right. Giving someone inherent rights smacks of levels of not making a choice to be a submissive but using it as an opt out clause for real life.

I agree with you being submissive takes strength, there are times when you don't want to supress personal need or wish yet have to overcome that; if thats the life you have signed up to.

I don't feel I take total responsibilty for submerging my will. I feel in the beginning of our relationship he had to earn the right to have my submission. His Dominance tests me at times. At those moments he has a responsibility to ensure that my submerging to his will is a safe place to return from. He has a level of responsibility to push me, but not to the point where I hated the experience and would not want to return to those levels. He also has a responsibility for my psychological well-being when he is using me.

My first email to him asked specifically how he looked after a subs pyschological well-being and I can assure you that had I not liked his response I would have eye-rolled, sighed and kept looking.

He has taken me a long way from my hard limits and original thoughts. Last night I happened across an old thread where I was clear about where I would not go in reality. That post was 12 months ago, he has changed everything because I trust him to be responsible for my well-being as far as another person can be.
When I submit I offer him not only my physical self but emotional self; I need to know all pieces will be returned having benefitted in a positive way from the experiences.

I have never felt a huge need for immediate after care, but a few hours later when we are involved in normal vanilla life and conversations I need to know he appreciated my submission. I need to feel a slight, gentle touch or a look of memory and desire in his eyes when he looks at me. I need quiet time with him, feel his calmness and care surrounding me.
These are his responsibilty and without those I would find each time of submission to him eroding at my sense of self.

why do you constantly have to belong to a domme

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 7th - words of Caitlynne

"I agree with catalina, it is usually some gimmick to get you to part with your money.

I do them when I pee, [like furry], doing it that way lets you identify the right muscles. Then I also do them when waiting at red lights when driving or in a traffic jam. Sometimes I do them in rhythm with the music I have on while waiting in traffic. Well, It's more fun, and sometimes actually gets me aroused a little."

PC Exercises...Do You And How?

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[catalina_francisco]

January 8th - words of Miss Diva

"A few months ago a very nice Dom brought to my attention that I might be “suffering” from Submissive Frenzy. And I was actually. Specifically I was willingly ignoring on of my own limits because I knew he enjoyed and I also needed my fix. I am forever grateful to him in terms of protecting me from myself and making me more self-aware. I imagine the same “affliction” happens in vanilla relationship (probably know as desparate).

My question, have any pyls ever experienced this frenzy and what did you do or come to that realization. And to the PYLs have you encountered a sub in frenzy where she will change herself to get a fix. Did you make her realize her mistake?

For me this is always on my mind in my searches and it has helped me stay focused on what I really want out of a relationship and not just what a potential partner/PYL wants."

Submissive Frenzy

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[catalina_francisco]

January 9th - words of the captains wench

"This is really interesting. I'd never heard of the term "slavespace" before, it's always been "subspace" and according to what's been said it would seem to me that I've never experienced subspace but insted slavespace. I seem to loose myself and the only thing I think about is pleasing my master. It never has been so much me focasing on my own pleasure, but more the pleasure he derives from what he's doing to me, or has me do. This is really interesting to me, and I'll have to read more."

Slavespace

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[alice_underneath]

January 8th - words of Blushing Bottom

"A few months ago a very nice Dom brought to my attention that I might be “suffering” from Submissive Frenzy. And I was actually. Specifically I was willingly ignoring on of my own limits because I knew he enjoyed and I also needed my fix. I am forever grateful to him in terms of protecting me from myself and making me more self-aware. I imagine the same “affliction” happens in vanilla relationship (probably know as desparate).

My question, have any pyls ever experienced this frenzy and what did you do or come to that realization. And to the PYLs have you encountered a sub in frenzy where she will change herself to get a fix. Did you make her realize her mistake?

For me this is always on my mind in my searches and it has helped me stay focused on what I really want out of a relationship and not just what a potential partner/PYL wants."

Submissive Frenzy

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Catalina - I think those are actually the words of Miss Diva (not BB).

This is a great thread, btw. Thanks for starting it.

Alice

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina - I think those are actually the words of Miss Diva (not BB).

This is a great thread, btw. Thanks for starting it.

Alice

Thanks...that's what happens when you try and do too many things all at once.

Catalinahttp://members.home.nl/animation.world/index/dolzz/Dolzz34.gif

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 10th - words of AnelizeDarkEyes

"This post cracks me up. In fact, all the posts whining about Francisco's post crack me up. So WHAT if he hurts your poor widdle feelings. Is he here to coddle everyone's feelings? Does he have to take a mental poll of every single sensitive soul on LitBDSM before he makes a post, making sure that he doesn't say anything hurtful or unkind?

Fuck no.

See those little blue banners at the top of the page, people?

Free Speech.

If you don't like it, take your crying, whiny asses home.

Grow up, ferchrissakes. "

Online and Real Life BDSM

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[catalina_francisco]

January 11th - words of shy slave

"Sometimes i wonder why I am not bi-sexual. That pic is enough to make me change my mind.

You look fabulous Net, Queen of all you survey."

Dominants Tails Thread

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[catalina_francisco]

January 12th - words of Bandit58

"Sounds like the only "domming" they have done is typing on a screen with one hand on their dick"

Dom/me Wannabe's and Their Lack Of Insight

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[the captians wench]

January 12th - words of Bandit58

"Sounds like the only "domming" they have done is typing on a screen with one hand on their dick"

Dom/me Wannabe's and Their Lack Of Insight

http://home.deds.nl/~tlampje/poppetjes/poppetjes/2/poppetjes2218.gif

*snarf*

 

[graceanne]

. . . . .

 

[alice_underneath]

January 13th - words of Purple Sage

* whispers in Graceanne's ear *

Pssst.... I think Purple Sage is a PYL, not a pyl.....

 

[graceanne]

* whispers in Graceanne's ear *

Pssst.... I think Purple Sage is a PYL, not a pyl.....

What? Are you sure?

 

[alice_underneath]

What? Are you sure?

That's how I read his posts on Rebecca's thread. Also, look at the last paragraph here:

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=15725945&postcount=25

 

[graceanne]

That's how I read his posts on Rebecca's thread. Also, look at the last paragraph here:

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=15725945&postcount=25

Drat. grr

 

[Kajira Callista]

Drat. grr

hehehe can i make this the submisive quote of the day?

 

[graceanne]

hehehe can i make this the submisive quote of the day?

Go ahead. lol

 

[catalina_francisco]

January 13th - words of pandoravampire

"i thought id share my first forced pee.
I have been trying for a year, at my Sir's request, to be able to pee in front of this Him. I'd tried, but for some reason, i couldnt give up control of my bladder. I could do it, 'camoflaged' in the shower (so he couldnt 'really' see for sure), but had gotten no futher.

Last night, we were about to leave the house, when i told him i needed to use the bathroom first. He then told me, in 'that' voice, that i must pee where i stood. Which happened to be in the kitchen. Which for some poor lighting reasons, has a spot lit floor! I was made to strip. I took my clothes off, spoiling for time, whilst i begged not to have to do this. Asked silly questions like, cant i pee on a towel? He got fed up, and barked that i had been TOLD to do something. So just as i was about to coupie down, he then barked stop! I was seriously close to being able to comply, and give Him what He had asked of me for a year. I thought id lost my chance.
He then put a clear glass bowl underneath me, and told me to do what i had been told to do.
For some reason, maybe because we are in such a good space right now, i was able to, for the first time ever, be forced to handover my bladder control to Him. The power exchange was awesome. The pride on both of our faces im sure, would of been awesome.
There followed, the filthiest night yet

There were many elements at play that night. Some recognisable, others i cant yet understand. Humiliation seems to be screaming at me right now. And im not sure i like this bit of me entirely? I mean, that's kinda low, even for me. Its sort of below my 'moral' limit. But my body thinks otherwise. A bit of a eye opener. And im still kinda spinning out in subbie space zone today, so havent quite had the time to digest it all. Im stuck in the 'moment' still.

In answer to the original post, Yes. It is possible, for even people like me, who dont 'let go' easily. And today, i feel totally His. Like i would walk on fire for Him.
It took wonderful patience on his part, it took the practicalities like having to pee anyhow. But most of all, it took trust.
For me, it has apparently taken a year of learning to trust, sufficiently to submit.
I have to feel completely at ease with someone to do that. That is why, i didnt enjoy 'playing'. To be told that 'i will do whatever necessary, to bring you to full bloom' is one thing, but to have that demonstrated to you, repeatedly, is another."

Forced Peeing

 

[FurryFury]

Thank you for posting this Catalina!

It made my day so far!

*smiles*

Fury