Starter question.

[kastavall]

As i bet you got a ton of these questions and get tired of answering them i shall try to be direct and to the point.

I have been a long time lurker of these boards and specially here at the BDSM boards. Now i have always had in the back of my mind that i want to be a sub aldough it wasn't until i got to 17 i actually started studying the subject and got truly interested.

Now the thing is we have a bdsm organization up here (www.smil-norge.no) and i have wondered if i shouldn't go to one of their social outings.

However i fall more into the servitor role (perhaps not a word but i like the sound of it hehe). (Serve thy master/mistress needs without fail and undying loyalty). A romanticized view of it perhaps?.

Now several things keeps me from actually doing that.
1.problems with my nerves
2.Real bad shyness
3.not being the best looking or the smartest guy around.
4.I am a real nerd (computers and star wars FTW).

So any advice? Should i just give up right now or should i perhaps just take the leap and end up getting run over like i usually do? (And yes a tendency for bleakness should also be on the list heh).

Hope to get my hopes up:

Kastavall

 

[Shankara20]

As i bet you got a ton of these questions and get tired of answering them i shall try to be direct and to the point.

I have been a long time lurker of these boards and specially here at the BDSM boards. Now i have always had in the back of my mind that i want to be a sub aldough it wasn't until i got to 17 i actually started studying the subject and got truly interested.

Now the thing is we have a bdsm organization up here (www.smil-norge.no) and i have wondered if i shouldn't go to one of their social outings.

However i fall more into the servitor role (perhaps not a word but i like the sound of it hehe). (Serve thy master/mistress needs without fail and undying loyalty). A romanticized view of it perhaps?.

Now several things keeps me from actually doing that.
1.problems with my nerves
2.Real bad shyness
3.not being the best looking or the smartest guy around.
4.I am a real nerd (computers and star wars FTW).

So any advice? Should i just give up right now or should i perhaps just take the leap and end up getting run over like i usually do? (And yes a tendency for bleakness should also be on the list heh).

Hope to get my hopes up:

Kastavall

Do not give up, just learn how it introduce yourself to the community. It will take time. There is an active thread here that discusses goiing to munchs. There is lots and lots of good advice there. Of the 4 things you outlined #1 and #2 are the things that will require work. #3 & #4 describe a whole bunch of us here.

One question, I'm a bit confused, how old are you?

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Well I would say welcome to the board first and foremost Kastavall.

I don't want to sound mean but there are really just two choices for you. You either let some reasons over power you desire to experience this in real life or you don't. Just you know I could easily identify with reasons 3,4 and a bit of 2 myself, I might add fear of the unknown and just a bit of anti social tendencies myself.

The fact that your looking for help and support to meet others in the bdsm community means your like halfway there to acting on your desires. My suggestion is if you can go to a munch first. This would be held out in the public so what you see most of the people doing or even how they are dressed could be different then if you attend a demo. Do you know if any of your friends are curious about this, if they are then this would be a good time to drag them along for support and someone to talk to. I have been to one munch and I kid you not I sat at a table with maybe 3 dommes and 1 dom. I have yet to really do any research so I was completely out of my element and so I mighta talked 10 minutes out of the 2 hours we were there.

The other way to break yourself in is to find a bdsm club and attend meetings. You will have to most likely pay a membership due and maybe even a fee for demo and such to attend. This is not a bad thing, as you need a place to play and your club can provide that. The problem with this is you never know how many people will attend a given night. My club had a wax demo last Wedsday and there were like 12 of us there, last night we had fire and ice demo and there were 60 of us. There is a bonus to doing it this way, if you know you want to do something ie wax, fire, or blood play at least you might learn something. My first meeting I didn't engage anyone they had to engage me in conversation.

I guess to sum it up in one thought, you need to get in touch with your local bdsmers because those are the people that will help you explore and grow. So you need to meet them some how and I do wish you the best of luck in going outside your comfort zone.

 

[the captians wench]

Welcome kastavall.


First thing, geeks are hot. *giggles* I don't think I've ever dated a non-geek each person I've dated had a certon amout of geekdom some more than others. (Master's been known to quote Yoda on my pic thread, and he makes other movies quotes of equal geekiness and I recognize every single one!) There's always going to be some one out there that shares your intrests.

Next, dispite what it may seem I am a terribly shy person. It almost goes into the phobia catagory. When in a social gathering, I find a corner and hide until some one comes and starts talking to me. If no one ever does, then I go home having missed out of meeting new and interesting people. If some one does come over then I can usually warm up enough that I start talking. This is something I've been trying desperately to get over. (I can see it now I hop off the plane see Master standing infront of me and curl into a tight little ball afraid to say anything ) But I have to over come it for my job, they've told me that already. I'm supossed to walk out in the lobby periodically and ask customers how they are doing and how the like the food and what not. So far, I'm not past one per shift, but it's a start. Maybe even just going once, and hiding in a cornor, will help you be comfortable enough that you can go again, and talk to some one. But if you don't go at all you'll never know.

 

[kastavall]

Well thank you for not crushing my hopes totally hehe.

I am 19 just to clear that up.

Lets see friends.... hmmmm nope. Got 4 of 'em rest is really just hang araunds.

Well in regards to me wanting this thing. Well i have always found myself to be a natural servant... For some reason i always pour drinks fetch stuff and keep my mouth shut (and of the rare occurrences that i get a thank you i usually make a subservient bow... no clue where i picked that habit from always done it)..
Ooh and a long time fantasy of mine is to sleep on a blanket nekst to my mistress bed in case she requires something.

But all that hard stuff i am not too sure about i got a real low threshold for pain really. Not sure why i never get bruises. But it might be because i am an inside person so i never get hurt heh.

I joined the before mentioned Norwegian bdsm organization and are gonna post some questions there when i get the time.

Oh and social dysfunctions are also part of my repertoire. As well as having really rusty social antennae.

 

[chris9]

I did not check out the link you sent, because I'm too tired, so I don't know if that's a possibility. Maybe you can meet someone or a couple someones' from the group before attending a munch with a bunch of strangers. That could help you with your shyness. And there really isn't that much more that you can do. Don't expect to be welcomed with open arms, don't expect that anyone will find you irresistible, don't expect to make friends the first (or even second etc.) time there. Building friendships takes a while. Getting to know people to see if you can like them does, too. You're not going there to find your soul-mate. You're going to meet some people who in a specific area of life enjoy the same you do. Much like a sport team. You're a new one and it will take time for them to accept you. But if you like the people there, it's well worth it.
And how will you ever find out if this really is for you, how will you learn more about BDSM, about yourself, if you're not going because you're too shy? Kick yourself in the butt and go.


Edited for your second post (wasn't up yet when I startet my reply):
It's not all about pain. Just as there are submissives who are no masochists there are Dominants who are no sadists. And since you found out about your tendencies very early (I feel old now), you have much time to find a Mistress who wants a servant and no pain-slut.

 

[kastavall]

Well contacted the Norwegian BDSM organisation. But unfortunetly they seem rather what can i say wary of strangers... (as all things norwegian i suppose).

So i were wondering if someone with some eksperience would allow me to send them some more in-depth questions via PM. (Why PM you ask... well i prefer to get specific questions answered by specific people so my brain can prosess and logg them or i just get confused heh).

 

[chris9]

Well contacted the Norwegian BDSM organisation. But unfortunetly they seem rather what can i say wary of strangers... (as all things norwegian i suppose).

So i were wondering if someone with some eksperience would allow me to send them some more in-depth questions via PM. (Why PM you ask... well i prefer to get specific questions answered by specific people so my brain can prosess and logg them or i just get confused heh).

I'm not experienced, so can't help you really.
If you haven't already, you might want to check out the library. Maybe some of your questions will be answered there.

 

[Andante]

Well contacted the Norwegian BDSM organisation. But unfortunetly they seem rather what can i say wary of strangers... (as all things norwegian i suppose).

As far as I know SMil-Norge was founded as a branch of SMil in Denmark. Therefore I have "always" assumed that they function in the same way too. If that is the case, it is not really a question about whether they seem "wary of strangers" or not, but rather if you fit into their target group or not.

The procedure in a local Danish SMil branch would be that you arrange for an interview with two appointed members of the board (one of each sex). The interview takes place on a regular club evening, but before opening hours. You the have the oppurtunity to see the facilities, be told about rules and habits and explain your own reasons for wanting this.
The people interviewing you are supposed to assess you from a very objective point of view; do you understand what it is about, do you accept their rules, do you seem genuinely interested, etc.
After the interview you are given the oppurtunity to stay for the first two hours of that evenings gathering (in my days it was 19 - 21 hrs (7pm - 9pm)) to meet some of the regular members. After that, it will be strictly 'members only'.
Unlike some other clubs, SMil (in Denmark, anyway) is in principle open to anyone of legal age. There is no screening in order to achieve a 50/50% male/female member base, etc.
So I'd say; wash your jeans, iron your shirt and just go! You'll probably learn that people in SMil are generally like most people elsewhere, except they share a common interest. It is also very likely that you'll find that people there are easier for you to talk to, simply because you can freely talk about some of the stuff on your mind, that you are hiding from the 'outside' world.

If you don't feel particularly at ease at SMil in Oslo, a membership may possibly entitle you to visit any of the Danish SMil clubs as well (it used to be that way). If you are in Oslo, you're basically just a ferry-trip away from Copenhagen or Aalborg.

On a side-note: A few people have mentioned munches. That's not a phenomenon that we have in Denmark (that I am aware of), and I think the same goes for Norway. I didn't really understand what it was, until I attended my first one in UK.

 

[kastavall]

Ah thank you for clearing up the beurocratic process for me never could understand those. Aldough all i have done on Smil-Norge's boards now are to ask if i could send someone a PM to ask some questions. I have a tendency to over study things until i do not see it as a enjoyment per see but rather as a object to study and process (What happened to my first attempt at gay sex actually).

The iron my shirt and wash my jeans are easier said then done. First i don't have jeans second i don't have any shirts and third my nerves are literally screwed up .

How are the organization in Denmark by the way? Any good? I know most mistresses probably don't want a pure servant for their 24/7 but a guy gotta start somewhere and for me it always start with questions and lots of them. Then maybe ill get comfortable enough to serve someone. (Aldough with the obvious male/female ratio imbalance at least here in Norway i probably gotta fight tooth and nail for a chance. (Not to mention most probably don't want a fresh green newbie for their servant when they an choose between richer, prettier and smarter men heh (Now i am going negative again. Happy thoughts happy thoughts hehe).

 

[leeroy jenkins]

As far as I know SMil-Norge was founded as a branch of SMil in Denmark. Therefore I have "always" assumed that they function in the same way too. If that is the case, it is not really a question about whether they seem "wary of strangers" or not, but rather if you fit into their target group or not.

The procedure in a local Danish SMil branch would be that you arrange for an interview with two appointed members of the board (one of each sex). The interview takes place on a regular club evening, but before opening hours. You the have the oppurtunity to see the facilities, be told about rules and habits and explain your own reasons for wanting this.
The people interviewing you are supposed to assess you from a very objective point of view; do you understand what it is about, do you accept their rules, do you seem genuinely interested, etc.
After the interview you are given the oppurtunity to stay for the first two hours of that evenings gathering (in my days it was 19 - 21 hrs (7pm - 9pm)) to meet some of the regular members. After that, it will be strictly 'members only'.
Unlike some other clubs, SMil (in Denmark, anyway) is in principle open to anyone of legal age. There is no screening in order to achieve a 50/50% male/female member base, etc.
So I'd say; wash your jeans, iron your shirt and just go! You'll probably learn that people in SMil are generally like most people elsewhere, except they share a common interest. It is also very likely that you'll find that people there are easier for you to talk to, simply because you can freely talk about some of the stuff on your mind, that you are hiding from the 'outside' world.

If you don't feel particularly at ease at SMil in Oslo, a membership may possibly entitle you to visit any of the Danish SMil clubs as well (it used to be that way). If you are in Oslo, you're basically just a ferry-trip away from Copenhagen or Aalborg.

On a side-note: A few people have mentioned munches. That's not a phenomenon that we have in Denmark (that I am aware of), and I think the same goes for Norway. I didn't really understand what it was, until I attended my first one in UK.

I guess then I am glad that my club if you show up pay your dues and play within the rules of the club then its no problem. I can't say how our membership is split but I would assume its a bit more guys then gals just from what I have seen in the meetings. Having munches are nice to see how people are away from the club, some members come to meeting in fetish gear so it can be a bit shocking to see for the first time.

 

[jadefirefly]

Hey, I like geeks. I'm a geek. And Star Wars rocks!

 

[kastavall]

Right i seem to have gotten my foot in the door. I went to the organisation and asked on their forums and i got into talk with a guy who works for the organisation and lives a 20 min scooter trip from me and in the same apartment complex as a friend of mine, imagine that.

So now i seem to be going there to ask questions and be able to sate my curiosity on sunday. (From having studied this for 3 years and all of a sudden i do someting about it and 2 days later i seem to be moving in hyper speed).

So any ideas for questions? I got a few myself as i will bring my notebook and pen (Studytrips make me less nervous ).

Now all i need to do are gett up the gutts to go to one of Smil-norge's parties and get togethers. that might take a little longer hehe.

Woo i am in a hundred today cant wait at least afterwards my hands might stopp shaking

Be well
Kastavall

 

[leeroy jenkins]

You've studied this 3 years so hopefully you have some thoughts of what you want to try. The key is to then find out when they have meetings discussing those things. You have already said that your a subbie so does this group have a sub meeting at all?? If they do then that is a good place to connect with other subs just like you, don't let your lack of experience hold you back though.

 

[chris9]

Right i seem to have gotten my foot in the door. I went to the organisation and asked on their forums and i got into talk with a guy who works for the organisation and lives a 20 min scooter trip from me and in the same apartment complex as a friend of mine, imagine that.

So now i seem to be going there to ask questions and be able to sate my curiosity on sunday. (From having studied this for 3 years and all of a sudden i do someting about it and 2 days later i seem to be moving in hyper speed).

So any ideas for questions? I got a few myself as i will bring my notebook and pen (Studytrips make me less nervous ).

Now all i need to do are gett up the gutts to go to one of Smil-norge's parties and get togethers. that might take a little longer hehe.

Woo i am in a hundred today cant wait at least afterwards my hands might stopp shaking

Be well
Kastavall

Before you go read as much as possible about things that interest you or might interest you, so you have an idea what to talk about and what to ask about. And you won't have to ask really stupid questions (something I'm quite afraid of).
And if you get to know someone maybe you can go with him to any bigger events, thus you won't feel as lonely anymore.

 

[FurryFury]

In my opinion you probably just want to act as nice and normal as you would with any new group.

Question wise I'd want to ask about privacy issues, meetings, rules, dues and things like that.

It feels great to get out into the real world though doesn't it, it's such scary, exciting stuff!

Fury

 

[kastavall]

Scary this goes beyond scary it is mind boggeling horrifying.

Strange thing dough. We seemed to talk more about games, Dungeons&Dragons, and everything else BUT BDSM

Aldough i did get a date where i can hitch a ride to one of their intro cafe's in two weeks time. (Damn and now my hands are gonna shake til that is over with).

Did get some things answered like membership dues, protocoll, etc etc. The usual.

He were more into the Bondage aspect of it so he showed me a clip from Sexibition in oslo when he had a rope tying show on the main scene during the grand finale. he were good with knots.

Well if my nerves will allow me to go to that Intro Cafe only time shall tell.

 

[FurryFury]

Scary this goes beyond scary it is mind boggeling horrifying.

Strange thing dough. We seemed to talk more about games, Dungeons&Dragons, and everything else BUT BDSM

Aldough i did get a date where i can hitch a ride to one of their intro cafe's in two weeks time. (Damn and now my hands are gonna shake til that is over with).

Did get some things answered like membership dues, protocoll, etc etc. The usual.

He were more into the Bondage aspect of it so he showed me a clip from Sexibition in oslo when he had a rope tying show on the main scene during the grand finale. he were good with knots.

Well if my nerves will allow me to go to that Intro Cafe only time shall tell.

It's scary but great to be getting out into the real world gathering knowledge and meeting real people isn't it?

*HUGS*

I bet you are glad you went, right?

*smiles*

Fury

 

[kastavall]

yeah i am glad.

Now all i need is a Cage to sleep in and a mistress to serve and i could not be happier.....

*Sight* Give me a few more years on that one.

 

[FurryFury]

yeah i am glad.

Now all i need is a Cage to sleep in and a mistress to serve and i could not be happier.....

*Sight* Give me a few more years on that one.

LOL!

Those are not my particular goals but I totally understand wanting to make things happen sooner. Don't rush things, but stay open to the possibilities and I believe good things will come.

Fury

 

[caela]

yeah i am glad.

Now all i need is a Cage to sleep in and a mistress to serve and i could not be happier.....

*Sight* Give me a few more years on that one.

Like Fury said don't rush things. Half the fun is the journey. Give yourself a chance to get to know people and learn how things work. Odds are the woman for you will appear when you're not looking for her anyway.

Oh and don't worry about the lack of experience thing either. Everyone has to start at the beginning and there are always people willing to teach those just starting out.

 

[Stegral]

Oh and don't worry about the lack of experience thing either. Everyone has to start at the beginning and there are always people willing to teach those just starting out.

I am quite sure there are Dommes out there that would love having a fresh slave/sub instead of one that compares her to a previous one...

And also on the other side of this coin maybe you will meet a domme that is very new & fresh & can explore this path together with no expectations except what you discuss between the two of you

If I was less submissive I would love to have you at my bedside...
cage?? no... nice warm blanket...sure

 

[kastavall]

Hmmmm. And here i was hoping i could get an escuse to move to canada hehe.

I can live with a blanket. Easier to obey if my mistress requires late night service yes. Hard to oblige that if you are locked up.

 

[jadefirefly]

Hmmmm. And here i was hoping i could get an escuse to move to canada hehe.

I can live with a blanket. Easier to obey if my mistress requires late night service yes. Hard to oblige that if you are locked up.

You could always arrange to be chained -to- the blanket if that helps. Or maybe one of those big, squishy, round pet beds? Attach yourself to the bedpost and you're set to go. Compromise, yes?

 

[kastavall]

Ah damnit. I am getting to many good ideas here.

Better head for my bed before i end up falling asleep in my chair. Come to think about it..... A nice warm basket to curl up in nekst to my mistress bed sounded suddenly much more appealing then going to sleep alone in my bed...

Oh well hopefully i shall have that chanse a bit before a couple of years. But then i am so nervous i cant ever manage to initiate human contact......

*Sight* Off to bed....... Goodnight nice people.