Submissive feminist seeks Dominat misogynist

[Feminist123]

I'm struggling a bit, I have core feminist values in life and was brought up to believe in equality and all that entails, however, shamefully I have some submissive feelii, which go against the very core of what I was brought up to believe. Quite the quandary I'm sure you'll agree.

So I'm looking for a dominant misogynist to talk to and see where this might lead, I envisage having a debate about both sides to this, but ultimately I'm looking for a real misogynist and someone who is secure enough in their own beliefs not to back down easily, someone who is good enough at debate to possibly enable me to see their point, and who knows one of us might just change our mind set (you!)

Anyway if this of any interest please drop me a line

 

[TakemetomyO]

Although it is a contradiction, I completely understand! I separate from the bedroom and the rest of the world. Was very conflicted in the beginning and now just enjoy what I enjoy.

I'm interested to see the other replies you receive!

 

[hardtaskmaster]

Conflict?

I have never viewed it as a conflict for a woman to be both an ardent feminist and a submissive. However, your project sounds interesting, I'm sure there are plenty of misogynists here, though I personally can't see a misogynist making a good Dom in any 'normal' BDSM relationship. Whether there are many dominant misogynists who can debate their prejudice convincingly though ... I guess you may find out.

 

[Prince Albert]

Welcome, have fun enjoy yourself.

 

[FluteMaster]

I do have to agree with some of the posts above:

1) Submission doesn't conflict with feminism

2) Misogyny doesn't equate to dominance.

I define feminism as the belief that men and women should not be prejudged on the basis of their gender except where entirely necessary. More particularly, it is the assumption that men and women have equal rights to self autonomy. Submission as a choice is NOT the assumption that one is worthless or worth less because of one's gender.

However, Feminism also includes the notion that individuals have the right to define how they wish to act out as they are, masculine or feminine, dominant or submissive, etc etc, whether they are male OR female. I think one of the values feminism brings is the challenge to "accepted" gender norms that trap both men and women.

Secondly, misogyny is the belief that all males are superior to all females. Personally, I would love to debate with anyone who dared to argue that one with me, and I would happily rip them a new intellectual asshole ;-)

And yes, I am a sadistic dominant, but I also have huge respect for those women who are able to submit, and take pain levels that I certainly could not.

Learning to accept a truth about one's alignment doesn't mean learning to diminish one's self...it means learning to love and accept one's self, and one's true worth.

 

[Tech_Director]

For the life of Me I cannot possibly imagine a Dominant male being misogynistic. To Me that is an oxymoron because a person who tries to identify as being such would simply be an abuser in My mind.

 

[Techchickuk]

Feminism gives me a choice

The right to equal opportunities for all, irrespective of gender, race, background etc, gives the ability to choose. I am a feminist, therefore I have the right to choose my sexuality and not be judged by it. Don't forget, as a submissive, you can choose who to submit to - or not.

 

[RawHumor]

I'm curious if she's aware that submitting to men does not go against feminism or if she's just looking for a particular type of dominant.

 

[nurseclynn]

Feminism and Submission

Thank you RawHumor, Tech_Director, and FluteMaster (as Doms) and Techchickuk (clearly a smart sub)...for your posts here.

The confusion about feminism and submission seems to occur a lot, particularly in women who are at the beginning of their journey into understanding themselves as submissive. I know that for me the cognitive dissonance was troublesome until I puzzled my way through many of the concepts that several of you have taken the trouble to clarify on this thread.

In fact, I have come to see that embracing my submission is a facet of and an expression of my feminism. It is evidence of my strength and willingness to be fearless about who I am and what my needs really are.

I would strongly encourage the OP to only consider giving your submission to someone who values all aspects of your character, including your feminism. There are many Doms out there who will. I personally would never be consider a serious relationship with a misogynist. I have too much respect for myself. I want my Dom to love me. Spank me, yes... give me pain... absolutely... but because it is part of our sexual play and because I want him to... not because he hates me... but because he loves me.
Misogyny by definition is the hatred, dislike, mistrust or women and or prejudice against women. I would never give my submission to someone who was prejudiced against women as a category. This seems a likely recipe for abuse.

I have included a link to an article that I found useful as I tried to make sense of my politics and my sexuality ... perhaps it will be useful or illuminating to others as well.

http://www.alternet.org/story/14602..._how_i_reconcile_my_politics_with_my_sex_life

Good luck to the OP. I do hope you consider revising what you think you are searching for.

 

[mijayoo]

I do have to agree with some of the posts above:

1) Submission doesn't conflict with feminism

2) Misogyny doesn't equate to dominance.

I define feminism as the belief that men and women should not be prejudged on the basis of their gender except where entirely necessary. More particularly, it is the assumption that men and women have equal rights to self autonomy. Submission as a choice is NOT the assumption that one is worthless or worth less because of one's gender.

However, Feminism also includes the notion that individuals have the right to define how they wish to act out as they are, masculine or feminine, dominant or submissive, etc etc, whether they are male OR female. I think one of the values feminism brings is the challenge to "accepted" gender norms that trap both men and women.

Secondly, misogyny is the belief that all males are superior to all females. Personally, I would love to debate with anyone who dared to argue that one with me, and I would happily rip them a new intellectual asshole ;-)

And yes, I am a sadistic dominant, but I also have huge respect for those women who are able to submit, and take pain levels that I certainly could not.

Learning to accept a truth about one's alignment doesn't mean learning to diminish one's self...it means learning to love and accept one's self, and one's true worth.

Well said!!!!!!!

 

[Primalex]

Secondly, misogyny is the belief that all males are superior to all females. Personally, I would love to debate with anyone who dared to argue that one with me, and I would happily rip them a new intellectual asshole ;-)

Strong words.

Well, I dare to argue with you. Unfortunately, your "intellect" does not scare me at all.

Before we get to the core, how about some warming up? Well, answer me the next question, oh, intellectual flute master:

I define feminism as the belief that men and women should not be prejudged on the basis of their gender except where entirely necessary.

When is it entirely necessary to prejudge a woman?

 

[dims]

I'm struggling a bit, I have core feminist values in life and was brought up to believe in equality and all that entails, however, shamefully I have some submissive feelii, which go against the very core of what I was brought up to believe. Quite the quandary I'm sure you'll agree.

So I'm looking for a dominant misogynist to talk to and see where this might lead, I envisage having a debate about both sides to this, but ultimately I'm looking for a real misogynist and someone who is secure enough in their own beliefs not to back down easily, someone who is good enough at debate to possibly enable me to see their point, and who knows one of us might just change our mind set (you!)

Anyway if this of any interest please drop me a line

I don't really see the contradiction. Submissiveness requires strength of character and in my world a load of respect from the dominant too.
Though you must keep in mind that I'm European and feminism is something different here, since we don't have the same kind of problems as in the states.
Equality is almost complete where I live, so in my world feminism is a non-issue.

 

[Yardley]

The OP's mistake is she assumes feminists are pro-women and the opposite of that is a misogynist. In fact, feminists are an advocacy movement asking for favored treatment of women at the expense of men. Feminism is more an anti-men movement than a pro-women movement. Plenty of strong, capable women do not identify as "feminists." plenty of strong, capable women identify as sexual submissive by the way. The numbers of women who choose to self identify as feminists is on the decline and not because women wish to be ill-treated, passed over for deserved promotions or paid less.

Ever talked to a "men's rights" advocate? He is a loon, yes? So are the bulk of feminists.

*note, your basic garden variety women's studies devotee will find this post replete with misogyny.

 

[Feminist123]

Wow, firstly thanks for the replies and its nice to have started a debate!

Let's clear a few things up, I wasn't looking to debate the meanings, rights or wrongs of feminism nor misogyny. I identify with the feminist mind set be that right or wrong in your opinion matters not a jot to me as thats who I am and how I feel. Part of this, again for me personally, is the layer of submissive feelings I have, I find hard to accept (no point telling me I'm wrong here, I'm not, it's a fact I find it hard to accept) I've internally debated this with myself over and over, with logic and reasoning and in truth I can see both sides but still can't come to terms with the feelings, they still feel inherently against how I was brought up to feel. I can't help that sorry if you disagree or find it offensive.

So I thought all the above being taken into account, that having a chat with someone who holds the very opposed views to me and is strong enough to discuss these and stand firm if he really thinks it, would be a different way of approaching this, perhaps misogynist is the wrong term, but I want someone with strong beliefs and a misogynist was about the best I could come up with.

Hopefully that has cleared some stuff up

 

[Yardley]

Fair enough.

Plenty of men have had their fill of feminist dogma. I cannot imagine any of them wanting to discuss it for fun with a feminist.

I'll give you a personal example. I while back I had caught the attention of a young women who was soon to graduate college. Some advanced degree in some worthless field, no doubt. Her circumstances, raised by a divorced mother, and (understandably) receiving little financial support from her disabled father "qualified" for grants and loans as many people do. As a result she had not yet in her young life held an actual job.

She was chatting to me by phone one day, gushing about how fired up she was in her womans studies class and how she could not wait to get out in the workforce and fight the patriarchy and no man was going to keep her down..yap yap yap.

Goes on about it including among other things the nonsense about 77 cents on the dollar*. I try explaining the error of that easily debunked "fact"oid and that yes there are some professions that aren't yet filled out with women and some high level positions...but that her first job would certainly fall under very easy to follow salary guidelines and that if she makes one penny less then the gentleman to her right in the cubicle the EEOC has a staff of lawyers to help her out.

She wasn't hearing any of it, fight the patriarchy!!

I hung up. Never talked to her again.

*Do NOT get me started, women with no children under the age of 30 make 104 cents on the dollar.

 

[Scotsman69]

I agree

completely with this XX

The right to equal opportunities for all, irrespective of gender, race, background etc, gives the ability to choose. I am a feminist, therefore I have the right to choose my sexuality and not be judged by it. Don't forget, as a submissive, you can choose who to submit to - or not.

 

[Techchickuk]

Fair enough.

Plenty of men have had their fill of feminist dogma. I cannot imagine any of them wanting to discuss it for fun with a feminist.

I'll give you a personal example. I while back I had caught the attention of a young women who was soon to graduate college. Some advanced degree in some worthless field, no doubt. Her circumstances, raised by a divorced mother, and (understandably) receiving little financial support from her disabled father "qualified" for grants and loans as many people do. As a result she had not yet in her young life held an actual job.

She was chatting to me by phone one day, gushing about how fired up she was in her womans studies class and how she could not wait to get out in the workforce and fight the patriarchy and no man was going to keep her down..yap yap yap.

Goes on about it including among other things the nonsense about 77 cents on the dollar*. I try explaining the error of that easily debunked "fact"oid and that yes there are some professions that aren't yet filled out with women and some high level positions...but that her first job would certainly fall under very easy to follow salary guidelines and that if she makes one penny less then the gentleman to her right in the cubicle the EEOC has a staff of lawyers to help her out.

She wasn't hearing any of it, fight the patriarchy!!

I hung up. Never talked to her again.

*Do NOT get me started, women with no children under the age of 30 make 104 cents on the dollar.

--------------
OK, without wishing to troll, and you are so obviously trying to elicit a dungarees wearing, doc Martin booted rant, get over yourself.

You might not have spoken to her again....I doubt that she even remembers the conversation.

Just sayin' . Chill out and keep paying the child support honey xx

 

[FluteMaster]

--------------
OK, without wishing to troll, and you are so obviously trying to elicit a dungarees wearing, doc Martin booted rant, get over yourself.

You might not have spoken to her again....I doubt that she even remembers the conversation.

Just sayin' . Chill out and keep paying the child support honey xx

SNARK

 

[dims]

Wow, firstly thanks for the replies and its nice to have started a debate!

Let's clear a few things up, I wasn't looking to debate the meanings, rights or wrongs of feminism nor misogyny. I identify with the feminist mind set be that right or wrong in your opinion matters not a jot to me as thats who I am and how I feel. Part of this, again for me personally, is the layer of submissive feelings I have, I find hard to accept (no point telling me I'm wrong here, I'm not, it's a fact I find it hard to accept) I've internally debated this with myself over and over, with logic and reasoning and in truth I can see both sides but still can't come to terms with the feelings, they still feel inherently against how I was brought up to feel. I can't help that sorry if you disagree or find it offensive.

So I thought all the above being taken into account, that having a chat with someone who holds the very opposed views to me and is strong enough to discuss these and stand firm if he really thinks it, would be a different way of approaching this, perhaps misogynist is the wrong term, but I want someone with strong beliefs and a misogynist was about the best I could come up with.

Hopefully that has cleared some stuff up

Now I get it, and I certainly am up for it, you are every much welcome to PM me and we can start the discussion and see what happens, though me frame of reference is very much different from yours.
It might be interesting to see what the dominant male sadist have to say to the submissive feminist.. I predict some sparks.

 

[SilverbackUK]

1) Submission doesn't conflict with feminism

Mmmm... I'd quibble there that it depends on the OP's definition of 'feminism'... If that strongly includes not taking any crap off of men, then there clearly could be a perception of conflict...

People use - and abuse - terms in very fluid ways...

Cheers

 

[Gabriel1664]

Bumping this thread for the issue discussed

Submissive woman? feminist? confident woman? submissive?
Bedroom? outside? G

 

[Him15]

2 year old thread? Should you start your own?

 

[removed9556]

 

[Gabriel1664]

why?

Yes it is/was a 3 yr old thread -- I didn't want to start a new one, and lose the interesting comments in the original.

Having known women who are submissive sexually, and also are strong and confident and not submissive in the 'outside' world, ----------- and/or are feminist in outlook, and crave submissiveness sexually. And being a guy who enjoys such women, --- I thought it would be interesting to revive this.

G

 

[removed9556]