Submission - Love involved

[Miss Diva]

Here is my question. As submissives can you be a submissive to anyone or did you have to find the one and the role happened naturely.

I ask because I am meeting some Doms but I do not find myself wanting to submit to them in any form.

I guess I am trying say is that if you are naturely submissive can you be submissive to any Dom you meet or did you have to meet the one and he/she helped you on your journey.

thanks
Miss Diva

 

[HottieMama]

Here is my question. As submissives can you be a submissive to anyone or did you have to find the one and the role happened naturely.

I ask because I am meeting some Doms but I do not find myself wanting to submit to them in any form.

I guess I am trying say is that if you are naturely submissive can you be submissive to any Dom you meet or did you have to meet the one and he/she helped you on your journey.

thanks
Miss Diva

i "met" several Doms that i didn't want to submit to in any way, shape, or form...for one reason or another. Then i met S, and we just clicked from the beginning...in normal conversations...and now we both know we're meant for each other... It just "flowed." i have no other way to describe it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think it is similar to love, there has to be the right chemistry....what may work with one person may not click for you. Hang in there and you will find one who sparks more than a yawn.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

I think it is similar to love, there has to be the right chemistry....what may work with one person may not click for you. Hang in there and you will find one who sparks more than a yawn.

Catalina

*giggles* I like that phrazology cat.

and I agree, it takes time but you will find some you naturally feel submissive to and some you don't. I've had a few doms that I found I could wrap around my little finger, and so I didn't feel the urge to submit. With others one glance and I'm in that place where nothing matters but pleasing him. Just depends on what strikes you.

 

[Miss Diva]

Ok that is what I thought. Thank God I am normal, well sort of, I think maybe...

 

[HottieMama]

Normal is a relative term...

 

[Otherhalves]

I think it's a misconception that subs will submit to anyone. I insist on "picking" someone, as I find it impossible to submit to/respect someone who isn't at least my intellectual equal.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Here is my question. As submissives can you be a submissive to anyone or did you have to find the one and the role happened naturely.

I ask because I am meeting some Doms but I do not find myself wanting to submit to them in any form.

I guess I am trying say is that if you are naturely submissive can you be submissive to any Dom you meet or did you have to meet the one and he/she helped you on your journey.

thanks
Miss Diva

Naturally submissive does not equal Doormat or 'submit to everyone'. obviously (atleast for me) there has to be some chemistry and your needs/wants need to match your Dominants or you are going to continue running into the same problem you have now. i mean in any relationship you have to be compatible with your partner, why would D/s be any different? i am naturally submissive, however, i do not submit to any man who says He's a Dom..i submit to One and One only who is my Dominant and Owner.

 

[GhostlySwitch]

Before I met Mistress, I would occasionally play, just for the sake of play with someone, but when I found Mistress, it just clicked. There was chemistry between us, and I found I wanted to submit to her, and only her. The only thing that scared me initially was how quickly she was able to bring out my submissive side. But things are working well so far, and I am happy for finding her.

 

[Ice2000]

ok.. from a hard ass dom's point of view....

Absolutely not. if you don't feel a bond with a person .. I don't care how submissive you are it won't work..

Don't try to force it.. if it is there you will feel it. if not tell them to get the hell away from you.

 

[Miss Diva]

I am so glad to hear it. I recently played with someone who said i was a kinky bottom and not a "real" sub (whatever definition that might be).

I feel I am a sub but I have not found the one I click with. I guess it is like all relationships where two people must click.

thanks and I would love to hear from more people.

Miss Diva
(looking for the ONE)

 

[NoLeafClover7]

I know you're wanting the advice of submissives, but I thought you might like to hear from a Dom's perspective(granted I don't have as much experience as some doms given my age, but I know what I'm after). This is going to be a rehash of what others before me have said, but I definitely think you should keep looking until you actually feel a connection with someone. Some people's personalities just don't mesh well, for whatever reasons.

On the flip side of what you're experiencing, there are some submissives/slaves out there who I wouldn't be interested in making mine even if they wanted me, because of their personalities, whether it is because they're TOO much of a pushover, too bitchy, want something different than what I want out of a relationship(biggest example is someone who is into swinging or polyamory. Its just not my thing and I don't like to share my girl with others). I'm sure there are other Doms who are like that. Its not easy to find someone who a person clicks with, but I'd like to think that most Doms aren't just going to take the first sub that happens to come along.

You don't seem like you would have a problem with this, but just as a piece of general advice, just keep your head on straight and don't try to settle for less because you are tired of looking. You may end up feeling worse than if you had simply stayed unattached that whole time.

 

[FurryFury]

Miss Diva,

From what I've seen many people online especially expect any sub to call them master and such as that. It's total crap.

I've never played with anyone in public really but I've been to some, munches, demos and parties.

No one has pushed me in any way and that's good because I wouldn't have reacted "like a good sub" if they had. I believe it is my choice to give someone control and not to.

In one, demo I saw a Dom insist that the volunteers call him "Sir" but certainly not "Master." That made sense to me it showed respect but not ownership.

IMO it's bad etiquette to insist on "Master" with a volunteer or play partner and I don't think most in the scene would do that, but I have only my limited experience to go by.

I personally would call no one Master that I didn't feel was or didn't want to be in fact, my Master. So yes, the fit has to be right. Not just any, Tom, Dick or Jane.

Fury

 

[Literotti]

Re: Submission - love involved

Here is my question. As submissives can you be a submissive to anyone or did you have to find the one and the role happened naturely.

I ask because I am meeting some Doms but I do not find myself wanting to submit to them in any form.

I guess I am trying say is that if you are naturely submissive can you be submissive to any Dom you meet or did you have to meet the one and he/she helped you on your journey.

thanks
Miss Diva

You'd have to ask this of both submissive and slave, because in theory, there are two different points of view. From what I've heard, a submissive has the choice to serve or not serve, and to whom...but a slave has no choice.

I also think that there are varying degrees of submission, so what one might submit to with a stranger will not be as intense as with one's Master or Mistress.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

You'd have to ask this of both submissive and slave, because in theory, there are two different points of view. From what I've heard, a submissive has the choice to serve or not serve, and to whom...but a slave has no choice.

I also think that there are varying degrees of submission, so what one might submit to with a stranger will not be as intense as with one's Master or Mistress.

a slave also, in MOST cases, has a right to choose WHO they choose for their Master, however Master may also decide she is going to bottom for Dom So and So, to me that is different than the question that was orginally asked. i think everyone has to pick a partner that suits them, if not, is it really ever going to work? i know it wouldn't for me. i couldn't submit to somenoe who didn't have the same interests, kinks, etc. i could bottom to them probably but i would not choose them to be my Master and completely give myself over to them. as i said in my earlier post, it's not different picking a partner in a D/s relationship than it is in a 'nilla one. ...... just more of my two cents...

 

[BiBunny]

You'd have to ask this of both submissive and slave, because in theory, there are two different points of view. From what I've heard, a submissive has the choice to serve or not serve, and to whom...but a slave has no choice.

I also think that there are varying degrees of submission, so what one might submit to with a stranger will not be as intense as with one's Master or Mistress.

A slave can make a choice about whether or not to serve someone. A slave, to me, is someone who is owned, not someone who simply labels himself/herself a "slave" just to sound subbier-than-thou. You make a decision that you want to serve a PYL as his/her property. From there on out, your choices are the ones that your PYL gives you. I'm kind of assuming this is what you meant, but there are unattached people out there who label themselves "slave" and go around "submitting" to everyone they come across. In that situation, said "slave" does have a choice.

Blah...did that make sense at all?

ETA: rose was posting as I was apparently, and she made the point a lot better than I did.

 

[Miss Diva]

Well i think that prior to submitting (whether sub, slave, pyl) we all have to decide and choose and we have a choice. Once the decision is made then things change.

So even if you feel your level of submission is slavery (is that a PC term?) you and only you choose to be that to that specifice PYL

Cat: You choose to be a slave to F. I mean he did not kidnap or something like that.

 

[Otherkorean]

Here is my question. As submissives can you be a submissive to anyone or did you have to find the one and the role happened naturely.

I ask because I am meeting some Doms but I do not find myself wanting to submit to them in any form.

I guess I am trying say is that if you are naturely submissive can you be submissive to any Dom you meet or did you have to meet the one and he/she helped you on your journey.

thanks
Miss Diva

I have noticed I have three reactions to people claiming to be Doms.

If they demand submission without showing any sign of knowledge, experience or respect reflecting their demands I don't feel any urge to submit. Or I want to laugh in their face. Depends on the situation and my mood.

If they demand submission and I believe that they know enough to have a reason to be so arrogant (my opinion. *shrugs* ) I usually follow along out of curiosity but I don't feel an urge to please them through my submission. Last time I did this I got in over my head and ended up panicking and backing out.

If they manage to control the situation without demanding submission, but rather inspiring respect and make me feel sexy while submitting. Well... its only happened twice for me so far. *huge day dreamy grin*

 

[elizabeth22673]

Here is my question. As submissives can you be a submissive to anyone or did you have to find the one and the role happened naturely.

I ask because I am meeting some Doms but I do not find myself wanting to submit to them in any form.

I guess I am trying say is that if you are naturely submissive can you be submissive to any Dom you meet or did you have to meet the one and he/she helped you on your journey.

thanks
Miss Diva

Miss Diva,

I feel the same way you do. Only to a very few do I want to submit to. It seems I need to have respect for the person from the start. Or at the very least, a connection.

Hope that helps you a bit
Liz

 

[Chicklet]

I get flamed so often for not wanting to submit to just anybody. I've got this weird habit of wanting to fall for a person before offering to give them part of myself, go figure...

Anyone that is irritated at another person for not falling right into a role is an idiot, in my opinion, so being flamed is the easiest way to rule out 90% of the guys that try to hit on me.

Good luck finding the right person. Don't settle for anything less than perfect, because why should you?

 

[BiBunny]

I get flamed so often for not wanting to submit to just anybody. I've got this weird habit of wanting to fall for a person before offering to give them part of myself, go figure...

Anyone that is irritated at another person for not falling right into a role is an idiot, in my opinion, so being flamed is the easiest way to rule out 90% of the guys that try to hit on me.

Good luck finding the right person. Don't settle for anything less than perfect, because why should you?

I'm like this, too. I can negotiate what I want to give up within the context of a scene with my handful of play partners. Even though I consider them friends, I don't feel toward them the way I feel toward B., who can get anything he wants out of me, no questions asked. It took awhile for me to be able to give myself to him in such a way, too.

I agree that anyone who thinks you should give yourself away that easily is a moron. When they try that shit on me, I like to say, "Well, since I switch, how 'bout I'll Top you, and you show me how it's done?" That usually shuts 'em up in a hurry.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Cat: You choose to be a slave to F. I mean he did not kidnap or something like that.

LOL, nah, he only kidnapped me in my dreams. He did tell me we were getting married though, which did surprise both of us but didn't raise any protests from me. He then proceeded to send me all I needed to arrange it for when we finally met...that was 5 years ago now.

Catalina

 

[Ice2000]

Submission is not something that can be demanded of someone. Anyone trying to make demands on such a thing is a Nut.

Submission is a gift.. If you feed it, water it .. it will grow and when it is strong you can call yourself a dom if you have done it right.

anything else is BS

 

[Otherhalves]

A slave can make a choice about whether or not to serve someone. A slave, to me, is someone who is owned, not someone who simply labels himself/herself a "slave" just to sound subbier-than-thou. You make a decision that you want to serve a PYL as his/her property. From there on out, your choices are the ones that your PYL gives you. I'm kind of assuming this is what you meant, but there are unattached people out there who label themselves "slave" and go around "submitting" to everyone they come across. In that situation, said "slave" does have a choice.

Blah...did that make sense at all?

ETA: rose was posting as I was apparently, and she made the point a lot better than I did.

Perfectly stated, Bunny. :O)

 

[Brandii]

I like the way you think!