Stay just curious?

[CPreston]

Hi all

I'm new to this site but maybe you can help me with a dilema. I've been bi-curious for a while and always been happy(ish) with it just being a fantasy. Maybe part of that is fear, maybe part of it is that I don't really fancy males just love the idea of gay sex.
The thing is I have a girlfriend I love very much- she doesn't know about how I feel, there is no way she would understand. The problem is we are getting married soon - once were married i'm determined to stay faithful but do I do anything about my fantasies before then. Does this stay a fantasy or should I just go for it before we're married and if i did would I be able to leave it as a 1 off.

 

[tomboy58]

Curiousity??

Hello and welcome,
I thought I would offer a females point of view.
I too am sort of new to Lit, it is however a wealth of advice info and turn-ons.
I am married and have been for eons and we are both "str8" but are very curious and turned on by the thoughts of bi sex. Is there a specific reason you think your girlfriend will Not understand the turn-on? You might be suprised. I was turned on by the thought of 2 guys long before I knew he was -- and I was very afraid he would find it gross. But he is very turned on by the thought of cock sucking. You might be able to bring it up in dirty talk; or if she gets turned on by forum have a story that explores a straight guys getting involved in a 3some and exploring some bi-sex and see what she thinks. Stories is how it was finally brought up between us.

My advice is not to explore it without her. If you are that close to be married it would still be 'crossing the line' If you love her as much as you say you would not want to hurt her, and you can imagine that if she found you had had a sexual relationship that she didnt know about -- with a guy or a girl in any way -- she would be devastated. and If you enjoyed it you probably would want to do it again.

Just some thoughts, Hope all goes, Good Luck

 

[SweetErika]

Welcome CPreston! Tomboy gave you some great advice. I too would encourage you to tell her and explore this before getting married. As my husband so aptly put, "Your sexuality is a part of who you are, and you can't deny it and ever truly be happy." It would be really hard to never explore your curiosity, so I don't think that's a viable option. By telling her now, you'll have the opportunity to work through it together. I think it's important to know who you're going to spend the rest of your life with, so you should give her that knowledge and respect. If you don't tell her now, you'll feel really guilty and she'll be crushed down the line. Marriage should be based on love, respect, and trust...if you can't share this with her, marriage isn't a good idea right now.

Tell her, explore, get married (or not), in that order.

Best of luck to you!

 

[CPreston]

Thanks for the advice. Yeah I know what you mean about involving her - but I have tried. We have a great sex life but i've tried intoducing the topic a few times but she always says that she finds the idea of gay sex (mm or ff) a turn off and it does nothing for her. Maybe i need to try harder and be more creative introducing the idea!

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for the advice. Yeah I know what you mean about involving her - but I have tried. We have a great sex life but i've tried intoducing the topic a few times but she always says that she finds the idea of gay sex (mm or ff) a turn off and it does nothing for her. Maybe i need to try harder and be more creative introducing the idea!

I'm bi, but I'll be the first to admit the idea of two men together does nothing for me. I don't know that I'd want to watch if my husband was curious, although being there and knowing exactly what went on might be appealing.

I think you might have to bite the bullet and just tell her you're kind of curious about it. Focus on how she feels, and make sure she knows you're telling her because you love, respect her and don't want to hide anything from her. Even if she already know this stuff, tell her again...women need a lot of reassurance. Also tell her your fears.

In my case, I asked my husband what we should do about the curiosity and situation because I wasn't about to do anything behind his back. How did he feel? What did he think would be the best course of action? I don't know if it'll work for you, but I think it made him feel like he had some control over it and was reassuring that I wasn't going to do anything without his knowledge or consent. I was so scared, but as it turned out, he was very receptive, supportive, and encouraging. I hope your girlfriend feel the same way.

 

[Betticus]

Thanks for the advice. Yeah I know what you mean about involving her - but I have tried. We have a great sex life but i've tried intoducing the topic a few times but she always says that she finds the idea of gay sex (mm or ff) a turn off and it does nothing for her. Maybe i need to try harder and be more creative introducing the idea!

It disturbs me somewhat they way you put it that it does nothing for her. It's like saying that if she doesn't find it to be a turn on then it will not happen for either of you. Is the great sex in your marriage solely for her?

If the communication and trust isn't there then I'm afraid that your marriage is in trouble before it even starts. Just get her to listen to you and then talk to you about it.

Another thought, your bi curiosity might be like mine where it's something best left as a fantasy even if it is a strong one. I've found that I'm far too dominant to go too far with a man. umm. maybe.. Well, maybe I kissed a guy once and that was okay.

Who am I kidding.. do whatever makes you happy.