Stranger or acquaintance for affair?

[Justaguy6022]

This grew our of another thread. For background, I'm a 57 year old married guy. Been married more than 30 years. She's 11 years older, had 2 daughters from a previous marriage.

The last 10 years or so have been completely sexless. Everything else is good, but no physical intimacy. Partly physical/medical for her, but also I've also been the one in the relationship with the higher drive.

I've decided I want to have an affair, just for sex; I don't *plan* on going beyond that.

One of the daughter's friends (married, about 38) has been rather flirty with me for some time. I'm thinking she's serious, and I'm definitely attracted. I know her, I know she's safe (trust, clean, sane, etc.). Of course, if it goes sideways, the fallout would be pretty bad and immediate.

On the other hand, meeting a stranger would have a much lower chance of something accidentally slipping out, but then there are concerns about avoiding scams, trusting someone, and the like.

I know I'm not alone in this. Those who have made the leap, what did or would you choose?

 

[NOBGE]

This grew our of another thread. For background, I'm a 57 year old married guy. Been married more than 30 years. She's 11 years older, had 2 daughters from a previous marriage.

The last 10 years or so have been completely sexless. Everything else is good, but no physical intimacy. Partly physical/medical for her, but also I've also been the one in the relationship with the higher drive.

I've decided I want to have an affair, just for sex; I don't *plan* on going beyond that.

One of the daughter's friends (married, about 38) has been rather flirty with me for some time. I'm thinking she's serious, and I'm definitely attracted. I know her, I know she's safe (trust, clean, sane, etc.). Of course, if it goes sideways, the fallout would be pretty bad and immediate.

On the other hand, meeting a stranger would have a much lower chance of something accidentally slipping out, but then there are concerns about avoiding scams, trusting someone, and the like.

I know I'm not alone in this. Those who have made the leap, what did or would you choose?

While knowing the daughter’s friend may seem safe, that could be a little too close to home. I’d be careful around her…let her take the lead. If she doesn’t lead you further, let it go. If you think it’s leading somewhere, have a long, hard talk with her about expectations, etc.
Like what happens if y’all hook up a few times or even longer and you need to end it. How’s it going to be with her around?
Since it’s been 10 dry years, take your time and find a “stranger” and get to know her first. If it takes a few months, that’s ok. Better safe than sorry.

 

[Justaguy6022]

While knowing the daughter’s friend may seem safe, that could be a little too close to home. I’d be careful around her…let her take the lead. If she doesn’t lead you further, let it go. If you think it’s leading somewhere, have a long, hard talk with her about expectations, etc.
Like what happens if y’all hook up a few times or even longer and you need to end it. How’s it going to be with her around?
Since it’s been 10 dry years, take your time and find a “stranger” and get to know her first. If it takes a few months, that’s ok. Better safe than sorry.

Sound advice - thank you! What's a few months after all this time?

 

[Britva415]

I like the "acquaintance" idea, but this one is too close.

Start a hobby: Join a hiking club or a singing chorus or something. You'll make acquaintances, some of those women will be cute and game, you'll have a reason to spend time away from the house, and your wife (probably) won't know them.

 

[Justaguy6022]

I like the "acquaintance" idea, but this one is too close.

Start a hobby: Join a hiking club or a singing chorus or something. You'll make acquaintances, some of those women will be cute and game, you'll have a reason to spend time away from the house, and your wife (probably) won't know them.

I like this idea very much - thanks for the advice!

Yeah the "acquaintance" is likely too close; I'm probably blinded because she's right there in front of me.

 

[gtnlynn]

While my wife did not have affairs, she did have some sex with others with my consent. Our rule was no friends, and that worked well for us. She made arrangements with men she met at work or in social events.

 

[Justaguy6022]

While my wife did not have affairs, she did have some sex with others with my consent. Our rule was no friends, and that worked well for us. She made arrangements with men she met at work or in social events.

I retired early, so that rules out meeting people at work. Social events goes along with @Britva415 suggested. Thanks for the suggestions!

 

[Mystories189]

Not the same, but I hooked up with one of my father's friends. When my father was alive, he would always be there whenever I visited my parents. Haven't seen him for 10 years. Reconnected with him while out with my husband and some friends. He wanted to catch up more, so I went back to his house. This lead to him asking about my tattoos, to appreciating my body, to touching me. It turned me on intensely knowing him and having him see me this way for the first time. It made the sex great.

 

[Justaguy6022]

Not the same, but I hooked up with one of my father's friends. When my father was alive, he would always be there whenever I visited my parents. Haven't seen him for 10 years. Reconnected with him while out with my husband and some friends. He wanted to catch up more, so I went back to his house. This lead to him asking about my tattoos, to appreciating my body, to touching me. It turned me on intensely knowing him and having him see me this way for the first time. It made the sex great.

Kind of a symmetry there, but I agree not the same. I love knowing that it happened for you, though. I can totally imagine that scenario.

 

[Mystories189]

Kind of a symmetry there, but I agree not the same. I love knowing that it happened for you, though. I can totally imagine that scenario.

Except I passed out half naked on his couch half naked and his wife chased me out a called my mom

 

[Justaguy6022]

Except I passed out half naked on his couch half naked and his wife chased me out a called my mom

Lol, didn't see that coming

 

[Mystories189]

Lol, didn't see that coming

Neither did she

 

[Justaguy6022]

Haven't had any time to start new activities yet (where I can find a stranger), but the acquaintance has been texting today.

One every few weeks she'll randomly text me a joke or humorous video (always clean), but it was a few today. I always reply with something funny, but she always initiates it.

Maybe she's got on here and has seen this, haha.

 

[UtilityCurve]

I like this idea very much - thanks for the advice!

Yeah the "acquaintance" is likely too close; I'm probably blinded because she's right there in front of me.

"Proximity goggles."

 

[Doughboy48]

I can feel your pain here. Married 25 years and due to medical issues there is no more romping in the sheets. One of our friends daughters (22) has over the last year made me wonder what she is seeking. At times she has been super flirty but other times I’m nonexistent. Lately the last few months she has been staring at my bulge in my pants. A few weeks ago I thought if anything is going to happen it would be then. We were on a trip and she was with our group. She had school to do so she stayed back at the hotel while we all went and did things. She text me later when school was done and asked if I would come pick her up. I got back to the hotel and told her I would wait in our room until she was done. She ended up meeting me in the lobby. All of this to say it is better to not shit where you eat! I’d love to pound this 22 year old inexperienced young lady but the implications if something went wrong is to great!

 

[Justaguy6022]

Just a follow up here, it's been a few weeks.

I saw the acquaintance at a social event. We had a few minutes to talk privately. I asked her directly how she felt; she admitted she wanted me, too. We decided to do it once to get it out of our systems.

Once turned to twice turned to fucking each other every chance we get. Ok, it's only been half a dozen times, but damn it's been good.

I know this probably won't end well, but might as well enjoy it while we can.

 

[el_uno77]

enjoy it while you can.....congrats and happy new year to you.

 

[Nellie60]

This grew our of another thread. For background, I'm a 57 year old married guy. Been married more than 30 years. She's 11 years older, had 2 daughters from a previous marriage.

The last 10 years or so have been completely sexless. Everything else is good, but no physical intimacy. Partly physical/medical for her, but also I've also been the one in the relationship with the higher drive.

I've decided I want to have an affair, just for sex; I don't *plan* on going beyond that.

One of the daughter's friends (married, about 38) has been rather flirty with me for some time. I'm thinking she's serious, and I'm definitely attracted. I know her, I know she's safe (trust, clean, sane, etc.). Of course, if it goes sideways, the fallout would be pretty bad and immediate.

On the other hand, meeting a stranger would have a much lower chance of something accidentally slipping out, but then there are concerns about avoiding scams, trusting someone, and the like.

I know I'm not alone in this. Those who have made the leap, what did or would you choose?

Although our scenario was quite different it was more to do with fulfilling a fantasy of mine, although my 2nd girlfriend years ago enjoyed doing this to guys.

I had this fantasy of her making out with another man while I watched then finish him off with her hand.

The situation was finding the other person. We definitely ruled out any friends or acquaintances so the option was a complete stranger. We ruled out the advertising sex ad part and boldly chose someone we like the look of....yes that's was I did before summoning her over.

It was a completely random event rather than risk finding someone on an ad.

Here's the deal, I got rejected 3 times when the men I approached thought it was a joke.

But the very lucky 4th probably couldn't believe his good fortune having such a beautiful a Korean girl as his "girlfriend" for about 20mins in the backseat of my suv while I watched in total disbelief. It was perfect as good as it gets scenario and the images of her with him embedded in my mind forever

So to answer your quest, a complete stranger worked at the time.

 

[Justaguy6022]

Although our scenario was quite different it was more to do with fulfilling a fantasy of mine, although my 2nd girlfriend years ago enjoyed doing this to guys.

I had this fantasy of her making out with another man while I watched then finish him off with her hand.

The situation was finding the other person. We definitely ruled out any friends or acquaintances so the option was a complete stranger. We ruled out the advertising sex ad part and boldly chose someone we like the look of....yes that's was I did before summoning her over.

It was a completely random event rather than risk finding someone on an ad.

Here's the deal, I got rejected 3 times when the men I approached thought it was a joke.

But the very lucky 4th probably couldn't believe his good fortune having such a beautiful a Korean girl as his "girlfriend" for about 20mins in the backseat of my suv while I watched in total disbelief. It was perfect as good as it gets scenario and the images of her with him embedded in my mind forever

So to answer your quest, a complete stranger worked at the time.

I would not have turned that down!

 

[Justaguy6022]

Just a follow up here, it's been a few weeks.

I saw the acquaintance at a social event. We had a few minutes to talk privately. I asked her directly how she felt; she admitted she wanted me, too. We decided to do it once to get it out of our systems.

Once turned to twice turned to fucking each other every chance we get. Ok, it's only been half a dozen times, but damn it's been good.

I know this probably won't end well, but might as well enjoy it while we can.

Further update: we fucked like crazy for a month or so, then started to slow down. It's been a bit over a week since the last time.

I think we're getting it out of our systems. It seems like we're both trying to figure out where to go from here. We've talked about it; neither wants to change our situations, but we sure like fucking each other.

 

[Nellie60]

Further update: we fucked like crazy for a month or so, then started to slow down. It's been a bit over a week since the last time.

I think we're getting it out of our systems. It seems like we're both trying to figure out where to go from here. We've talked about it; neither wants to change our situations, but we sure like fucking each other.

Wow you are having it good.

Yeah just need to figure out where to go..eventually someone may work out whats going on here.

So far would you say the thrill of having this affair is still pretty exciting or are you feeling any guilt?

 

[Justaguy6022]

Wow you are having it good.

Yeah just need to figure out where to go..eventually someone may work out whats going on here.

So far would you say the thrill of having this affair is still pretty exciting or are you feeling any guilt?

The thrill is amazing! Butterflies in the stomach, every touch is electric. Even after all the times we've been together, each time is as intense as the first.

Yes, there's guilt afterwards; but for now the thrill is bigger.

We both know it's not going to last forever. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

 

[LMWM321]

One of the daughter's friends (married, about 38) has been rather flirty with me for some time. I'm thinking she's serious, and I'm definitely attracted. I know her, I know she's safe (trust, clean, sane, etc.). Of course, if it goes sideways, the fallout would be pretty bad and immediate.

That's a terrible idea. Think about your step daughter. You'd be putting her in the position of being betrayed by her friend, then forcing her to chose between keeping a secret from her Mom, or being the bearer of bad news that her husband has cheated on her. Is that fair to her?

For the sake of an orgasm, you risk blowing up your entire world. A patently DUMB idea.

If it were me, I'd be honest with my wife and tell her, "I love you, and intend to be with you for the rest of my life. And while I don't blame you for not wanting sex anymore, I cannot go without it for the rest of my life. ..So I will be seeking it outside of our marriage."

Yes, to pursue sex outside of your marriage is to break a wedding vow. But so is withdrawing from any form of sexual intimacy with your husband - for TEN years! Her health issues present problems, but they don't preclude ALL forms of sex. So, your marriage is sexless, at least in part, because of her decision to make it so.

 

[Nellie60]

The thrill is amazing! Butterflies in the stomach, every touch is electric. Even after all the times we've been together, each time is as intense as the first.

Yes, there's guilt afterwards; but for now the thrill is bigger.

We both know it's not going to last forever. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

That's very nice. I know the thrill and the warm fuzzy electricity thats seems to flow between 2 people that are immensely physical attracted to each other.

Its something you don't want to end but as you say it will eventually end either through mutual agreement or someone eventually discovering what you are up to. The second having unknown consequences.


Enjoy the ride literally while you can.