Stranger or acquaintance for affair?

[Justaguy6022]

This grew our of another thread. For background, I'm a 57 year old married guy. Been married more than 30 years. She's 11 years older, had 2 daughters from a previous marriage.

The last 10 years or so have been completely sexless. Everything else is good, but no physical intimacy. Partly physical/medical for her, but also I've also been the one in the relationship with the higher drive.

I've decided I want to have an affair, just for sex; I don't *plan* on going beyond that.

One of the daughter's friends (married, about 38) has been rather flirty with me for some time. I'm thinking she's serious, and I'm definitely attracted. I know her, I know she's safe (trust, clean, sane, etc.). Of course, if it goes sideways, the fallout would be pretty bad and immediate.

On the other hand, meeting a stranger would have a much lower chance of something accidentally slipping out, but then there are concerns about avoiding scams, trusting someone, and the like.

I know I'm not alone in this. Those who have made the leap, what did or would you choose?

 

[NOBGE]

This grew our of another thread. For background, I'm a 57 year old married guy. Been married more than 30 years. She's 11 years older, had 2 daughters from a previous marriage.

The last 10 years or so have been completely sexless. Everything else is good, but no physical intimacy. Partly physical/medical for her, but also I've also been the one in the relationship with the higher drive.

I've decided I want to have an affair, just for sex; I don't *plan* on going beyond that.

One of the daughter's friends (married, about 38) has been rather flirty with me for some time. I'm thinking she's serious, and I'm definitely attracted. I know her, I know she's safe (trust, clean, sane, etc.). Of course, if it goes sideways, the fallout would be pretty bad and immediate.

On the other hand, meeting a stranger would have a much lower chance of something accidentally slipping out, but then there are concerns about avoiding scams, trusting someone, and the like.

I know I'm not alone in this. Those who have made the leap, what did or would you choose?

While knowing the daughter’s friend may seem safe, that could be a little too close to home. I’d be careful around her…let her take the lead. If she doesn’t lead you further, let it go. If you think it’s leading somewhere, have a long, hard talk with her about expectations, etc.
Like what happens if y’all hook up a few times or even longer and you need to end it. How’s it going to be with her around?
Since it’s been 10 dry years, take your time and find a “stranger” and get to know her first. If it takes a few months, that’s ok. Better safe than sorry.

 

[Justaguy6022]

While knowing the daughter’s friend may seem safe, that could be a little too close to home. I’d be careful around her…let her take the lead. If she doesn’t lead you further, let it go. If you think it’s leading somewhere, have a long, hard talk with her about expectations, etc.
Like what happens if y’all hook up a few times or even longer and you need to end it. How’s it going to be with her around?
Since it’s been 10 dry years, take your time and find a “stranger” and get to know her first. If it takes a few months, that’s ok. Better safe than sorry.

Sound advice - thank you! What's a few months after all this time?

 

[Britva415]

I like the "acquaintance" idea, but this one is too close.

Start a hobby: Join a hiking club or a singing chorus or something. You'll make acquaintances, some of those women will be cute and game, you'll have a reason to spend time away from the house, and your wife (probably) won't know them.

 

[Justaguy6022]

I like the "acquaintance" idea, but this one is too close.

Start a hobby: Join a hiking club or a singing chorus or something. You'll make acquaintances, some of those women will be cute and game, you'll have a reason to spend time away from the house, and your wife (probably) won't know them.

I like this idea very much - thanks for the advice!

Yeah the "acquaintance" is likely too close; I'm probably blinded because she's right there in front of me.

 

[gtnlynn]

While my wife did not have affairs, she did have some sex with others with my consent. Our rule was no friends, and that worked well for us. She made arrangements with men she met at work or in social events.

 

[Justaguy6022]

While my wife did not have affairs, she did have some sex with others with my consent. Our rule was no friends, and that worked well for us. She made arrangements with men she met at work or in social events.

I retired early, so that rules out meeting people at work. Social events goes along with @Britva415 suggested. Thanks for the suggestions!

 

[Mystories189]

Not the same, but I hooked up with one of my father's friends. When my father was alive, he would always be there whenever I visited my parents. Haven't seen him for 10 years. Reconnected with him while out with my husband and some friends. He wanted to catch up more, so I went back to his house. This lead to him asking about my tattoos, to appreciating my body, to touching me. It turned me on intensely knowing him and having him see me this way for the first time. It made the sex great.

 

[Justaguy6022]

Not the same, but I hooked up with one of my father's friends. When my father was alive, he would always be there whenever I visited my parents. Haven't seen him for 10 years. Reconnected with him while out with my husband and some friends. He wanted to catch up more, so I went back to his house. This lead to him asking about my tattoos, to appreciating my body, to touching me. It turned me on intensely knowing him and having him see me this way for the first time. It made the sex great.

Kind of a symmetry there, but I agree not the same. I love knowing that it happened for you, though. I can totally imagine that scenario.

 

[Mystories189]

Kind of a symmetry there, but I agree not the same. I love knowing that it happened for you, though. I can totally imagine that scenario.

Except I passed out half naked on his couch half naked and his wife chased me out a called my mom

 

[Justaguy6022]

Except I passed out half naked on his couch half naked and his wife chased me out a called my mom

Lol, didn't see that coming

 

[Mystories189]

Lol, didn't see that coming

Neither did she