Story requests

[BiscuitHammer]

If you get them, what are some of the goodies/whoppers you've received from readers?

About once a week, I got a request for a BTB story, some of them really rather disturbing (and politely declined). One involved a dad burning down a house that his son and wife were inside after he caught them flagranting the delicto...

I've got a pregnancy fetish story on the go, and it apparently inspired this request, which is a doozy... brothers, somehow pregnant, falling in love and riding out their pregnancy together. I almost wrote a story about seahorses.

Another request involved a woman being impregnated by a lightning spirit- the sex scene and birth were shocking!

One of my faves, which I declined for CREEPY AF, involved two adults who received such terrible blows to the head, that they forgot how to do just about everything, including speak. There was no one around to assist them, except one another. They did eventually figure out how to progressively sex one another up. I'm assuming it was using adult bodies as substitutes for infantile-juvenile-teen experimentations with sexuality. Like I said, politely declined.

A lot of requests involved smoking. Is that really a thing? What?

Then there was one about two girls who cosplay like crazy and get laid all the time in their weird outfits. The list of outfits I was given was... out there. At one point, one of the girls was dressed as one of those giant cannibal rabbits from Blood-C. The other cross-played as Lemmy crossdressing and fucking Roy Orbison. The real Roy Orbison. Who I can only hope wasn't 20+ years dead.

Then there's the inevitable requests for cartoon characters doing all manner of unspeakable things. No, I will not write about Betty and Veronica having a lesbian relationship where they cuck Archie for you. No, I will not write Equestria Girls porn for you, those horses-turned-girls are underage. And NO, even if they weren't. Blah.

Impregnation by Predator, after it defeats a Xenomorph for the right to mate with the female. I've read the story 'Intergalactic Courtesan' on here, so I'm assuming that'd be weirdly okay. Not that I plan to do it, mind.

Only one I have agreed to write had a Warhammer 40k theme to it, and that's because I'm a nerd. I DID insist on no Genestealers, however...

That's a shortlist of my weirdness. What have you folks got to add?

EDIT: I just got a new one in my Inbox. Sword fighting. As in guys in a competitive league, fighting with their dicks.

WHY DO YOU THINK I'D BE GOOD AT WRITING THIS?! I DON'T KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT SWORD-FIGHTING WITH DICKS!!! JESUS, MARY, JOSEPH AND THE DONKEY!!!

Okay. done with all-caps.

Sometimes, I almost give in to the urge to go back through my stories and see what on earth I've written that makes these people think I'M the writer they wanna go to in order to get this weird shit in their head published.

'Golly, I wish I knew an author who would be willing to write my fantasy about a horse's spirit stuck inside a man and now he can have sex with human females. Ohhhhh, I know! That Biscuit Hammer guy! He wrote a time travel story, so of course he'll write about displacement bestiality! Yeah!'

Sword fighting. There is not enough absinthe in the world. Sorry...

 

[JasonClearwater]

'Golly, I wish I knew an author who would be willing to write my fantasy about a horse's spirit stuck inside a man and now he can have sex with human females. Ohhhhh, I know! That Biscuit Hammer guy! He wrote a time travel story, so of course he'll write about displacement bestiality! Yeah!'

Sword fighting. There is not enough absinthe in the world. Sorry...

Yeah, this doesn't happen to me. I think, looking at your ratings, that the problem is that you're quite good at what you do.

Have you tried being a bit more average? Blending in a bit more?

 

[BiscuitHammer]

Yeah, this doesn't happen to me. I think, looking at your ratings, that the problem is that you're quite good at what you do.

Have you tried being a bit more average? Blending in a bit more?

Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk...

Keep it up and I'll ask Chloe to gank you in her April Fool's story, Jason...

 

[tomlitilia]

I always turn down requests. Barely have time to write my own ideas. The ones sending pictures of their wife and wants me to write a story about her makes me uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure he didn't ask first.

 

[Wkd_Macey]

I always turn down requests. Barely have time to write my own ideas. The ones sending pictures of their wife and wants me to write a story about her makes me uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure he didn't ask first.

Ive been asked to co-write a couple of times - and both times I've been let down by the 'supposed' co-writer (apparently losing interest?)

(ahhh well )

 

[JasonClearwater]

Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk...

Keep it up and I'll ask Chloe to gank you in her April Fool's story, Jason...

It's not my fault you're popular. Some of us manage to stay on the fringes instead of sullying ourselves with things like 'high scores' and 'followers'. The problem is you're not underground enough.

*sculls back a wheatgrass shot*

Anyway, she can't gank me. I'd make sad eyes at her. You can't murder someone making sad eyes at you.

 

[BiscuitHammer]

It's not my fault you're popular. Some of us manage to stay on the fringes instead of sullying ourselves with things like 'high scores' and 'followers'. The problem is you're not underground enough.

*sculls back a wheatgrass shot*

Anyway, she can't gank me. I'd make sad eyes at her. You can't murder someone making sad eyes at you.

Clearly you've never seen a Tarantino movie.

And there are days I'm pretty damned sure it's not my fault I'm popular either. I feel like a total n00b around people like you, Chloe and Silk, to name a thimbleful of excellent authors on here.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I would read that dick fighters one.

I think the only request I've gotten is "Do more stories about women in prison, but talk more about the shackles."

 

[BiscuitHammer]

I would read that dick fighters one.

I think the only request I've gotten is "Do more stories about women in prison, but talk more about the shackles."

If anyone wants to tackle the Dick Fighters one, they're welcome to it. I couldn't possibly do it justice. I suppose I'm flattered that some nutjob out there thought I'd be good at it because of my writing style (although based on what story, I'll never know), but I am declining the request. Just not my baileywick.

 

[Axelotto]

So I had this idea about a love story between a kaiju and a military commander (No, not the psychic, she's probably already doing the kaiju in her mind)... can you do that next?

 

[BiscuitHammer]

So I had this idea about a love story between a kaiju and a military commander (No, not the psychic, she's probably already doing the kaiju in her mind)... can you do that next?

So, what, like a daring Japanese female commander riding on the back of Baragon into battle against Godzilla and then somehow sexing him up when he gets knocked on his ass?

Do kaiju count as bestiality/zoophilia?

Or can she do some sorta Ultraman thing where she is suddenly 50+ meters tall and gets shagged by him when he knocks her on her ass?

Why am I pondering this? Quit preying on my kaiju weakness!

 

[Axelotto]

You can already find japanese porn movies with the Ultraman/Jet Jaguar sized up women doing the Kaiju, but nobody's done the stories yet... (though you might be right about it falling under beasts here rather than sci fi).

But really i was just trying to put up something wild and impossible.

 

[BiscuitHammer]

But really i was just trying to put up something wild and impossible.

Oh, anything is possible. The question is if it's permissible. Or even a good idea.

And if you've ever read the fanfic 'Rini's Special Moment With Serena' by Darren Schivo, then you know the answer to that last question is an emphatic NO.