Story Feedback: "The Swing"

[JeffCobra2000]

This was my very FIRST attempt at writing erotica, and I actually wrote it (I'm embarassed to say) - using a character-cell text editor. PC's were non-existent at the time! So it's been in one directory or another for close to 20 years. I sure was a horny young buck at the time though, and I think my premise for writing was to attract the ladies in to writing something back (and sharing with me).

I'm new at this...particularly posting for the masses, so please go easy on me . I would also like to hear about how I might do better next time. I'm also available for discussion on YahooIM (same name there).

Here's a pointer to the story.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=291996

Thanks all!
JeffCobra2000

 

[mjl2010]

Nicely Done. I enjoyed it, especially at the end when it was "her man" that came to her like that.

MJL

 

[JeffCobra2000]

Thanks very much - I appreciate you taking the time to read The Swing. I think I'd mentioned in the prolog that I'd written that story a LONG time ago...so long ago that it was done on a time-sharing mini computer (like, when PC's were $7-8K and basically unaffordable). I'm glad I wasn't so subtle in the end that you picked up that it was her beau who was the merchant marine. I was actually in the Navy, but we DID meet in that park many times.

Glad you enjoyed it - and I'm glad you took the time to provide this feedback!
Jeff

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Think your story is great and well-written. For something you wrote 20 years ago, it really has a contemporary feel.

My grouse is that you don't give me enough reasons to want them to have sex together. Sure, you know, but you don't quite let me into their heads enough.