Strange Dreams and Sleepless Nights

[PredatorSmile]

What should a girl do if the man in her life doesn't seem to sleep at night ? He paces all the time. When he finally tires himself and falls asleep, his sleep is always disturbed by nightmares and he talks in his sleep. During his waking hours, he won't talk about it. Also, he seems to be losing interest in sexual activities. Last but not least, he recently came out to his girl and told her he's bisexual. Between this, his weird dreams ( that he won't talk about) and his sleepless nights, he's driving her crazy. She wants to help. He won't talk. What's a girl to do ?

 

[Programmer Cat]

To start with, don't push. Sometimes we men prefer to withdraw and try to face our problems on our own; it's a matter of pride. Personally, I'd suggest that he see a physician about the insomnia and the nightmares.

 

[PredatorSmile]

I'm not pushy ! I just want to know what's going on. He's been pulling away from me. He hasn't wanted to do it lately. Also, he always seems a bit distant. Like he's got a million things on his mind. I dont mean to pry. I just want to help. That's what you're supposed to do when you care, isn't it ? This 'withdrawal' of his makes me borderline frantic. I found myself wondering about anything from "is there another woman ?" to "is there another man" ? Is he ill ? Did he get fired from his job ? Did someone he cared about die ? The possibilities are endless and none of them are pleasant. I need to know.

 

[MaxLongfella]

That need, im sorry to tell you, is pushy. When he feels comfortable talking about it, he will.

As Programmer Cat said, its usually a pride thing.

 

[Programmer Cat]

The possibilities are endless and none of them are pleasant. I need to know.

I'm sorry, but that need to know is pushy. That "I need to know" attitude is why I am distant with my parents; their constant need to know enraged me after years of them telling me that a man should rely on himself, solve his own problems, and fight his own battles.

 

[Mari J]

In a relationship, what's happening to one person is happening to both. He needs to understand that it's affecting you too. You both need to work together for your health and peace of mind, and for the sake of the relationship. Whether a doctor gets involved, or a relationship counselor, this issue needs to be adressed. The discussion only has to start as it relates to the relationship. He doesn't have to spill everything right away. That might come later as progress is made.

Also, how did his girl react when he came out? Was she supportive?

 

[PredatorSmile]

He only came out to her. When he told her that he was bisexual, she was very supportive. She's bi herself. Unlike him, she's totally out and she's the vice-president of the GLBT Alliance on campus. Yeah, she has proven that she can handle things. No matter what. He needs to trust her more.

 

[CuriousNiceGuy]

I'm sorry, but that need to know is pushy. That "I need to know" attitude is why I am distant with my parents; their constant need to know enraged me after years of them telling me that a man should rely on himself, solve his own problems, and fight his own battles.

Relations with parents and relationships are very different.
This girl has every right to know what his problem is. it might make her sad, and upset, but she has the right to know.
Sure a man has to deal with his own problems, but when he becomes that affected by his problems it means that he needs help as the problems are too much for him..Also this has become unpleasant not only to himself, but his girlfriend too. He has already shown his trust to her and she seems worthy of it, so why not tell her. It would at least take out all the doubt and worry and useless thoughts she has..

Mmm..don't you see anything that has changed in his environment?
Did he get lose a friend or something bad happened to him?..dunno.

Lastly, though I do believe you got every right to know what's on his mind, don't ask him all the time. Try to be sypportive and to cheer him up whenever he seems down. About the nightmares..Dunno..maybe if you just hug him while you two sleep he'll calm down? sometimes that helps..
Good luck with this. Keep us updated.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Relations with parents and relationships are very different.
This girl has every right to know what his problem is. it might make her sad, and upset, but she has the right to know.
Sure a man has to deal with his own problems, but when he becomes that affected by his problems it means that he needs help as the problems are too much for him..Also this has become unpleasant not only to himself, but his girlfriend too. He has already shown his trust to her and she seems worthy of it, so why not tell her. It would at least take out all the doubt and worry and useless thoughts she has..

Mmm..don't you see anything that has changed in his environment?
Did he get lose a friend or something bad happened to him?..dunno.

Lastly, though I do believe you got every right to know what's on his mind, don't ask him all the time. Try to be sypportive and to cheer him up whenever he seems down. About the nightmares..Dunno..maybe if you just hug him while you two sleep he'll calm down? sometimes that helps..
Good luck with this. Keep us updated.

I will try to be patient with him. I just hope nothing too bad is going on. He hasn't been the same since our baseball team lost recently. As to the sleeping/dreams situation, he's not the biggest fan of cuddling. However, he steals the sheets ( it gets cold), snores and sometimes, he has
insomnia. Boy, he's really something. I tend to look at him when he sleeps and once, he woke up to find me looking at him. He was rather happy because of that. We'll ride this out.