Staying in touch

[Phelia]

Are you good at it? I'm terrible and can only manage a handful of close relationships at a given time. I've always been that way and marvel at people who are the opposite. Sometimes I wish I were more adept, but I also really treasure reconnecting with someone I haven't spoken with in years and picking up right where we left off.

Shared histories are fun. I'm spending the weekend with friends from high school and even middle school. It's amazing how much you can remember cooperatively. I've discovered that I use far more of my brain for early '00s lyrics storage than anyone really ought to.

 

[Ms_Ann]

Are you good at it? I'm terrible and can only manage a handful of close relationships at a given time. I've always been that way and marvel at people who are the opposite. Sometimes I wish I were more adept, but I also really treasure reconnecting with someone I haven't spoken with in years and picking up right where we left off.

Shared histories are fun. I'm spending the weekend with friends from high school and even middle school. It's amazing how much you can remember cooperatively. I've discovered that I use far more of my brain for early '00s lyrics storage than anyone really ought to.

Maybe if you were nicer to people?

 

[lovetoread]

i am not good at it at all

i have a hard time reaching out and stuff

 

[Phelia]

i am not good at it at all

i have a hard time reaching out and stuff

Neither am I. My solution is usually to keep a social butterfly or two in my orbit and let them deal with it.

I wonder if it correlates with other traits. My friends who are good at keeping in touch seem a little more type A generally - better at planning ahead, organizing things, etc. I can do those things, but it feels like work and fuuuuuuck that.

 

[adrina]

I run in streaks. Sometimes I'm really good at it and feeling all social. Other times, I'm having my Greta Garbo moments and can't be fucked.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Ms_Ann]

Conservatives tend to be independent and don't require a lot of people around them to shore up their own self worth. It could be as simple as you are a conservative trapped in a progressive environment. Let your un-freak flag fly.

 

[Pookie]

Neither am I. My solution is usually to keep a social butterfly or two in my orbit and let them deal with it.

I wonder if it correlates with other traits. My friends who are good at keeping in touch seem a little more type A generally - better at planning ahead, organizing things, etc. I can do those things, but it feels like work and fuuuuuuck that.

This is me and I think you're right. If it's just up to me to stay in touch, it isn't gonna happen. But it does for those friends/relatives who put the effort in along with me.

 

[Phelia]

I run in streaks. Sometimes I'm really good at it and feeling all social. Other times, I'm having my Greta Garbo moments and can't be fucked.

Ah, it is true that sometimes I am better at it than others. I think a key ingredient is a splash of spontaneity. I love an impromptu mini reunion.

I am in trouble here even where I am everyday for not being in touch personally more often with some people

Sometimes I just like distance and I have been in a distant mood for s little while now .

I have NEVER been the sort of friend who needs daily contact with most friends. I can chat to my loves that often ( get sad if I don't which honestly surprises me) and can go on chat binges with people but I don't need to talk to people often or regularly. I make a poor friend yo people who need regular contact to feel appreciated.

That said, if a friend needed me, I'd do my best to be there/ help at the drop of a hat and want to hear they were ok / get updates.

I don't feel hurt if I don't hear from people ( that I am not entangled with ) for a couple of years because 'life happens, and we are adults. And I expect they would contact me if they needed or wanted anything.

I actively avoid friendships where people are very 'contacty'. I met a really lovely group of women recently, like them ALL, but two especially. One and I have become really very good friends quite quickly. The other I like very much and she and the other get on super well but I am holding back because she is very 'telephony'. She likes to call the day after we met up and chat about it and stuff. This is not for me.

Oh wow, we sound very similar. One sort of sad thing that I'm discovering as I get older is that my bar for new friendship is much, much higher. I used to love the thrill of new friendships with new people, but I think you hit capacity. It can be melancholy when I meet new people I like because I can already see myself losing touch with them. But the silver lining is that the relationships I have chosen are the ones I treasure and there is always a lot of enjoyment to be had in the moment.

This is me and I think you're right. If it's just up to me to stay in touch, it isn't gonna happen. But it does for those friends/relatives who put the effort in along with me.

Yep! The world takes all types. Sometimes my really social friends annoy me because UGH don't you know how much I love reading in my pyjamas can you please leave me alone but bless them, because they make my life so much richer.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[LincolnDuncan]

I find that I stay in touch with people I like and who like me.

I know, hard to believe but some people like me.

 

[Saint Peter]

Social butterflies are annoying.

 

[Wings]

I'm pretty lucky on a couple of fronts: one that most of my friends are cool with only sporadic contact, they don't expect more and certainly don't get upset with me when I go quiet for a bit of time. And two, my best friend is connected to me via Jabber at work so she and I chat all day, every day. She's way better at reaching out than I am but if I don't hear from her by about 10am I will send a signal to make sure she's okay.

I never mean disrespect when I don't stay in contact with people, I am just one of those who is happy alone or in a group. I don't NEED constant contact with everyone. And I must be blessed to have people in my life who forgive me my random thoughts and texts when I want to chat about life.

 

[Equinoxe]

I would have to admit I'm not good at keeping in touch (see, vis-à-vis Lit, 2009-2014). And I think the longer it's been the more likely it is that it will be permanent (but then also see 2014-now). Reconnecting with people can be particularly hard and I often tend to assume that they have no interest in doing so or even would actively prefer not to.

On the other hand, I don't really feel like I need to have constant contact with people—often times I just want to know that they're doing well.

But I'm a rather reclusive person and I live partly outside of the normal flow of time.

 

[spacekowboy]

If people want to get I touch with me they should send nudes.

 

[MonaLittle]

Social butterflies are annoying.

 

[MonaLittle]

If people want to get I touch with me they should send nudes.

She didn't mean in the literal sense.

 

[pointless]

nope. i'm terrible at it. it's half the reason i don't do facebook. the other half of the reason is i fucking hate facebook.

 

[MonaLittle]

nope. i'm terrible at it. it's half the reason i don't do facebook. the other half of the reason is a fucking hate facebook.

I don't do FB either but I'm pretty good at staying in touch. I'm one of those annoying social people.

 

[SeeNoHearNoSpeakNo]

Iam REALLY bad at it(like industrially bad).
Always have been. At first it was because i found it hard to judge what others expected of me as a friend. With age(38) it was more that i learned people like you for who you are not for conforming to "sitcom style" friendship values.
I'm Especially lax now ive given up drinking as an social lubricant.
I have a couple of really good mates i'd trust with my bike and Dog, and they know
How i roll.
If i REALLY like you, i may struggle to speak to you.. Lol
Psycology is a head fuck..

 

[SeeNoHearNoSpeakNo]

Double tap...

 

[spacekowboy]

She didn't mean in the literal sense.

Well technically, that's me keeping in touch with myself.

 

[pointless]

i'm not. social, that is. i have it on good authority that i'm quite annoying, however.

or obnoxious.

i like that one better. it's just a really fun word.

 

[spacekowboy]

I prefer insufferable.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny

Are you good at it? I'm terrible and can only manage a handful of close relationships at a given time. I've always been that way and marvel at people who are the opposite. Sometimes I wish I were more adept, but I also really treasure reconnecting with someone I haven't spoken with in years and picking up right where we left off.

Shared histories are fun. I'm spending the weekend with friends from high school and even middle school. It's amazing how much you can remember cooperatively. I've discovered that I use far more of my brain for early '00s lyrics storage than anyone really ought to.

I retired and we moved away for 23 years. Even though we came home to visit every two years there were many we lost touch with.
Now we returned home, same city, different home. We regularly see old friends from grade school on up. For us that's amazing. I graduated high school in 1957!

My wife and our best friend's wife have had short term dementia for over ten years. The friend became a vegetable and died a few months ago. My wife does repeat a lot but remembers things from high school and on dates. She can write stories of the past and make comments. Yet she may forget what we had for lunch or where we had it.
Our brains are amazing organs and used very little.