sub drop

[Soumis]

Figured I'd make my first thread about something I've struggled with, so here goes.

I'm wondering how/if other people experience sub drop? How do you react to it or counter it? I'm not sure how the equivalent for Doms works, but it'd be interesting to hear about, and I imagine some Doms have seen sub drop and have opinions about it, so what do you think?

I can have a bit of a harsh time with sub drop. The day or so after I've come off the high of a really intense scene becomes its own really intense time, but in a different way. There was a brief period of a few months where I actually avoided the scene because of the sub drop that came afterwards. I told myself that maybe I didn't want this as much as I thought I did, because of the unpleasantness of sub drop. That self-induced withdrawl period did not last, obviously.

I've wondered if the way I experience sub drop has something to do with the situation I've been in. I was a mentoree of sorts, and while I trusted my Dom and enjoyed our time, there wasn't much extraneous relationship to our relationship. Basically, the next day when the sub drop hit I was back in my vanilla world in an environment that wasn't condusive to sharing those sort of feelings. Hindsight being 20/20 I should have shared this with him, but it seemed silly.

I know this is worded a bit odd at points, but I'd love to hear what other people think of sub drop.

 

[myinnerslut]

ive never heard of "sub drop" before.... is this like coming back to reality when the scene is over?

 

[SpectreT]

Here's a couple of links. I'm still trying to find a specific thread, but it's eluding me at the moment.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90456

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=111921

 

[Soumis]

ive never heard of "sub drop" before.... is this like coming back to reality when the scene is over?

It can accompany coming back to reality, but for me it occurs a bit later. It's a depression of sorts that follows a scene. I've heard that it's your brain trying to mimic the depression your body follows off of the endorphine high.

Thanks for the links SpectreT. I appreciate it and will give them a read.

 

[SweetCherry]

Oh gawd, I hate dropping. I love walking the edge of the razor blade with feeling so deeply submissive like I do after a good play session, but I also know that if I'm not careful, I'll take it too far and fall into sub drop. The easiest way for me to avoid that is for Her to remind me to take good care of myself. Eating, drinking, avoiding stress as much as possible. I try and stick to some mindless activities, if possible. I actually find one of the best ways to do that is to save a basket of socks to fold when I'm nice and vulnerable. It's mindless and calming.

 

[myinnerslut]

It can accompany coming back to reality, but for me it occurs a bit later. It's a depression of sorts that follows a scene. I've heard that it's your brain trying to mimic the depression your body follows off of the endorphine high.
.

thanks.. i guess this is from the "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" school of thought

 

[neonflux]

is this similar to what was discussed in the following thread from a while ago?

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=466013&highlight=depression

And do most subs feel this? I don't think that I have, at least not depression... Even though I sometimes begin to crave more after a really intense session as a bottom. So the whole idea of an intense endorphin high being followed by a large crash makes sense. And is there some opposite for Dominants? (After Topping, I get an energy surge that can last for hours.)

Neon

 

[esclave_PP]

Well, I don't know if I ever really experienced this because I've always been in person with my Dominant. However, I believe I know what you're getting at. After sessioning, sure, you wish it could go on longer or what not, but every day life does come into play. Unless you belong to an uber rich Dominant, I don't think any of us get to just be "slaves" all day long...boy wouldn't that be nice? I could go for that.

If you have bouts of "sub drop" best thing to do is be positive, and relish the time you did have instead of thinking about what you don't have at the moment. If you only think about what you don't have, then that's just going to fester and make you feel awful. I know, easier said than done, but it's helped me in the past when I couldn't be with Master full time. But now that we live together, that "sub drop" as you call it doesn't really occur. However, I do know other subs that are going through this but they are in long distance relationships with their Master, which I can only imagine as being harder because of that, and the longing more severe since meeting in person is limited.

 

[Soumis]

is this similar to what was discussed in the following thread from a while ago?

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=466013&highlight=depression

And do most subs feel this? I don't think that I have, at least not depression... Even though I sometimes begin to crave more after a really intense session as a bottom. That said, the whole idea of an intense endorphin high being followed by a large crash makes sense. And is there some opposite for Dominants? (after topping, I get an energy surge that can last for hours)

Neon

It seems similar in symptoms, but not in cause. Sub drop, in the definition I know, is directly related to recent scening/playing/what have you, but submissive depression seems to be related to a lack of the aforementioned. More specifically, it seems from your link that submissive depression comes from the lack of a fulfilling outlet for submissive qualities. That's my take on sub drop vs. submissive depression.

 

[neonflux]

It seems similar in symptoms, but not in cause. Sub drop, in the definition I know, is directly related to recent scening/playing/what have you, but submissive depression seems to be related to a lack of the aforementioned. More specifically, it seems from your link that submissive depression comes from the lack of a fulfilling outlet for submissive qualities. That's my take on sub drop vs. submissive depression.

Thank you! Makes a lot of sense.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

May I suggest if you look into some of the threads on aftercare there will be a tie into this topic .

Best of luck

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Ohhh happens to some Dominants as well

You can take bets they don't refer to it as 'sub drop' though.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

It can accompany coming back to reality, but for me it occurs a bit later. It's a depression of sorts that follows a scene. I've heard that it's your brain trying to mimic the depression your body follows off of the endorphine high.

Thanks for the links SpectreT. I appreciate it and will give them a read.

My girl went though sub drop BAD after I had to leave after our time together....

I had to continually reassure her how much I love and miss her...

 

[esclave_PP]

Awwww, that is hard when you have to part, especially when you're not together all the time. Good luck to you both Master Phoenix. Cool name by the way, it's my Master's too

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Ohhh happens to some Dominants as well

You can take bets they don't refer to it as 'sub drop' though.

True indeed!

We refer to it as "Top drop". And yes, I've experienced it a time or three.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

My girl went though sub drop BAD after I had to leave after our time together....

I had to continually reassure her how much I love and miss her...

that is more of the definition i know of 'sub drop' . i don't think of sub drop as being after a scene. the feeling after a scene is just the coming down from the endorphine rush. to me sub drop is the 'depression' that comes from not being close to your Dom, i guess it coulde be after a scene if the Dom has to leave. as Master said when i experienced it, it was after He had to go back to cali after being here for a week with me. it was terrible and it felt like it would never end. i cried for days and wonderd if i would ever get my 'balance' back. a song, a word, His voice would all be triggers to make me start crying again. i felt like i wasn't alive anymore, i was just a shell. i didn't have Him here to direct me, comfort me, and just BE here with me. His re-assurances were all that i held onto and eventually i DID find some sense of balance. the only suggestion i can give for sub drop is for the Dom to be aware of it, and to have something there (if your Dom is not) to remind you of Him, something you can cuddle up with. a very good friend of mine also helped me to get my balance back, she told me everything i did i needed to do as i was doing it because He ordered me to, even down to brushing my hair, because honestly, i didn't want to do anything, i just wanted to crawl into bed and not even exist. so yea, it was aweful, but i think reading up on it and knowing what to do for yourself when it happens to help bring you out of it is the best thing for sub drop.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

and having My Raiders shirt to sleep in helped you

 

[lil_slave_rose]

and having My Raiders shirt to sleep in helped you

yes, it did, but umm..i have a confession to make, i dunno where it is right now *cries* my guess is somewhere on the bottom of the dirty clothes pile ...i'll find it..hehe

 

[Clairebutterfly]

I know I have experienced this.

I feel so alone, so lost, so empty...it sucks. I just want to die inside, and there has never been a more hollow feeling. I can't even describe it. But the only thing that has ever helped me, is my One talking me thru it...telling me He loves me, telling me that He wants me...i need that after so badly, because i put so much of my heart and soul and mind into everything with Him...if You have any way of overcoming that overwhelming feeling of isolation and sadness please share it. I feel like a total freak at times.

 

[Netzach]

My "drop kit" included a drink or a coffee or tea with someone I love if I could not be with the bottom I had played with (often the case)

A furry animal to lavish some attention on (not like that, sickos!)

My preferred lotion or nail polish

and some preferred tunage in the changer

It all sounds kind of shallow or stupid, but it really does help to do some self-care. Even playing with people I barely knew, I was very invested in them and the exchange was very serious and emotionally taxing - and I had to manage the aftermath on my own. I found ways to make it work and it began with some really basic and dumb-sounding stuff.

 

[callinectes]

My ideas of sub drop and depression are more in line with Soumis' thinking. I have experienced sub drop one time..it was the day after the first overnight with Daddy. We played longer and harder than we ever had and I was flying most of the night. I dropped really hard..thankfully I was with him through the worst of it. But, even the next afternoon after he took me home I was still down. Luckily the house was clean and laundry done so I just curled up in the bed and watched a couple of chick flicks. Heavy doses of Colin Firth does wonders for me.

Now, depression is what I feel when I can't see him for a period of time. For example, he is out of town for 10 days right now and I have been pretty sad about it. I'm not sure though if this is any different from the sadness people in any kind of relationship, D/s or not, experience. I have found just wearing my play collar while I go about tasks at home to be comforting. I am also fortunate in that we can still talk everyday which eases the depression a great deal. I'm also looking at making a toy or two...that always perks me up!

 

[whimpering_brunette]

THAT'S What Happened!!

This thread is SUCH a relief to find!

At one point this fall, my Dom and i scened four nights in a row ~ there was one day off, then one more long afternoon. Then, He disappeared completely for four days. No contact, no word, no after-discussion, no nothing. i was completely reeling and panicked about *everything* to do with U/us by the time He finally got back to me.

All i could say was, "How could You just *drop* me like that after such intensity?" (W/we had *really* pushed several limits in that time.)

He didn't understand at all... was quite angry with me, in fact.

i am so sending this link to Him.

Thank Y/you! Thank Y/you! Thank Y/you!!


~whimpering brunette

 

[MasterPhoenix]

This thread is SUCH a relief to find!

At one point this fall, my Dom and i scened four nights in a row ~ there was one day off, then one more long afternoon. Then, He disappeared completely for four days. No contact, no word, no after-discussion, no nothing. i was completely reeling and panicked about *everything* to do with U/us by the time He finally got back to me.

All i could say was, "How could You just *drop* me like that after such intensity?" (W/we had *really* pushed several limits in that time.)

He didn't understand at all... was quite angry with me, in fact.

i am so sending this link to Him.

Thank Y/you! Thank Y/you! Thank Y/you!!


~whimpering brunette

Quite welcome.

I could never just disappear from My girl, but then our relationship is one of love as well as Dominance and submission. To Me, it is My responsibility to help her deal with those feelings she has as she comes down. I do push at her edges and limits, and that makes her completely veunerable. At that time, IMO, its My responsibility and My joy to protect and nurture her as she comes back to a 'normal' state.

Sub Drop is a very serious emotional issue for submissives, and can exhibit signs similar to depression.

 

[Soumis]

A furry animal to lavish some attention on (not like that, sickos!)

Hmm...I'm going to have to practice this a little more often. I've noticed that playing with my dog can put me in a rather nice mood, but I never considered doing it intentionally when I'm down. Thanks for the tip.

 

[neonflux]

I think I'm experiencing this for the first time since I began this journey formally 6 months ago, although not sure that it's not the result of achieving new levels of intimacy... my kink partner just finished the men's version of the women's dominant/switch intensive I took 2 months ago - I subbed for him at his graduation play party as he subbed for me - in both cases, we both had breakthroughs - this time we talked for hours after about both instances - there is so much commonality and deep friendship between us. I am not sure why I am so, so sad... Neon