Sub but not a slave

[fl_openminded]

Just posted a message in the sticky section saying hi. Would love to speak to other subs or doms to learn more about he lifestyle. As I said in my sticky I recently realized that I am a sub both in personal relationships & sexual ones.

 

[yukonnights]

Congratulations for looking inside and finding more about your deeper self. My two cents on this would be that one does not need to enter the "BDSM lifestyle" in order to explore and play with submission and domination. Based on your former deleted user name, I'm assuming you are a bi-male.

If that assumption is correct, I think male/male relationships are ready made to include D/s elements. The very nature of the sexual activities lends, and actually evokes feelings of either dominance or submission depending on the role one plays.

Since you made it clear you don't want to be a slave, I'm reading that as you want to feel slightly humiliated at the fact you are performing sexual acts for the pleasure of another male? Perhaps to fuel the conversation here, you might elaborate on just what being a "sub" means to you? What do you fantasize about and crave, etc. ?

 

[DVS]

Just posted a message in the sticky section saying hi. Would love to speak to other subs or doms to learn more about he lifestyle. As I said in my sticky I recently realized that I am a sub both in personal relationships & sexual ones.

Of course, slave an sub are two different things, but both are also similar. There is sometimes a fine line between being a sub and being a slave. They can be defined differently, depending on the person.

Some people are willing to do things that others aren't. That's what I mean when I say there is a fine line between these two areas. But, mostly, a sub is still in charge of what he/she will and won't do, with hard and soft limits. Those limits are set in stone. They are strictly adhered to, without question.

A slave might have limits, but there is more to it than that. A slave has resigned to letting the partner be in charge of most, if not all of their life. Some are just slaves in the sexual sense, and some go as far as allowing their partner or master to even select what clothing they wear.

There is a certain mentality that goes along with being a slave. The trust between the partners is very strong and the slave desires to be whatever his/her partner desires. It's a strong relationship that can be considered close to, or part of, a marriage.

Not that a D/s can't be considered as strong of a connection, but it's less likely to be as involved as a M/s connection is. Again, there is sometimes a fine line between the two.

Sometimes a sub can prefer to be a slave for a weekend or a slave can prefer to have more control over the day to day things or even some sexual things. It's all in the negotiations between consenting adults, like everything else in a BDSM lifestyle should be.

 

[varv]

Of course, slave an sub are two different things, but both are also similar. There is sometimes a fine line between being a sub and being a slave. They can be defined differently, depending on the person.

I think it's a lot easier. Slave, this is a state where nothing depends on you, and you can not set boundaries and conditions. And submission is something you can control, and most importantly! You just like it.

 

[SissySalina]

Just posted a message in the sticky section saying hi. Would love to speak to other subs or doms to learn more about he lifestyle. As I said in my sticky I recently realized that I am a sub both in personal relationships & sexual ones.

The age of discovery is wonderful.
Yes slave and submissive are two different beings.
You can be submissive while letting someone else totally control you, it is the understanding between the two parties that makes the difference. Evan as a submissive you will do what the other wants you to do but the relationship is open between the two. The Dominant will control by guiding the submissive in directions the submissive is willing to go because of their relationship and understanding of each other. It is a relationship of caring power between the two.

 

[DVS]

Of course, slave an sub are two different things, but both are also similar. There is sometimes a fine line between being a sub and being a slave. They can be defined differently, depending on the person.

I think it's a lot easier. Slave, this is a state where nothing depends on you, and you can not set boundaries and conditions. And submission is something you can control, and most importantly! You just like it.

After everything is said and done, a slave can depend on the master. But, that doesn't mean it's always that way. It depends on the people involved. There can be some negotiation on what will happen and what won't, even in a M/s situation.

Granted, it isn't as common as in a D/s situation, but it is possible. Just because you consider yourself a slave, that doesn't mean from that point on you have no rights as a person. You can set boundaries. The only rules are what consenting adults decide between themselves.

Slave is just a label, just like submissive, dominant and master. They are starting points...a place to begin. The definitions never have to be set in stone.