Start over....

[NomadLady]

It's been 10 years since my ex left...I've not even had one "real" emotionally invested dating relationship since then. Lived alone until this time in 2009 when I had to move back to my hometown to take care of my mom. I had gastric bypass surgery in March of this year, my mom passed away in June, my company shut down in September so needless to say, it's been a stressful year. What I have learned is that I don't want to spend any more time alone. Have been seeing a counselor for over a year and think that has about run it's course. This year is the last set of holidays I want to spend alone. I've tried all the dating websites, etc....no luck.
Any ideas?

Thanks in advance....

 

[nakdsub]

I'm

Sending you a PM.

 

[dirtybelle]

Wow, what a year! I hope everything works out for you! Good luck!

 

[NippleMuncher]

Other than the usual recommendations of getting active with things of your interest, I don't have much advice. You've got to have a few interests that are "coed" friendly where you may be able to meet an eligible bachelor.

As always, love and hugs.

 

[SweetErika]

It sounds like you've been working really hard on yourself a lot lately. Is it possible you haven't been truly ready for the type of relationship you're seeking until now, so it's totally understandable that the 9 or so years before this haven't counted so much in terms of dating and such?

Not that you haven't been a great person all that time; I just wonder if your total health needed to get to a certain point before you've been able to open yourself up to the right people and relationships for the real you. Maybe you've been attracted to the wrong people and/or situations for the woman who's been in there somewhere all along.

All I'm thinking is perhaps you'll need to try the same techniques that have a good chance at being successful now that you've changed. I'm not sure what you've tried besides meeting people online, or which sites you've used for that, but you could revisit the sites that tend to work, network like crazy and get involved in things the new you is utterly passionate about learning and doing by volunteering, grabbing learning opportunities, joining groups, etc.

I don't know if any of that rings true for you, but it's a thought based on what I've seen loved ones experience.

 

[NomadLady]

Thanks Erika, Nipple Muncher and dirtybelle....

I've been on match.com for a month and what a waste of money. I'm so tired of the fake profiles I could scream. They should be paying ME to weed out the fakes at this point. I got off adultfriendfinder since that isn't what I'm looking for at this point. Have tried eharmony in the past and had two of the WORSE dates of my life.

The town where I'm living is so very small and everyone knows everyone else and noses in their business. Most anyone my age is married pretty much of single for a very good reason.

I do agree with you Erika about now being in a place in my life where I'm ready for a change....just not sure it will happen in this limited environment.

 

[SweetErika]

Could you make moving to a larger town with better dating prospects a priority?

 

[roomfor1more]

Counseling, in my opinion, is a waste of time and money for issues regarding adjustment to life's issues especially if you feel it has run its course. Second, you cannot rush to find someone and expect that by this time next year you will be married. Instead you need to accept there certain things you cannot control nor predict. In my opinion dating websites can be a waste of time and money. Instead you need to find ways to get yourself out there and begin meeting people. Best way is by joining non-psychological therapy groups (e.g. volunteering for a political party), becoming a part of your community, or similar activity. With the 2012 presidential election occurring in less than a year it is great way to get involved, meet people, and who knows what else. The point I am making is you cannot expect to magically meet someone without getting yourself out there and you need to make it happen yourself.

 

[silverwhisper]

nomadlady: i second erika's advice about networking face to face both in terms of finding a new relationship as well as seeking employment. 70% of jobs are filled through networking, a figure derived from the bureau of labor statistics JOLTS report.

implement your plan to achieve happiness and i suspect the right person and situation will appear as a result.

i'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your mother.

ed

 

[NomadLady]

The counseling was good when I started with the incredible stress I was going through taking care of my mom and not getting much help from other family members, etc. It also helped through the first few months after my surgery.

Being in such a small town...literally....we have two red lights, isn't the best dating environment. I am searching for another job, better workplace, etc. If nothing else works out, putting the house up for sale and going back to the larger city where I was is also an option.

Thanks for the kind words.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

I had GBS several years ago and as my body changed so did my self-confidence. I became more aware of myself as a woman, mother, wife, and I changed how I perceived my self-worth. I became more attractive to me, so I think that made me more attractive to others. I think you may be there, you are finding that there is more to you than what you ever realized and you are now at that point in your life that you're ready to seriously start looking, the bar scenes are old school and website searching can be tricky, but it has turned up real relationships too. I would keep the online searching open, but also pick up some volunteer work, if you're not working outside the home. Volunteer where you might meet eligible young men. . . Habitat for Humanity for example.

Good luck and enjoy the new you - it's a fun ride if you allow it to be.

 

[RAddams]

Could you make moving to a larger town with better dating prospects a priority?

I agree with Erika, you probably just need exposure to a larger group of potential single partners.

 

[subwannabe]

I reached a point in my life where I didn't want to be alone anymore, twice, and it worked out for me. You may have to get out of the small town. Don't give up on the internet dating thing though. After I found someone a person contacted me and was disappointed that I was not on the market anymore. She complained about all the losers she was finding on the internet. She was from a small town too. I gave her advice to keep on searching and don't get discouraged with all the losers she found. I told her that that was the way it was supposed to work. You find the losers before you even go out with them - definetly more preferable to finding out they are losers after going out with them. Anyway, the moral of the story is she contacted me a couple of months later and thanked me for encouraging her not to give up because she found the man of her dreams who even lived literally almost down the street.

 

[NomadLady]

RED: I still am not 100% sure of what I see in the mirror most days. Never thought I was attractive and still don't but when you see REALLY UGLY people who have someone who loves them, you can't help but wonder what's wrong with you and why you can't find someone. It makes you feel "unloveable" to a certain extent....ya know?

Thanks everyone for the suggestions, support, etc. A move in the future might be in order.

 

[NippleMuncher]

you can't help but wonder what's wrong with you and why you can't find someone. It makes you feel "unloveable" to a certain extent....ya know?

Honey, I don't think that's the issue. You've had no problem finding partners, which means you're certainly not scaring anyone away.

In all honesty, I think that your needs have changed, more so in the past year, but even going back further than that. I can tell you that when we first started interacting your social intentions were far more casual than what they have become today. None of this is a surprise, considering the amount of change that has occurred for you over the past 18 months.

That's the thing about life, it changes, and you need to embrace who you've become. You are absolutely worthy of finding love and a long term committed relationship. You've just got to get out there and stay out there until you find what you're looking for. It will happen.