Struggling to write a story about m/f housemates hooking up.

[sunb3rst]

I apologise in advance if this thread is posted in the wrong forum.


I have a fantasy of a male & female housemates hooking up in the middle of a cold night at home.


I'm fairly happy with what I've written so far- both housemates are just friends and in college (so around 22-24 years old, but open to casual sex. They haven't done anything together sexually, but in the story decide to have a bit of a romp in the middle of the night.

The female is cold and her heater broke, so she asks the male if she can cuddle up with him for a bit. He agrees and she hops into bed, and they spoon together. He feels her up a bit as they chat, which then escalates. They laugh and start to have a bit of fun together, which culminates in him giving it to her but still with her t-shirt on (he does take his boxer shorts off). They do kiss but it's more of a fun fling than a romantic encounter.



I'm having issues with setting up the scene- do they share the house with other people? Are they actually interested in having a relationship or is the start of just being "fuck buddies"? Do all members of the house have casual sex with each other? Or is this "house" actually a backpacker hostel or coed dorm where they all are friends but have their round robin hookups?

Secondly, I'm wondering about whether to add a second part to the story:- for example extending the scene to the morning where the female wakes the guy up with a blow job. Or that they decide to "save water, shower with a friend" to carry the sex on further. I also am toying with an idea to include a scene where they use the bathroom together the next morning, and the female lets the male watch her pee. After that she sucks him off and holds his dick while he pees, then they have sex in the shower.

I am also wondering whether to lead up to that night encounter with some flirting, e.g. her checking him out coming out of the shower, or him looking up her skirt while she washes dishes in the kitchen, or him masturbating while listening to her pee through the bathroom door.

And finally, I feel inspired to write a story that has a seen of a hot young woman lifting up her long shirt (like a basketball shirt) to reveal her nude pussy, ala Playboy Playmate of the Month October 2008 Kelly Carrington. I would like to have that in the story but am wondering if that's too much.
For instance I think it'd be too much if the female housemate asked if she could snuggle up with him to get warm, then shows him her pussy. I think that'd be giving herself to him TOO quickly, as I think it is sexier for him to feel what she looks like before seeing all of her (which he does later).

What do you think of these ideas? Are they worth writing?


I'm also struggling because I am fearing redundancy- as I already have two other stories in the works that involve voyeurism with peeing (and simultaneous blow job), that lead to golden showers and sex.



To explain my background- I was once staying for a while in a backpacker hostel and one night was shaving in a single bathroom with an adjoining toilet room. A female friend of mine opened the door and walked in to access the toilet. She said "Sorry!" as I was only in a towel wrapped around my waist, but I said it was ok for her to go through. She was happy with that and went ahead to used the toilet, and I could hear her peeing. I didn't find the peeing erotic at the time, but I did find it a little interesting.

Honestly I do find the sound of a woman peeing fascinating, so I am keen to include this fantasy in a few stories. It's just that I don't want readers to think I'm writing the same thing over and over.


Thanks for your help.

 

[lawn]

I like the basic premise very well. That said, I think some of the early things about the housemates, round robin hookups, etc., kind of makes the story start snowballing to the point of making it unwieldy. All of this can set up something like a series, or sequels but I feel it clutters up the initial story. The rest seems worth writing.

I'm a leg man with definite interest in upskirts so I'd enjoy that as an entry scene to the cuddle night. And, I like the slower build up of having him feel before seeing her pussy. I'm not a particular 'pee' fan but I am a voyeur. I see nothing wrong with including that in the set up too. Who doesn't love a wake up blow to polish the story off.

 

[astuffedshirt_perv]

I would prefer some drama. Chick gets into guys bed and they have sex is way to straight forward. Boring! I suggest adding some issue that makes it awkward or difficult or something.

 

[HeyAll]

How about this:

The guy rents a small apartment. He's a college student. He rents out the extra room to the girl, who just happens to be really hot.

They have a flirty relationship, but early on, they agree to not do anything sexy together because if they broke up, it would be incredibly awkward. After all, they have to live there for years and housing is difficult for students. They got lucky with a cheap apartment near campus and neither of them want to screw up a good thing.

One morning, the girl goes to the bathroom in front of him. They're schedules match so there's no choice. It's an inconvenient thing, but she grew up around sisters so she's used to that.

He gets a raging hard-on which she notices and teases him about. The next day or so, she teases him again and offers to 'take care' of it for him since he has difficult classes and she doesn't want him to be distracted. So she gives him oral.

That night, or the next, the heating breaks down and she goes to his bed...

 

[SamScribble]

On this site, I think there are a couple of kinds of readers - well, there are probably at least a dozen kinds but, for simplicity, let's say that there are two main kinds: those who are looking for something that will help them to a quick wank and those who want to read an erotic story. If you are aiming for the quick wank group, then get your housemates into the sex quickly and make it detailed and intense. If you are aiming at the other group, I'd suggest that you write a story that would (almost) work without the serious sex.

Good luck.

 

[Ironiclaconic]

I would prefer some drama. Chick gets into guys bed and they have sex is way to straight forward. Boring! I suggest adding some issue that makes it awkward or difficult or something.

Yep. Best route I see is to ramp the sexual tension to 11. Both really want each other, but fear rejection or awkwardness (or something), and every brushing of skin on skin, and every sigh, heats things up further. If it were me, I would get them talking about past sex acts, using descriptions of past acts with exes to hint what they would like to do with each other.

 

[BrightlyGo]

The female is cold and her heater broke, so she asks the male if she can cuddle up with him for a bit. He agrees and she hops into bed, and they spoon together. He feels her up a bit as they chat, which then escalates. They laugh and start to have a bit of fun together, which culminates in him giving it to her but still with her t-shirt on (he does take his boxer shorts off).
...
I am also wondering whether to lead up to that night encounter with some flirting, e.g. her checking him out coming out of the shower, or him looking up her skirt while she washes dishes in the kitchen, or him masturbating while listening to her pee through the bathroom door.

And finally, I feel inspired to write a story that has a seen of a hot young woman lifting up her long shirt (like a basketball shirt) to reveal her nude pussy, ala Playboy Playmate of the Month October 2008 Kelly Carrington. I would like to have that in the story but am wondering if that's too much.

That could be a good lead-in. When it's warm, she could be going around in just a shirt, and do that, just flirting. Maybe she wants him & he's attracted, but, at the time, he has a girlfriend. Months later, he breaks up with his girlfriend, it's cold, and coincidentally the heater goes out...

 

[sunb3rst]

I like the basic premise very well. That said, I think some of the early things about the housemates, round robin hookups, etc., kind of makes the story start snowballing to the point of making it unwieldy. All of this can set up something like a series, or sequels but I feel it clutters up the initial story. The rest seems worth writing.

I'm a leg man with definite interest in upskirts so I'd enjoy that as an entry scene to the cuddle night. And, I like the slower build up of having him feel before seeing her pussy. I'm not a particular 'pee' fan but I am a voyeur. I see nothing wrong with including that in the set up too. Who doesn't love a wake up blow to polish the story off.

Thanks for your feedback.

I will say that this story originally was an 8-part series, then cut down to a 4-part series. But then I chopped it into just one story but as you can see feel confused about having too many things.

You have given me a good idea to use a flirty upskirt scene as an entry to the cuddle night. Thanks.
I'm thinking too of her not showing him her pussy the next morning either, but leave it for later on...

In a lot of my stories, a focal point is the guy seeing the woman's pussy being revealed to him before oral & penetrative sex (simply because I always find that thrilling). But I thought for this story to do something different.

I guess maybe she could reveal her pussy to him with the shirt lift, a few days later while he's about to have breakfast in the kitchen? (No sex the previous night.) And then he goes down on her for his breakfast? But then she rushes off to work or college etc. after, so there's no sex.


About the pee- I do feel kind of odd about it. In real life right in front of a woman I've never really found it erotic, just interesting to hear. I once had a chick ask me to wipe her pussy (and her butt...) but I said I'd just wrap some paper round the end of a stick & dab her.
But for some reason I get aroused reading about women peeing in front of guys, or hearing them pee.

Maybe I guess it could be for a 3rd part after the cuddle night, during the following week? Say they are just going about their days after the midnight nookie, then one time he's in the bathroom and she goes in for a pee. Because they have had sex they are a bit more comfortable with each other, that she lets him look at her pee, and this could lead to another blowjob, which leads to "save water, shower with a friend", and they have a bit of a 'pee play' with each other (which leads to sex in the shower)? That way it's not the full-on fetish golden shower, but something more fun & light-hearted.

 

[sunb3rst]

I would prefer some drama. Chick gets into guys bed and they have sex is way to straight forward. Boring! I suggest adding some issue that makes it awkward or difficult or something.

Thanks for the suggestion. I'm thinking now to use the "voyeur pee" thing as something to make it awkward, like a few weeks back she caught him masturbating outside the bathroom door while she peed, and it pissed her off. But then after a bit the weather cools down very sudden (and the heater breaks), and since they are friendly she asks to get into bed with him...

After the midnight sex and a few days later, she's a little more comfortable and lets him actually watch her pee, which leads to some pee play in the shower.

 

[sunb3rst]

On this site, I think there are a couple of kinds of readers - well, there are probably at least a dozen kinds but, for simplicity, let's say that there are two main kinds: those who are looking for something that will help them to a quick wank and those who want to read an erotic story. If you are aiming for the quick wank group, then get your housemates into the sex quickly and make it detailed and intense. If you are aiming at the other group, I'd suggest that you write a story that would (almost) work without the serious sex.

Good luck.

Thanks for the good luck!


I admit I'm in the 2nd kind of readers, as I much prefer the erotic story. I find myself getting off and inspired to write a lot a detail about the actual sexual activities.
But I do struggle with setting the scene into why they want to have sex in the first place, because I think it's essential to have that connection.


It's one thing I don't like about the Celebrities stories- why would some famous celeb want to be with some random person or fan in the first place? Or the other way round? The only reason I like to read some of those stories is just to see how the author describes the female counterpart looks naked.

 

[sunb3rst]

Yep. Best route I see is to ramp the sexual tension to 11. Both really want each other, but fear rejection or awkwardness (or something), and every brushing of skin on skin, and every sigh, heats things up further. If it were me, I would get them talking about past sex acts, using descriptions of past acts with exes to hint what they would like to do with each other.

Thanks. I guess that when they are in bed getting warm & the thong discovery moment, this could be when she's still sort of scorning at him for wanking off to her peeing, and then they start to talk about their little fetishes. This would increase the sexual tension, which is amplified by him feeling her up more and more (and her getting wet). This leads to the fun midnight casual sex- I don't want it too passionate & deep, just lustful with a few laughs.

I will say that this story was initially inspired by a couple having some quick sex while mostly clothed. I wanted a story where the partners are not completely naked, but are in an intimate environment rather than say outside under a tree etc.

 

[sunb3rst]

That could be a good lead-in. When it's warm, she could be going around in just a shirt, and do that, just flirting. Maybe she wants him & he's attracted, but, at the time, he has a girlfriend. Months later, he breaks up with his girlfriend, it's cold, and coincidentally the heater goes out...

Thank you also for your feedback. I like the idea of just flirting when the weather is warm, and that the guy had a girlfriend before.



The original story was set in a hotel's overnight accommodation. There are two hot female backpacking bartenders that live in the accommodation (all separate rooms). The lead male character has been staying there for a bit while working in town (he's from out of town), so has got to know the bartenders on a friendly basis. A few days in, it's a cold night and one of the bartenders knocks on his door, asking if she can sleep in his bed where his room is warm.
He asked her what about the other bartender, and she said that she was busy banging some guy she picked up after knocking off from work, and that there are no other heaters available. She gets into bed with him and they cuddle up, which leads to sex later in the night.


I had issues with this, because I didn't want it to look like the bartender is just sleeping with this guy because he's from out of town. I wanted there to be some more connection.


I will also admit that this story was also inspired from when a heater broke on ME when I was staying in a hotel's accommodation! I showed the broken heater to the (HOT) female bar manager, but she just replaced it, she didn't offer to share her room with me.....!

Also, I was actually friendly with two hot female bartenders when visiting a remote hotel. I had been drinking with them that night and as it was late I stayed the night. I was actually in one of the girl's rooms with her and a couple of friends but she just friendly kissed me and the others goodnight, so that was that. The other girl was sleeping with some dropkick guy from around town so I never got anywhere with her (although I didn't bother to), although my workmate unsuccessfully tried to hit on her. I ended up hanging out with that girl a month later but she was in love with another friend of mine (and told me she found my workmate sleazy but felt safe around me), so was devoted to him. I was fine with that but was gutted when the first hot bartender had left the night before!

 

[sunb3rst]

I'm a leg man with definite interest in upskirts so I'd enjoy that as an entry scene to the cuddle night. And, I like the slower build up of having him feel before seeing her pussy. I'm not a particular 'pee' fan but I am a voyeur. I see nothing wrong with including that in the set up too. Who doesn't love a wake up blow to polish the story off.

I do love the idea of a "wake up blow", but I'm wondering to delay that so the story carries on, as it's an extra tease for the guy.

 

[robertreams]

sounds to me like you are overthinkng it. Why not just let your fingers do the talking. Write it out and see what happens. As author you are god and can alter the universe if you so desire. Let it write itself, then edit.

 

[lawn]

I do love the idea of a "wake up blow", but I'm wondering to delay that so the story carries on, as it's an extra tease for the guy.

I think that would work well enough.

However, I don't disagree with robertreams when he says 'Why not just let your fingers do the talking...see what happens'. You can always go back and do like you planned originally.

I heard once that: there is no such thing as writing - there is only rewriting.

 

[lawn]

Thanks for your feedback.

I will say that this story originally was an 8-part series, then cut down to a 4-part series. But then I chopped it into just one story but as you can see feel confused about having too many things.

You have given me a good idea to use a flirty upskirt scene as an entry to the cuddle night. Thanks.
I'm thinking too of her not showing him her pussy the next morning either, but leave it for later on...

In a lot of my stories, a focal point is the guy seeing the woman's pussy being revealed to him before oral & penetrative sex (simply because I always find that thrilling). But I thought for this story to do something different.

I guess maybe she could reveal her pussy to him with the shirt lift, a few days later while he's about to have breakfast in the kitchen? (No sex the previous night.) And then he goes down on her for his breakfast? But then she rushes off to work or college etc. after, so there's no sex.


About the pee- I do feel kind of odd about it. In real life right in front of a woman I've never really found it erotic, just interesting to hear. I once had a chick ask me to wipe her pussy (and her butt...) but I said I'd just wrap some paper round the end of a stick & dab her.
But for some reason I get aroused reading about women peeing in front of guys, or hearing them pee.

Maybe I guess it could be for a 3rd part after the cuddle night, during the following week? Say they are just going about their days after the midnight nookie, then one time he's in the bathroom and she goes in for a pee. Because they have had sex they are a bit more comfortable with each other, that she lets him look at her pee, and this could lead to another blowjob, which leads to "save water, shower with a friend", and they have a bit of a 'pee play' with each other (which leads to sex in the shower)? That way it's not the full-on fetish golden shower, but something more fun & light-hearted.

Well, you got me all excited. Good plan. I look forward to reading...

 

[EroticKeys]

As SamScribble has stated, there may be two basic types of readers -- the quick slam-bam and the long slow burn.

May i suggest that "gernerally", writers may be in the same two groups -- I'm fairly sure I'm in the latter.

I think it takes a very talented writer to compile a very tight concise story, or a writer that may have very limited skills -- and you may get quickly turned off by the second.

I'll be the first to admit to not being very talented. Waiting for my first story submittion to be approved (4 days now), is beginning to strain my patience (who wouldn't like an overnight approval?), but then, it is my first story and I have no idea how long it takes.

May I suggest two things: 1. always create a story outline and fill in ideas as you think of them so you don't forget those great ideas; 2) use the story outline to manipulate the story, as you type out the detailed first draft. You may find that one scene may fit into three places in the story. Highlight that text in colour and insert it into those three spots and see how the story reads. I have found this helps refine even a first draft. It may also lead you to a shorter or longer story and other ideas for the story -- you must decide.

Since you have gone from 7-8 pages to 2-3, maybe you should leave the story for a few days -- thats is a considerable edit !

You may want to start another completely different story outline -- so you dont waste your time. You may find in creating a second story that your original first "long story may become more clear when you go back and read it.

Good Luck -- EK.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Some of John O'Hara's best short stories ran 1000 words or so, and he's reputed to be the best short story writer ever. His erotic tales are the best, and the shortest.

'How long' begs the question, is it enough.

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

I did hook up with a roommate once. His name was Kelly.

I was really struggling to make living expenses with working 2 part time jobs. My idiot fiancé, even though he practically lived with me and always had his friends over, almost never helped financially, including groceries for when they would eat my food. When they were ordering pizza, he would have the nerve to ask me to pitch in. The other guys could obviously see that wasn't cool, so they actually would tell him they would cover for me.

Kelly was one if the friends, and he was going to boot camp. He needed a place to stay for a couple months while he was waiting to leave. He saw plenty of me in little pajamas because I was working 2 minimum wage jobs, so my main hobby was sleeping. We had the awkward but funny run ins, especially since there was only one bathroom. He also got to see arguments with the idiot fiancé. One argument ended with him saying he didnt pay bills because he didnt live there, and me saying since he didnt live there, he wasn't sleeping there and getting sex so get out! Actually, most of our arguments ended that way.

Kelly and I were attracted to each other; actually all the fiances friends were hot for me. After the argument, I was crying and Kelly was comforting me. Soon a nice hug turned to a little kiss, then a bigger kiss, then some fun sex. Oops. Ok, it was just that once...

But even if you do it again and it's still the same day, it still only counts as cheating once, so as long as you stop by midnight, you're good...

But, actually a night with someone doesn't end til the morning, so as long as more sex is before sunrise, it still only counts as once...

But, no one actually gets up at sunrise, so even if you get up late, as long as the sex is before you got out of bed, it still only counts as cheating once...

But, if even if one of you gets out of bed, if that one comes back to bed and the other is still there, if you do it again, it's still only once...

But wait, it's the start of the weekend, and spending a weekend having sex with someone still only counts as once because its the weekend...

But, the fiancé hasn't come back yet, so even though the weekend passed, all the sex you have until the next time I see him still only counts as once...

But wait, it's not really cheating in the first place because the fiancé was the one who arranged for a guy to stay with his girlfriend so he wouldn't have to help with bills, and if you move a guy in with your girlfriend, you know what's going to happen, so you can't really say she cheated when you're the one who set it up in the first place.

Yeah, Kelly and I had much better sex than I did with the idiot, so we kept at it until he left for boot camp. I missed him once he left, the fun sex and help with the bills. I was sad

Wait, who's at the door? It's Matt, one of the other friends. Matt was just dropping by to see if my fiancé was around. Matt's always so nice. My idiot fiancé would never help clean the apartment even though it was him and his friends messing it up. But Matt was really sweet; he would always gather dishes and take out trash and do some picking up. When I would get home from work and the friends were there, Matt would get up and give me a plate of dinner. Sorry Matt, fiancé isn't here now, we just got done fighting again. I'm crying and Matt's giving me a hug. He's so sweet, and I'm going to miss Matt when he goes off to boot camp also in a couple months. This hug is so nice, and now he's giving me a sweet little kiss to make me feel better... And Matt does help me a lot... And well, the fiancé is the one who has a bunch of guys around his girlfriend all the time, so really, he knew what's going to happen...

Need I say more?

 

[sunb3rst]

Thanks for the extra feedback and advice folks. Yeah I've been giving it a rest for a few days.
I'm thinking also to just leave it for a bit while I work on the other stories. They might help make use of what at the moment seems to be cluttering the one story.

 

[robertreams]

How about if he (or she) has someone over. That's when he (or she) discovers that they are jealous. if they are jealous then they must care. But instead, they get angry and begin treating the other person badly because of the jealousy. they have a huge emotional fight that ends up in a physical struggle or A lover's quarrel. What? Long Pause - -look in each other's eyes, sees passion - BINGO!