I took a look at your Emmerdale Farm story and I'll say that because most readers won't be familiar with UK shows (like myself), you won't get good ratings if you assume everyone knows who the characters are and don't do any character development. It's also very short on plot; basically it's just a sex scene, and while there may be some people who visit Lit just to read sex scenes, there are many who want a meatier plot. If you are intent on just writing sex scenes, here's an article on doing a "porn-without-plot" story. Also, you'll need to clean up your punctuation and grammar; that's often enough to turn away many readers. There's a Writer's Resource Page that you might find helpful.
