Stories which shouldn't be written under any circumstances

[Jen24]

Hey everyone - this is my first time posting in the AH. So: Hello.

I had this idea when I was scratching around for an idea for a Halloween story and was coming up with some total dross. There exists a thread for story ideas people would like to see, but I could not find one for stories that, frankly, would be better off staying in your head or on your own hard-drive.

This is for everyone who has a great idea in the middle of the night and scribbles it down. Before you get too enthusiastic about it, check that it's not on here.

Here's an outline I actually seriously considered for about five seconds in the wee hours of one night, before I laughed out loud to myself like a crazy person:

Title: THE EAGLE HAS LANDED
Category: Gay Sex
Synopsis: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin get it on. On the Moon.
Sample Text: "Aldrin fumbled with Armstrong's helmet, lifting the visor and gazing into his eyes. 'I love you,' he said, and meant it. They kissed passionately. Out of the window of the lunar module, the stars and stripes was stiff as a cock in the airless desert."

Any more pitfalls that authors should avoid?

 

[FallingToFly]

Hey everyone - this is my first time posting in the AH. So: Hello.

I had this idea when I was scratching around for an idea for a Halloween story and was coming up with some total dross. There exists a thread for story ideas people would like to see, but I could not find one for stories that, frankly, would be better off staying in your head or on your own hard-drive.

This is for everyone who has a great idea in the middle of the night and scribbles it down. Before you get too enthusiastic about it, check that it's not on here.

Here's an outline I actually seriously considered for about five seconds in the wee hours of one night, before I laughed out loud to myself like a crazy person:

Title: THE EAGLE HAS LANDED
Category: Gay Sex
Synopsis: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin get it on. On the Moon.
Sample Text: "Aldrin fumbled with Armstrong's helmet, lifting the visor and gazing into his eyes. 'I love you,' he said, and meant it. They kissed passionately. Out of the window of the lunar module, the stars and stripes was stiff as a cock in the airless desert."

Any more pitfalls that authors should avoid?

Bwahahahahhaa!!!

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

Alien Werewolf Lesbian Strap-On Gang Bangs

"Things that go bump in the night"

 

[Recidiva]

*giggling*

 

[TxRad]

Hey everyone - this is my first time posting in the AH. So: Hello.

I had this idea when I was scratching around for an idea for a Halloween story and was coming up with some total dross. There exists a thread for story ideas people would like to see, but I could not find one for stories that, frankly, would be better off staying in your head or on your own hard-drive.

This is for everyone who has a great idea in the middle of the night and scribbles it down. Before you get too enthusiastic about it, check that it's not on here.

Here's an outline I actually seriously considered for about five seconds in the wee hours of one night, before I laughed out loud to myself like a crazy person:

Title: THE EAGLE HAS LANDED
Category: Gay Sex
Synopsis: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin get it on. On the Moon.
Sample Text: "Aldrin fumbled with Armstrong's helmet, lifting the visor and gazing into his eyes. 'I love you,' he said, and meant it. They kissed passionately. Out of the window of the lunar module, the stars and stripes was stiff as a cock in the airless desert."

Any more pitfalls that authors should avoid?

Everything has it's place.... This would fit Humor and Satire with the right touch....

But then again after reading the thumbs post.... I might be wrong....

 

[oggbashan]

I have already written and posted some of the stories that should never have been born:

The Worst Chain Story Ever Chap 01
The Literotica Olympics Day 17 Rowing
Breathless Stargazing
and my take on Tentacle Porn: The Giant Squid

I am still working on the latest horror 'Sheep of Doom'.

Extract:

On the day that Annie was to be removed from her cottage she got out of her bed for the first time in several weeks, dressed herself, and sat on a bench outside the front door. As the Squire approached with his bailiffs she stood up and shook her fist.

“Sheep is all you want,” She yelled, “Sheep you shall have. Sheep will bring you pelf. You and your heirs will answer for what you have done to the people of this land. The sheep of doom will come. That fate you cannot evade.”

Annie swayed on her feet.

“The sheep of doom will come…” She said before falling dead across the threshold of her cottage.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Anything involving Jacques Cousteau and sperm whales.

 

[Jen24]

I am still working on the latest horror 'Sheep of Doom'.

Extract:

On the day that Annie was to be removed from her cottage she got out of her bed for the first time in several weeks, dressed herself, and sat on a bench outside the front door. As the Squire approached with his bailiffs she stood up and shook her fist.

“Sheep is all you want,” She yelled, “Sheep you shall have. Sheep will bring you pelf. You and your heirs will answer for what you have done to the people of this land. The sheep of doom will come. That fate you cannot evade.”

Annie swayed on her feet.

“The sheep of doom will come…” She said before falling dead across the threshold of her cottage.

Pffft! I particularly enjoyed the line "Sheep will bring you pelf". I look forward to the story and will check out the others you mention.

Here are a couple of politically themed no-nos:

BLUE BOURNEMOUTH
Category: Exhibitionism/Voyeur
Synopsis: The Tory Party Conference in Bournemouth. Dismayed by the fact that their leader seems to be the sort of woolly liberal they detest, and bored with the style-over-substance proceedings, John Redwood and Ann Widdecombe decide to register their protest by performing lewd acts onstage, thereby stealing the media limelight and shitting all over the coverage of Cameron's first conference.
Sample Text: "Redwood's cold, clammy hands probed the folded layers of Widdecombe's flesh. 'Be gentle,' she said in her precise, nasal tones, 'I've never been with a man before.' "

*shudders* Actually, that story should be in Erotic Horror.

And here's one for the Yanks:

SEXUAL CONGRESS
Category: You'd have to invent one. How about "Sleaze"?
Synopsis: Congressman Mark Foley seduces young male pages. Senior figures in the Republican Party conspire to protect him. You'd have to up their ages to eighteen in order to comply with Literotica's guidelines.

 

[glynndah]

Damn! There goes another story idea down the drain.

 

[angela146]

Synopsis: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin get it on. On the Moon.

... and a lot of other people were getting a little "buzz" back on Earth during the late sixties.

 

[angela146]

Neil and Buzz... hmmm... two men having oral sex... um...

 

[FallingToFly]

Alien Werewolf Lesbian Strap-On Gang Bangs

"Things that go bump in the night"

Hey now! I'm six pages into that one!

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

Hey now! I'm six pages into that one!

Have you gotten to the part where Zorla the Alien Werewolf Lesbian Queen makes Wandisa go through the initiation ceremony yet?

 

[bronzeage]

I'm working on the outline of "Lesbian Schoolgirl Enema Bondage", but after chapter 34, I can't think of anything new.

 

[rachlou]

Umm i've just been inspired - convent taken over by Alien body snatchers who turn the nuns into sex crazed nymphos, one by one. Visiting priests are taken hostage and used as sex slaves in bizarre ritualistic orgies...

I think most themes could be covered in this tale...

 

[slyc_willie]

Umm i've just been inspired - convent taken over by Alien body snatchers who turn the nuns into sex crazed nymphos, one by one. Visiting priests are taken hostage and used as sex slaves in bizarre ritualistic orgies...

I think most themes could be covered in this tale...

Damn . . . you just got me sooo turned on . . . .

Excerpt:

"Sister Sara and Sister Katherine stepped into the headmistress' room, having cut and slashed their nun's garments into body-hugging affairs that revealed scandalous amounts of female flesh.

Sister Elizabeth glanced up from her bible with a curious arch to her eyebrow. 'I Hope you weren't planning on making a habit of this?' she asked."

 

[Oblimo]

Alien Werewolf Lesbian Strap-On Gang Bangs

Titles of gonzo-bad porn need to be inverted iambic quatrameter, like "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," such as Rachlou's upcoming epic, Body Snatching Sex Crazed Nymphos.

 

[rachlou]

Damn . . . you just got me sooo turned on . . . .

Excerpt:

"Sister Sara and Sister Katherine stepped into the headmistress' room, having cut and slashed their nun's garments into body-hugging affairs that revealed scandalous amounts of female flesh.

Sister Elizabeth glanced up from her bible with a curious arch to her eyebrow. 'I Hope you weren't planning on making a habit of this?' she asked."

Nice pun!!
mmmmm 'Body Snatching Sex Crazed Nymphos' has so much potential...

 

[Jen24]

Nice pun!!
mmmmm 'Body Snatching Sex Crazed Nymphos' has so much potential...

I've got a great finishing line for the story:

"Father O'Reilly crouched in the corner of the vestry listening helplessly to the sickening, rhythmic crunch of bone against wood. He clutched his crucifix to his chest. There was a splintering sound as the hinges gave out and then an eerie silence, broken a few moments later by the door crashing down. The nuns advanced.

'So this is how the World ends,' O'Reilly said tremblingly, exhausted, 'not with a bang but a wimple.' "

 

[TxRad]

I'm getting the feeling that there is no such thing as the story that shouldn't be written...... With the bunch we have around here, we could make jewels out of pig droppings...


ETA: Oh God, now I've got this barnyard plot bunny hopping around in my head....

Where's my wabbit gun..... when i really really need it....

 

[rachlou]

I've got a great finishing line for the story:

"Father O'Reilly crouched in the corner of the vestry listening helplessly to the sickening, rhythmic crunch of bone against wood. He clutched his crucifix to his chest. There was a splintering sound as the hinges gave out and then an eerie silence, broken a few moments later by the door crashing down. The nuns advanced....

"the 14" vibrator buzzing menacingly in Sister Elizabeths sticky hand.... "

'So this is how the World ends,' O'Reilly said tremblingly, exhausted, 'not with a bang but a wimple.' "

Maybe this could become a chain story?!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Charlie's Angels Infiltrate Girl School Of The Divine Lesbian Ninjas In Order To Find And Free Captain Jack Sparrow.

 

[slyc_willie]

I'm getting the feeling that there is no such thing as the story that shouldn't be written...... With the bunch we have around here, we could make jewels out of pig droppings...


ETA: Oh God, now I've got this barnyard plot bunny hopping around in my head....

Where's my wabbit gun..... when i really really need it....

Hmm . . . I'm experiencing some sick delusions of Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny exploring their latent homosexuality . . . gives new meaning to the phrase, "What's up, Doc?"

Heh-heh-heh-heh . . . . (Elmer laugh)

Although, if you really think about it, any story can be written, no matter how strange or depraved, as long as it is done with a little style and more than a touch of humor (especially considering the aforementioned topics).

It would be something like writing the script for a tongue-in-cheek (pun intended) B-movie starring Bruce Cambell and a bunch of porno queens . . . .

 

[slyc_willie]

A Classic . . . sort of

Sex-crazed aliens from a planet with no women come to Earth in . . . .

THE INVASION OF THE SNATCH-SNATCHERS

Okay, okay, I know it's corny . . . .