Stay Hard?

[littlebitshe]

My SO and I swing and have come across a common problem. When we are with a really Hot couple, he gets intimidated. This causes him to go limp shortly after getting hard and he isn't able to perform. I know it's a mind over matter thing, but it's happened a couple of times and it is really frustrating for him.... and of course the other female.
He's never had this problem with me or when we are with an "average" looking couple. It's just when he gets intimidated by a really good looking couple.
Is there anything that he can take to help him relax or keep his hard on? We've tried Aziffa (at $6 a pill) and that seems to help a lot, but just want to see if there are other things out there or get any advise on what to do to help.

It's much appreciated!!

 

[SweetErika]

Has he tried cock rings?

You could also try giving him some new "pills" that are an inexpensive, harmless substance, to see if the placebo effect is why the expensive pills work. I'm not sure what that substance would be, but maybe something like DHEA (supports mood and hormone levels), zinc, green tea extract or another nutrient, herb or blend that you've researched thoroughly to ensure it won't interact with any other medications he takes or harm his health. Tell him whatever you're comfortable with; I'd probably say something like, "I did some more research, and found these pills that sound like they do the same thing as the Aziffa. They have many ingredients that support blood flow and sexual health. I bet they'll help, so let's give them a shot."

I'd likely try both.

 

[jcallny]

One of the best things to do is to masturbate, but with this in mind. He has to keep himself from cumming, by slowing down, by focusing on some other part of his or her body. You both should try this together. Also look at some tantic information. Really the art of not letting yourself come so soon by stimulating all of the other senses.

in your privacy role play out all of what will take place, talk it all out while precticing not coming but staying as hard as possible. Then when the real thing takes place you will be able to stay hard by masturbating yourself or having other masturabate you.

hope this helps.

 

[littlebitshe]

One of the best things to do is to masturbate, but with this in mind. He has to keep himself from cumming, by slowing down, by focusing on some other part of his or her body. You both should try this together. Also look at some tantic information. Really the art of not letting yourself come so soon by stimulating all of the other senses.

in your privacy role play out all of what will take place, talk it all out while precticing not coming but staying as hard as possible. Then when the real thing takes place you will be able to stay hard by masturbating yourself or having other masturabate you.

hope this helps.

He doesn't have a problem with cumming too soon. He isn't able to stay hard because of nerves and the intimidation factor. He can have me giving him oral (his favorite thing to do sexually) and he still can't get hard once he's gone soft in this situation.

 

[littlebitshe]

Has he tried cock rings?

You could also try giving him some new "pills" that are an inexpensive, harmless substance, to see if the placebo effect is why the expensive pills work. I'm not sure what that substance would be, but maybe something like DHEA (supports mood and hormone levels), zinc, green tea extract or another nutrient, herb or blend that you've researched thoroughly to ensure it won't interact with any other medications he takes or harm his health. Tell him whatever you're comfortable with; I'd probably say something like, "I did some more research, and found these pills that sound like they do the same thing as the Aziffa. They have many ingredients that support blood flow and sexual health. I bet they'll help, so let's give them a shot."

I'd likely try both.

The placebo pill is an Excellent idea!! Why didn't I think of that? lol

We've tried using a cock ring, but I think the one that we have (something like this one) lets the blood flow back out of his cock too easily. It's not real tight.

But, this placebo idea may be just the ticket... If I can convince him, and I can easily, that he has a little help maybe he will relax and enjoy himself more. I'll have to give it a shot. I don't know much about DHEA, but I'll do some research and see what I can find to use as a placebo pill.

Thanks for the help so far Erica & jcallny

Any more tips to try?

 

[mandbc1]

If its all in his head then maybe going back and getting the issues cleared up would be helpful as well. Its an esteeem issue and if he can believe in his mind and eart he belongs in the same bed as the other couple then you wont need all the "extra" stuff!!
Might want to also work on teasing him before like all day really getting him worked up, plus seperate with the other woman for a bit then have you and the other man join in.
In other words its the pressure to perform when he "feels" like he doesnt measure up not just in the equipment area but otherwise. Maybe you and the other woman could just fcous on him for a bit or even play with each other anything to get his mind off the negative and re-focused on the fun!!

 

[Mansa Musa]

Or, if possible, you could talk to the female half of the couple before an encounter. Believe me, the words "He's cute!" can do a lot for a man, even if they're lightly whispered during dinner. A little bit of follow-through (on her part) never hurts, either.

 

[Zoots_owner]

Performance anxiety is pretty common in situations like that.

I think the cock ring idea is good, but rather than just a placebo, I'd recommend the amino acid l-arginine. It's cheap (maybe $5-$8 a bottle, rather than per pill), safe, and there's solid science behind it. It's what the body uses to produce nitric oxide, which is used as a signal, at cellular level, to get erectile tissue going (yes, it works on nips and clits, too). Viagra works on the same chemical pathway, it just uses a different route to get there.

One 500 mg. capsule, on a relatively empty stomach, an hour or two beforehand should do something worthwhile. Any more than one a day and he'll probably be woken up at 5 AM by spontaneous hardons. Whether or not that's a good thing, I'll leave to you two to figure out.

 

[SweetErika]

If its all in his head then maybe going back and getting the issues cleared up would be helpful as well. Its an esteeem issue and if he can believe in his mind and eart he belongs in the same bed as the other couple then you wont need all the "extra" stuff!!
Might want to also work on teasing him before like all day really getting him worked up, plus seperate with the other woman for a bit then have you and the other man join in.
In other words its the pressure to perform when he "feels" like he doesnt measure up not just in the equipment area but otherwise. Maybe you and the other woman could just fcous on him for a bit or even play with each other anything to get his mind off the negative and re-focused on the fun!!

This is excellent advice and what I believe will work in the end. Cock rings, pills, etc., are all just bandaids that might help, but won't actually heal anything.

Performance anxiety is pretty common in situations like that.

I think the cock ring idea is good, but rather than just a placebo, I'd recommend the amino acid l-arginine.

I thought of that one too late and haven't done enough research personally to feel good about suggesting it.

However, if you do do the research, littlebitshe, and feel it's safe, I think it'd be a very good option. It's well known for "sexual enhancement" and may actually be the ingredient that helps (if they do have any significant physical effect) in those ridiculously expensive Chinese pills you've been buying. Therefore, if he does find out what the new pills are, he'll be able to find info on the reported sexual effects and won't completely lose confidence on the name alone.

We've tried using a cock ring, but I think the one that we have (something like this one) lets the blood flow back out of his cock too easily. It's not real tight.

Yeah, an adjustable ring or one that is more specific to the size of his cock is FAR more likely to work than something like that. We have a red adjustable one in an inexpensive kit we bought years ago, and while we don't use it much, it works perfectly well!

In your case, it'd also likely be best to look for something that's made of a material that's non-porous and can be dipped in a bleach solution, or otherwise sanitized, (so, not "jelly" or leather) so you don't risk transmitting STDs with it. Think about condom-compatibility, too (this is something I'd probably forget when shopping!) - some have parts that could tear condoms, or aren't as well suited to be used with condoms.

Keep in mind that he should only wear a ring for 15 mins max, at any given time. I'd give at least 5-10 minutes between taking it off and putting it back on. If he doesn't usually last more than 15 minutes when his erection stays and there's good stimulation, you should be fine slipping it on right before he does the deed.

 

[thirty]

My SO and I swing and have come across a common problem. When we are with a really Hot couple, he gets intimidated. This causes him to go limp shortly after getting hard and he isn't able to perform. I know it's a mind over matter thing, but it's happened a couple of times and it is really frustrating for him.... and of course the other female.
He's never had this problem with me or when we are with an "average" looking couple. It's just when he gets intimidated by a really good looking couple.
Is there anything that he can take to help him relax or keep his hard on? We've tried Aziffa (at $6 a pill) and that seems to help a lot, but just want to see if there are other things out there or get any advise on what to do to help.

It's much appreciated!!

He is not alone.

Althought I'm into swing, but when I had sex with a girl the first time, . I always couldn't do it, even I was very horny. but after we got familar, things will go just fine.

I don't know why we cannot control our penises.

 

[littlebitshe]

We still haven't tried the l-arginine, but those expensive pills sure work well.... they are just so damned expensive!

We got together with some friends this weekend and he took care of 2 females and they were wore out by the time he came.... He had given them 2 O's each and THEN he finally came!

Hopefully the l-arginine pills work this well!!

 

[matureprofiles]

Has he ever tried drinking a little alcohol??? works for me everytime, as long as I do not get tooo drunk, then I get hard but cant cum, but I do stay hard for hours and hours that way, just can't orgasm. Maybe it will help him not be intimidated.

 

[welikeu]

Where can this be purchased?

Performance anxiety is pretty common in situations like that.

I think the cock ring idea is good, but rather than just a placebo, I'd recommend the amino acid l-arginine. It's cheap (maybe $5-$8 a bottle, rather than per pill), safe, and there's solid science behind it. It's what the body uses to produce nitric oxide, which is used as a signal, at cellular level, to get erectile tissue going (yes, it works on nips and clits, too). Viagra works on the same chemical pathway, it just uses a different route to get there.

One 500 mg. capsule, on a relatively empty stomach, an hour or two beforehand should do something worthwhile. Any more than one a day and he'll probably be woken up at 5 AM by spontaneous hardons. Whether or not that's a good thing, I'll leave to you two to figure out.

 

[Zoots_owner]

Where can this be purchased?

Any health food store and most well-stocked pharmacies, in with the vitamins and minerals.

 

[infinity706]

Keep in mind that he should only wear a ring for 15 mins max, at any given time. I'd give at least 5-10 minutes between taking it off and putting it back on. If he doesn't usually last more than 15 minutes when his erection stays and there's good stimulation, you should be fine slipping it on right before he does the deed.

I think the 15 minute rule is really just a catch all precaution, though. It shouldn't be much of an issue unless the ring is tight enough that it's seriously cutting off blood flow. Yeah, it covers the idiots that would consider their cock turning blue ok since it's so big now. One that fits well should be safe for longer for the experienced users that prefer more than 15 minutes. I've worn one for much longer and it's never been an issue. I'd say the not sleeping with it on is very good advice, though since you have no way to monitor.

 

[alaskabibear]

This may not be what you guys want, but thought I'd just mention it since it hasn't come up yet;

Since he obviously has no problem performing under most circumstances, perhaps you guys could just agree to avoid the "type" of couple that intimidates him. I mean it is supposed to be a fun thing you're doing, and if it requires pills and devices perhaps it's just not really that much "fun" for him?

 

[littlebitshe]

This may not be what you guys want, but thought I'd just mention it since it hasn't come up yet;

Since he obviously has no problem performing under most circumstances, perhaps you guys could just agree to avoid the "type" of couple that intimidates him. I mean it is supposed to be a fun thing you're doing, and if it requires pills and devices perhaps it's just not really that much "fun" for him?

While it's a good suggestion.... we both really like playing with the HOT ones! So, I don't think we will be passing them up anytime soon. Hehehe!

 

[matureprofiles]

While it's a good suggestion.... we both really like playing with the HOT ones! So, I don't think we will be passing them up anytime soon. Hehehe!

I like playing with the hot ones tooo

 

[KinkyRascal]

Sure it's intimidation?

Littlebit,

Are you sure it is intimidation? Sometimes men don't recognize that it isn't performance anxiety, it is the lack of connectedness. That would explain why he's fine with you but not them.

The suggestions that the women he's with my provide comments and "encouragement" through them, provides that kind of connectedness.

Just a thought in case it is helpful. My experience is that casual sex just is never as not as when there's connectedness on other levels.

K

 

[Rozenkavalier]

He doesn't have a problem with cumming too soon. He isn't able to stay hard because of nerves and the intimidation factor. He can have me giving him oral (his favorite thing to do sexually) and he still can't get hard once he's gone soft in this situation.

I think the Tantra practice of ejaculatory control is helpful. With the exercize program many can regain or maintain their erections after orgasm. Erections are alot about PB strength and control. However it is really about what's going on in his head. If you can simply find an alternate activity that relieves the pressure to perform until he relaxes it might help him. Finally the cock ring is a last resort. Bring him erect with your mouth and then use the ring to maintain him.

 

[WestVaCouple]

Good Post

Good Post. Very helpful information and the responses stayed positive and focused. Nice job people.