Hello again,
Still looking for an editor.
Here is another BDSM story. This one does not have the incest aspect. I greatly and sincerely appreciate a review, critique.
As with my other partial story, this one is Chapter 1 of several. I'm Just looking for a review of the first chapter but would be willing to share future chapters with the same editor if desired...
The story is 3,200 words about a 40 something woman coming to work with a long-time SM playmate as a partner in his company. Also includes a late-twenty-something woman who listens outside the office door.
I’m more interested in a critique of texture and writing style, rather than just grammar and punctuation.
If you are interested, please contact me via PM or post a reply.
Thanks you all for your consideration.
A middle sample follows...
Janus40s
...
LC was trying to absorb it all and Rachael sensed her uneasiness. "Don't worry Ms. McBrian, you'll get used to it. Everything here is top notch: the furniture, the facilities, the people... especially the people. You've known Mr. O’Flannery for a while, haven't you?"
LC squirmed just a little, not wanting to discuss exactly *how* she knew him. Again, Rachael made it easy for her, "He mentioned that you were friends but had never worked together. I think it's great to be able to do that. Besides, from what he's told me, you're probably going to be able to take over the sales and distribution channels pretty quickly."
She continued, "Actually, I think he'll probably turn over more and more of the business management to you as time goes on. He's like that. He lets people take on responsibility at their own pace. Even though you're one of the partners, I'm sure he'll let you get up to speed before dumping too much on you."
LC had to ask the question that had been welling up inside her, "Is it always so formal here? Do you always call him 'Mr. O’Flannery'?"
She laughed lightly, tilting her head slightly. "It isn't formality so much; it's more a matter of 'professional image'. We're very warm and friendly but we try to maintain high standards... Speaking of which,” Rachael checked the clock, “we mustn’t keep him waiting." She stood up and LC followed suit.
As LC straightened her skirt, Rachael reached over and brushed something off of her shoulder. She walked around her, checking LC’s appearance and making one or two small adjustments. "Forgive me," she said, "I'm just so used to checking Mr. O’Flannery over before he goes anywhere... If left to his own devices, he would show up at a meeting with dandruff on his jacket and his collar rolled. I hope you don't mind if I do the same for you?"
Suddenly LC had a personal groomer. It was a little strange but felt kind of luxurious. "I’m not sure yet," she confessed, “It’s all a little new.”
Rachael chuckled. “That’s OK,” she said, “let me know if it feels intrusive.” She looked at the top of LC’s head for a moment and then scanned her from top to bottom. "Just out of curiosity, ma'am, how tall are you?"
"A little less than five foot three..."
"Hmm..." she said with a frown, "there's nothing I can do for today but I'll have the shoe people stop by first thing tomorrow."
"What?" LC asked, actually raising an eyebrow.
Rachael smiled knowingly and blushed a little. "I'm sure Mr. O’Flannery will explain... shortly..." She laughed through her nose at some kind of inside joke. She turned and buzzed his office.
From the intercom, they heard him say, "Yes?"
"Ms. McBrian is here to see you Mr. O’Flannery."
"Right on time! Send her in."
"Go on in, ma'am." Rachael pointed to his office. "Good luck..." She said and tried to suppress a giggle.
Unsure of what was going on, LC walked over to the door. She quickly forgot about hidden meanings as she reached the door and Patrick opened it.
He welcomed her into his office, closed the door and gave her a big hug. "Oh, L, this is wonderful. I'm so glad we'll be working together." Before she could say anything, he looked at the top of her head, scanned her top to bottom as Rachael had moments earlier and turned immediately stern.
"Good grief! You've been in the office less than five minutes and *already* you're breaking the rules!"
As the stunned look on her face revealed, LC recognized his tone of voice, shifting into that deep, round baritone, and knew that she was about to get a spanking… but she had no idea why. She could also see him trying to maintain a stern composure. Having known him for years, she immediately recognized that he was playing. He wasn’t really angry with her but that didn’t matter. Her bottom was going to be warmed just the same. She decided to let him take the lead, as usual.
"Ms. McBrian," he said, putting a goodly emphasis on the "Ms.". He’d never addressed her quite this way before. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized that he was her boss now. "We have a minimum height requirement of 5' 5" for all employees. This simply will not do!"
"What,” she exclaimed, “You knew how tall I was when you hired me! Besides, I had no idea there was any such requirement!"
He walked her over to a credenza that seemed conveniently sized for someone of her stature to be bent over. "Ignorance of the rules is absolutely no excuse, young lady! From now on, you are to wear heels whenever you are on company business."
She fumed. The “young lady” thing was a bit much, considering she was five years his senior. "What!" her voice turned insolently. He ignored her tone and pressed his hand firmly on the top of her back, leaning her over the credenza. She struggled but it was no use. She could never resist his commands. Something clicked inside her, engaging her obedience reflex.
As she was bent over, she discovered that the height was such that her feet come off of the ground. He slid her forward, to put her hips at the edge. Her flat tummy left her bottom nicely elevated while her breasts were just large enough to bring her forehead in slight contact with the surface.
...
Still looking for an editor.
Here is another BDSM story. This one does not have the incest aspect. I greatly and sincerely appreciate a review, critique.
As with my other partial story, this one is Chapter 1 of several. I'm Just looking for a review of the first chapter but would be willing to share future chapters with the same editor if desired...
The story is 3,200 words about a 40 something woman coming to work with a long-time SM playmate as a partner in his company. Also includes a late-twenty-something woman who listens outside the office door.
I’m more interested in a critique of texture and writing style, rather than just grammar and punctuation.
If you are interested, please contact me via PM or post a reply.
Thanks you all for your consideration.
A middle sample follows...
Janus40s
...
LC was trying to absorb it all and Rachael sensed her uneasiness. "Don't worry Ms. McBrian, you'll get used to it. Everything here is top notch: the furniture, the facilities, the people... especially the people. You've known Mr. O’Flannery for a while, haven't you?"
LC squirmed just a little, not wanting to discuss exactly *how* she knew him. Again, Rachael made it easy for her, "He mentioned that you were friends but had never worked together. I think it's great to be able to do that. Besides, from what he's told me, you're probably going to be able to take over the sales and distribution channels pretty quickly."
She continued, "Actually, I think he'll probably turn over more and more of the business management to you as time goes on. He's like that. He lets people take on responsibility at their own pace. Even though you're one of the partners, I'm sure he'll let you get up to speed before dumping too much on you."
LC had to ask the question that had been welling up inside her, "Is it always so formal here? Do you always call him 'Mr. O’Flannery'?"
She laughed lightly, tilting her head slightly. "It isn't formality so much; it's more a matter of 'professional image'. We're very warm and friendly but we try to maintain high standards... Speaking of which,” Rachael checked the clock, “we mustn’t keep him waiting." She stood up and LC followed suit.
As LC straightened her skirt, Rachael reached over and brushed something off of her shoulder. She walked around her, checking LC’s appearance and making one or two small adjustments. "Forgive me," she said, "I'm just so used to checking Mr. O’Flannery over before he goes anywhere... If left to his own devices, he would show up at a meeting with dandruff on his jacket and his collar rolled. I hope you don't mind if I do the same for you?"
Suddenly LC had a personal groomer. It was a little strange but felt kind of luxurious. "I’m not sure yet," she confessed, “It’s all a little new.”
Rachael chuckled. “That’s OK,” she said, “let me know if it feels intrusive.” She looked at the top of LC’s head for a moment and then scanned her from top to bottom. "Just out of curiosity, ma'am, how tall are you?"
"A little less than five foot three..."
"Hmm..." she said with a frown, "there's nothing I can do for today but I'll have the shoe people stop by first thing tomorrow."
"What?" LC asked, actually raising an eyebrow.
Rachael smiled knowingly and blushed a little. "I'm sure Mr. O’Flannery will explain... shortly..." She laughed through her nose at some kind of inside joke. She turned and buzzed his office.
From the intercom, they heard him say, "Yes?"
"Ms. McBrian is here to see you Mr. O’Flannery."
"Right on time! Send her in."
"Go on in, ma'am." Rachael pointed to his office. "Good luck..." She said and tried to suppress a giggle.
Unsure of what was going on, LC walked over to the door. She quickly forgot about hidden meanings as she reached the door and Patrick opened it.
He welcomed her into his office, closed the door and gave her a big hug. "Oh, L, this is wonderful. I'm so glad we'll be working together." Before she could say anything, he looked at the top of her head, scanned her top to bottom as Rachael had moments earlier and turned immediately stern.
"Good grief! You've been in the office less than five minutes and *already* you're breaking the rules!"
As the stunned look on her face revealed, LC recognized his tone of voice, shifting into that deep, round baritone, and knew that she was about to get a spanking… but she had no idea why. She could also see him trying to maintain a stern composure. Having known him for years, she immediately recognized that he was playing. He wasn’t really angry with her but that didn’t matter. Her bottom was going to be warmed just the same. She decided to let him take the lead, as usual.
"Ms. McBrian," he said, putting a goodly emphasis on the "Ms.". He’d never addressed her quite this way before. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized that he was her boss now. "We have a minimum height requirement of 5' 5" for all employees. This simply will not do!"
"What,” she exclaimed, “You knew how tall I was when you hired me! Besides, I had no idea there was any such requirement!"
He walked her over to a credenza that seemed conveniently sized for someone of her stature to be bent over. "Ignorance of the rules is absolutely no excuse, young lady! From now on, you are to wear heels whenever you are on company business."
She fumed. The “young lady” thing was a bit much, considering she was five years his senior. "What!" her voice turned insolently. He ignored her tone and pressed his hand firmly on the top of her back, leaning her over the credenza. She struggled but it was no use. She could never resist his commands. Something clicked inside her, engaging her obedience reflex.
As she was bent over, she discovered that the height was such that her feet come off of the ground. He slid her forward, to put her hips at the edge. Her flat tummy left her bottom nicely elevated while her breasts were just large enough to bring her forehead in slight contact with the surface.
...
