Subdrop

[babygirlslave19]

My Dom and I have a wonderful online relationship. We video chat from time to time, because we live far apart. The other day I think I had a major bout of subdrop as I felt a deep yearning to have him physically with me. Any advice on how to deal?

 

[base10]

My Dom and I have a wonderful online relationship. We video chat from time to time, because we live far apart. The other day I think I had a major bout of subdrop as I felt a deep yearning to have him physically with me. Any advice on how to deal?

Since you are remote, before any play starts I would discuss with your dom what kind of care you think you are going to need after.

Talk about what he can do to comfort you, and bring you back before either of you get too wrapped up in the moment. Discuss how the end of play is not the end of that chat. Even if you can't physically touch, still remaining present through video is the best you can do remotely.

Hope this helps, my best remote aftercare experiences have just been to stay with her as she comes back

 

[Lascivity]

I've written whole articles about getting over drop in the past. It's a tough thing to figure out. Basically, though, if you're away from your partner you might want to schedule in a call for the day afterwards, do something nice for yourself, or make sure that you've got everything you need around you so that you can just hibernate until it passes. It's all about working out what works for you.

 

[ReaperW]

.....

 

[cookiecat]

What do you think would help? More connection, conversation with him right after? Later that day? Would writing about your feelings in an online journal help, knowing he'd read it? Long distance is such a challenge.

 

[subbyslut24]

This is one of the hardest parts about being in a long distance D/s relationship, and at times the drops can be almost unbearable, especially after particularly intense sessions. I've had a few Doms online and in person but the one that really understood was Master Pheonix. Here are a two things he did to help me until we met irl:
*after chat. after sessions he would devote at least 10 minutes just talking softly and sweetly to me. slowly drawing me back to the real world. it was a true bonding experience.
*a care package. he sent me a small bottle of his cologne and a weighted blanket. after we would have a session he would have me spritz the blanket and wrap up in it while he he talked me down. bundled up in the blanket while he told me what a good girl i was and how proud he was almost made me feel he was there with me.

Its really hard being with a Dominant or Master long distance. In alot of ways its actually harder for reasons just like that, and if you are having intense sessions it can be jarring and miserable. I hope this helps at all.

 

[AnnieLit]

Its really hard being with a Dominant or Master long distance. In alot of ways its actually harder for reasons just like that, and if you are having intense sessions it can be jarring and miserable. I hope this helps at all.

If only more Doms understood that...

 

[Knoturnal]

I hope you are willing to communicate with your Dom about this. He's going to be the one that helps you get through it better than anyone else. Everyone else has great ideas. He needs to be the one to make things work to help you.

 

[babygirlslave19]

Thank you all for the heartfelt and brilliant advice. It's very comforting to know that my feelings aren't out of the ordinary. I agree that long distance is very challenging and sometimes it's hard to stay motivated to make it work.

 

[Specula]

This is one of the hardest parts about being in a long distance D/s relationship, and at times the drops can be almost unbearable, especially after particularly intense sessions. I've had a few Doms online and in person but the one that really understood was Master Pheonix. Here are a two things he did to help me until we met irl:
*after chat. after sessions he would devote at least 10 minutes just talking softly and sweetly to me. slowly drawing me back to the real world. it was a true bonding experience.
*a care package. he sent me a small bottle of his cologne and a weighted blanket. after we would have a session he would have me spritz the blanket and wrap up in it while he he talked me down. bundled up in the blanket while he told me what a good girl i was and how proud he was almost made me feel he was there with me.

Its really hard being with a Dominant or Master long distance. In alot of ways its actually harder for reasons just like that, and if you are having intense sessions it can be jarring and miserable. I hope this helps at all.

You lucky girl!!

 

[Checkmate70]

*a care package. he sent me a small bottle of his cologne and a weighted blanket. after we would have a session he would have me spritz the blanket and wrap up in it while he he talked me down. bundled up in the blanket while he told me what a good girl i was and how proud he was almost made me feel he was there with me.

I might have to steal this! I'm not much of a cologne guy but I'm sure I could think of something to make her feel like I'm there holding her. I always make time for aftercare, and I don't think she suffers too much from subdrop, but this is still a terrific idea.

 

[Acktion]

**Up your vitamin B complex.

**Go for a walk outside in the sun to boost your Vitamin D.

**Eat some dark chocolate. The higher the cacao content, the better.

**Watch for chills. Bundle up after. The weighted blanket is good, but particularly watch for drafts and chills. Which can be problematic even with the weighted blanket if it's not snugged up.

**Do NOT get up until you safely can. If you are feeling dizzy or at all unbalanced, sit or lay the fuck back down until you aren't! I don't give a fuck how bad you feel like you need to pee, if I'm... er, I mean, your Dom/me isn't there to watch you and lend a hand, then we are trusting you to use a little common fucking sense about it and not harm yourself accidentally by getting up before we would have let you up. It's always going to be easier to change the sheets that stitch you up or set a bone or joint.

**Hydrate like a motherfucker. This means water. H20. Not soda or tea or wine. Hydrate first. THEN some calming tea if that is your preference. But, stay away from caffeine and/or alcohol for a minimum of an hour and a half to two hours, while intaking about 16 ounces of water in that time. If your pee isn't clear, you haven't drunk enough water.

**Given a choice, I would never leave a sub until I was certain we were out of the drop zone clean. However, shit happens. Life happens. A commiserate friend (NOT a Dom!) is an acceptable substitute for someone to talk to. Journaling is a good alternative in the event that the D-type in question is not available and talking with friends are not. However, on both sides of the slash, if the Dom has access to the journal, it is imperative that said journal is a SAFE zone. That the submissive will NEVER be punished for anything found there. If you don't typically journal, write a letter to your Dom/me talking about what you are feeling, what you are thinking.

**Follow up is imperative. On both sides of the slash. The Dom should take care of this by taking the initiative to follow up. And should also be open to the submissive initiating contact if they need it of their own volition during such times. But, again, life can sometimes get in the way.

I agree with what several have said that this is just one of many things that make LDR hard. In the off-line world, I take care of these. When she is away from me, I trust her to take care of my property in my absence. And would be most vexed if she didn't come to me when there was an issue that she didn't know how to handle. Even more so if she did not take these simple steps as directed.

The biggest thing, though, is to remember that this feeling is a real thing, but it is not you and it is not your Dom/me and it is not your relationship between you two. And that it will pass. IF you take care of yourself and be good to yourself.

 

[AnnieLit]

[see above] .

THANK YOU!!
Some things from your list I came up with on my own, others never thought about, but they make perfect sense.

From my personal experience I should add: never, ever even think about driving until you do all the things on that list.

My one and only exprience with public play ended up with me driving home holding the wheel with shaking hands. Shakes started about 10 min after we parted, so I did not know beforehand that I needed to wait them out. Not fun. Nobody got hurt, but that's when I started carrying good chocolate with me. Just in case.

 

[AnnieLit]

Now how do I teach my D-person the importance of a follow up... That's a big question that I don't have an answer to. The journal thing I did figure out as well as talking with a friend part, in my case they are combined as I share journal with a friend, not with Dom. I tried couple times to talk to my D about what worked and what did not and why I think it had no chance of working in the first place. He listened and agreed, but never initiated any post-play conversations on his own

 

[littlebirdjoy]

Now how do I teach my D-person the importance of a follow up... That's a big question that I don't have an answer to. The journal thing I did figure out as well as talking with a friend part, in my case they are combined as I share journal with a friend, not with Dom. I tried couple times to talk to my D about what worked and what did not and why I think it had no chance of working in the first place. He listened and agreed, but never initiated any post-play conversations on his own

Hi Annie ♡ I wrote the following after a situation where I experienced awful subdrop. It was written to explain it to my then Dom. It might be helpful. https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=91721336&postcount=13 it's entitled Subdrop and Dropping your Sub. Good luck lovely.

 

[AnnieLit]

Hi Annie ♡ I wrote the following after a situation where I experienced awful subdrop. It was written to explain it to my then Dom. It might be helpful. https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=91721336&postcount=13 it's entitled Subdrop and Dropping your Sub. Good luck lovely.

Thank you.

 

[AliceLittle]

My Dom and I have a wonderful online relationship. We video chat from time to time, because we live far apart. The other day I think I had a major bout of subdrop as I felt a deep yearning to have him physically with me. Any advice on how to deal?

From a physical standpoint, you're coming down off the endorphins. And that takes your body from utter relaxed into what I call a "backswing" where you become physically/emotionally overwhelmed as the body tries to catch up and remake the proper amount of happy chemicals. Some thoughts:

1. Set up a care plan with you D. Some people only need 5 min, some need 20... you know yourself best and as a D/s team, you both need to figure out how to get you back to baseline. This is in part his responsibility, and in part yours.

2. I've found it helpful to have things I like and need close at hand. A particular blanket or robe, sometimes a pillow or specific set of jammies. A water bottle, and something small to eat can help too. I've seen a recommendation of dark chocolate and would highly recommend; it helps the brain with releasing happy chemicals.

3. For the times when things aren't where he can stay, perhaps he can send a recording? I'm not sure how well it would work, but I don't think it could hurt if you feel like you need connection after a session.

Again, work out for you what you think will work best and of course, approach it as a team. It's normal want connection after a session, and sub drop can happen even after simple sessions. Just communicate with your Dom and be honest about what you need.

 

[sally_sparrow]

It has been a long time since I have experienced a drop, and my last one was BAD. My Dom at the time was also no where to be seen and that made it even worse. Everyone above has offered great suggestions. Find what works for you. When it happens to me I like to take a really long, really shot shower and just let the water roll over me. Or sleep. Most of all I want at the very least to talk to my partner. I think that is probably the most important thing to do initially. Good luck