Story Continues for LoneyMom

[LonelyMom]

Chapter 2 of Confessions From an Affair has just been posted. This shorter chapter details the conclusion of our newlyweds' wedding night. I'd like thank everyone for the kind words that you've sent me so far and I hope you enjoy the rest of this story as it unfolds.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=305427

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

This is an even better story than the first one, LM. The plot was excellent. But you still need to learn to let the characters speak for themselves. Also, you need to "show" me the dialogue. Here's an example -

Finally, Jack turned to me and said, "Do you want to know something Mrs. Hawthorne?" There was a pause while I looked at him expectedly. "All of my life I have been dreaming about what we just did." There was another pause during which I thought I was going to burst. "But, that was so much better than anything I ever could have imagined!"

We both broke into giggles. You have to remember – this was 1941. That's about as racy a conversation that a man and woman would have had at the time. I was so relieved that I felt like was going to cry. I reached up and tenderly stroked the side of his face and whispered, "I love you, Jack."

This is the only dialogue in the entire piece and you've buried it in the paragraphs. You need to let your dialogue stand out by making each speech a paragraph. I would have done it something like this...

"Do you want to know something Mrs. Hawthorne?" Jack said, "Do you want to know something Mrs. Hawthorne?"

There was a pause while I looked at him expectedly.


"All of my life I have been dreaming about what we just did. But, that was so much better than anything I ever could have imagined!"

(Lose the exclaimation point at the end. That looks like he's screaming the line. The sentence between these two doesn't need to be there at all.)

We both broke into giggles. You have to remember – this was 1941. That's about as racy a conversation that a man and woman would have had at the time. I was so relieved that I felt like was going to cry.

I reached up and tenderly stroked the side of his face and whispered, "I love you, Jack."

See? The dialogue stands out from the gross discription of the moment. It's more effective. You need a lot more of it.

Overall, you are still "Telling the story" and not "Showing the story." A lot more dialogue would help. It seems to me there is way too much going on in your female character's head than really can be related in a short story. This is written more like a novel. A short story is so much harder to write than a novel. Short stories are a good place to begin. When you get them down so they feel natural, a novel is a very small jump.

But, still, it's better than the first...You are catching on. Good work. I liked it.

 

[LonelyMom]

Thank you, Jenny. Unfortunately, chapter two had already been submitted before any comments were posted. I think that most of chapter three had already been written at that point, as well. I'm going to be starting chapter four really soon and I'm going to try harder to work in more dialogue. I really appreciate the tips on how to seperate the dialogue out. That's one of the reasons that I steer away from using it - I' not very good at punctuation.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Thank you, Jenny. Unfortunately, chapter two had already been submitted before any comments were posted. I think that most of chapter three had already been written at that point, as well. I'm going to be starting chapter four really soon and I'm going to try harder to work in more dialogue. I really appreciate the tips on how to seperate the dialogue out. That's one of the reasons that I steer away from using it - I' not very good at punctuation.

Not to worry, LM. When I started I was "terrible". Over five or six years I've improved to "Awful." Keep writing. You'll get it.

Minor punctuation and typo errors don't really detract from a good story appreciably. Your stories are great.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Chapter 2 of Confessions From an Affair has just been posted. This shorter chapter details the conclusion of our newlyweds' wedding night. I'd like thank everyone for the kind words that you've sent me so far and I hope you enjoy the rest of this story as it unfolds.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=305427

Hi LM, I don't have much to add from what Jenny has already said. I found this story sweet, and touching.

Always try to push the boundaries of your abilities. If you ever have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact one of us. I know that I'd be more than happy to help.

Don't be afraid of dialog, it's what brings your characters to life. And hey, if I can do it, anyone can.

And don't worry about screwing the punctuation up, I'm simply terrible at it...

Well done! Please keep writing! The secret to getting better is continuing to write.

 

[LonelyMom]

Thank you, drk. I'm currently working on chapter four and I'm trying to keep your suggestions in mind. I've worked more dialogue in and rying to let that tell the story for me. I'm not completely comfortable with it yet, but it's coming along slowly but surely.

Jenny, you mentioned the difference between writing a short story and writing for a novel. That was very interesting and something that I had neer thought about before. I guess I'm used to reading novels and that influences the way I try to write. Maybe I should read more short stories to get more of a feel of how that is done.

Thnak you both for your encouragement. It is greatly appreciated.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Jenny, you mentioned the difference between writing a short story and writing for a novel. That was very interesting and something that I had neer thought about before. I guess I'm used to reading novels and that influences the way I try to write. Maybe I should read more short stories to get more of a feel of how that is done.

Short stories are "bare-boned" with nothing that doesn't move the story along - no gross discriptions, no side plots and few (2 or 3 Max) main characters. There are a few authors who started as short story writers - Steven King for one - who's novels still have the short story terseness about them. Like I said, from a great short story writer to novelist is a small jump.

 

[LonelyMom]

It's funny...I had this idea for a little story. I'm now 20,000 words into it and there is still a long way to go. I keep saying, "Short story, short story, short story." But the Story keeps saying, "Novel, novel, novel."

Why fight it? I guess I'm just along for the ride. I hope everybody likes it. The emails have all been very sweet, so far.

 

[Penelope Street]

I really appreciate the tips on how to seperate the dialogue out. That's one of the reasons that I steer away from using it - I' not very good at punctuation.

Do you know about list of essays and how-to's in the writer's resources section?
http://www.literotica.com/storyxs/writ_stor.shtml

This one deals with dialogue punctuation: "How To Make Characters Talk" http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=8982

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Do you know about list of essays and how-to's in the writer's resources section?
http://www.literotica.com/storyxs/writ_stor.shtml

This one deals with dialogue punctuation: "How To Make Characters Talk" http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=8982

Welcome to the "Poor Man's SDC"

 

[LonelyMom]

Thank you for that link, Penelope. That makes it so simple that even an old dunderhead like me can follow it. I'll probably still make mistakes, but maybe not as many as before.