Strange love blues (rip me a new one necroticsnail)

[AChild]

Strange love blues

Write away out side the box,
steal a feather tale from fox.

My blues is mad can't see it.
Just feel the boot on my bones,
pausing my whistle.

Times change,
people feel the heat from clocks
winding down and act atom.

Eroding passion,
loved ones can't stay trapped in the scene
where sight bestowed union.

We keep memories,
split furniture.
Your base love is dead.

You changed them so
with sears from kisses and tears
they couldn't live the same animal.

Slaughtered under orgy moon,
the new self springs wet from the middle eye
and look on you a stranger.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

Write away out side the box,
steal a feather tale from fox.

My blues is mad can't see it.
Just feel the boot on my bones,
pausing my whistle.

Times change,
people feel the heat from clocks
winding down and act atom.

Eroding passion,
loved ones can't stay trapped in the scene
where sight bestowed union.

We keep memories,
split furniture.
Your base love is dead.

You changed them so
with sears from kisses and tears
they couldn't live the same animal.

Slaughtered under orgy moon,
the new self springs wet from the middle eye
and look on you a stranger.

Either you have dysentery from drinking the waters around Haiku River
or
lack of oxygen from Zen Mountain


How about YOU explain it to me
I DO expect an answer

 

[AChild]

7-26

A threat is not a promise, babe. I want the cut of your critique, not the feather of your banter against my balls. Oh and punctuation. punctuation

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

A threat is not a promise, babe. I want the cut of your critique, not the feather of your banter against my balls. Oh and punctuation. punctuation

Write away out side the box,
steal a feather tale from fox.
nice write, it rhymes here, this is a nice touch away out side the box,

Now tell me what I am supposed to be looking at, because it starts out on horrible first line and doesn't seem cohesive, unless this is supposed to the signal -
Write away out side the box

Speaking of boxes, got one? I see more that than balls.

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

nice av
spiraling in my own juices

got that one right

Why do I not see your comments, lorca? On others poetry?
That takes balls. Got any, go on start making 'em. Let's see your critical evailuation.