Story idea: "caught between"

[PacoFear]

I'm noodling over a story idea that I think (emphasis on think) is original. I'm curious if anyone else has seen it before on Lit. I've tried to search for it with various tags and I've come up with nothing.

***PacoFear's Idea that He Hereby Invites You to Take Potshots At***

A younger girl that is having difficulty finding her place sexually. Neither gay nor hetero sex feels right to her. She's "caught between."

By sheer chance, the younger girl meets a slightly older woman at a cocktail party who, as luck would have it, is in exactly the same boat. They are soulmates and the meat of the story is the older woman teaching the younger how to exercise (and exorcise) her urges.

When Chance, the younger girl, meets Melissa, the more experienced woman, at a cocktail party, Chance's "problem" comes out. The bit of dialogue I have for this is below.

***
"I'm Chance. You can call me Pixie, though. Everybody does."

Her answer was simple and short, "Melissa."

She was quiet but I knew what to do with quiet people, drown 'em in friendly.

“Mind if call you 'Mel'? I like ‘Mel’ for you. There’s something about a beautiful woman with a guy’s name. You’d make a really good ‘Charlie’ or a ‘Sam’ or–“

“Smooth,” she cut in.

“Hmmm?”

“You just called me beautiful in a very underhanded way. I liked it. Thought you should know.” She took another sip from her glass. “So, gay?”

Wow, she just went straight at it. Fine, I would too, “Yeah, li’l bit.”

A little spritz of cava hit the window glass we were both looking out through as she snorted and giggled at my answer. “Okay, that was pretty fucking funny.” She wiped her lip with a delicate finger. “I’ll bite, exactly how can someone be a little bit gay?”

“When she’s not sure.”

“Not sure as in she has yet to take the plunge?”

“No. She’s– I mean, I’ve, you know, plunged plenty.”

“So you’re just on the fence then?”

“Yeah, sort of.”

“Mmmm, you can’t decide because both are good. That just means you’re bisexual. No harm there, it would certainly leave you tons of dating options,” she mused.

But she’d mused wrong. Dead wrong. “No, no that’s not it. I wish that was it. Both… guys and girls… they’re, well, they’re… bad.”

“Reeaaally?” she teased the word out, stretching it like warm taffy.

“Yeah.”

And then there was a very long pause. Melissa exhaled softly and when she spoke her voice was faraway like she was reciting a poem she'd memorized years ago.

“Because for you, something is always missing. In a woman’s bed everything is too soft, too docile. In a man’s, it’s too coarse, too rushed. You dream of taking and being taken too. Not alpha, not beta, you feel trapped in between. You can’t find your place. Worse, you worry there's no place for you. ”

My mouth fell open entirely on its own. It was like she’d banged a giant tuning fork and held it to my chest. Before she died, my grandmother used to say that truth, real truth, almost hums when it’s spoken. Melissa had just vibrated my bones.

“Uh… yeah. I mean, wow, that’s… that’s exactly right. Don’t know any hermaphrodites do you?” I joked gamely.

She shrugged off my humor, ”Not physical ones, no.”

Before I could ask what she meant, she smiled reassuringly. “You’ll be okay, Pixie. You’re still young. You have time to find your way."
***

Okay, I'm looking to describe a sexual dynamic that involves quickly taking and relinquishing control within a single session. It would have the long, languid, patient sexual feel I associate with lesbian sex but the passion and dominance I associate with hetero sex.

So, finally, my questions that I'm flinging out to y'all:

1) Does this idea interest you?

1) Has anyone seen this on Lit before? I'm looking to measure its originality. Of course, if it turns out there are already stories in this vein, I'm happy to read them as guidance too.

2) If this appeals to you, what do you think sex for two women "caught between" would be like? As I said, I'm picturing a rapidly shifting D/s dynamic. I'm open to your nifty ideas though. Fling 'em at me if you like.

3) What would be the emotional obstacles to someone coming to terms with this strange sexual preference? Right now I'm focusing on Chance confessing to how she struggles with the male, dominant urges that bubble to the surface sometimes during sex. She sadly confesses to dominating a prior lesbian partner with horrible results.

Looking for your $0.02,

-PacoFear

 

[AliveInside]

1 ) - I'm absolutely interested in a story like this and I enjoyed what you've posted of it. I think you could probably stretch the conversation out a little bit more, but it reads well as is.

I haven't personally read anything like this on Lit before, but I'm only one person. I don't think you should worry too much about that, though. Even if there are a hundred stories like it, that doesn't make the one you want to write any less valid. Who knows, maybe yours will be better?

2 ) - Is the idea here that the older woman is 'teaching' the younger one? Because if she's is truly in the same boat as the younger girl, wouldn't she be just as much at a loss for answers? The expectation I would have of that story is that they would be exploring things together, trying things out. Figuring out what they like and don't like.

Or is your intention that the older woman was once in the same boat as the younger one, but through years of experience has gotten a handle on things now? In that instance, I assume she would take the dominant role most of the time. I imagine her behaving much like a man, while looking and feeling extremely feminine.

It sounds like you want them to switch roles a lot, though. So I think it would be interesting if you found certain situations in which the characters felt more comfortable behaving certain ways. Perhaps Chance feels more comfortable acting feminine at dinner parties, but acting masculine at the bar, or vice versa. Perhaps Melissa is exactly the opposite. Then, as they go out into the world and do different things, they'd constantly be switching roles, dominant and submissive, depending on the surroundings and how they individually react to them.

3 ) - To me what's interesting is the frustration of having such a difficult time finding what you want, and then the elation of finally finding someone with whom you are happy. You say that they are soul mates - Do they recognize this, or is it just something that the reader is meant to understand? I think Melissa should mention to Chance how lucky she is to have found her soul mate at such a young age, since clearly it took her much longer than that. Perhaps she's a little jealous. Or maybe just relieved that the search is over.

Anyway, I think it's a cool idea and I look forward to reading it.

 

[PacoFear]

Thanks for your thoughts, Alive. I responded to most of them below.

1 ) - I'm absolutely interested in a story like this and I enjoyed what you've posted of it. I think you could probably stretch the conversation out a little bit more, but it reads well as is.

The conversation I've drafted actually is longer. It plays out for a maybe another half dozen paragraphs. I don't go into complete detail in it because I'm shooting for a bit of mystery.

2 ) - Is the idea here that the older woman is 'teaching' the younger one? Because if she is truly in the same boat as the younger girl, wouldn't she be just as much at a loss for answers? The expectation I would have of that story is that they would be exploring things together, trying things out. Figuring out what they like and don't like.

Or is your intention that the older woman was once in the same boat as the younger one, but through years of experience has gotten a handle on things now? In that instance, I assume she would take the dominant role most of the time. I imagine her behaving much like a man, while looking and feeling extremely feminine.

It sounds like you want them to switch roles a lot, though. So I think it would be interesting if you found certain situations in which the characters felt more comfortable behaving certain ways. Perhaps Chance feels more comfortable acting feminine at dinner parties, but acting masculine at the bar, or vice versa. Perhaps Melissa is exactly the opposite. Then, as they go out into the world and do different things, they'd constantly be switching roles, dominant and submissive, depending on the surroundings and how they individually react to them.

I'm picturing the older woman as a guide for the younger one. Partly for the reasons you note but also for the story arc -- my tentative character concept for the older one is that she had her own "guide" leave her. The story would involve her reconnecting with someone again for the first time since then.

I really like your idea about the dynamic between them shifting depending on their setting. Nice one! Don't be surprised if it ends up in my story.

3 ) - To me what's interesting is the frustration of having such a difficult time finding what you want, and then the elation of finally finding someone with whom you are happy. You say that they are soul mates - Do they recognize this, or is it just something that the reader is meant to understand?

My soulmates comment was a shorthand. The younger one will be amazed at finding just what she's been looking for. The older one will know how compatible they could be, but might fear getting attached because of how much she was hurt when her own guide left.

I think Melissa should mention to Chance how lucky she is to have found her soul mate at such a young age, since clearly it took her much longer than that. Perhaps she's a little jealous. Or maybe just relieved that the search is over.

Way ahead of you. That'd be why her name is "Chance." Here's your bit of dialogue for that:

~*~*~
Mel made it to the doorway before turning back to look at me one last time. "Wait, you're Gerald's daughter aren't you? He owns Meeting Metals Corp... the one that just hired me. So that'd make you--"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, Chance Meeting. Go ahead and laugh it out of your system."

But she didn't laugh. She just smiled and cocked her head, pale blue eyes drilling into mine. "I don't think it's funny, Chance. I like your name. A lot. You should to."

"Oh yeah, why's that?"

"Because it's incredibly... appropriate. You'll see." She turned and left and the sun went with her, picking that moment to fall below the horizon behind me.

The sky had been beautiful and alive a moment ago. Now everything was cold and dark. I sighed. That felt appropriate too.

~*~*~*

Thanks for your thoughts, Alive!

-PF

 

[CopperSkink]

I too think you've got a little something. But I think for the larger sucess, the individual gimmic of "I'm not sure where I stand" may not hold up for as long as would be productive. Write a story where the angle pans out, then the angle dies; where does the story go?

The next thing bothering me is that I smell a fallacy in your theory. Chance doesn't know if she likes men, or women. Sex with both is terrible. Mel says it's because she needs both kinds of sex to be satisfied. The problem I'm running into is that she states sex with men is one way and sex with women is another way. This either makes her naïeve, or the characters for the bedding in your story aren't very creative in bed.

I think you'd have a much more clear picture if you weren't trying to differentiate between man sex and woman sex; rather, if you focused on Chance wanting a relationship with one person with whom she could be "on top" and "on the bottom". There's just not verisimilitude that her problem sprouts from being bisexual.

 

[PacoFear]

I too think you've got a little something. But I think for the larger sucess, the individual gimmic of "I'm not sure where I stand" may not hold up for as long as would be productive. Write a story where the angle pans out, then the angle dies; where does the story go?

You have a point here, not all concepts can carry a story. There'd be a separate plot to this though. Nothing too elaborate. Melissa helps catch an executive embezzling from Chance's father.

Also, I don't picture this as a story exploiting a short-lived "I don't know where I stand" premise. It's more like, well...

Chance: "I don't know where I stand."

Mel: "As best I can tell, you should be standing over here with me."

Chance: "Okay, how do I get there?"

Mel: "Okay, first you A, then you B, and then C"

After ABC are completed.

Chance: "Wow, you're totally right. It's nice over here."

Mel: "Toldya."

Chance: "I love you for getting me here."

Mel: "I love you for getting here."

Cue the bliss.

Helping?

The next thing bothering me is that I smell a fallacy in your theory. Chance doesn't know if she likes men, or women. Sex with both is terrible. Mel says it's because she needs both kinds of sex to be satisfied. The problem I'm running into is that she states sex with men is one way and sex with women is another way. This either makes her naïeve, or the characters for the bedding in your story aren't very creative in bed.

The theory would be that this is how Chance was easing into her conclusion that traditional, gender archetype sex wasn't working for her. She felt too smothered, too overpowered by a guy so she simply tried a girl. Chance is a teenager and it seemed more realistic (and hotter) to me that she's experimenting her way towards finding what she likes and she's doing it without worrying about gender. Frankly, it also gets me over the hump of her sleeping with another girl for the first time if she's already overcome that.

I think you'd have a much more clear picture if you weren't trying to differentiate between man sex and woman sex; rather, if you focused on Chance wanting a relationship with one person with whom she could be "on top" and "on the bottom". There's just not verisimilitude that her problem sprouts from being bisexual.

Agreed. Agreed. And agreed. I think the gender angle is kind of a backdoor to the real rotating D/s issue and this will play out in the story. Easing into the D/s this way has the advantage that it won't scare away readers who hesitate to read that genre, the "Oh, that's not for me crowd." I've noodled with the idea of inventing my own vocabulary. It won't be dominants and submissives. It'll be "pushers" and "benders." I was hoping the latter would be more palatable for the mainstream crowd.

Thought it might be fun to slip an underhanded D/s story into the lesbian sex category.

Thanks for your thoughts, Copper. You're keeping me honest over here.

-PF

 

[CopperSkink]

You're more than welcome to them. I read through about half of your "Macallan Promises" before I had to stop to let my imagination take over. You're a hell of a writer, you know?

I don't think you're trying to push bisexuality as a problem, just that so far you're having one or both of your characters blame a different problem on sex-based gender differences. I think the argument is very thin, of course.

I'm not much one for the dominance/submission genre because of the way people treat it, much akin to the "Loving Wives" category. I've written a few stories about wives who've done less-than-fascinating things out of love for their husbands, but I'm told to put them under "Romance" or something lest the Loving Wives crowd chew me up and spit me out.
With Dominance and Submission, there's a bit of an assumed ruleset that comes with it. The dominant person usually has his or her name and all pronouns capitalized, while the submissive person's are lower-cased. The way the one treats the other is rather usual in that one seems to dispise the other whilst the other seems very in love with the one.
When I read a story, I want to feel like I'm reading out of the SciFi genre sometimes in that I don't want to know what to expect. I don't want to feel like there are rules someone else made working (unless I'm reading NiS universe). The fun thing about magic is that its interpretation changes with each person that writes about it.
I would very much like to see a story where a character (maybe one named "Chance") is able to push as well as get shoved in bed, and I don't want to have to get caught up in "Don't look at me, bitch, lick my shoes," like I expect to have to like it's just the way things are going to roll, you know?

 

[PacoFear]

You're more than welcome to them. I read through about half of your "Macallan Promises" before I had to stop to let my imagination take over. You're a hell of a writer, you know?

Aw shucks. Thanks, Copper. I worked on that one for awhile. It got the full "build, rebuild, spit, polish, tear down, rebuild, spit, polish, double polish." If I get run over by a bus tomorrow I want the folks here to remember me for Macallan Promises. Trouble is, everyone's hooked on Words on Skin. Eh boy, the incest category is king.

I don't think you're trying to push bisexuality as a problem, just that so far you're having one or both of your characters blame a different problem on sex-based gender differences. I think the argument is very thin, of course.

Stay with me on this: it's an entirely heuristic model. Someone in Chance's situation will guess (as you suggest very likely incorrectly) that it's a gender problem when it actually isn't. Mel will explain that it's really a matter of power - wanting to share/exchange control when Chance is being intimate.

Here's another snippit as an example of what I'm thinking...
~*~*

"Come to me, Pixie," Mel whispered from her chair.

Mel's will washed over me like a warm wave again, pushing and nudging me to do as she pleased. I'd do what she wanted, whatever she wanted. She would make me feel good; she always did. There was a freedom in giving into her that I'd never felt before. Part of it was my growing trust in her. Part of it too was knowing, deep down, that when it was her time to bend to me that she'd do it just as readily. She'd soften herself and follow me with all the grace and humility I strove for now.

I slid off the couch but didn't stand. I crawled to her, rolling my shoulders and hips and tossing my hair like something feline until I rested my chin on her knee. She pet me, like a good housecat.

It had never been like this before and I'd had trouble imagining it before. In the same way you can't imagine what chocolate tastes like but when someone puts a bit in your mouth for the first time your eyes roll back into your head and you can't help but say, "Dear god, this is what I've been looking for."
~*~*

I'm not much one for the dominance/submission genre because of the way people treat it, much akin to the "Loving Wives" category. I've written a few stories about wives who've done less-than-fascinating things out of love for their husbands, but I'm told to put them under "Romance" or something lest the Loving Wives crowd chew me up and spit me out.

With Dominance and Submission, there's a bit of an assumed ruleset that comes with it. The dominant person usually has his or her name and all pronouns capitalized, while the submissive person's are lower-cased. The way the one treats the other is rather usual in that one seems to dispise the other whilst the other seems very in love with the one.

When I read a story, I want to feel like I'm reading out of the SciFi genre sometimes in that I don't want to know what to expect. I don't want to feel like there are rules someone else made working (unless I'm reading NiS universe). The fun thing about magic is that its interpretation changes with each person that writes about it.
I would very much like to see a story where a character (maybe one named "Chance") is able to push as well as get shoved in bed, and I don't want to have to get caught up in "Don't look at me, bitch, lick my shoes," like I expect to have to like it's just the way things are going to roll, you know?

I'm with you here too. I like the concept of D/s (for writing, not real life - my wife and I are and will always be equals in every sense and I prefer it that way) but I don't like the rigidity of the D/s ruleset. If you're a fantasy guy, I'd offer up this geeky-ass analogy. I try to read D/s stuff here and it feels like I've shown up for my first night of D&D without bothering to read the Player's Handbook. Wait, what's "initiative" and why the fuck are we rolling for it?

I want to incorporate elements of D/s without the ruleset. Make it appealing for folks like you and me and others who skirt the BDSM cateory because its too intimidating.

Anybody else think I'm nutters for trying?

My goal was similar for Macallan Promises. Fantasy had gotten sort of too fantastical for your mainstream reader. I wanted to sprinkle a little soft magic on a sibling love story and drag the mainstreamers in -- show 'em it doesn't have to be about Conan wannabe's fucking their way through the countryside.

I dunno, right now I'm stuck between three bourbons and two lattes. Talk about "caught between." Tipsy and wired is a strange mix.

-PF

 

[CopperSkink]

Funny; I thought you'd be drinking MacAllan.

I think you want to start with naughty, naughty sex. There are gimmics like "I just inherited a bunch of money, what do I do?" and there are gimmics like, "I'm a sex-addict with mind-control powers." Both lead to sex, but one is built for sex. Yours is built for sex. The way to drive your gimmic is to write lots and lots of sex, that way you can explore all the possible angles of your gimmic.

I'm trying to think of something really clever to say, but I'm rather sick at the moment, fighting to stay awake, so the brilliance isn't pouring out. Have Chance go through a series of demanding and challenging sexual situations without worrying about your gimmic. Once she wakes up in the morning, then she can discuss with the proper medium what was good or bad about it.