Story Feedback - Meet the Pornstars

[Ruchnids]

https://www.literotica.com/s/meet-the-pornstars

This is my first story ever. Everyone I've shown it to seems to like it, but I've gotten the idea that they're all a bunch of Yes Men, and I was making the wrong moves but they were too gutless to tell me. (A virtual cookie to anyone who knows where that quote is from.)

I would like some critique on it, but keep the following in mind.

- Only the first one. I just wrote the sequel to please the Yes Men. I'll work on it later.
- I probably won't change the sexual actions. I know that my fetish probably isn't shared with many people here. That said, I can expand on them, provided the same thing happens.
- These characters are based on real porn stars, hence where the cup size comes from.
- Other than that, I will appreciate all criticism.

 

[NotWise]

Okay...

The "story" is very short. It's difficult to get much done in so few words and you haven't made the effort that requires.

The "story" has no character development, no location, no plot, no conflict, no resolution. In short, it isn't really a story.

The bit that's here is quite unbelievable -- even for a pure fap fantasy.

I've read worse writing. You should consider doing something more constructive with your ability.

I glanced at the second chapter and it appears to be more of the same.

 

[sr71plt]

My question is how did this avoid being put in the celebrities category? It's even tagged "celebrities."

 

[lovecraft68]

My question is how did this avoid being put in the celebrities category? It's even tagged "celebrities."

Must be that diligent editing staff

 

[NotWise]

My question is how did this avoid being put in the celebrities category? It's even tagged "celebrities."

I wondered that too -- even checked the actual category twice. I didn't recognize the names, but if those are porn stars then maybe they don't get that consideration.

 

[sr71plt]

I wondered that too -- even checked the actual category twice. I didn't recognize the names, but if those are porn stars then maybe they don't get that consideration.

They are real porn stars. The OP said that to justify using measurements, and I checked. And they'd certainly qualify as celebrities for the touchy legal grounding reasons there's a separate celebrities section here to begin with. In fact, they'd be more likely to notice that they were being depicted in stories on a porn board than most other categories of celebrities would. Strange. With that tag, it was pretty hard to miss.

 

[lovecraft68]

This scene, because I'm with others, not enough for a story, brings up something I've wondered about.

These contests do exist, there's a handjob winner and blow job winner from a porn star site and I think actual sex as well...

But yes porn is fantasy and these starlets are porn stars, but in reality this is their job and their livelihood. MY assumption is if these are indeed amateur winners and not little known male porn stars themselves, are they required to submit to an STD test?

These girls cannot be the indiscriminate bare backing sluts people want to think they are in r/l because they come down with herpes, they're career is over.

Just like all these idiotic reality sites like fake taxi and all the casting sites, you have to be a boob to think these women aren't already pros and that they know damn well they are being filmed and in this day and age there's a STD test before a casting is even done.

To me that is a detail I would have worked in to create an actual story, one with a little realism to balance out the fantasy and put some meat on it.

This also shows I spend too much time watching porn. I mean researching for my stories.

 

[lovecraft68]

I want to point out that as we are saying this is in no way an actual story and Johnny made that point in his comment.

There is this comment on the story

by Anonymous
02/29/16
Duuuuuude awesome

Amazing you neeeeeeeeeeeeed to make more chapters

Obviously this is written by someone for whom the story lasted just long enough for him to bust a nut so....um, not saying much for your stamina mister anon.