sub....switch....overtly curious Dom.

[Eroticalypse]

In not exactly new here, but i do have an un-ignorable curiousity about somethings.

I started off the vanilla path as a bottom, then the life of a switch appealed to me more, but im making startling discoveries every day and im curious about Domination.

I would like to hear about the thrills and/or fantasies of Doms/Dommes v.s. those of submissives, if anyone would like to talk shop with me.

Im overtly curious and sensually starved over here. Ill admit im a bit confused as to my place in the lifestyle as well.

 

[Arnemetia]

Questions ?

I can try to answer some of your questions on BDSM if you need...pm me

Arnemetia

 

[Eroticalypse]

Thank you, I will.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Feel free to click on my av or nick, and select Find all posts by... from the menu.

If you have specific questions, please feel free to ask. Curiousity and the desire to learn is something to be encouraged in new folks!

 

[Eroticalypse]

Thank you Evil i will...

and I appretiate that

Are you a Dom?

Do you switch or are you strictly submissive?

 

[neonflux]

I understand the confusion... a recent thread where I not only express same but get some very generous support from some very wise folks... (I also describe some of the rush of Topping for me.) Neon

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Thank you Evil i will...

and I appretiate that

Are you a Dom?

Do you switch or are you strictly submissive?

You're welcome. I guess it doesn't actually say what my orientation is anywhere on the header of my post, but my tag line does say:

Equal Opportunity Sadist

and generally speaking, sadists identify on the Top/Dominant side of the power exchange slash. Also, from my Lit profile:

Biography: Dominant, male, straight, sadist, into pretty much everything except the " 4 C's " No Children, Corpses, Ca-Ca, or Critters
Location: Columbia, SC
Interests: Founder - T3WD http://www.t3wd.org
Occupation: Owner of janey

So I feel it safe to say I would qualify on the Dom side of the equation. Hope that helps.

 

[Eroticalypse]

Geoff... when did you feel drawn to Dominance/submission? Was there a point where like me you didnt really know exactly what side of the fence you were on?...or did your personality and interest in inflicting pain more or less guide you towards being a top?

neonflux, thank you so much for the link, i really find it helpfull and thank you as well for posting.

 

[Ice2000]

You're welcome. I guess it doesn't actually say what my orientation is anywhere on the header of my post, but my tag line does say:

Equal Opportunity Sadist

and generally speaking, sadists identify on the Top/Dominant side of the power exchange slash. Also, from my Lit profile:

Biography: Dominant, male, straight, sadist, into pretty much everything except the " 4 C's " No Children, Corpses, Ca-Ca, or Critters
Location: Columbia, SC
Interests: Founder - T3WD http://www.t3wd.org
Occupation: Owner of janey

So I feel it safe to say I would qualify on the Dom side of the equation. Hope that helps.

Come on EG, tell the truth. I recall you admitting to bottom for a toy experiment, doesn't that make you a switch? ROFLMAO

sorry still trying to erase that ugly mental picture from my head...

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Geoff... when did you feel drawn to Dominance/submission? Was there a point where like me you didnt really know exactly what side of the fence you were on?...or did your personality and interest in inflicting pain more or less guide you towards being a top?

neonflux, thank you so much for the link, i really find it helpfull and thank you as well for posting.

I've never had any interest in having pain inflicted on me, they idea of me being in pain is so un-erotic it's not funny. Same for having someone else run my life. I've never had any interest at all in the submissive/bottom side of the equation.

My sexual fanatasies have always centered around being the one in power, in control, inflicting the pain, putting the woman in bondage, etc. Sorry, no ambivalence in my orientation.

And yes, Ice, even when I bottom for the purpose of learning about a new toy or technique. I don't get aroused by it or feel anything except relief at surviving it and wiser for knowing what the new toy feels like.

 

[myinnerslut]

hello. i cant say im a representation of the submissive population (actually, i can fairly accuratly say that ISNT the case, as i am just one person), but if youve got a question, ill try my best to answer it.

 

[Eroticalypse]

Geoff, do you find that your Dominance permeates all aspects of your life? Like say your job?

Is it more than bedroom sex with you? Ive always been involved in 24/7 power exchanges, since its more of a way of life to me than a fetish... but I am wondering if it is different for people who are only in "scene" for a few moments out of the day, i didnt know wich way it was for you.

As far as the question about yoru life...for example does being told what to do by anyone in your daily situations cause a reaction inside of you... maybe a little uneasyness.

Ive spoken to several Doms, some of wich find it difficult dealing with authority figures. Naturallly the are professional about it and it doesnt cause an issue but sometimes they tell me the feeling is there...

I ask cause im intriqued about this. I often feel that way and it might be myself trying to tell me something. Perhaps im simply a rebel and this has nothing to do with it, i dunno . Your input would be welcomed .

Thank you myinnerslut, i really appretiate the response.

As a submissive do you find yourself behaving in that often written about "psychological stereotypical" way... like say, not often meeting the eyes of individuals that you find a bit threatening, or being very well mannered and almost reserved even in the company of strangers? I guess what im asking is do you see any truth in there being a behavioral standard that one can find in alot of bottoms.

Ive been told i exhibit more Dominant qualities but i dont know if that really tells me something or not. I think its hard to pidgeonhole ANYONE let alone a Dominant or submissive based on certain manerisms and patterns of habit. We are people after all...and as they say... it takes all kinds.

But I wanted to know what you thought.

 

[Ice2000]

Geoff, do you find that your Dominance permeates all aspects of your life? Like say your job?

Is it more than bedroom sex with you? Ive always been involved in 24/7 power exchanges, since its more of a way of life to me than a fetish... but I am wondering if it is different for people who are only in "scene" for a few moments out of the day, i didnt know wich way it was for you.

As far as the question about yoru life...for example does being told what to do by anyone in your daily situations cause a reaction inside of you... maybe a little uneasyness.

Ive spoken to several Doms, some of wich find it difficult dealing with authority figures. Naturallly the are professional about it and it doesnt cause an issue but sometimes they tell me the feeling is there...

I ask cause im intriqued about this. I often feel that way and it might be myself trying to tell me something. Perhaps im simply a rebel and this has nothing to do with it, i dunno . Your input would be welcomed .

Thank you myinnerslut, i really appretiate the response.

As a submissive do you find yourself behaving in that often written about "psychological stereotypical" way... like say, not often meeting the eyes of individuals that you find a bit threatening, or being very well mannered and almost reserved even in the company of strangers? I guess what im asking is do you see any truth in there being a behavioral standard that one can find in alot of bottoms.

Ive been told i exhibit more Dominant qualities but i dont know if that really tells me something or not. I think its hard to pidgeonhole ANYONE let alone a Dominant or submissive based on certain manerisms and patterns of habit. We are people after all...and as they say... it takes all kinds.

But I wanted to know what you thought.

Some really good questions Eroticalypse. I'm anxious to hear EG's respond to this one myself. I was poking at him over the bottom thing because I have a really hard time believing EG has an ounce of submissiveness anywhere in him..lol




personally I find that my dominance comes threw in every aspect of my life. Although I find myself in charge in a lot of situations I have no problem deferring to those I feel more qualified. The rub comes for me when a person has authority without qualifications for the position. In those situations I'll do my best to eliminate and replace the person in question. I don't buy into stereotypes thought. We are all different. I have never known two subs to be alike and I'm fairly confident the same can be said for Doms.

 

[myinnerslut]

Thank you myinnerslut, i really appretiate the response.

As a submissive do you find yourself behaving in that often written about "psychological stereotypical" way... like say, not often meeting the eyes of individuals that you find a bit threatening, or being very well mannered and almost reserved even in the company of strangers? I guess what im asking is do you see any truth in there being a behavioral standard that one can find in alot of bottoms.

i am A's all of the time. i wear his collar every day , whether i am with him or not. i recently got pierced, another mark of his which does not come out. that being said, i am a type a personality. i am a leader. i am loud and outgoing and bubbly. i guess im not a stereotypical sub. in fact, most people assume that id be more dominant then submissive when they find out about my D/s relationship.

i suppose i do exhibit a few of those characteristics in certain times. when im with somebody who gives off a sense of dominance, i have been known to lower my eyes when i am nervouse of intimidated. this happenes with A most often, but has also happened with a few other male authority figures, as well as with one of my good friend's master a few times. In all cases, except with A, this is the expection rather then the rule.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I'm a submissive and could never imagine dominating a man, (maybe a female if directed to do so by my Dom)

In my everyday life though I have a very strong-willed, take control personality. My husband (who is not my Dom) is military and deploys or goes TDY quite often. WIth two kids at home I had better be able to take control and handle anything that comes up. Since he is gone so much I do everything around the house-pay bills, yard, kid stuff, plan vacations etc, etc

I personally think that is why I enjoy my relationship with my Dom so much. With him I just have to obey. I don't have to plan, or think, or be in control. I just surrender.

 

[Eroticalypse]

Thank you Ice2000 and Ecstaticsub for contributing...

Yes Ice I think that is a reasonable and rationale response. I myself have to agree with that... and admit that I dont like someone who simply has a possition of authority over me, without the either credentials or plain old knowledge to back it up. I dont have a problem with following directions from say... someone younger than me...but the majority of the time (not all the time mind you) in the workplace i have "done as i was told" only to find that my own experience would of served me better..if i had only not listened to my fledgling supervisor. I think it does go to say something about the nature of the Dom. This cannot be a coincidence... that way more than half the Doms i have spoken to, do not "sit idly by" or "blindly follow orders" without just cause to do so... perhaps that IS a "trait" if you will... maybe we are just stubborn and proud but as i mentioned..it is rationale... and more than that intelligent i think. I guess finding someone who does whatever they are told "chain of command" style, regardless of how they feel, would be the counterpoint. I dont know anyone like that to ask.

Confidence is a key issue. I dont think confidence is such a trait. As you already mentioned you know confident subs and Dom/Dommes alike...as do i. But do you think perhaps...while there ARE confident subs... ther are MORE subs that lack confidence? While i have no grounds for wondering this, it would make sense that those who lack confidence gravitate towards being a bottom, towards loss of control. I think the question is, do some subs with no self esteem seek others with high self esteem to balance themselves out...and if so is THAT a trait, in THAT majority? When i doubt myself i look inward... not outward, does that say anything? I dont know.... i dont see submissiveness as weak at ALL, so dont get what asking wrong. But since these are generalizations... im just curious.

myinnerslut i just wanted to say i applaud you, i really respect that total devotion and commitment to your Dom and this lifestyle. So you act in fact quite "Dominant" as it were, in general. I know of only one such person like that, we were very close friends and she shocked the shit outta me when she told me she was in fact a sub in and out of the bedroom. I find that so fucken interesting... but you DO begin to display certain traits when in certain situations... not that one cancels out the other, but maybe its just a telling of how it just takes more for you, y'know? Perhaps it takes an extreme individual to bring out the submissive tendencies. I think i am like you in a way, and maybe because i have not decided wich pleases me more...and i have these nearly polar oppasite feelings as well, that i am a bit confused.

Maybe this is more of a nature v.s. nurture question... i dunno.

It is great to meet someone like you though. Id love to see the change in demeanor that would be so entertaining to me. Thanx again for your input. Exceptions to these stereotypes are needed if im gonna get to whatever the hell it is im trying to discover about all this lol

I too felt the liberation of being under control by another ecstaticsub, i think maybe for a long time it was one of the things that most appealed to me (aside from the sex of course). You mentioned you couldnt even fathom Dominating a man... so do you see it as Dominants should be male and subs should be female? or is that just how you yourself feel about s+m (just curious).

Your another strong woman who is fully capable to handle (and does) her life but would rather let herself "go" and be in control by her Master. When paying the bills...and being in charge of your home and what not..do you find youself longing for when you are NOT in charge? If you had a choice would you be free of such obligations and responsibilities? or would you leave it as is and simply enjoy the "change of pace" that letting your hair down and giving in brings? I think most bottoms crave being a bottom all the time, wich is one of the things that made me think originally i was a switch...before i did start "switching"... cause i wasnt always wanting to be in someones care. y'know? I enjoy either, but ive only ever felt pure bliss (if you wanna call it that, while holding the reins but that might just mean to say that i havent explored the other fully enough...again..i dont know).

Sorry its taken me a chance to reply to everyone, again and finnally thank you all for the input.

No one has satisfied my other curiousity as of yet. Can you guys tell me (I think this is something taht ones who have felt both submission and Dominance are more qualified to answer... so i dont know if any of you so far can tackle this one) of contrasting experiences, in your S+M lifes. When you compare how you felt, wich was more rewarding to you.

And if that doesnt apply, id be honored to just hear about one of your favorite days with your sub or Master.

 

[nh23]

i am A's all of the time. i wear his collar every day , whether i am with him or not. i recently got pierced, another mark of his which does not come out. that being said, i am a type a personality. i am a leader. i am loud and outgoing and bubbly. i guess im not a stereotypical sub. in fact, most people assume that id be more dominant then submissive when they find out about my D/s relationship.

LOL..that's me to a T.

 

[neonflux]

About 2 years ago, when I first started seeing people again (before I started "formally exploring), I was seeing a man who was extremely powerful in his professional life. In the bedroom, he was quite the opposite, liked being spanked, tied up, feminized. (Needless to say, I enjoyed doing so .) As others have already stated, for him I think it was a relief to be relieved of thinking. I know several pro Dommes who would also say the same thing of many of their clients. I don't believe the two to be related at all. Neon

 

[myinnerslut]

No one has satisfied my other curiousity as of yet. Can you guys tell me (I think this is something taht ones who have felt both submission and Dominance are more qualified to answer... so i dont know if any of you so far can tackle this one) of contrasting experiences, in your S+M lifes. When you compare how you felt, wich was more rewarding to you.

And if that doesnt apply, id be honored to just hear about one of your favorite days with your sub or Master.

i have always found that submitting is more personally rewarding. as for favorite days, i have so many i dont know where to begin....

 

[Ice2000]

Oh man Eroticalypse , your asking questions now that are going to get me in trouble. But they are very good questions and something I ponder a lot. I make my living reading people and gambling on how they will respond. And I have this passion for submissive women so I sped a ton of time trying to figure out what makes them tick. Lots of sub's posting here will state that they manage RL successful jobs with a lot of responsibility in real life. I think that is normal. It is also normal that they do not enjoy it, they prefer to let go and let someone else drive the boat. over the years I have known lots of sub's like this. I'll add something else to this personality type. Almost all are extremely bright. They do what they do because they "know" they need to, not because they want to. I also believe inner confidence is a problem with these people. I have lovers from 20 years back still call me just to talk... get advice ect. These are gal's that on an intelligence scale blow me out of the water, so its not like they need help making the right decision. They already know what needs to be done, they just need help making the decision to pull the trigger.

Where the real advantage is for the Dom personality in business, is when figuratively, there is blood all over the floor and the tension so thick in the room you can cut it with a knife, a dom is in his element, and the Subs are hunting the door.

I also believe to over come some of these handicaps generally subs have better decision making capability and are just all round smarter than a dominate personality. Dom's, especially me tend to get lazy because of lack of fear. Sub's also tend to under value there abilities and skills.