Sub seeking advice

[Daddysslut1968]

I'm a babygirl needing advice on my relationship with my Daddy. We've been in a committed relationship for about 7monthsand I'm going to visit him at the end of the month for a week. For the most part everything is great, we have the same interests in and out of the bedroom, we've established what we both want/expect from a D/s relationship. We've even talked about the future, moving to his state as well as very active and fulfilling Daddy/babygirl 'playtime'. That was until the past few weeks. I've told him I need playtime with Daddy, flirted with him, and just today said that he's making me feel like he's not interested in being my Dom anymore.
His response was, 'If u feel like that then that's on u'. He also said I was being very needy lately and he didn't know why. I answered, 'its on me? Well that hurts and I have and did tell you why, you just don't care. Haven't got a response. Chance's r when he does text me he won't respond to anything I said. Is it wrong to want/need a little attention from my Daddy? He doesn't even talk to me in a dominant way anymore. He says it's bc we've said all that needs to b said, and now need to meet in person. Any advice we would be appreciated

 

[Lost_Yonder]

It's near impossible to evaluate and offer any insights about another relationship, not knowing the dynamic, the individuals involved, etc. So, whatever advice you might receive, filter it carefully through what you know and take what makes sense and ignore others.

First, it's very odd behavior on his part to suddenly distance himself and step out of his Daddy role with you. What he said is really not acceptable - at all - in such a relationship.

So, the question is, why? what's going on in his life that makes him all of a sudden pull back? Thus, second, remember that in the end Daddy's are humans too - we make mistakes, we have our own baggage, our own emotional needs. We need our baby girl's to recognize our mood shifts and comfort us too as much as you need him to know exactly when to hug you, comfort you, give you some quiet space and time, etc.

Third, you are about to venture into making some big steps - life changing. That isn't always so easy. Sometimes we start doubting ourselves, our capacity to live up to the expectations that have been set, etc. Change is always stressful. Working through that stress for both of you would be extremely important.

But he also has to step up as it seems you are the one making some major changes - you are the one who is being expected to move, etc. His compartmentalizing of his Daddy role though is odd - for you, so it seems, this is a full-time live style. For him, it seems (and I could be completely off here) that it is more of a sexual thing rather than a life style type relationship. If that is the case, your expectations are quite mismatched.

Recommendations of what to do? I'm not really sure. Just keep trying to communicate, spell out your needs, let me see how vulnerable you are in moving forward - you traveling to him, you moving to his state, etc. Try to figure out his own vulnerabilities and doubts. If he doesn't respond to your needs at this particular time and isn't willing to share his, well - proceed with caution...

I hope he steps up! It seems you have the foundations of something very significant.

 

[Ropebunny]

I think the level of intimacy you appear to be looking for from this man is far beyond that of a 7 month, online relationship. Communication also does not seem to be a strong point for either of you I.e. ‘making me feel’ statements.

All good things take time. If neither of you are interested in spending some time figuring out how you are going to work together to have the good things you want neither of you are going to get those things. Are you sure you’re even on the same page about what it is you want?

Also, the later sentences make him out to sound somewhat emotionally manipulative - is that you speaking from frustration or an accurate portrayal of the way he is treating you?

 

[SissySalina]

Question: Have you spent time with this Dom in person or has it all been on-line?

 

[Chrisnorm]

You don't really know anyone you haven't spent a considerable time with. Don't commit before you know him.

 

[Daddysslut1968]

Question: Have you spent time with this Dom in person or has it all been on-line?

On line only... I was going to visit him for a wk but I cancelled bc he told me I'd have to spend a few days in a hotel bc his grown daughter's would be dropping by

 

[Lost_Yonder]

On line only... I was going to visit him for a wk but I cancelled bc he told me I'd have to spend a few days in a hotel bc his grown daughter's would be dropping by

In the end, only you know the full picture of him and your relationship and your own desires/interests, but there seem to be a number of red flags that should cause you to pause a bit, step back, and really reflect...

Good luck!

 

[SissySalina]

On line only... I was going to visit him for a wk but I cancelled bc he told me I'd have to spend a few days in a hotel bc his grown daughter's would be dropping by

That probably was a good thing, seems to be a little miscue on his part. You probably should proceed with extreme caution, not sounding like He is fully in control.

 

[Ropebunny]

On line only... I was going to visit him for a wk but I cancelled bc he told me I'd have to spend a few days in a hotel bc his grown daughter's would be dropping by

I think that was a good call for the time being. Good on you for noticing when something didn’t feel right and making a decision based off that. There is nothing wrong (and everything right) with taking things slowly so both sides are fully comfortable. Comfort in relationships is severely underrated IMHO.

 

[AnnieLit]

Interesting how different people react differently to the same information... When I started reading this thread without looking at the dates I was going to say " Go for it! Visit him, but make sure you have a place to stay on your own, if you need to leave in the middle of the night. Have an address of a nearby hotel written on paper (not stored in your phone, phones get out of charge), have an extra credit card in your pocket, not in your wallet, things like that."

And then I got to the part where you cancelled your trip because his kids were going to be there for couple days too. I know nothing about the two of you, but I would guess he is much older and you don't have children of your own. Right? If this is really the case, you need to work through this on your own, he will not be able to help you understand, that you you might be his lg, but they are actually his daugters. Real ones, no pretending there. They ALWAYS will take the first place before you and there is nothing wrong with that.

If you ever patch this relationship up and move it forward or if you start a new one with another Daddy who is also a Father, make sure to never come between him and his kids. Ever. You will loose every time.

 

[cookiecat]

Have to agree with what everyone else said here.

Always trust your gut. When behavior changes, it's a red flag. Whether the red flag IS 'on you' and you need to check your behavior or it's him - that's what needs figuring out.

I would just say, though, that staying in a hotel for a few days on a first meeting seems the wisest way to go.

I've done a lot of long distance dating and have always had a hotel booked. The thought of spending 24/7 with someone I'd never ever met, no matter how amazing the online, phone, skype stuff was, was too much!

I never wanted to poop in front of someone I had just met for the first time , wanted a space to regroup, take a shower and take my time without knowing someone was waiting for me.

Plus, you know, what if you guys didn't mesh?

Anyways. Sounds like you did the right thing by cancelling.

 

[Daddysslut1968]

Interesting how different people react differently to the same information... When I started reading this thread without looking at the dates I was going to say " Go for it! Visit him, but make sure you have a place to stay on your own, if you need to leave in the middle of the night. Have an address of a nearby hotel written on paper (not stored in your phone, phones get out of charge), have an extra credit card in your pocket, not in your wallet, things like that."

And then I got to the part where you cancelled your trip because his kids were going to be there for couple days too. I know nothing about the two of you, but I would guess he is much older and you don't have children of your own. Right? If this is really the case, you need to work through this on your own, he will not be able to help you understand, that you you might be his lg, but they are actually his daugters. Real ones, no pretending there. They ALWAYS will take the first place before you and there is nothing wrong with that.

If you ever patch this relationship up and move it forward or if you start a new one with another Daddy who is also a Father, make sure to never come between him and his kids. Ever. You will loose every time.

No, we're the same age and I have grown children as well as grandchildren. I would never want to come between him and his kids. It's just that he only wants me to stay a week and if I spend half my time by myself in a hotel rm. ,I feel like that's not enough time with him.

 

[OldDogMD]

Your mailbox is full.

Time to do a little bit of clean up.

 

[Mrtenant]

Get a contract, communication is essential. Or if you have one, exercise it, get to the bottom of it. Time to be an adult and sort it out. Not time to be a little.

Also, lots of great comments in this thread. Be smart.

 

[AnnieLit]

No, we're the same age and I have grown children as well as grandchildren. I would never want to come between him and his kids. It's just that he only wants me to stay a week and if I spend half my time by myself in a hotel rm. ,I feel like that's not enough time with him.

Was no time with him at all any better?

I looked through your posts -- few months ago you were complaining that he did not want to see you at all, did not want to go beyond online. Now he did, but it was not enough time for you. I might be wrong again, but it looks like you two are moving at different speeds: he wants to take it one step at a time and you want everything to be NOW. If this is the case, it has nothing to do with DD/lg, it could have happened in a perfectly vanilla relationship too. I am not very good at waiting too, so can't offer any advice on how to do it better. Managing expectations somewhat helps, but only to a point. As does the "take what you can" approach.

 

[AnnieLit]

Time to do a little bit of clean up.

Or it is time to realize that she is not here to play.

 

[Daddysslut1968]

Was no time with him at all any better?

I looked through your posts -- few months ago you were complaining that he did not want to see you at all, did not want to go beyond online. Now he did, but it was not enough time for you. I might be wrong again, but it looks like you two are moving at different speeds: he wants to take it one step at a time and you want everything to be NOW. If this is the case, it has nothing to do with DD/lg, it could have happened in a perfectly vanilla relationship too. I am not very good at waiting too, so can't offer any advice on how to do it better. Managing expectations somewhat helps, but only to a point. As does the "take what you can" approach.

My current D ended things for a time and I thought that was it . I happened to comment on my 1st Ds thread ( I've only had 2 serious D's),we started talking, long story short,we started up again. He was the one who didn't want to meet me.he ended things on the same day my mom died. I stayed off lit for awhile.when I returned, I had messages from my current D. He said he messed up,he was sorry, missed me,etc. He's still my D

 

[Daddysslut1968]

Get a contract, communication is essential. Or if you have one, exercise it, get to the bottom of it. Time to be an adult and sort it out. Not time to be a little.

Also, lots of great comments in this thread. Be smart.

I'm not a little or a brat, I'm am obedient babygirl and until his daughters are gone we can't talk

 

[Primalex]

I like how everyone believes the problem is actually a daughter and not a wife.

 

[AnnieLit]

I like how everyone believes the problem is actually a daughter and not a wife.

A wife? They are not married, neither to each other, nor to anybody else.

 

[AnnieLit]

My current D ended things for a time and I thought that was it . I happened to comment on my 1st Ds thread ( I've only had 2 serious D's),we started talking, long story short,we started up again. He was the one who didn't want to meet me.he ended things on the same day my mom died. I stayed off lit for awhile.when I returned, I had messages from my current D. He said he messed up,he was sorry, missed me,etc. He's still my D

Sorry, I thought you were talking about the same person. Hope it works out with either one of them.

 

[MsChele]

I like how everyone believes the problem is actually a daughter and not a wife.

Right?

 

[Moochienanu]

I like how everyone believes the problem is actually a daughter and not a wife.

A wife? They are not married, neither to each other, nor to anybody else.

I think Primalex was inferring that perhaps this man has lied to the OP about his current relationship status and is using an adult daughter as a deterrent to keep her from being around while a possible attachment was instead.

I like to think that people wouldn’t feel the need to lie about these types of things, but I’ve been told complete untruths before and have not been able to come back from them to continue any kind of relationship. Being upfront and honest about partners is actually much more accepted these days than many think, and it is difficult for some to admit that they’re not everything that someone else is looking for, but rather just a part that they want you to know.

 

[KimGordon67]

I think Primalex was inferring that perhaps this man has lied to the OP about his current relationship status and is using an adult daughter as a deterrent to keep her from being around while a possible attachment was instead.

I like to think that people wouldn’t feel the need to lie about these types of things, but I’ve been told complete untruths before and have not been able to come back from them to continue any kind of relationship. Being upfront and honest about partners is actually much more accepted these days than many think, and it is difficult for some to admit that they’re not everything that someone else is looking for, but rather just a part that they want you to know.

I have to say the whole 'you can't stay here because my daughters will be dropping by' thing is a bit of a red flag. His kids are grown-arse adults, and wouldn't die if they didn't see him for a week. (Having said that, I'm pretty down with the hotel idea ... spending an entire week with someone, at their house, when that's the first time you've met them, does seem like quite a stressful situation for all concerned.) The running hot & cold thing also seems to suggest there's maybe a bit more going on here.
Like Moochie, I like to think the best of people, and I seldom assume someone is lying ... but it might be worth thinking about whether there's any other indicators of this? Fingers crossed we're just over-reading things ... but even so, he needs to be able to get a bit better at communicating. Relationships of any stripe aren't easy, and he needs to recognise that this situation is fraught in some quite particular ways, and be a bit more cognisant of that.

 

[phil1955]

Even I can notice a lot of red flags here. Maybe they can all be explained but I would suggest serious due diligence before taking that trip.