Steps to pleasure

[daveb_2004]

Ok i've already typed this up once but my comi fucked up

Rite im 18 and my gf, vicky, is 19. We've been 2gehta a year-ish (bit more) and r now ready to make sexual advances. Vicky wans to remain a virgin until she's married and i accept this - and we were wondering what else we should do instead.

We quite like the idea of building up in stages and when we are ''comfortable'' wiv one stage - moving to the nxt 1. - Does any1 have any ideas for stages/

One Final thing - Vicky is very uncomfortable about her body and likes taking things slowly, so the first few stages would probably need 2 be quite unprovactive, for want of a better word

ne help would be gratefully revcieved,
David

 

[Vanhalen]

Just start off slowly, kissing and cuddling. Lie down together somewhere and relax. When you start getting passionate, you'll find that your hands start to stray and explore. But don't go too quickly. You said you r girlfriend is apprehensive. Just ask her every so often if she's ok with what you're doing. Ask her if there's anything she wants/doesn't want you to do.

Don't expect to get a blow-job on the first night of passion. It may be many weeks until your girlfriend is bold enough to attempt this (some women won't do it, full-stop). Just be gentle with her. most women enjoy gentle kisses on their neck and chest, and if you're ding it right, you'll find that it won't be long until your girlfriend is asking you to move further down, possibly even allowing you to kisss/fondle her breasts (though don't be surprised if she doesn't take her top off).

Like I said before just take your time. You'll both enjoy the experience when it comes even more if you've been building up to it. Eventually, you'll both have no inhabitions about your bodies, and seeing each other nude, will be an everyday thing.

If your girlfriend is really shy about her body, then ask her if she's be more comfortable if you turned the lights out or used candles to light the room (trust me... candle light is VERY flattering).

Hope this helps.

 

[HoldenMcCrank]

for later when things are moving along

read Mr.G's thread "Try this and report back" No intercorse but you will blow her mind.

Good Luck

Holden

 

[daveb_2004]

thanx so far guyz, few things that i forgot to mention

Kissin and cuddlin is ''natural'' - as well as me feeling the top half (except her tits) of her body - we've been like that 4 a lil while.

i'll have a look at that thread but ne more comments welcome lol


also, since she's apprehensive she wants me to force her a bit - still not quite usre how to take that

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Ok, maybe it'll help to get a woman's response? Some possibles -- make much more sexual use of what you already have and have gotten to. For instance, hands are great for demonstrating On, as well as with. Try holding her hand and thinking of it as her body, while looking deeply into her eyes, then kiss, light nibbles on the pads and fingertips, nuzzle, caress, make mmm noises. Work up to licking, eventually down between her fingers, as if it were the cleft of her legs. Keep this imagery in your mind as you to to her hands exactly what you'd like to do to her body -- gentle and shy and first, then uninhibited. See if you can get some moans or deep breathing out of her.

And that's key. Notice what she's responding to.

Ask her to do the same for you. On your hand. So much less intimidating, yet gives her a chance to show you how she feels about you.

About the stages and what to do while remaining a technical virgin -- I'm sure you know masturbation, self while watching to other, and mutual, all fit. A lot of people seem to think oral sex doesn't really count as sex, too.

And as to the 'forcing her' bit -- your best shots are probably, once you start feeling passionate, to grab her wrists in one hand, holding them over her head, while you ravish her breasts with your other hand, and eventually mouth. (Might want to ask her first if this is the sort of thing she means, though. Always best to communicate. And maybe some of her discomfort with the whole thing is that her fantasy life, and what she's done in real life, are very different. Sounds like she has a bit of a non-consent or control thing going to mention this? Sounds worthy of asking about.)

Main thing to remember -- you aren't doing Unto her, or each other, you are dancing, you are trying to bring out a response in the other. It's a form of non-verbal communication. Make sure your not the one doing all the talking -- unless of course, you know that's what you both like.

(Sometimes, for instance, going slowly is exactly the wrong way! Talk but then try a little something you've already done but in a different way this time. For instance have you ever grabbed her to you roughly to kiss her? Since she mentioned the force thing.... But you might want to tell her after you've discussed the whole thing a bit more, that you plan to experiment. Anyway, just some ideas. Too much talking from me, here.) Good luck sweetie. YOu sound like a strong and gentle guy.

 

[ReadyOne]

I think "force her" means "take the initiative". Find out where her current limit is, and then go a little bit beyond.

If you have been massaging the outside of her bra, slip you hand inside. If you have you hand inside, then open it up or slide the straps off her shoulders. When her breasts are bare, kiss her nipples.

Try holding her hands over her head while you suck and see if that enhances things for her. Undress her from the waist up.

At the very start of a make-out session, tell her to undress herself to the waist. Don't ask her, tell her "I want you to take your top and bra off." Repeat in a no-nonsense voice if she hesitates. If she protests, do it for her like she was a little girl. If she actively resists, like holding her shirt bottom down, then you are pushing too hard and should back off.

Any the time you push a limit, WATCH! Some things will work, some things won't. Try to read her body language. Match her actions to her personality. Are they consistent? Is she getting more aroused?

See how comfortable she is when you hold her hands over her head. Does she get scared and really want you to let go of them, quickly trying to free herself? Is she ruining the mood by her protests? Or does she accept it and show signs of being turned on by it?

The are hard limits and soft limits.

Hard limits very seldom move and can't be crossed. Making out in broad daylight at the edge of the park where you can be seen might be a hard limit -- you won't make it happen in a million years.

Soft limits reflect where the edge of the comfort zone is, and a comfort zone can expand. Some people find it very hard to move out for their comfort zone. Others just need encouragement or need to overcome perceived obstacles such as inexperience or unfamiliarity.

First you start making-out in a dark room, then you add candle light, then when she is used to it, you do it in daylight. Praising her body helps overcome her fear of rejection. As she gets more comfortable, her zone expands and her limit moves.

What she's asking you to do is help her expand her comfort zone by pushing her soft limits.

So TALK! The more you know about her limits, the better you can help her expand her sexuality!

 

[ReadyOne]

Somehow while I wrting my tome, someone like Phoenix Stone get posted ahead of me and steals my thunder.

Nothing l ike a woman's advice about another woman!

 

[daveb_2004]

ok thanx so far guyz, (and gurlz) any other ideas of what it might be worth tryin?

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Somehow while I wrting my tome, someone like Phoenix Stone get posted ahead of me and steals my thunder.

Nothing l ike a woman's advice about another woman!

No stolen thunder here! Your post was terrific -- got me going -- even if that wasn't the point.

Thinking about it a bit more -- has she masturbated before? If she hasn't, it would help if she gives it a try to help herself know what she likes. If she has, great. The way I worked up to doing it in front of my husband was first doing it while he was in the other room (just knowing he knew and was thinking about it was enough to make me very shy at the time. Exciting but hard to let go and cum.) Then he was in the room but not looking. Last, of course, with him watching.

 

[daveb_2004]

my gf has never masturbated, and considers doing it to herself wrong lol

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Wrong in what way? Dirty perhaps? Does she consider brushing her own teeth wrong? Hey, it's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it!
I consider it more like voting -- a basic Right, as well as a responsibility. Anyway, you might want to ask her more about that. And Yikes!! I'm betting that means she hasn't had an orgasm. Well, it's a lot easier to find what tickles your own fancy than for anybody else to do it. (Otherwise you get into that whole 'a little bit to the left, no a little more to the right, thing....)
Well between that and the whole 'wants to be forced a little' thing, you got a lot of responsibility here, kid. Work even. Does romance help? Does it help if you quote poetry as you admire her various parts, or is does she seem to prefer panting and a little roughness? Does She make any noise? Or tell you what she likes as you go along with words? Guess I'm just wondering how you are managing this, whether you are getting any feedback? And if she's doing anything on or for you? Would she be willing to watch you touch yourself? Betting there are a number of other things she doesn't think are right? Well, some of this she'll grow out of. Does reassurance help? Being the one who tells her how great she's doing, how it's all ok, beautiful, etc? Just some thoughts on approach.
Anyway, the 'usual' stages seem to be (after hands on breasts) possibly breast kissing (and I think above the waist chest action on the guy is only Fair!), then 'dry humping.' Such an ugly expression for such a fun activity -- lieing on top of each other clothed and simulating sex. A leg or knee between the legs for more leverage and rubbing. After lots of this and 'necking,' kisses etc on neck shoulders etc, using hands on the outside of clothing below the waist. You can zero in more and more on how you would really do it here. Lots of simulation and encouragement. Next, how it was generally done in my day was to start unzipping and sticking fingers and hands inside the clothes, on the outside of underclothes still. Then eventually sneaking a finger in under the elastic. (This was generally preceded by much rubbing and feeling of the wet patch on the undies and much caressing, as much as one could, of the curves and valleys, even doing ones best to mutually masturbate the other person while their underclothes were still on.) The first fingers on the other persons genitals, tentative, slow unless -- in the case of the guy they grab your hand and try to get you to move quicker, or in the case of the girl, she gasps, spreads legs, is very wet, pushes crotch against the guys hand, or gives other such signals of readiness. Girls, at least when I was one, weren't much inclined to grabbing guys hands and insisting. That only comes much later in life. Anyway, eventually you move on to mutual masturbation. Which is a great way to learn about the other persons body, and good clean fun.
There are lots of ways to do this while retaining one's technical virginity, depending on how she defines 'virgin.' For some people it seems to only apply to vaginal intercourse, which leaves a lot of territory.

 

[cyberangel69]

I think I understand what your gf means by "push her"

I felt very uncomfotable about sex with my boyfriend, and he understood and supported that. Then one day ... after a long time of other fun things .... I decided I was ready, but i didn't really know how to tell him that....

I know this sounds horribly repressed but I found that I didn't really want to tell him i was ready...like that would make me a slut or something (like i said...horribly repressed )

I wanted HIM to bring it up, him to push the envelope so to speak. I've never felt like saying what I wanted sexually outloud, so my SO would push things along very gently. He followed my physical and verbal cues as to if I was ready for whatever he had in mind. and if i wasn't ready i would tell him

I'm sure she feels the same way i do...push things gently and say things sexily like "mmm do u like that?" or "are you having fun baby". etc etc.

as for stages....feel free to PM me