Story is missing something...

[GratefulFred]

The end of the story has the main character getting his dream blowjob from Angelina Jolie but his life seems to have fallen apart as no one believes his incredible tale.

The beginning of the story has him king of the world on top of his game.

My transition part of the story seems to be lacking thus far and I would appreciate any suggestions.

 

[bisexplicit]

So, give him his "fall from paradise." Have him sin, give him a reason for expulsion. Make Angela Jolie his god.


An easy route: Cheats on fiancee (and lies about it), whom his family loves. He brags to his friends about all the women he slept with after breaking up with the fiance, with some of them being obvious out right fabrications. Everyone finds out/starts to believe he's a scumbag; they want nothing to do with him.

Cue Angelina Jolie. They hook up.

He wants to tell everyone, but to his friends he's the boy who cried wolf.

 

[sirhugs]

its definitely a "Be Careful What you wish For". Not only does he miss his own wedding, but he misses the big sale and his bodss fires him. Then AJ goes back to Brad, after telling everyone what a lousy lay he is.

the middle should be just brief....say, AJ is at the hotel for a Film Festival. He sees her, follows, sees her waiting by the service entrance for her limo. A gangbanger overpowers her bodyguard, he rescues her....

 

[GratefulFred]

Thanks for the suggestions sirH/biS'

Ok here's where I have written thus far in this "Be Careful What you wish For" catagory.

Kick ass sales person NY batchelor has a fear of flying. Needs to fly to close the big deal and can't get out of it.

The middle part, of which I feel somewhat iffy about has the main character with two twins. I've even thought about some good stewardess sex as well.

However the main idea comes into focus as a nude Angelina J shows up in place of the gremlin in a twisted satirical piece based upon a classic twilight zone episode. No one naturally sees AJ save the main character.

Given all this I am unsure if I should try to have some sexy twins taking turns or a stewardess or maybe just making it a two act play. Perhaps the main character thinks outloud?

Your thoughts...