Sub Drop?

[katt91]

Just a little inquiry on a recent experience:
I recently did a fairly intense scene with my partner. When it was over, I immediately started crying (though I did cry a little in the during as well). I enjoyed the scene, and was very perplexed by my response at the time. Which sort of made me more upset (sort of a "why am I feeling this way?"). I've experienced some sadness or loneliness following play but nothing like this before. Am I accurately identifying this as sub drop? Should I be concerned? Or would you consider this a natural response? I was really worried at the time that it would happen again the next time I play; should I be worried? Any advice on how to cope?
I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for here. Just some input on this new experience.
Thanks

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I wouldn't be worried
It's a pretty natural thing that when emotions flow, they all like to let loose. So because your scene was intense, you sort of opened a Pandora's box, so to speak. All of your pent up emotions came screaming wildly free. It's actually quite a positive release, an unburdoning, for me. I wouldn't worry about it, but I would prepare for it. Tell your partner you will need extra hugs, or hot chocolate with marshmallows, or whatever might comfort and relax you in extra measures. Let them know you are not upset about what happened between you in the scene, maybe thank them for helping you release pent up emotions
Preparing them can be just as important as them supporting you!

 

[Anonymaso]

I've experienced this but I never knew it had a name. Initially I just thought I was too much of a whiny little bitch post his psychologically eviscerating verbal humiliation. I occasionally find the whole experience so cathartic that I'll curl up and sob for half an hour. As I almost never cry under normal circumstances (emotional tears, physical pain tears are different) I figured it was probably all to the greater good. I don't need aftercare though. Aftercare just ruins the whole fuck for me! I'm incapable of normal tactility/affection in general. Beat me black and blue and then leave me the fuck alone. Try to snuggle with me after beating me black and blue and I'll kick and claw like a scalded cat. Plus, nothing is hotter to me than him just walking away from me and going back to his day once I'm an exhausted, blubbering mess on the floor. Fortunately, he gets me. I couldn't train another one now!

 

[may_I_please]

How did your partner support you? If you're playing hard enough to elicit sub drop then your partner needs to be aware of the need for aftercare...liquid, warmth, comfort, presence, reassurance

Edit to add: the poster above me knows what she needs and that solitude is her aftercare

 

[julia2442]

yes, I most certainly have experienced this. Collar is, as usual, right on. it's such a Pandora's box. but like Anonymaso said, we all need a little something different. i need a lot of aftercare if the scene is really intense, and my Dom knows that. i am going to PM you!

 

[Anonymaso]

Lots of people cherish aftercare and need that romantic affection to counterbalance their kink. They need reassurance that the top/dom loves them and values their submission. Sometimes it's just emotional fatigue. Plus, if you're a hetero female sub, your fun generally ends when the male dom has blown his load and that can be a bit abrupt. It can yank you out of a headspace that it took you some time to get into, which is disorienting.

For me, aspects of play with my partner are triggering of my less than fabulous childhood. I'm well aware of this but kink works where therapy has failed. I accept responsibility for what I get into and I'm not one of these girls who wants a big strong man to 'fix her.' So sometimes when I cry afterwards I'm experiencing long buried emotions that have absolutely nothing to do with my partner.

Once you figure out where the emotion is coming from, then you'll know what you need from your partner (if anything) in order to get through it. Just make sure the poor guy knows he hasn't upset you!

 

[katt91]

I wouldn't be worried
It's a pretty natural thing that when emotions flow, they all like to let loose. So because your scene was intense, you sort of opened a Pandora's box, so to speak. All of your pent up emotions came screaming wildly free. It's actually quite a positive release, an unburdoning, for me. I wouldn't worry about it, but I would prepare for it. Tell your partner you will need extra hugs, or hot chocolate with marshmallows, or whatever might comfort and relax you in extra measures. Let them know you are not upset about what happened between you in the scene, maybe thank them for helping you release pent up emotions
Preparing them can be just as important as them supporting you!

This was great advice, thanks!
I remember at the time I started getting all panicky. Like he would be freaked out or think he had done something wrong or not want to play with me any more. But that was nonsense and he was super empathetic. But I should keep this in mind with future partners.
He did tell me to reflect on it, to figure out if anything was bothering me. But I feel really okay. And if anything I just have a hankering for more play.

 

[katt91]

How did your partner support you? If you're playing hard enough to elicit sub drop then your partner needs to be aware of the need for aftercare...liquid, warmth, comfort, presence, reassurance

Edit to add: the poster above me knows what she needs and that solitude is her aftercare

A lack of aftercare definitely wasn't the issue. He was holding me and cuddling me and giving me verbal reassurance and I was just sobbing away in his arms.

 

[katt91]

Thanks everyone for your responses!
I think this is more or less the type of feedback I was expecting to receive. I just wanted an outlet to talk about my experience and make sure I wasn't off base on this as I am still learning and navigating my kink relationships.
Thanks!

 

[cuckolddaddy]

sub space

during an intense session and Mistress is whipping the daylights out of me I have been able to go to my "sub space" where I don't feel the pain. Almost an out of body experience. Other times I can't get there and end up bawling like a baby.

 

[richard_daily]

Lots of people cherish aftercare and need that romantic affection to counterbalance their kink. They need reassurance that the top/dom loves them and values their submission. Sometimes it's just emotional fatigue. Plus, if you're a hetero female sub, your fun generally ends when the male dom has blown his load and that can be a bit abrupt. It can yank you out of a headspace that it took you some time to get into, which is disorienting.

For me, aspects of play with my partner are triggering of my less than fabulous childhood. I'm well aware of this but kink works where therapy has failed. I accept responsibility for what I get into and I'm not one of these girls who wants a big strong man to 'fix her.' So sometimes when I cry afterwards I'm experiencing long buried emotions that have absolutely nothing to do with my partner.

Once you figure out where the emotion is coming from, then you'll know what you need from your partner (if anything) in order to get through it. Just make sure the poor guy knows he hasn't upset you!

This is great advice.

It's important to also note that just like there are different needs and desires for aftercare on the sub's side, there are also needs and desires for aftercare on the dom/top side as well.

Depending on how things play out, I sometimes feel drained from a very intense exploit. However, I typically don't want aftercare from more casual partners... I have multiple people I can talk to, and try to make sure that I'm meeting the needs of the partner I've been with, but in addition, listening to what my needs are as well.

 

[TheStarlet]

This is great advice.

It's important to also note that just like there are different needs and desires for aftercare on the sub's side, there are also needs and desires for aftercare on the dom/top side as well.

This is great advice as well! Great advice everywhere today. But I'd love to know more specifically about what sub might be able to do to help a Dom after a scene, if you're willing to share.

I think a lot of focus gets put on sub aftercare, but I have always imagined being a Dom must be extremely draining, just as you said.

 

[WarriorPoetDom]

Quality Aftercare-mitigating sub-drop

Besides caring,intent,gentle aftercare,there are also other considerations...
I had to double check,to make sure my memory was correct.

"Food or drink after play can be important: Water or sports-type drinks to re-hydrate, or juice to provide simple sugars. Eating some chocolate after play is recommended by some, as the opiate and cannabinoid effects of chocolate are similar to those of subspace, allowing a more gradual transition, and chocolate also contains several stimulants that can make mental processes feel more alert."
(taken from BDSM101).
In my own experience,chocolate is a quick and easy way to moderate the loss of endorphins.

 

[rexhame317]

Always have a drop package, mine has water and sometimes a powerade, chocolate and crackers and a blanket (something soft and light) i need a space to sit after an intense scene, ans my partner will have that space ready. (When at his house it is a certain side of the bed)

I float between wanting cuddles and wanting to be alone. I will just say alone, and my partner will starting cleaning up our scene space.

Everyone is different , but make sure what you need is always known