Sub/Dom?

[Midnitepoets]

How does one know if your a submissive or a dom?
Personally I enjoy being slapped around occassionally but really enjoy being in control.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

How does one know if your a submissive or a dom?
Personally I enjoy being slapped around occassionally but really enjoy being in control.

Being slapped around doesn't necessarily equate sub. But it may equate masochist. That's a whole other separate thing, although you'll often find the 2 hand in hand.

And there's certainly nothing wrong with being dominant and enjoying some pain once in a while. You can still be in control and call the shots, you just get to have the rush as well.

The key is finding someone who compliments your preferences, then you can have/do whatever you please.

 

[Midnitepoets]

Sound advice

 

[Killer_Joe]

Having the sense of liking to administer (DOM) and also recieve (sub) pain, wouldn't that be a 'switch'?
I'm still new to the whole idea.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Having the sense of liking to administer (DOM) and also recieve (sub) pain, wouldn't that be a 'switch'?
I'm still new to the whole idea.

Switch, to me, is someone who likes to be on both the giving and receiving end of the power exchange.

But then, yeah, I guess it could also be used to flip either side of s/m play.

*thinks about that some*

 

[DVS]

Several things come into play when you're thinking of where you stand in the Dom/sub/switch world. Everyone has a little PYL in them and everyone has a little pyl in them. And enjoying a little pain doesn't make you submissive any more than drinking a beer once in a while makes you an alcoholic.

Each one of us is a unique individual for the most part. Our childhood plays a role in how our personality is formed and that carries over once we're adults. Even our economic status can have an impact. Your lifestyle and personality can dictate just how much of each is really "you". There is a school of thought that believes some of us are PYL or pyl partly because of our day to day lives.

It's not a clear cut "tit for tat" thing but some strong personalities in the work place will want to counter that lifestyle with a more demure sexual lifestyle. It's seen as a way to unwind or remove stress from the high pressure day. And some people just have a normally strong personality, no matter if they have a high pressure job or not. Highly intelligent people are sometimes seen as more likely to be submissive in bed. Whatever the reason, some personalities prefer to let someone else control the sexual aspect of their lives and turn off that side of them as a form of release.

Personally, I've known several submissive women who had a high stress, high power day job. They were in a big corporate job or a business owner dealing with hiring and firing of employees. This can also be true of company CEOs and large corporate heads in the male gender. They can often prefer a more submissive sex life with a strong wife.

I've also known very smart people who tend to be more laid back or submissive in what they enjoy, sexually. Because they are smart, they may have high aspirations and know what they want in life and that makes them seem strong. Because of these otherwise strong personalities, you might think they'd prefer a more PYL role in their sexual lives, but that's not always the case.

Just because you have a strong day to day personality, that doesn't necessarily mean you are going to prefer a dominant sexual personality. And the reverse is sometimes true, also. A more passive day to day personality, or maybe someone always taking orders from a boss, and may seem to always do as they're told might be more prone to favor the dominant side in their sex life.

This isn't always true, of course, but just because you are one way or another in your day to day life doesn't always follow through into your sex life. It also doesn't have to be as clear cut as a BDSM lifestyle might be. It can be quite subtle in how it manifests itself. It might not come out as a clearly defined counter preference. And, it might take a while for this to evolve within the mind. This could be why some people tend to find their true sexual personalities later in life. Only after years in a particular role might this change show itself.

So, you can't judge a book by its cover. Yes, some strong day to day personalities will also be strong sexually. Some can be submissive in every aspect of their lives, too. But, there will also be some who are perfectly happy to play the opposite role in their sex lives, for whatever reason.

So, if you're trying to define yourself in one way or another and you can't figure it out, maybe you should look to the other side of the fence. For some, the grass is greener over there.

 

[Midnitepoets]

I did a bit of reflecting and decided for myself that I am a dominant