Sub + Switch = ?

[Otherkorean]

Ok, advice, comments, really anything constructive. Please.

I am in a new relationship, he's a switch, I'm a sub. We're both VERY new to BDSM and dating in general. His job takes him away for about a month at a time, so I don't want to waste his time off when he gets it. So far sex has been vanilla with a sprinkling of kink. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I move things forward?

Thank you in advance,
Otherkorean

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Communication is the first thing. While he is away why not talk about each of your fantasies. Talk about stuff you both want to try. Talk about stuff that your embarrassed to mention. But just talk. After you do this then its easier to figure out what to do next. While he is still away then you could also get some small toys of the everyday variety, hairbrush, wooden spoon, clothes pins...

A side question Otherkorean, if he wants you to take some control would you be able to?? For some guys one of their fantasies are being controlled by their partner. Hope this helps.

 

[Otherkorean]

if he wants you to take some control would you be able to?? For some guys one of their fantasies are being controlled by their partner. Hope this helps.

Thanks for the advice. As for your question, I honestly don't know. I like knowing that I am pleasing the person that I'm with but... well, my mind kind of shuts off when I'm aroused, leaving me lost in my 'happy place'. I guess I'll just have to see to find out.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Thanks for the advice. As for your question, I honestly don't know. I like knowing that I am pleasing the person that I'm with but... well, my mind kind of shuts off when I'm aroused, leaving me lost in my 'happy place'. I guess I'll just have to see to find out.

Well you need to know this so that if he does ask you can explain that you might not be able to. Not sure what else to say to you as I see myself a switch in things sexual but not so much if its just play.

 

[CutieMouse]

Talk to him about what he needs/wants with regard to bottoming (submitting). Go over checklists together- just as you might want to do in a more black & white BDSM relationship. If the things that push his buttons as a bottom are the things that push your buttons as a submissive, use your own experiences to create similar ones for him. If not- see if you can figure out a way to enjoy his kink, too. Read up on the Dominant/Top side of the equation:

Lit's BDSM Library Link
Books:
The New Topping Book
The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Guidebook for Nervous Beginners
The Art of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women
The Loving Dominant

If you decide you aren't able to fulfill his need/desire to bottom, then I'd suggest agreeing to move on, as it isn't really fair to expect a partner to stay in a relationship where a need isn't met.