Straight, but the woman I love is bi.

[ChristopherMaxwell]

I am perfectly willing to encourage her, especially given that we are exploring the polyamorous lifestyle, anyway. However, I know that she is a tad worried at times that I might change my mind and get upset. I doubt that I shall, but how do I express this?

Oh, and we're technically not back together, but in the process of getting so. We share a flat and the breakup is increasingly an obviously temporary thing.

Another thing is that I do not wish to do anything bi myself, but how do I make that clear to other men?

 

[BedtimeStories77]

I wish you well in rekindling the relationship.

The only advice I can offer in telling other men you're not interested (I'm guessing you're talking about possibly swinging with another couple?) is to simply be honest with them and say so right away.

In the past I had been with many couples. (Sometimes as part of a couple myself.) It's been my own experience through swinging that the males were rarely bi but their women were. Perhaps that simply was just part of the swingers' groups and scenes I was a part of? After all, outside of that group I had been in threesomes with men where the two were bi.

Again, good luck and I hope things go well for you two!

 

[playwithlezli]

I wish you well in rekindling the relationship.

The only advice I can offer in telling other men you're not interested (I'm guessing you're talking about possibly swinging with another couple?) is to simply be honest with them and say so right away.

In the past I had been with many couples. (Sometimes as part of a couple myself.) It's been my own experience through swinging that the males were rarely bi but their women were. Perhaps that simply was just part of the swingers' groups and scenes I was a part of? After all, outside of that group I had been in threesomes with men where the two were bi.

Again, good luck and I hope things go well for you two!

The swinging (albeit very limited!) that I was involved with, was definately slanted towards swapping and female bi-play. I never saw any hint of male bi interest. This was at swinger's clubs and by posting on some swinger's webforums, sites etc.

 

[poppy1963]

Yes...I wish you both well! I like you and Alexis muchly on first impressions!

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

I wish you well in rekindling the relationship.

The only advice I can offer in telling other men you're not interested (I'm guessing you're talking about possibly swinging with another couple?) is to simply be honest with them and say so right away.

In the past I had been with many couples. (Sometimes as part of a couple myself.) It's been my own experience through swinging that the males were rarely bi but their women were. Perhaps that simply was just part of the swingers' groups and scenes I was a part of? After all, outside of that group I had been in threesomes with men where the two were bi.

Again, good luck and I hope things go well for you two!

Thanks, love. Yes, I've heard that bisexuality is far more common among women than men in the swinging/poly scene. And it would probably be a combination of other couples and threesomes of both sorts. The other women are not an issue, of course. It's the other couples and the MFM threesomes where it might come up.
I know that she probably has fantasies of two men together, much as most men (including me) have of two women together (I'm lucky enough that my girl already finds this appealing, since I wouldn't push her into something that she didn't like).

However, the very idea of touching another man....well, it does nothing for me. I'm no homophobe, however, and I wouldn't want my refusal to come out as being a hostile thing. Nor would I want to hurt anyone's feelings. I suppose that I shall just say from the outset that I am straight, before the man could get to that point. Then, if he's also straight, he can breathe a sigh of relief, and if he's not, he can at least relax and not entertain false hopes.

Well, even though she doesn't get the one fantasy, there is something in it for her in an MFM threesome: she'd be the centre of attention, eh? Then again, she'd also be the centre of attention in those threesomes where the other woman is a lesbian. We've discussed that, and both agreed not to limit ourselves to bisexual women; straight and gay dames can apply as well, and whichever one of us is not attractive to the third party can focus on our SO and exercise our more voyeuristic side: after all, it's no different from being a straight male in an MFM threesome.

I didn't want folks to think that I am simply a stereotypical straight man with a double standard about bisexuality, one that condemns one form, but accepts another. I had one opportunity to see if I was interested in blokes, and I'm simply not. I don't condemn those men who are. I admit that I find myself having an odd fascination with MTF transsexuals, but I am under the impression that this doesn't really count, since it isn't their male genitals that interest me sexually, but their overall feminine bodies. I guess that's not really odd, per se, just odd for a straight bloke.

For Alexis and me, it seems that the polyamory thing is something worth exploring, along with her bisexuality, to see how we can handle it. I gather that it's best to do so now, before we officially reconcile, to find out if we want to have an open or exclusive relationship in the future.

After all, if it is the latter, it would have to be completely exclusive, with no double standards or loopholes for bisexuality. So it's best that, just in case (though I suspect that polyamory shall work out for us, it's best at this point to keep our options open), she have the chance to experiment with other women, just as it's best that we both have the chance to sample the swinging lifestyle. I wouldn't want a even slight chance that she should have to regret never indulging her Sapphic tendencies. Best to try it out when we have no obligations or rules between us yet, be they poly or mono.

 

[DerelictionOfSanity]

Advice

My best advice to you is to just be up-front about it. Be nice and polite, but be clear that you're not really interested in guys. One of my best friends is a guy who I originally met (and hit on) at a party. His response was basically, "Nope, sorry. Hey, what do you think about *topic of mutual interest*"

 

[BedtimeStories77]

For Alexis and me, it seems that the polyamory thing is something worth exploring, along with her bisexuality, to see how we can handle it. I gather that it's best to do so now, before we officially reconcile, to find out if we want to have an open or exclusive relationship in the future.

Just another bit of advice and/or an opinion of someone that's been there...

While it sounds like it may be best to try this before you two become an "official" couple again, it is still possible to develop jealousy or hurt feelings afterwards.

It might be a reason why I haven't swung as a couple that much. (Male fuck buddies were able to handle the scenario far better than a boyfriend I was actually dating.)

So, through this process you both need to always be open and honest with one another always!

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

Just another bit of advice and/or an opinion of someone that's been there...

While it sounds like it may be best to try this before you two become an "official" couple again, it is still possible to develop jealousy or hurt feelings afterwards.

It might be a reason why I haven't swung as a couple that much. (Male fuck buddies were able to handle the scenario far better than a boyfriend I was actually dating.)

So, through this process you both need to always be open and honest with one another always!

Well, yes, I generally try to be honest and candid with her, but it would especially matter here. With any luck, it shall work out. At least the idea of it isn't apparently grossing her out. The reality shall be the moment of truth, I imagine. I really hope that all of this works out. In any case, thank you for your counsel. She and I both need to know what kind of couple we wish to be. At the least, we should have some interesting memories and not have to wonder what might have happened.