Struggling with writing dialogue/conversation scenes

[Starlust]

I'm planning another story, but it's reminding me that I have zero "ear" for dialogue and character interactions. I enjoy writing sex scenes a lot but writing any sort of build-up is a chore because I'm always second guessing myself and I end up just wanting to get to the sex. Is anyone else like this?

 

[SamScribble]

I'm planning another story, but it's reminding me that I have zero "ear" for dialogue and character interactions. I enjoy writing sex scenes a lot but writing any sort of build-up is a chore because I'm always second guessing myself and I end up just wanting to get to the sex. Is anyone else like this?

What exactly are you 'second guessing'?

 

[Starlust]

What exactly are you 'second guessing'?

How 'natural' characters' dialogue sounds, whether or not they'd say a particular thing, things like that. I'm an introvert who struggles in real life with these things so this carries through to my writing.

 

[SamScribble]

How 'natural' characters' dialogue sounds, whether or not they'd say a particular thing, things like that. I'm an introvert who struggles in real life with these things so this carries through to my writing.

Ah. OK.

In that case, may I suggest that you practice with a few non-sexual conversations. Take two people. Give each of them a distinctive 'voice'. And just let them talk.

As they talk, keep in mind that your reader usually wants to know what happens next?

And try to avoid the obvious.

'I think I'll make a coffee. Do you want one?'

The other person could say: 'No thank you.' But it's more 'interesting' if they say something like: 'I'm fine, thanks.'

'Water? Juice?'

'No, no. But if you want a coffee ....'

Etc,

 

[Deleted member 5521640]

How 'natural' characters' dialogue sounds, whether or not they'd say a particular thing, things like that. I'm an introvert who struggles in real life with these things so this carries through to my writing.

For me personally I let the characters "talk"; that is I have an idea of what my characters are like personality-wise, background, what their interests are, etc. Then I just let them loose. In my Nude Day story I had a lot of dialogue in it, and it just flowed naturally from the characters. It was almost like I was eavesdropping in on a conversation. I had them pictured in my mind and just happened. I almost couldn't get them to shut up, but that's what made it so fun to write, at least for me it was.

I don't know if this helps, but that was my experience with dialogue.

 

[SimonDoom]

How 'natural' characters' dialogue sounds, whether or not they'd say a particular thing, things like that. I'm an introvert who struggles in real life with these things so this carries through to my writing.

Your concerns are very common. My thoughts:

First, make sure you know how to do the mechanics of dialogue. Read some of the how-to essays that are available. If you're unsure about what you're doing, just stick to the standard conventions of handling dialogue. A good general rule of thumb: every time dialogue switches from one character to the next, start a new paragraph.

Second, keep dialogue fairly simple. People don't talk the way they write essays. Keep words and sentences short. Don't worry too much about trying to mimic real people, or real dialects, or anything like that. For most readers, it won't be necessary. Just keep it fairly short and simple and it probably will be fine, unless you have a character who is highly educated and likely to talk in a more complicated way.

Third, use dialogue to push the action forward. Have characters reveal thoughts or intentions with dialogue. Readers like stories with dialogue, but every word of dialogue should serve a purpose.

Fourth, use dialogue in sex scenes. Sex scenes are better and hotter with dialogue. Use dialogue to show how each of the characters in a sex scene is responding to what's happening and feels, or to direct the other character's actions in the sex scene.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Don’t use perfect English in the dialog. I have fallen back into the habit of full, complete sentences inside the quotes, and that just isn’t how most of us communicate. Leave a word out from time time time, but not so bad that one can’t get the jest of what’s said.

“Coffee?”

“No, but feel free.”

“Juice, water, soda?”

“I’m fine.”

Listen in on people when they talk. Catch the rhythm of the flow of people who communicate with one another without much verbiage. If you can manage it, listen to people on a first date. It’ll give you an idea of the feeling out stage.

Just my humble opinion. JMHO

 

[Auden James]

Don't Do It

If, indeed, you have zero ear for dialogue, I'd suggest to simply not write it as long as it is not absolutely necessary. Instead use indirect speech so that you can keep the voice of your narrator. That way you can focus on your strengths and what you really like to write: the sex. If you want to get to the sex: get to the sex! Your writing will be stronger if it comprises more of what you do well than what you do not so well.

Also, there's no requirement on this site for any sort of build-up (well, not any that I know of, but who knows when new rules can be made up at any occasion these days?).

 

[HordHolm]

Don’t use perfect English in the dialog. I have fallen back into the habit of full, complete sentences inside the quotes, and that just isn’t how most of us communicate. Leave a word out from time time time, but not so bad that one can’t get the jest of what’s said.

“Coffee?”

“No, but feel free.”

“Juice, water, soda?”

“I’m fine.”

Listen in on people when they talk. Catch the rhythm of the flow of people who communicate with one another without much verbiage. If you can manage it, listen to people on a first date. It’ll give you an idea of the feeling out stage.

Just my humble opinion. JMHO

This. And don't forget that body language and/or tone of voice are far more revealing than the simple words which are spoken. So perhaps;

"Coffee?"

"No, but feel free," said Jane, pulling a face.

"Juice, water, soda?" asked Peter, his expression eager.

"I'm fine," Jane insisted, rolling her eyes.

 

[Auden James]

Not This

"Coffee?"
"No, but feel free," said Jane, pulling a face.
"Juice, water, soda?" asked Peter, his expression eager.
"I'm fine," Jane insisted, rolling her eyes.

I'm not sure if you wanted just to give some examples of body language descriptions, but if you wrote a dialogue like that it would be simply annoying. Piling up participle phrases like that does have that effect, and pretty swiftly at that!

 

[Starlust]

If, indeed, you have zero ear for dialogue, I'd suggest to simply not write it as long as it is not absolutely necessary. Instead use indirect speech so that you can keep the voice of your narrator. That way you can focus on your strengths and what you really like to write: the sex. If you want to get to the sex: get to the sex! Your writing will be stronger if it comprises more of what you do well than what you do not so well.

Also, there's no requirement on this site for any sort of build-up (well, not any that I know of, but who knows when new rules can be made up at any occasion these days?).

Yes, I don't know how PWP stories are received on here, but I get the idea people generally prefer some semblance of a fleshed-out story. I guess the answer is just be economical?

Your concerns are very common. My thoughts:

First, make sure you know how to do the mechanics of dialogue. Read some of the how-to essays that are available. If you're unsure about what you're doing, just stick to the standard conventions of handling dialogue. A good general rule of thumb: every time dialogue switches from one character to the next, start a new paragraph.

Second, keep dialogue fairly simple. People don't talk the way they write essays. Keep words and sentences short. Don't worry too much about trying to mimic real people, or real dialects, or anything like that. For most readers, it won't be necessary. Just keep it fairly short and simple and it probably will be fine, unless you have a character who is highly educated and likely to talk in a more complicated way.

Third, use dialogue to push the action forward. Have characters reveal thoughts or intentions with dialogue. Readers like stories with dialogue, but every word of dialogue should serve a purpose.

Fourth, use dialogue in sex scenes. Sex scenes are better and hotter with dialogue. Use dialogue to show how each of the characters in a sex scene is responding to what's happening and feels, or to direct the other character's actions in the sex scene.

Absolutely right on the dialogue during sex part, I've got that nailed I think. What I probs should have mentioned in my earlier post is that I don't have any experience in the....relevant field so it'd be hard conveying attraction , flirting etc.

Thanks for your help all!

 

[HectorBidon]

Sometimes I imagine I'm writing dialog for a movie script. Can I imagine characters speaking the lines on the screen? Does it sound natural or clunky? Would I find the scene too boring, too stilted, too confusing?

I sometimes find it helpful to listen to my text read out loud. Google Translate has a pretty good text-to-speech capability.

 

[PBAnnie]

Absolutely right on the dialogue during sex part, I've got that nailed I think. What I probs should have mentioned in my earlier post is that I don't have any experience in the....relevant field so it'd be hard conveying attraction , flirting etc.

Thanks for your help all!

HectorBidon makes a good suggestion about imagining you're writing the script for a movie and picturing your actors interacting. You can get snippets of normal conversation in just about any movie or TV show, so watch those with the express purpose of imitating them.

For erotic and smutty conversation you'll probably need to watch erotic and smutty shows and movies. You can find some great stuff in the classic movies from the "Golden Age of Porn" (the 1970s and 1980s.) Most of that can be pretty cheesy (like all porn) but a lot of those films made some attempt at storylines and conversation between the scenes featuring the wah-wah guitars. You may also find some semi-believable conversation in contemporary porn from the PureTaboo, Deeper, and MissaX studios (as well as a few others.) A lot of these movies have darker themes and their conversations feel a bit more authentic.

 

[LAHomedog]

All of the above and try to get in their heads. It's more than conversation and words. Why are they saying it? What is their motivation? Is there a subtext to what they are thinking. What are their emotions/concerns/anxieties at the times.

Take the "Would you like some coffee?" example above.

Are they offering the coffee to be polite?
Are they offering the coffee to engage the other person in a conversation?
Are they offering it to make peace after an argument or fight?
Are they offering the coffee to become friendlier, and why? Friendship? Money? Power? Sex?
Are they offering the coffee because they have to?

And there are many, many more.

Two more things: Try to listen to how they talk. I have found that with most beginning writers their characters all sound the same. They all have the same voice, and usually it is the voice of the writer.

Also, I know this might sound silly, I frequently stand up and act my character's dialogue out. Now, I can't act at all. I'm a lousy actor, but I'm acting for myself. It helps develop a natural speaking pattern for your characters.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Also, I know this might sound silly, I frequently stand up and act my character's dialogue out. Now, I can't act at all. I'm a lousy actor, but I'm acting for myself. It helps develop a natural speaking pattern for your characters.

I'm picturing Robert De Niro, "You talkin' to me?"

 

[HeyAll]

Imagine you're watch a tv show or movie.

That's always worked for me.

If you're stuck with that, rewatch an episode of your favorite show/movie to see how it's done.

Or read a book that you like, since it's in text, to get an idea of what dialogue should be.

 

[gunhilltrain]

For me personally I let the characters "talk"; that is I have an idea of what my characters are like personality-wise, background, what their interests are, etc. Then I just let them loose. In my Nude Day story I had a lot of dialogue in it, and it just flowed naturally from the characters. It was almost like I was eavesdropping in on a conversation. I had them pictured in my mind and just happened. I almost couldn't get them to shut up, but that's what made it so fun to write, at least for me it was.

I don't know if this helps, but that was my experience with dialogue.

It often comes down to the setting or context of the scene. Where are they and what are they doing there? What do people usually talk about in such a scenario, and what if anything do they have in common? It could be a school, a job, a neighborhood, a car, their church, their families, and so forth.

Don't be afraid to pick something specific or something real that you know about firsthand. Also, I have a tendency to make the characters, well, perhaps brighter than average to make them more interesting. Sometimes they will surprise someone else by knowing some song lyrics, a piece of poetry, movie dialogue, or a relevant historical incident.

I wrote a scene today where two young women who are becoming lovers talk about the church one of them goes to and why it looks the way it does. I had already had the set-up of one of these girls living nearby and having doubts about her Catholicism. Then I figured the other one would have a comment about the building. And thus the topic is right there, ready to go. It was only a few lines, but it seemed believable.

http://www.nycago.org/Organs/Brx/html/StBrendan.html

 

[LAHomedog]

I'm picturing Robert De Niro, "You talkin' to me?"

Well, he is a great actor, probably the best of his generation. Me? I suck.

 

[Comshaw]

Don’t use perfect English in the dialog. I have fallen back into the habit of full, complete sentences inside the quotes, and that just isn’t how most of us communicate. Leave a word out from time time time, but not so bad that one can’t get the jest of what’s said.

“Coffee?”

“No, but feel free.”

“Juice, water, soda?”

“I’m fine.”

Listen in on people when they talk. Catch the rhythm of the flow of people who communicate with one another without much verbiage. If you can manage it, listen to people on a first date. It’ll give you an idea of the feeling out stage.

Just my humble opinion. JMHO

The above is a great example of how to do dialogue. Dialogue in a story is nothing more than a verbal conversation transcribed into written language. What I do is close my eyes and listen to my character talk, then try to get that on the page.

When I started writing stories I'd listen to some of the people around me, how they talked, what they said. Then I'd try to write what I heard. After I had it down I'd read it and see how it compared to the conversation I heard.

I think the key to it is making the character a living breathing person to the reader. You can't do that with stiff formal language. The reader has to believe they are hearing the character speak.

Comshaw

 

[Rustyoznail]

The above is a great example of how to do dialogue. Dialogue in a story is nothing more than a verbal conversation transcribed into written language. What I do is close my eyes and listen to my character talk, then try to get that on the page.

When I started writing stories I'd listen to some of the people around me, how they talked, what they said. Then I'd try to write what I heard. After I had it down I'd read it and see how it compared to the conversation I heard.

I think the key to it is making the character a living breathing person to the reader. You can't do that with stiff formal language. The reader has to believe they are hearing the character speak.

Comshaw

And that's why you have to treat grammar checking software with care. It can insist on changing "real" conversations to a stilted one.

 

[PennameWombat]

And that's why you have to treat grammar checking software with care. It can insist on changing "real" conversations to a stilted one.

I have aliens in many of my stories. Their command of human language is... questionable . I ignore grammar and spell checking for their dialogue, essentially all of it gets marked. They also have access to 'universal translator' tech so if they're using that their dialogue suddenly becomes near-formal English with some odd phrasing. Some younger ones have good English but things like contractions and many colloquial phrases still escape them. Humans have provided feedback to their translation AI.

For other - human - dialogue, I look for errors in grammar checks. And almost always keep them that way if the speech is natural (to me, at least). Although one of my regular characters is an English teacher turned cop. Her dialogue is an ongoing effort to keep 'natural' but largely very grammatical. Her speech will have fewer errors noted, but some, although depending on the situation she'll intentionally devolve her language into a very colloquial mode, e.g., when she's undercover.

Many of my other characters will have formal tone of their speech vary more or less as well, but not generally as much as my policewoman.

 

[Emirus]

I'm planning another story, but it's reminding me that I have zero "ear" for dialogue and character interactions. I enjoy writing sex scenes a lot but writing any sort of build-up is a chore because I'm always second guessing myself and I end up just wanting to get to the sex. Is anyone else like this?

Digressing slightly, but as you say you enjoy writing sex scenes, there is an award made every year by Literary Review, a British magazine, for the worst sex scene in a book that year. It makes interesting reading. Who, as an example, would have expected to see Norman Mailer as a winner? Or perhaps not? Many of the names are unknown to me but I’m sure they will be familiar to others.

1993: Melvyn Bragg, A Time to Dance
1994: Philip Hook, The Stonebreakers
1995: Philip Kerr, Gridiron
1996: David Huggins, The Big Kiss: An Arcade Mystery
1997: Nicholas Royle, The Matter of the Heart
1998: Sebastian Faulks, Charlotte Gray
1999: A. A. Gill, Starcrossed
2000: Sean Thomas, Kissing England[4]
2001: Christopher Hart, Rescue Me
2002: Wendy Perriam, Tread Softly[2]
2003: Aniruddha Bahal, Bunker 13
2004: Tom Wolfe, I Am Charlotte Simmons
2005: Giles Coren, Winkler[5]
2006: Iain Hollingshead, Twenty Something[6]
2007: Norman Mailer, The Castle in the Forest[7]
2008: Rachel Johnson, Shire Hell; John Updike, Lifetime Achievement Award[8]
2009: Jonathan Littell, The Kindly Ones
2010: Rowan Somerville, The Shape of Her[9]
2011: David Guterson, Ed King[10]
2012: Nancy Huston, Infrared[11]
2013: Manil Suri, The City of Devi
2014: Ben Okri, The Age of Magic[12]
2015: Morrissey, List of the Lost[13]
2016: Erri De Luca, The Day Before Happiness
2017: Christopher Bollen, The Destroyers
2018: James Frey, Katerina
2019: Didier Decoin, The Office of Gardens and Ponds and John Harvey, Pax[14]
2020: Not awarded, citing that people have been "subjected to too many bad things this year" already.[15]

I like the reason for 2020.

 

[PBAnnie]

The above is a great example of how to do dialogue. Dialogue in a story is nothing more than a verbal conversation transcribed into written language. What I do is close my eyes and listen to my character talk, then try to get that on the page.

When I started writing stories I'd listen to some of the people around me, how they talked, what they said. Then I'd try to write what I heard. After I had it down I'd read it and see how it compared to the conversation I heard.

I think the key to it is making the character a living breathing person to the reader. You can't do that with stiff formal language. The reader has to believe they are hearing the character speak.

Comshaw

To help make conversation feel more realistic keep in mind that people have favorite words and phrases, especially swear words. You can add some of these to the character background notes when you create them. (You do create character backgrounds as part of your story frameworks and plot summaries, right?)

 

[ElectricBlue]

To help make conversation feel more realistic keep in mind that people have favorite words and phrases, especially swear words. You can add some of these to the character background notes when you create them. (You do create character backgrounds as part of your story frameworks and plot summaries, right?)

Story frameworks, plot summaries, character backgrounds? Wot dat?

You're describing plotsers. The other school of writers is pantsers, who do none of those things.

 

[waratah]

Real conversation is part of a bigger communication.

Where people are while they're having the conversation, how well they know each other, their moods, prior arrangements all come into play. Sometimes they stub their toe halfway through speaking.

People interupt, they avoid an answer, answer the second question first, and then look at the other person thinking, join the dots dofus, why would you ask a dumb question like that

"Hey, like a coffee, I'm just ab-"

"Are you shitting me, we're late already!"