Starting to explore...

[Contemplation]

Me and my girlfried are starting to explore a somewhat more serious dom/sub relationship. Today I spent all day torturing her a little, and I was trying to think of some other ideas to bring the whole experience together. We've been experimenting with asphyxiation, and we've been into bondage for a long time. I'm wondering what to do to make the experience more "real," and I thought this was the best place to ask.

 

[LadyAndrivete]

Deleted.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Depends what you mean by 'more real'. Are you meaning to make it seem more spontaneous and reality based as opposed to planning a scene just for the sake of experimenting with sensations and limits? If that is the situation I would think it would grow as you develop the limits of the relationship, establish your roles, and become more comfortable with what you like etc. For me the only way I can get into it feeling real as opposed to playtime is to be 24/7 M/s, but that is the extreme and not for everyone.

A mental connection also can give that sense of reality....an understanding of what each role means to you both, and being able to be in that mindset when you are doing anything related to it. Sometimes it takes awhile to be able to maintain that and may be helped by establishing a ritual which signals the beginning of a scene or a time when you will both expect to be in Dom/sub role....it can be as simple as the sub silently kneeling at the Dominant's feet until given an instruction.

If you haven't already, I would suggest talking plenty about how you each feel, what your expectations are, and where you want this to lead...how much or little, what limits exist, and safety issues so there is no misunderstanding if anything becomes too much for either one of you. You might also find it bonding to read together (or looking at pics, videos etc.) or seperately the same articles, books, etc., to do with areas you might be interested in, discuss your perceptions, your needs, and why you want or do not want particular aspects. Whatever you do play safe and have fun..enjoy the journey.

Catalina

 

[seanoramo]

new to this

hey peeps, new to all this, but im in new york, fascinated by your words

 

[LadyAndrivete]

Welcome to the jungle

 

[keikotied]

I am really intrigued by the question of what you mean by "real?" And especially more "real."

Do you mean asphyxiation specficially? That is way out of my area of experience of expertise. Or do you mean the BDSM part of your relationship?

I am confused by the question, but, as I said, intrigued, because there is a moment for me with bondage where it becomes "real" in the sense that I am actually helpless and unable to get free by myself. That is both a physical and psychological space. I've been tied so I couldn't get away, but not felt like it was "real" and I have been tied in ways that I probably could have gotten out of that felt very real. But the best is always when you try and realize "Oh Shit! I am really stuck!" (At least for me anyway).

There are certain threshold moments that make things more "real," getting that one spanking that sends it over the edge from being playful to being serious, for instance.

I guess, for me, the "real" part is finding the edges and limits and pushing them.

But maybe that isn't what you mean at all . . . .

The only way to find those things out is by trying and talking about it a lot!

Keiko