Stone age dildo?

[Metamorphose]

It’s a Mammoth Trap thing

When I was a caveman, long ago. I was pretty young and dumb, then. Not really ugly like I’m today but you could tell where it was going. We used this stuff to hunt snails and the big ugly fuckers that look like Dick Cheney with lots of hair and two tusks.

I would put the little woman on some cliff and call
“Yo, wooly, you gotta see this.”
To which he’ll respond . “Go dig yourself a Hamas Shahid in the Gaza tunnels. I’m not falling for that one.”
At which I’d say. “Na, you gotta see this. You wouldn’t believe where she’s sticking that thing into.”
At which he’ll come running and then we’ll hit him on the head with a two ton brick that was left over when the stupid Babylonians tried to build their tower and god gave them the finger to show them whose the boss. Then we’ll have a fire and share a few laughs and every one would be happy, little wife included. Well, except for the Mammoth, but he wasn’t exactly Mr. Happy to begin with, so no great loss there.
I think the little wife was kind of too happy. That’s why they became extinct. The Mammoths, not the wives. Though I wish it was the other way around.

 

[squarejohn]

Whenever the scientists find something they don't understand, they ascribe it to having some religious significance.

 

[sr71plt]

When I was a caveman, long ago. I was pretty young and dumb, then. Not really ugly like I’m today but you could tell where it was going. We used this stuff to hunt snails and the big ugly fuckers that look like Dick Cheney with lots of hair and two tusks.

I would put the little woman on some cliff and call
“Yo, wooly, you gotta see this.”
To which he’ll respond . “Go dig yourself a Hamas Shahid in the Gaza tunnels. I’m not falling for that one.”
At which I’d say. “Na, you gotta see this. You wouldn’t believe where she’s sticking that thing into.”
At which he’ll come running and then we’ll hit him on the head with a two ton brick that was left over when the stupid Babylonians tried to build their tower and god gave them the finger to show them whose the boss. Then we’ll have a fire and share a few laughs and every one would be happy, little wife included. Well, except for the Mammoth, but he wasn’t exactly Mr. Happy to begin with, so no great loss there.
I think the little wife was kind of too happy. That’s why they became extinct. The Mammoths, not the wives. Though I wish it was the other way around.

Interesting. This was in first person.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Whenever the scientists find something they don't understand, they ascribe it to having some religious significance.

Yeah, the key term is "ritual object". See something in a museum labeled "ritual object" and the real title is "We dunno . . ."

 

[bronzeage]

In a pinch, yes.

I suggest rolling a rubber onto any deodorant bottles though, you don't want that stuff getting inside you... Actually, a rubber on any "pervertable" is a good idea.

If this object really is sex toy, why does everyone assume it was used by women?

 

[sr71plt]

If this object really is sex toy, why does everyone assume it was used by women?

I thought of mentioning that a couple of times, as well.

 

[CharleyH]

If this object really is sex toy, why does everyone assume it was used by women?

Interesting question, but one also easily answered if you research a bit. Dildos were created by European merchants to sell to men who in turn gave the gifts to their wives before they went to war or sailed overseas on long journeys. They were not made for men to give to other men (men could easily get a bit of dick anywhere they went), but made for women in the image of their man's cock so that the women would stay loyal and not commit adultery. Prior to this, dildos are not new, neither is homosexuality. Dildos made from dung are as commonplace in archaeology as "straight" men fucking twinks during war is common in history.

 

[bronzeage]

Interesting question, but one also easily answered if you research a bit. Dildos were created by European merchants to sell to men who in turn gave the gifts to their wives before they went to war or sailed overseas on long journeys. They were not made for men to give to other men (men could easily get a bit of dick anywhere they went), but made for women in the image of their man's cock so that the women would stay loyal and not commit adultery. Prior to this, dildos are not new, neither is homosexuality. Dildos made from dung are as commonplace in archaeology as "straight" men fucking twinks during war is common in history.

Dildos made from dung certainly puts prehistoric hygiene standards in a new light.

As for research, what a solitary hunter does as his campfire dies to embers and the bear grease cools, is only his business and no one else's.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Dildos made from dung, really? First I've ever heard of that!

 

[bronzeage]

Dildos made from dung, really? First I've ever heard of that!

No shit.

I'm all in favor of using what's handy, but it needs to be quick and easy. Stone age life was tough enough without sculpting a phallus from fresh mastodon manure and leaving it in the sun to dry for a day or two.

Of course, if a man were caught using one, he could blame it on a high fiber diet.

 

[Stella_Omega]

No shit.

I'm all in favor of using what's handy, but it needs to be quick and easy. Stone age life was tough enough without sculpting a phallus from fresh mastodon manure and leaving it in the sun to dry for a day or two.

Of course, if a man were caught using one, he could blame it on a high fiber diet.

aarrgh.

And I hate to admit this, but my thought was; "It's gonna get wet, and then the dung will get mooshy again."

Not to mention, the fact of dung.

 

[Verdad]

Interesting question, but one also easily answered if you research a bit. Dildos were created by European merchants to sell to men who in turn gave the gifts to their wives before they went to war or sailed overseas on long journeys. They were not made for men to give to other men (men could easily get a bit of dick anywhere they went), but made for women in the image of their man's cock so that the women would stay loyal and not commit adultery. Prior to this, dildos are not new, neither is homosexuality. Dildos made from dung are as commonplace in archaeology as "straight" men fucking twinks during war is common in history.

I didn't know this but it made me laugh. A touchingly naive view of what ensures committment. "So long as you have a replica of my dick, what could possibly tempt you."

 

[sr71plt]

I didn't know this but it made me laugh. A touchingly naive view of what ensures committment. "So long as you have a replica of my dick, what could possibly tempt you."

I laughed too. I would think what it would mostly do is encourage on-the-spot comparisons. It would have to be a very cocky husband to assume that working out well for him.

 

[bronzeage]

aarrgh.

And I hate to admit this, but my thought was; "It's gonna get wet, and then the dung will get mooshy again."

Not to mention, the fact of dung.

I think Paleolithic sex toys were made from a biodegradable material.

If not, we would find plenty of them. Antlers and tusk ivory would work just fine and a lot would survive if not exposed to the weather. Perhaps dozens of these things are already in museum collections, but not recognized. Nomadic people only keep what they can carry. Their dildos would have to serve other purposes, just for the utility. I don't know how squeamish cave men may have been, but imagine coming in to camp and finding your hunting buddy flipping the steaks with the communal dildo. Maybe, after dung dildos, it didn't seem so bad.

The fact this stone artifact created such a stir is evidence enough to see personal phallic objects from early human history are rare.

There is no reason to believe basic human nature has changed much in the past 100 thousand years or so. We are more comfortable these days, but not any more intelligent or better equipped for everyday life. Sex toys would have been used then, just as they are now, for solitary needs and as couples and groups. I am surprised they are not as common as stone arrowheads.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I think Paleolithic sex toys were made from a biodegradable material.

If not, we would find plenty of them. Antlers and tusk ivory would work just fine and a lot would survive if not exposed to the weather. Perhaps dozens of these things are already in museum collections, but not recognized. Nomadic people only keep what they can carry. Their dildos would have to serve other purposes, just for the utility. I don't know how squeamish cave men may have been, but imagine coming in to camp and finding your hunting buddy flipping the steaks with the communal dildo. Maybe, after dung dildos, it didn't seem so bad.

The fact this stone artifact created such a stir is evidence enough to see personal phallic objects from early human history are rare.

There is no reason to believe basic human nature has changed much in the past 100 thousand years or so. We are more comfortable these days, but not any more intelligent or better equipped for everyday life. Sex toys would have been used then, just as they are now, for solitary needs and as couples and groups. I am surprised they are not as common as stone arrowheads.

Remember that it's only called the Stone Age because stone is really durable. If I was going to fashion a dildo out of local material I'd use wood. It's a lot easier to carve, takes a smooth finish and breaks down in the soil after a few decades. We have no way of knowing how much of Paleolithic technology was wooden.

 

[bronzeage]

Remember that it's only called the Stone Age because stone is really durable. If I was going to fashion a dildo out of local material I'd use wood. It's a lot easier to carve, takes a smooth finish and breaks down in the soil after a few decades. We have no way of knowing how much of Paleolithic technology was wooden.

This is true. Very little is known about Wood Age man, and even less about the era just before, the Shiny Leaf age.

 

[kiltsr4guys]

Hmmmmmmmmmm

Interesting artifact. Wonder what its real purpose was.

Absolutely............ rock hard